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Friday, November 7, 2014

I've Never Shared This - Is SRS The Option?

SRS....... Sex Reassingment Surgery
Would I actually consider such a thing?

Yes, I would and have in the past.
Is it realistic?

Yes... Let me tell you why.

This is something I have NEVER shared with other than my owner - Mistress Tangent and so it's not very easy for me to write about this on my blog that has lots of visitors. With that said, some of my personal life is shared through my blog as well as through my Owners websites. I also believe that sharing oneself's struggles, differences, and knowledge helps others through their circumstances, so here I am sharing with you for the first time.

As many of you know I was born with Klinefelter's XXY. This syndrome effects everyone differently. I consider myself intersex. Anyone that knows me can not only see the physical feminine characteristics in me but also the mental and emotional feminine characteristics.

There are times that I thought I could get away from the idea of my own gender questions. That I could live fully as a male but time and time again that's proven not possible for me. I'm not saying that I have to fully transition but I do need to live some of my life as a woman. But most would still ask why SRS?

I'm 28 years old and my penis has never fully functioned. Most people who are born XXY do have a functioning penis and some even give birth to children. I on the other hand have never, not even as a teenager had a fully functioning penis. Yes, I can get erect and yes I can orgasm. But no, I don't have sperm (can't produce kids) and no, I can't stay erect very long.
This has been true since I was a young teenager to now. I have had "traditional sex" but it was always very difficult for me and more than that I've never had a "connection" to my penis.

At a very young age (6 or 7) I taught myself how to masturbate like a woman. These days I prefer to cum with a vibrator (Hitachi). Today marks day 112 of straight chastity in the CB-6000. Now I have had orgasms with the Hitachi when allowed and locked up. It's been a little over a month now of no orgasms.

Mistress Tangent made a statement to me the other day, "I don't think you miss your cock" I thought about it and She is right. I don't miss my cock, I like to orgasm of course but if I am locked in chastity 24/7 yet allowed to orgasm when I earn that while locked in my chastity cage, that is good for me. In fact, I prefer it to not being in chastity, because when I'm not locked up I'm reminded that I was born XXY and that my cock literally serves no purpose. I'm not saying that statement out of self-humiliation. I'm saying that out of truth. The way I was born - XXY Intersex my cock simply doesn't work. On top of that I identify myself as more woman than man.

My Owner prefers me as female and after several talks She has insisted that if I were to get SRS (when I can afford to do so) She would not only be fully supportive but also would be happy for me to make that change.

No decisions are final. Nothing is set in stone. But these are discussions to be had. This is something that could enhance my sexual side for myself and with my Owner. This is something that could have a profound positive impact on my life, to have a sex organ that fully functions the way it is supposed to.

I do not identity with my penis what so ever and my Owner/Partner doesn't identity with it either.

The first steps are for us to educated ourselves on the risks and benefits. Then to speak with a doctor about my unique situation and start discussing options and see if this is something that I wish to pursue.

I will be meeting with my Endocrinologist doctor soon. This will be mentioned, although it is nerve racking to mention because there is some embarrassment and shame associated with it as well. No matter what, I know that my Owner fully supports whichever decision I ultimately decide to go with. But I believe that it's time that I discuss this with professionals and get medical answers to something I've kept to myself my entire life.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Pony Up

Been away and have lots to share. I'll break it up into different posts for an easier read.

We'll start with Ponies.
Pony play has been a very long desire of mine and it's one that I've never experienced. I'm not someone who is highly into role-play as a whole but there is something about pony play that captures me. Pony play can be a rather expensive form of bdsm but we've slowly (Mistress Tangent & I) have begun taking steps to make this more of a reality.

There are 2 separate aspects to our pony play.

1) I'm the pony and She is the trainer
2) I'm the pony and She is the War Horse who ultimately fucks me with Her big horse cock.
------
1) Researching pony gear
2) Made a few purchases. We both got a leather chest harness that is versatile in general but works as a good early harness. We also got an awesome glittered big gag from Domina Angelina out of San Diego.

I was asked what kind of real pony I identify with. What similarities do I believe I have with this style of pony and what traits do I wish to aspire to have.

