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Saturday, October 7, 2017

Capture's Control

It's one thing to break up in a vanilla relationship. It's another thing for that same person to also be your kink/BDSM partner. As someone who is a submissive I'm fully aware that the Dominant has little to no power unless the submissive trust their Dominant and allows them to hold a power over them. The submissive needs to be stronger than the Dominant almost always because the submissive takes a lot physically and mentally when you play in BDSM.

If there is 1 thing you could ask @MistressTangent about me and she would 100% agree with is that she's never met anyone who could take as much both physically and mentally as I can. We always had this bond that just felt like it couldn't be broken. I put SOOOOO much trust in her to be able to take what I have over the years. Some of it was sexual kink and a good amount of it wasn't.
We always wanted to push our kink to new heights and sometimes in was magnificent and sometimes it's was an experimental mess. Sometimes I wouldn't be aware of her mental BDSM on me until after. The way we pushed our relationship to the edge made us truly that much closer.

We've done things with each other that neither of us ever did before. We went there! It was powerful, dangerous, arousing, scary, exciting.....

Sitting here writing this, what hurts me the most is that when I made mistakes I'm still sad at how quick she was to essentially let me go. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that and it's making me question everything I thought I knew. I feel like a prisoner who endured a lot from their captor and then "fell" for their captor and then one day their capture just disappeared. She was my captor for 5 years and now my head is all twisted.

I have anger, I have hope, I have fear, I have confusion, I have love, I have hurt.

I never wanted to admit it but I think I always loved her more than she loved me. I think a lot of that goes back to our power dynamic. But that's a huge part of what hurts so much.

I can't predict the future but at this point I have no idea what I want, where I'm going or what's to come. I'm just trying to understand myself.

I'm sure I'll have more to write in the future, but now this is therapeutic.








Wednesday, October 4, 2017

A Trans Woman Changing Adult Entertainment

Anyone that has read my blogs over the years know that what I write has nothing to do with plugging others. It's purely about my experiences in kink and sexuality. I prefix because I'm about to "plug" someone without the intentions of giving her more popularity 1) she's already popular and 2) she is in my mind breaking boundaries in the transgender porn world and I very much appreciate that.

For starters... Time passes us all by and I feel that I accomplished a lot as a male submissive in front of the camera but it was always a means to an end for me. None the less, I've always ran in the adult entertainment world in some aspect, and as I've transitioned I find myself thinking that I pretty much feel like an outsider because I'm not working in adult film as a trans woman the way I worked in Femdom as a male submissive. Not due to lack of opportunity but simply out of choice. But the people I run with very often are still involved so I'm experienced, yet I'm not "in their world". So I find it interesting but I'll admit I find the trans women porn world to be over the top repetitive.

So seeing what Natalie Mars has done pushing limits in kink is beyond refreshing.
The funny thing is New Years Eve, Lexi Sindel invited me and my partner to Vegas to welcome in the New Year with her. So I'm at her house and Lexi and other peeps are getting ready to go out, as am I and she tells me that someone will be coming over soon. So I open the door and it's Natalie Mars and I have absolutely no idea who she is. I'm like cool, another girl and we are all going to have a good time.

So long story short of the night it was a blast. Natalie and I got to know each other better and 2 days later we shot our first scene together w/ Lexi Sindel and Mistress Tangent. If you don't know about it yet it was an amazing day with a focus on over the top femininity and sissy play as two trans woman. I go back with Lexi shooting from the age of 23 and I'm 31 now. It's weird when your kink idols become your friends. But some how she always comes up with fucked up, weird, kinky shit which as a kinkster I appreciate. I also love how Lexi always pushes the limits, where I'm going with this is so many trans women feel uncomfortable with crossdressers or sissy play because they don't want to be labeled that. However as a kinkster I still find sissy, over the top femininity arousing. On a personal level I've purposely stopped shooting heavily for years. But going back to my original topic, that is exactly why I tip my hat to Natalie Mars. She is the first and only trans woman who pushes kink while being a trans porn star and to me that is powerful.

