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Saturday, April 30, 2011

New Hair & Femme Pictures

Tomorrow I have a session here in Athens, Ohio as a guy is driving from VA to serve the Dominant Girl in me. So, today I had to do a little shopping and make a few changes as I don't typically get sessions here in Athens. Also, I plan to be in DC/Baltimore next weekend and Sunday I'm supposed to shoot with TS Brittany St. Jordan. I would be doing some solo work as she wants to cast some heavily tattooed T-Girls for her new website.

I got a new bra and pantie set that is pretty damn sexy. I'll be wearing that in DC and maybe for my session tomorrow as well, we'll see. I also decided to die my hair red. It's a brownish red but you can DEFINITELY see the red in it. I actually like it, I'm pretty pale and naturally have some light red tones in my brown hair so it's not too far of a stretch. It's also pretty femme because lets be honest, you don't see many boys with medium length dyed red hair. The other day I got my hair trimmed for the first time in over a year. It really needed it, I took about an inch off everywhere but the ends where dead so now it should grow out better. I wear my hair pulled back in a ponytail in my everyday anyways so it's not much of a change.

I also got a pedicure from Bobcats girlfriend today. I needed it and she painted my toe nails a shimmery red. I won't be walking around my apartment barefooted for a few weeks, that would be funny though, I think I would scare my roommates.

In the midst of all of this I quickly got dressed up for Bobcat and his girlfriend. I didn't put on any make-up but did my boobs, put on my new lingerie, shiny black leggings and a dress for them. Surprisingly they have, especially Bobcat hasn't seen me get all "dressed up" in person yet. I don't have many opportunities to cross dress down here at school.

Here are a few pictures. Remember no make-up and I took a picture to try and show the red in my hair. The hair pictures are the bottom 2.









Friday, April 29, 2011

Diaper Lover

Many kinky people are kinky for their specific kinks where they are into a few specific things but don't have a huge wide open list of kinks. Which is fine, but me I'm into just about everything in some context and the more bizarre, weird the better because for me that all falls under humiliation and I love humiliation.

Yesterday I decided to wear a diaper out. It was a Goodnites girls diaper (pull-up) and I just wore that under my shorts. I went and got my hair trimmed for the first time in over a year. Mostly just got the ends evened out so it looks more presentable and as it grows out more it will look better. My bars are down to my mouth and the rest is about an inch or so from shoulder length. 99% of the time I just wear my hair in a pony tail. Then I went to look at a new apartment for next fall which I really liked and it's much cheaper. Then went to my friend "Bobcats" right down the street. Ate, dinner and had some drinks and then wet my diaper.

That was my first time ever wetting my diaper in front of others in a casual setting. I LOVED IT! The only problem was that I had to pee a lot and the Goodnites diaper doesn't hold that much, it's more of a comfort-good feeling diaper. I should have worn a bulky adult diaper, oh well. So I had to take it off and throw it out but I still got to wet it and just enjoy it for about an hour.

I went out for some more drinks, get home, I'm drunk and I put on another diaper. This time I put on one of the good adult diapers from ABUniverse (Awhile back I bought a variety pack of diapers to try different ones and see what I like best so I don't recall which one i put on) Then I put on my (girl) Victorias Secret PJ's, wet myself a lot and went to sleep.

I woke up this morning forgetting that I wet myself and woke to a soaked diaper :) One thing I really enjoy about diapers is that the humiliation of it eroticizes me but I can't touch myself because they I have to take the diaper off and that defeats the purpose. It almost acts as a chastity device and I just keep pushing myself to do things. If I'm in a really kinky mood I'll mess the diaper the way I did this morning. I knew that after a night of drinking that I would really have to go pee and that I would have to poo sometime this morning. So I wet myself a lot and about an hour ago I messed in the diaper. I'm still in the diaper now soaking wet and messed and it is nasty, starting to smell, disgusting, humiliating, degrading and I'm turned on by it all.

Here are some pictures. One is of me with my shorts on right before I went out yesterday. Then theres a picture of the diaper that I put on last night. Then a picture of me in that same diaper but with my PJ's on and I also attached another picture from awhile ago when I was wearing my favorite diaper of the variety pack with a denim skirt.






Sunday, April 24, 2011

If I were a girl

Most men have definitely thought about this in some capacity, but most men not in a serious context. I have thought about this my entire life. I've cross dressed since I was a child and I can specifically recall cross-dressing at age 4-5 years old. But then again I can recall doing kinky things to myself at 4-5. I remember showing another boy how I masturbated around the age of 7. I couldn't cum and didn't really know what I was doing but remember it feeling fantastic. So there was definitely something going on with me since I was born lol. But, this journal is focused on the cross-dressing....