I chose the Palomino horse (Golden Siberian)
Traits include:
- Beauty
- Versatility
- Endurance
- They have also been around for centuries which means they are persistent and my Owner knows that I am persistent.
Additionally, I see myself as a show pony, fetish pony, and a cart pony. That's another reason why I chose the style of pony that I did with the versatility.
Here are some photos of the Palomino Pony...

I am excited with the little steps we've taken and in time we will be rubber and leather ponies roaming fields from me spending a few days living out of stables and as a pony 24/7 all while being properly trained to my Owners expectations.






Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Female HRT... Again - This is Different

I've spoken about how I've taken female hormones (HRT) briefly when I was 23, (28 now). I took 3 cycles of HRT (3 shots every 2 weeks) so 6 weeks total and then stopped. Something else I've spoken about in the past is how I was born XXY - Klinefelters. On top of that, if you've ever met me you've probably noticed at least in some way how feminine my body is.

If a male transitions to a woman he has to take testosterone blockers, get laser for facial hair removal, often get laser for body hair removal. I don't have to do any of these things. A M2F wishes to gain curves, lose muscle mass and produce more fat, softer skin. I already have curves, soft skin, and muscle mass like a woman. My process is much simpler.

With all that said W/we've decided to speak with doctors about me going on HRT again. But not with the idea of transitioning. But, to take HRT for another 6-10 weeks depending on how quickly my body takes. I've already got some breast tissue and I'm not doing this to live my life as a woman full time.

The Goals:

1) Feminize my body a bit more
2) Increase pain tolerance

I know that this may seem extreme but W/we would like to feminize my body a bit more without taking it all the way. She (Owner) would also like this. She is attracted by my feminine side and to mutually do this together on my body will be a process but also binding between us.

As for the increase in pain tolerance. It's proven than women have a higher pain tolerance than men. One thing I noticed on my first go-around of HRT (even though I only took them for 6 weeks) was that my pain tolerance increased for about a year or so after.
She (owner) is a true sadist and I love being able to please Her by taking pain for Her. Yes, I do take a good deal of pain in many ways currently and I push to take more but this is an option that I would like to explore more, again - with Her.

The first time I took HRT I did it alone. I noticed an increase in pain tolerance from filming some pain scenes. With that said, that was once a month at best. I'm curious and I know She is as well to test this theory of an increased pain tolerance on a more frequent basis over time.

October 2, 2014 I have a doctors appointment with a doctor who works a lot with the transgender community and is also familiar with Klinefelters.

I will keep you updated on this. I'm very excited to do this with Her by my side.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

I failed

Failed. 

It's my 28th birthday and it sure doesn't feel like it. We shot with Femdom Empire yesterday and the last scene was a whipping then caning. My stomach was acting up most the day and a headache crept in before the scene. This is after we shot some worship and strapon. 

She (owner) is a true sadist. I'm not a true masochist but I love taking lots of pain for Her. To see Her get such a rush pleases me to my core. There's also a deep connection when I can take high levels of pain for Her. 

Yesterday I failed. 
I struggled to take a big whipping and caning. I tried, I did but I just wasn't able to do so. I knew immediately that I let Her down. She didn't have to say anything, I knew. Afterwards I hoped in the shower, peaked my head out and asked if She was upset at me. She said no, you gave it your all and that's what matters. 

I sort of believed Her but knew it was a half truth. As the evening went on I could read Her body language and then She said I still have 20 needles in my ballsack I owed Her tonight. 

I begged to push it off one more day until we got back home on my birthday because my stomach was still upset and my headache was nagging. I've been pushing off the needles for a little while cause that just out right scares me. 
I let Her down again. I failed again. 

As we lay down to sleep She was stand off-ish. My birthday officially was here after midnight and She half hearted said Happy Birthday. I knew then I had truly let Her down. 
Tears ran down my cheeks as I layed on the other side of the bed. I genuinely care that I was such a disappointment. I felt helpless but my mind frame had geared up to "just take it, I owe Her". So I got up and grabbed some canes and put them in Her hand but She said no. I begged Her to beat me but She wouldn't. 