Think about it. There are a million trans girl sites. A million BDSM sites that involve men, women, and even some that involve trans women but the ones with trans women all 100% relate back to sex. It's almost like trans women aren't allowed to be kinky and ironically as someone who runs in both worlds, so many trans women are kinky.

So I'll write about it and Natalie Mars can break boundaries. Some examples......

She proposed a fucking machine to Grooby Girls and got it done. First time ever and to put it nicely, it's a very popular video.

What takes more courage is taking a taboo fetish, that's even taboo in kink. And that's ABDL (Adult Baby, Diaper Lovers) those terms can be one in the same or completely separate. Personally I've been a DL lover all my life but even as open and kinky as I am it took me a very long time to be open about it cause even to me it seemed "weird". Now, not so much but it takes such courage as a trans porn star like her who is so popular to not only open up about it, but expose it, show it and talk about it and that is powerful.

Additionally she has done a lot of Femdom, bondage, and more. In some ways I feel like I am her. I guarantee you she had no idea who I was until I met her. But that doesn't mean I didn't influence people, I know I did, I've been told so many stories and I appreciate that. For me, the most powerful thing about being in front of the camera was others willingly opening up to me about their stories, it's that-that I love. Because we all have a story. I feel that my blog has ALWAYS been about sharing an inside light on things that those note involved wouldn't know, but I feel is important to know. And to me, what Natalie Mars is doing is a HUGE step in adult entertainment for trans people. Instead of simply being what someone fetish-sizes she's saying I also have fetishes and I'm willing to share with the world. And I, SOOOOOOO Love that!

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Lost It All.... To Be Continued

This is my first post as a Trans Woman.
This is my first post as a Single Trans Woman.
This is my first post in a long time.
This is my first post as a Trans Woman who is single and rather unknown in the Kinky world that I live in these days.

This first paragraph may be a bit of a rant and I must acknowledge all the love I've received while I didn't write from fans!!! I'll admit like many "artists's" it's so much more natural to write when everything isn't "right" in your life.

So my rant.... I feel like I've been the unknown "partner" of woman I've dated in kink and I find that frustrating. I should write a book, not a blog of my life but a book of my life in Kink from 18 to 31. I started writing blogs early in life and go through phases of writing and not writing. I don't care about the fame but I do care about how the submissive is represented. I've been asked a million times how I got to where I've been and a lot of that is on the submissive but it's also on the Dominant. Long story we all human.

My Rant Kind of Continues + Now my Life for Now...

So in the time that I haven't wrote... I decided to transition. And that shit is hard. I'll go into more detail in future posts but just know this shit is hard. I've been with Mistress/Goddess Tangent and she truly is the best Dominant I've ever been heavily involved with. When I met I her I said I wanted to be pushed and she said she wanted to be pushed. Problem, perhaps we pushed each other too far......

Once again I'll talk more in future posts... Right now I'm up late with a lot on my mind.

Where I'm going is I've been the person behind the scenes for a long time after being in front of the camera for several years. I made a decision to be behind the scenes. But I'm also not to be erased. I'm not to be disregarded..... the way I personally believe many submissive's are. It's almost like I didn't exist. The world of Femdom is the the world of worshiping women but that doesn't mean the submissive can't achieve and that doesn't mean the submissive can't be an influential part of who that Dominant Woman becomes.

The submissive is just as influential in the kink scene as the Dominant is. Female submissive's are aware of this but males are not because most male submissive's act a fool. Get it together!
I got to where I am because I'm kinky with head on my shoulders. But tonight and I'm sure for several nights I'm a sad submissive cause I lost everything I ever desired in someone.....



Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Announcement: More To Come

I've been on hiatus with my blog and many other aspects of my life that is in the public eye. I've pulled off of Fetlife, Twitter, my blog, and my attendance at kink events of any kind except for my attendance at Domcon LA and I also went to Folsom Street in San Francisco earlier in my hiatus. The reason for this is I've been going through a lot of personal change. With that said, I've decided to start opening myself up to the you guys once again as I do find it very therapeutic and enjoy hearing how I help others out as well.