It wasn't until I was a teen that I realized my body was different from most boys. I'm 6'2 but other than that I realized I had a much more feminine body frame. I associated cross-dressing with bdsm for the longest time because I had done so much research on bdsm from the age of 12 when I first got a computer and cross-dressers were thrown into that mixture. When I was 16 I remember reading about their being pills that guys could take to make them into a woman but I didn't really know if that was actually possibly. Non the less I would go to the drug store and look for these pills. Of course they didn't sell these pills there.

Now I was never a depressed teenager in fact I was just the opposite. I hid that I cross-dressed from everyone but I also wasn't depressed that I was a girl. But then again looking back at things I had much larger present concerns that I was dealing with. My father passed away 3 weeks before my 12th birthday and I turned into an angry teenager for years. Then there was a scare that my mother had breast cancer when I was about 16 and my grandmother who lived with us nearly died around the same time. (Side note, she turned 78 today). Then at 17 my mother got laid off and a whole new issue presented itself.

Once I finally graduated and was on my own the idea of transitioning became more and more present in my life. At the same time I got more and more involved in BDSM. Eventually dated a girl who loved that I cross-dressed and I kept thinking about transitioning. Now, a couple years ago with a doctors help I actually did take female hormones for 2 1/2 months. I loved it and yet it scared the shit out of me. More than anything I was worried about my future life as a woman and the struggles that I would face. I would also then be a lesbian because I've never wanted to be with a man. I had gotten my testosterone level tested prior to going on hormones and they were naturally lower than what a  males should be and they had reason to believe that I was born as an XXY (with an extra female chromosome) which would explain lots about my body.

These are the characteristics of being born an XXY
1. Breast development (only 10% of males have this)
2. Tall and thin
3. Little to no body hair
4. Little to no facial hair
5. Small hands for height
6. Small feet for height
7. Small testicles

I fit 2-7 100% and have low testosterone.
So to this day transitioning is something that I do think about. Especially because I know that if I transitioned that I would pass rather well. I personally know 2 MTF under 30 and I know 1 FTM. At the same time I don't see myself transitioning but it is honestly something that has crossed my mind and I would be lying if I said I never thought about it.

Funny enough, when I started to get my chest piece tattoo that was like me saying to myself that I would never transition because it's such a manly piece. At the same time I knew that a tattoo wasn't the end all.





All you have to do is ask every female that has ever fucked me with a strap-on and they will tell you how feminine my body is.... haha, but true. Now, 24 and all my friends and my mother knows that I do cross-dress. It is a part of me and I love that it is a part of me and it's great to have friends who are ok with who I am.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Drunk Honesty

Fore Warning, call it want you want but I'm honestly drunk and I'm a speak pretty random but honest at the same time so this is a good one.

I obviously play with a lot of people but I want to serve someone, as in one person, I want to be "owned"! My good friend down here at school is kinky and he is a male dominant and it's funny because he's always like "I wish you were a girl" cause he knows how kinky I am and he would love for me to serve him or at least have someone like me serve him. In all honesty I'm like fuck, why can't you be a woman because he is a good dominant but we're too close of friends for anything to be. I already know that he thinks I'm cute but in reality he likes women and I like women.

So, you got me drunk and blogging and in all honesty I would love to find someone that I can serve regularly. I've done it in the past twice. Once with a pro Domme whom I'm still great friends with today and then my X. But, I've been single about a year 1/2 now and I'm ready to enter a D/s relationship with a dominant woman. I know plenty of them and I'm good friend with plenty of them. As I've mentioned before it's something that is a bit difficult being where I live finishing college but at the same time it's something I want to do with someone. I have a few people in mind and hopefully, at least this summer I can be in a fun d/s relationship with someone.

I know it's extreme but I would love to do a very strict 24/7 D/s relationship with someone. At least, do a  summer relationship like so with someone. I know there are people who also want a submissive as extreme as myself and it's just a matter of finding a Dominant whom I relate to in the same manner. I'm doubting it will happen this summer, but it's definitely something I want to do in the near future at the minimum.