I crawled back into bed sad, tearful, mad at myself. Finally fell to sleep and woke up with a drive and determination of as soon as we get home I'm a pull out the needles, take them. Then bend over and take a caning until She feels like stopping. 

I can't let Her down like this. It's my job to take it and please Her. To let Her get steam out. I messed up and it's the worst feeling to let Her down. 

We are driving back home from Vegas as I write this. It's a 5 hour drive and Her frustration is pent up from something I hand control over and fucked up. She has no idea how serious I am to make it up to Her. 

As much as She needs to give the pain out I need to take it as I have failure, unsatisfaction, and guilt running through my body all because I let Her down and made Her feel the way She is feeling. 

I will make it up to Her

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Something's Can't Be Explained - Her Slave

Somethings can't be explained.

Ever since Daddy got home from traveling for work over the past couple weeks I was incredibly happy. I hadn't seen her for 9 our of 10 days and She had missed Her flight back to AZ from NYC which meant I had to weight another 24 hours to see Her. I had to drive a friend to San Diego so I was in the middle of no where at a gas station when She told me She wouldn't be home until tomorrow.

We talked for a few minutes and then She asked me what was wrong. I was sad, genuinely sad that She wasn't coming home that night. Tuesday night I get home from work and you could see the smile on my face from a mile away. Her smell, touch, Her presence, everything is what I needed. This week has been great and my ass is happy to have Her home.

Friday night, a good friend of mine wanted me to try some 'Wax'. I eventually gave in but Daddy warned me it was strong. Lets just say it fucked me up, literally! My friend and his girlfriend where there as well but I just hung on to Daddy's voice like an injured animal. I felt like I had this epiphany and as long as She was nearby I knew I was ok. As long as I heard Her voice I knew I was ok. My friend's girlfriend tried to help me out and I wouldn't let her, only Daddy could help me, only She knew how to.

I tried to explain this to Her and She said some things can't be explained but I believe She fully grasped what I meant. Total trust between us. Our bodies knowing each others and an extreme level of commitment. I am Her slave, only Hers and I will forever be Hers.

Needles

For those of you keeping track, today is day 38 in chastity of 160.

I have had 2 orgasms while in the cage while being fucked along with the Hitachi. Both were magical orgasms with Her dick inside me. I know that I'm always being prepped to take chastity longer and longer. Learning to cum in chastity in one way is great for me and the other means that She can keep me locked up for longer periods of time.

One of the new rules implemented in this 160 days of chastity is needles. The CB-6000 can be a pain in the ass to clean. Every night by 9pm I must have my cage thoroughly cleaned and smelling like perfection. 1 needle if not cleaned and 1 needle if not smelling right.

Did I mention that I HATE needles!?!

In fact, other than my ears pierced, my Prince Albert and the taint piercing I used to have I've never done any other piercings and that includes play piercings. The first time I failed at this She stuck a couple 20 gauge needles through my ball sack. I was developing cold sweats and was scared to death. They really hurt but what was to come about a week later was much worse.

This time I was warned that She was using larger needles. 7 of them this time and by larger, she jumped up to 14 gauges. Sweating and yelling I was helpless as my body was tied down on the bed like an 'X'. Lying down and not being able to see helps me out at least a little bit.

Then I messed up again and I was due 4 needles over the next week or so. But then I decided to bet Daddy double or nothing regarding some stupid vacuum bet that I pretty much knew I had no chance or winning. Of course, I lost and now owned Her 8 needles.

This time I was caught off guard. We tried to do the 8 needles the 2 nights prior but life got in the way and we were too busy. If punishment is delayed longer than 3 days regarding the needles then I sleep on the floor next to the bed chained up. So that's where I slept, and that's not where I wanted to be sleeping. The 3rd night She got home late and I wasn't expecting Her to have the energy for the needles, but She did.

She caught me by surprise and pulled up a chair into the bathroom and told me to sit. Tied my legs wide open and my arms up and behind me. Bound tied with my cock pulled up to my collar so that She would have a good canvas to pierce me with. I started to get my cold sweats as I got more nervous. As She got closer to piercing me I would start to hyper-ventilate a little bit. I caught my breath, said ready and in goes 1 as I scream in pain.