What I would like to do is share a part of myself with you that I haven't talked much about. I mentioned that I'm transitioning to live as female. I've mentioned that I was born XXY (Intersex) called Klinefelter's Syndrome. I've clearly mentioned how kinky I am and shared my kinky life with you for years. But I haven't shared my struggles in finding my own gender identity, I haven't shared my path to how I got to where I am today, I haven't shared the ups and downs I've gone through in coming out to my friends, family, colleagues and others in my life.

So I'm going to share that all with you through text, images and videos.

I will also share more of my kink lifestyle with you as I did before. Many ask both me and Mistress Tangent on a regular basis and to address that question, yes we are still happily together. Once again I simply pulled back on sharing due to the massive changes I've been experiencing.

Right now I'm in Chicago, I've been here as of early July until July 25th. I'm here to do with family issues around my transition. I will have another post for you in a few days with many more details after I finishing announcing my transition publicly.

Thank you for all of your patience. My blog and my writings have always been very helpful to me and I love the interaction and feedback that it brings me from all of you.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Stripped & Naked

Stripped and naked.
Not physically but of my collar for further training.

Over all these years in kink and all the time I've been around lifestyle people and lived the lifestyle myself I've never been trained in high protocal. I've never been a "slave" the way Mistress Tangent desires me as a slave. The truth is, when I look inside myself I've never been a "slave" the way I've desired either. My own fears, anxiety, and pride has kept myself from letting go to the point where I can be a slave.

Not just for the name of being a slave and not just for a short period of time like a session but for good. To dedicate myself to someone forever.
This all came to over a period of time and with our most recent trip to San Diego where we spent some time around some high protocal friends and I failed to present myself and show that same level of respect for Mistress Tangent in particular situations.

I've decided to dedicate myself to the teachings and learnings of Mistress Tangent so that I will be the proper slave She deserves and our relationship will continue to blossum and grow into what we both desire. My level of trust, belief, and love in Her and Her geniune love of power exchange and BDSM has brought me to where I am today. Stripped, Naked, Collar-less to learn the real, proper ways of Femdom and to serve Her to the highest degree.

This stripping began just last night. The first hour of training and the foundation to us.
The 2 most difficult parts for the both of us was Her removing 2 privledges that were given to me. 1) She removed my collar and I am forbidden to wear anything even resembling a collar until I have earned it. 2) I am no longer allowed to call Her (Daddy) as I have been for a long time now. The only time this is allowed is when She is fucking me and when I earn my collar back. I cried over both these situations while in my high protocal slave position.

Mistress Tangent then taught me the basic rules of the 3 protocals (low, medium & high) and the rules along with them.

Low: Is when we are around family and friends and or public situations and I am to maintain a level of respect throughout. Further details will be revealed in our next training.

Medium: When we are at home and also at fetish parties/events.

High: When we are with others who live the D/s lifestyle and in some other situations that Mistress Tangent deems necessary. High protocal is also ALWAYS in place for punishments.

So far I've been taught a couple slave positions and protocals that follow the high protocal.

Attention: Standing with arms by side and hands open/facing out.
Listening: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together low near waist shows that I'm listening.
Question: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together but raised to my chest, waiting to be allowed to ask a question or to speak.

During high protocal I am not allowed to speak unless spoken to.
During high and medium protocal I am to address Her at all times properly. Because the word (Daddy) has been stripped from me until I'm allowed the privledge of using that word again I now must address her as Ma'am AT ALL TIMES when in Medium or High protocal.

Just over 1 day into training I can feel the positive tension. I am committed to being a slave that my Owner is proud of. I am committed to treating Her the way She deserves to be treated. I am committed to myself throughout this process and I am stripped and naked to be molded.

Additionally, I've been locked up in chastity for 42 straight days now and this time I'm locked up in the smallest possible Cb-6000 cage possible. The length is about 2 inches and I didn't think I could fit into it but the truth is this size fits me much better. I feel more frustration in this sized cage and with me being on HRT now since February it only makes sense. I am not allowed any orgasms until I've taken 10,000, that's right 10,000 canings from Mistress Tangent. 42 days in and I'm at a little over 1,000 canings.