Not to put people anyone on blast but in all honesty of the people I'm friends with there are 3 people I would really consider and look into for something like this. As far as people I know could really push me, who are really kinky themselves would be, not in any particular order. VonLivid of Chicago, Lexi Sindel of DC soon to be LA and Madame Ingrid of Pittsburgh.
At the same time, I'm open to other people as well, I would just love to serve someone to extremes and just be a slave in all forms

Monday, April 18, 2011

Internet Etiquette for Dumb People (Fetlife)

On sites such as Fetlife people need to understand that it is largely used for networking. People like myself love Fetlife because it makes my life that much easier. In general it is used for groups that want to get people out, it's a forum, a place to advertise for events, parties, personal ads, jobs and a place for kinky people to stay in touch with one another.

So, the #1 thing I hate is when people question certain people for having so many friends. If you assume that everyone is a friend collector then I have the right to assume that people with only a few friends are loners or that they aren't very kinky because their activity on the site is minimal. Is that fair of me to do, no and so I don't think like that.
Although, it is fair of me to question why your on a site like this and not taking full advantage of it. Why have a bunch of random pictures but not one picture of yourself? If your afraid to show your face show you could at least show a body part or just edit out your face.

On occasion I'll send a friend request and then not email them for a day or so because sometimes I don't have time to send a detailed email. I'm on the go a lot, like right now I only have 30 minutes in between classes while I'm sitting at the library. Maybe I enjoyed your page and wanted to bookmark you but since they don't have an option for that I sent you a friend request and then would email you as soon as I had more free time.
So, people who say I will delete you without an email when a friend request is sent is a bit bogus. Even still, go ahead and delete the friend request but don't send me an email talking shit. If you don't want to add someone don't but then don't go out of your way to talk shit and make assumptions about someone you don't know.

Here is the link to the profile on Fetlife of the person I had an encounter with today. Then below that is the email he sent me, the email I sent in return and then his response to my email.
www.fetlife.com/users/355497

His email to me after I sent him a friend request:
 You obviously didn't read my profile page before you sent your request, by not doing this or not following the friend instructions, you have been given an automatic NO!
You said in your own profile, "I'm well rounded, open minded, artsey, sporty, heavily tattooed, KINKY, at times androygenous and did I mention kinky" But you forgot to mention that you have no manners, show no respect to Dominants and that you act rudely. On top of that your sheer number of friends makes me think you collect them like badges, you can't possibly converse with each one on a regular basis. I only have a few because I want quality not quantity.
Do not contact me again
.

My response:
 If I have no manners then you jump to conclusions. Perhaps I just didn't have the time at that particular moment to send you an email and that I had intentions of doing so. I added you because I enjoyed many of your pictures which happen to be fiction. Websites like this usually entail added pictures of yourself, not random pictures of things that aren't you, in fact that may make me think negative things about you. However, I didn't jump to that conclusion.
I also didn't jump to the conclusion that your a loner because you have so few friends. I am not a friend collector, the reason I have so many friends is because people know who I am. In Chicago I am one of the most recognized people in the bdsm community and among cd's and sissies. Across the country and many in other countries people know me from my work in bdsm films. I also upkeep a kinky public blog, a twitter and network with numerous people as being a professional film bottom is my part time job as I put myself through college. Because of that I have a lot of friends where 90% of them are friend requests sent to me.
So before you send rude emails where you jump to conclusions because I didn't sent you an email immediately along with a friend invitation maybe you should rethink your online networking strategy or perhaps go fuck yourself.
The rude mother-fucker
Autoeroticboy
His response: 
you didn't have time to show respect by writing first even though it says to do so? that is RUDE ! Not to mention that you responded back after I said not to, that just makes you STUPID also.
Do I care about it if you think I am a loner? NOT A DAM BIT!
Do I care about all the people who befriend you? why should I? your no one to me.
I don't care about you, your work or your friends, you seem to PUFF yourself up just to hear you talk about how great you are, in my book that makes you PATHETIC!
I don't care whether you like my pictures or not, think they are not real or not, and I don't care to share my pictures of myself with most of the LOSERS on fetlife. once someone has shown respect, trust and a willingness to be real, THEN and ONLY THEN do they get blessed with my photograph.
you got a rude responce because you are an IDIOT, your RUDE and have no concept of how to treat people, especially when they PLAINLY ask how they wish to be treated. My online networking strategy has been fine for everyone else but you, hmmm I wonder why that is??
At least it confirms my thought about you that you are rude, given your signature at the end of your last email, but I really didn't need to know that you fuck your mother! but it does make sence that you would.
I'm sure you'll get all pissy and write an even more rude email but you can be assured that if you do, I won't even bother to open it, your BULLSHIT isn't worth anymore of my time.
OH yes you have my permission to go fuck yourself aswell.
Because he says he wouldn't respond if I sent him a little email I left a comment on one of his fake pictures. Normally, I just disregard such emails and I rarely if ever get something so rude but this one just bothered me. My response to his email was purposely rude to fit his assumption of me. 
The most important rule to always remember is know who your talking to. Someone that has power over you in a situation is not smart to talk shit to. I have power because I just put him on blast on my blog and because I know a lot more people than he does. I also love how he called everyone else on fetlife who he is not friends with "losers". 
So always be aware of who you talk shit to and stop being so damn uptight. It's a social networking site for kinksters. If you just want to sit in your corner and not talk to anyone you mine as well not be on the site.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Older than me or Younger than me?