I counted each one in my head knowing how many I had left. She took it slow due to my un-easy stomach making sure I was ready for the next needle every time but it just seemed to get more and more painful. The unexpectedness of the ordeal also through off my mindset and made it more difficult.

By the end, I was spent, exhausted, hurting and my legs wouldn't stop shaking.

I'm learning to keep my cage clean but I know that She also likes to catch me when She can. The sadist in Her comes out when given the opportunity. Besides that, I've recently been hearing Her say that She is going to push me past all of my, "original" hard limits. One by one as I'm molded into Her slave.

It's 8:30pm now. I have to run and clean my cage. Day 38 of chastity and I'm starting to throb in my cage a lot more continuously. Time to clean before I get more needles. Pics are below.







Saturday, July 26, 2014

Daddy's Girl

Day 10 of chastity, only 150 days to go.

Feminization is the topic of conversation today. She wants me to be as feminine as possible and that is something I also want. With that said, it's easier said than done because I do still live as a man at least part time. On top of that, I've dealt with gender questions all my life and when I'm giving the opportunity to be a girl I eat it up, but I've still been holding back a little bit because once I go there.... I got there.

Knowing how much She wants me as a very feminine girl and prefers me as such drives me to open up and go there with Her.

I came across Yeson Voice Feminization Surgery that is the best way to change one's voice into being more feminine. The doctor has won awards, is internationally recognized for this procedure and as I've done my research I've become interested. The procedure is called VOCAL FOLD SHORTENING and ADVANCEMENT OF ANTERIOR COMMISURE.

http://www.yesonvc.net/disease/feminization_surgery_03.asp

It's a safe procedure, I would have to travel to Korea and it only cost about $7,380.
I have difficulty talking in a higher tone and this is something I think my Owner would enjoy and would be a big step towards greater feminization.

Currently these are the rules of feminization.

1. Always wear panties (I've also begun to wear training & sport bras more often under clothes)
2. Always be dressed in women's attire while in the house (unless we have guests over)
3. Use women's deodorant
4. No body or facial hair
5. I believe I'm going to start wearing perfume
6. I'm regularly learning more and more ways to perfect my makeup

Additionally, I've been forced to perform blowjobs of a couple of men, I'm conditioned to give Daddy regular blowjobs and of course have my ass up for Her and trust me, I crave Her cock.

I also take on all the 'traditional' duties of the household.

1. I cook
2. I clean
3. I do the laundry
4. I take care of all household duties

Slowly updating it. Here is my Amazon wishlist - Keep me femme
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1GMHB37S0FYGN/ref=topnav_lists_1

This is a journey and one I'm looking forward to. I love being Her girl and I'm going to continue to take the steps to be just that.




Thursday, July 24, 2014

160 Straight Days in Chastity - What!?!

160 Straight Days in Chastity!!! What!?!

That's what I was told last night. Today is day 7 of 160 straight days, which is Christmas Eve. I knew I was going to be in chastity for a few weeks, maybe even until my Birthday, September 6th but I don't even get let out on my birthday. I get let out on Christmas Eve, an early present She says.

Not that I have a choice in the matter...
At least this time my ass is fair game. Being fucked and toyed with regularly is a big plus but it's also a means for added frustration.

Here is a photo from this morning of my locked cock.

As I sit here, 7 days in and think of the frustration, torture, humiliation, degradation, and continual feminization to come I kept help but pulse in my tight cage.

As a symbol of our relationship Miss/Daddy got me the best collar. A NeoSteel collar which I just love to wear as much as possible. Here is a photo of the collar on me as well as my huge-swollen lips from giving Daddy a blowjob and my lips taking abuse.

A new rule added to my rule book, this time pertaining to being in chastity is that if it is not properly cleaned and smelling by 9:30pm each night then Daddy gets to stick 2 needles through my ball sack every night. This is very nerve racking for me. Yesterday, Daddy put 2 through my ballsack as I laid there in fear and sweat and couldn't watch as they were inserted into me. I got the point.