I want to leave off on this note. 1 full day of proper protocal to my Owner has brought a new hightened sense of eroticism, arosal and tingles to my body. Both sexually and mentally stimulating. I'm very excited about Our journey down this road together.

Friday, May 29, 2015

Transitioning

Long over due.... And I've got a story for you.

Some know, most don't. Those closest have begun to learn and now I've decided to share more on an open format.

I'm taking steps to transition.

It's something that I've more than thought about for a very long time, all the way back to when I was a child. When I was in my early 20's I started to think about if after a lot of research and after my break up with my X decided to consult a doctor and take HRT. 6 weeks later I stopped as I got scared. No one knew, I hid it from everyone and it was a lot to undergo, especially at that time of my life. Also at that time I was unaware that I was born XXY. I thought that I was from research but it had not been proven.

At 25 I learned that I was XXY and as much as it confirmed my thoughts of myself it also was a lot to take in, understand and process.

Now at 28, after lots of consideration, fear, excitement, support, discussion and more I've decided to take steps for transition. I started 13 weeks ago. Keep in mind that my doctor is aware of me being born XXY so my dosages are less than a typical M2F.

My first 10 Weeks: I took 1 MG of estrogen/day
Now on my current set of 10 Weeks: I take 2 MG of estrogen/day & 50MG of testosterone blocker/day

Here is a photo of my tits at 12 Weeks


I've had very quick effects with development of solid A Cup breasts already. My already smooth/soft skin is even softer as Mistress Tangent tells me and my already thick hips have begun to get larger. I've also noticed myself becoming easily emotional at times.


Some may ask where this leaves Mistress Tangent and I..... Let me say that She is beyond supportive and is someone that really helps me along this process.

What is Next For Me:

This entire process is exciting but also scary. I'm taking it day by day but there are some earlier procedures that I would like to have done. This includes voice augmentation, lowering my hairline and shaping my jaw bone. In time, additional Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS). And eventually I would like to have a full sex change. As someone who has no identity with my penis.... I've written about this on my blog, a few blog posts ago having a sex change is not just a desire. It's a procedure that would improve my sex life. Being born with a never, full functioning penis with the opportunity to lead a fully healthy sex life as a woman is a must.

In regards to surgeries, that is no overnight thing. I would love to have the opportunity to have procedures done sooner than later but that is going to require some serious money saving. At this point, I still dress as a boy in my every day and the surgeries for me, play a large factor easing into my transition. With all this said, I'm hear for questions, support and everything in between.
I hope my story and openness can help others from maybe supporting others in their life to individuals going through similar experiences.

Email: Morgankeni4@gmail.com






Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Day 1 of Cadence Kline

I've wrote it. I've talked about it. I've shared it. And now it's begun.....

I've officially started taking ESTROGEN.

In fact... I'm on day 2.

And so it begins..... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOuBlfGXL0M&feature=youtu.be

Day 1 of Cadence Kline

The truth is, I don't know how far I'm going to take it. But what I do know is that I'm in a good place and that I must find out. I've decided to not only document it here in writing and in photos but to document in through my new Youtube channel. Video 1 was just uploaded.

The 1st 10 weeks I'm only taking 1 mg/day of Estradiol. From there we will make the necessary changes but we wanted to start slow and due to my low testosterone this is the proper way to start. I want to note, that I am doing all of this through an endocrinologist in Arizona who is very well versed on the topic.

Yes, Mistress Tangent is for this, but the truth is to all you perverts out there is that She is supportive of what ever I choose. Anyone that's known me for a long time knows that this is NOT just a phase. In fact, it's something I've put off/suppressed for a very long time. At worst, taking estrogen will have positive effects on my overall health like Osteoporosis, and having more energy.

Being born intersex, XXY and by definition with Klinefelter's Syndrome by body and mind are alfready 3/4 female. With the lack of research out there and with my years of studying on the topic I felt documenting my experience, thoughts and process wasn't an option.

Subscribe to my Youtube channel and share anywhere you would like. More than anything, I'm sharing my experience of being intersex, XXY, Klinefelter's and some might say transgender with others to help, educate and enlighten.