When I got into the scene at 18 most of the Dommes I was getting to know were 23-26 or so and as I spent my first years in the scene all the people I associated with were a bit older than me. Which made sense being that I was so young. Still to this day 95% of my kinky friends no matter what gender they are, are at least a few years older than me.

From 20-23 I was in a personal relationship with a dominant woman and I'm single now and enjoying it very much. But, it's funny because most of my dominant women friends who are a bit older than me are all either in or getting more involved in personal relationships now where I kind of went the opposite direction. Being in one to being single. I have some very good kinky friends but the play aspect between us isn't there as much because of their personal relationships and it kind of sucks because I'm now more educated than ever in kink. I'm comfortable with who I am and where I want to go and I've grown into who I am. Now, most of these people I've built relationships with aren't there for fun kinky times. This is something that we talk about as well and we laugh about it.

So, theres a younger generation of dominant women my age and a few years younger than me. The problem I find is that I'm so much more experienced and educated than them that I don't want that. I like playing with someone who knows as much as me if not more. The women who are a bit older are the ones I feel can push me and that we can mutually have fantastic play together. Not, that I can't have this with younger ones but I find myself struggling to even give them a chance.

I guess I'll see what happens. I'm going to be spending a pretty good amount of this summer in Chicago and it will be my first time back in Chicago for this amount of time. It will give me enough time to go to events, parties and just have a fun kinky summer as a single person. I'm looking forward to it and all that comes. At the same time I'm keeping my eyes open to lots of things.

On another note, I'm heading to Columbus in the morning. Maya Sinstress is in town as well and it should be a fun fetish party.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Tattooed Life



This past weekend I was in Columbus and then Cincinnati and I had a great time. Thursday I headed to Columbus and met my good friend Adrian from Justice Tattoo in Chicago who was guest spotting at Inspired by Ink tattoo in Columbus, Ohio. I actually hooked Adrian up with my my friend Josh who was living by me in Athens when I met him but is now in Columbus. Adrian said he enjoyed himself and he was book from the minute he walked in the door around noon till midnight.
Josh then added on to my lower stomach piece. He had done the cupcake months ago and we are adding the ice cream cones. We were going to do 2 but only ended up getting 1 done so I'll finish the other one on the other side of the cupcake next time I see him.

After we closed up the shop Adrian, Josh, Mo and me wanted to go to a dirty-ghetto strip club cause they're always fun. We ended up at the Candy Store in Columbus and I would have to say it topped the list of nasty strip clubs that I've been too. They didn't ID us as we walked in at 1-2am and it was BYOB. Ohio is a non-smoking state in public places but this place didn't care and it was full of smoke and to top it off it was full of young thuggish kids. The girls were not good looking except for 1 1/2 of them... haha.  All 4 of us walked in with a lot of money to spend and we ended up not spending much at all. It took us an hour to start tipping cause the girls were so bad, so we thought we'd get drunk first.
There actually was this one beautiful black girl there and all 4 of u got up to tip her and then Josh got 2 private dances with her. There was also this wild girl who was just cool to talk with and we ended up going out to breakfast with her at 5am. Then at breakfast we were told that the black girl we all thought was beautiful had "something" down below so we all ripped on Josh.

There was a girl dancing in a leg cast.... hahaha. One girl started dancing on Josh and he just got up and walked away, I couldn't stop laughing. The girls were demanding and definitely doing drugs in the back but none the less it was an experience.

Then Adrian, Mo and I woke up 4 hours later and headed to Cincinnati. It was my first time being there after visiting all the other major cities in Ohio. I loved Cinci and our hotel was right over the river in Covington, Kentucky. I had no idea the 2 cities were so close together and didn't know I was in Kentucky until a day later. We went straight to the convention to set up and it was at the Bengals stadium but we were in the inside part of the stadium. It was really nice and it was actually my first time in a pro football stadium. When we first walked in we were able to walk out near the field and got a cool picture. (At the bottom of page)
As the day was going on I had an increasingly worse headache and then a stomach ache. When I woke up in the morning I was still drunk and my hangover just got worse, it was like Pittsburgh all over again. Being at the convention most of the day I didn't get a chance to take an aspirin so I headed to the hotel around 7, took medicine and a nap. Adrian, Mo, Geo and the rest of the guys from Chicago 6 in total got back around 11pm and then we all got ready and went to the after party. It was eh...ok so we made our way to some other bars and it was a good time.

Saturday I was getting my foot tatted and Adrian was doing a Steelers helmet on my left foot and it was going to say Steelers Pride. I was warned that the foot hurt and I put up with it well overall but I'll admit, the foot hurt like hell! Near the end of the piece I was making plenty of strange faces and it's a large piece for the foot so it took over 3 hours. I love it though and we entered it into the sports category and we won 3rd place.

Sunday Geo Ruiz, Adrians partner and also co-owner with Adrian at Justice tattoo was tattooing my left ribs. I went into this knowing it was going to hurt. So, I focused on my breathing and took it. It honestly wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I've done my ribs before and I just think you have to go into it prepared, be in the right mental state. My foot definitely hurt more. We did a really cool piece of a person ballgagged. But, instead of doing the entire face it only goes up to the knows and you can't tell if it's a man or a woman which I wanted. We added some cracks in the piece and it looks a bit creepy but at the same time it looks awesome!

There were lots of great tattoo artists there including some people like Matt Stines, Myke Chambers, and Rodney Eckenberger. Not to mention plenty of beautiful tattooed girls like Mary-Leigh Maxwell.

Sometimes I think damn I've only been getting tattooed for 5 1/2 years - since I turned 18 and look at how many tattoos I have. People always ask me if I plan on being covered and it's not a goal but it's pretty inevitable especially when you have a passion for it and have friend that tattoo and give you free tattoos. I got 3 tattoos in 4 days and didn't pay for 1 of them and they are all really good pieces. I also ideas/plans for future pieces. I'm actually going to tattoo a picture of myself cross-dressed under my ballgagged piece. It will fit perfectly and highlight my passion for kink & cross-dressing together.

This weekend I'm going up to Columbus on Saturday to the Outland. They are having a kinky-fetish event all day and night. Some vending and play during the day which I think I might attend and then at night is a party and performances. Some Chicago people I know are going to be there including Miss Maya Sinstress so it should be a fun kink filled night.






Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Tattoo Weekend Columbus & Cincinnati

I'm excited for this weekend. Tomorrow I'm heading to Columbus, Ohio so that's just a short hour drive. I'm a do a little shopping and then head to "Inspired By Ink". My friend Josh who tattooed my cupcake on my lower stomach works there now. My longtime friend Adrian from Chicago will be guest spot tattooing at Josh's shop in Columbus tomorrow (Thursday). Josh asked if I wanted to get tattooed and of course I said yes. (I get the tats fro free) So we decided on adding to the cupcake piece. I'm going to get ice cream cones on each side of the cupcake. I was poppy colors (blue, light green, purple, pink etc.) I drew on some ice cream cones on myself to get an idea of how the placement will look and I like it. I'll definitely be putting up the real tattoo when finished but here's my drawing of the concept.

Then early Friday morning I'm following Adrian to Cincinnati where we got a hotel for the weekend for the tattoo convention there. This will actually be my first time at a tattoo convention. This one is at the Bengals football stadium which is outside and a bit odd but we'll see how it goes.
Adrian is going to be doing a competition piece on my left foot. I believe it's going to be all black ink and where doing the Pittsburgh Steelers helmet and some other background stuff and words. It's ironic to be doing a Steelers piece in one of their rivals (Bengals) stadium.

This will be my first tattoo on my feet. I've heard it's painful and Adrian just got his foot tattooed the other day and said it hurts. But, I'm really not worried. Bones don't bother me, it's soft parts like the stomach and I have other painful parts like my chest, ribs and spine so we'll see. Besides, I like the pain of tattoos - you can call me a masochist.

I really want to tattoo someone as well, so hopefully I'll get the chance. The rest of the trip will be partying with friends and exploring Cincinnati a bit.

Here is Adrian's tattoo shop in Justice, IL right outside Chicago.
Justice Tattoo

He is the owner and an artist. He's been doing it professionally for about 2 years so he's always growing but he's very talented.