We also tested out some new metal sex toys. Both are great on the prostate and Daddy tested them on me getting me close to orgasm each time for about 30 minutes but never allowing me to orgasm. Frustrating.

I'm keeping this post brief. But yes, 160 straight days of chastity. We really want the Neo Steel chastity device. On the to purchase list. Should have by Christmas time but until then I'm locked with NO release until Christmas Eve. I'm excited to see to what heights I can be pushed but I'm nervous, scared and already extremely horny, only 7 days in.


Saturday, July 19, 2014

Indulge

Last Friday we were supposed to go to a Fetish party but it ended at midnight which is rather early. By the time I got off work and got all dolled up it was too late so we decided to have some fun at home.

We've been trying to figure out my hair for awhile now with my extensions after I cut my long hair off. I wanted to do the alt girl look with a shaved side of the head. And I love the look we got with it.

The makeup, we tried something new and again it came out perfect. I think this is going to be my new look for awhile.

The dress of the night, is a stretchy blue dress that is Tangent's. I've lost so much weight over the past 7 months I fit into smaller sizes and it's terrific. I've lost about 25 pounds since December 2013 and my feminine figure shows tenfold now.

A side note, I'm back in chastity as of 2 days ago.

Indulge






Monday, June 2, 2014

Day 65: Day of Hell - Tortured to Earn Orgasm

The morning of day 65 I went to work. It was just like any other morning except that I knew what day 65 was... It was my last day in chastity prior to being released but it was also a day of "hell" as in She was going to do anything She felt like doing to me.
Ironically enough, I couldn't wait for the work day to end and for me to get home. I was told to grab a bite to eat and then it was to begin.

About 7pm I was told I have 20 minutes to do all my makeup. 20 minutes!!! In my head I was thinking I'm only going to be half done with 20 minutes. But, I kicked it in gear and got my makeup done while She packed a bunch of goodies into the kink bag. I didn't even think to look at what She was packing although I really didn't want to know either. I knew that we were leaving the house but I wasn't sure where we were going. She was clad in one of Her new corsets and sexy, black Domme attire so I figured we were either going to the dungeon or someone's house.

We arrive at the dungeon and I'm escorted into a red room and told to put on black stockings, garter belt, crotchless black panties, black bra and my new black heels (which She by the way made me try on at the store a few days prior). I got all dressed up and then just waited and waited which seemed like an eternity because I knew that bad things were about to happen to me and I was waiting in anxiety and anxiousness. Then She walks in, puts a collar around my neck, attaches a leash and tugs at it while She walks me out of the room. No words, just a look, a glare and I followed.

Through one room and into another and there's a hooded person with a camera. Yes, all of this was captured on video. I didn't know who that person was though. I walked into a corner and was put on my knees facing out looking into the room. I look at Her and then that's when I noticed out the corner of my eye there were 2 more men to the left of the room. I knew what was to come next... but first She had me announce to them the situation.

"How long have you been in chastity?"

Me: 65 days

"Tell Me, what do you have to do for Me to earn release from chastity on day 66?"

Me: Anything You want Daddy.

And so it began. The 2 men walk over to me. She says, "The dicks aren't going to pull themselves out". So I nervously start to un-button their pants. Dicks flop out, condoms are put on and I start sucking one of them. But I didn't think to pay attention to the other dick but She pointed that out quickly so I'd be sucking on one and stroking the other. One dick was rather big while the other wasn't. I got both of them hard rather quickly and I then I was left alone to suck their cocks for maybe a minute or so but soon after my head was being forced down both of their cocks as She grabbed me by my hair and started shoving my face down their cocks.

I was drooling, gagging, tears running down my face, snot bubbling out my nose but I was still sucking and jerking and then one of the men yell out, "I'm going to cum" and he shoots his load all over my face. Soon as he is done cuming I'm directed back onto the large cock and bobbing my head on his cock. I was running out of breath as She was slamming my throat down on his cock to their point where I was deep throating him over and over. It had to be another 1-2 minutes until he cumed all over my face as well.

I was a hot mess, literally. Couldn't open one of my eyes due to all the cum in it, cum in my hair that was stuck to my face, cum up my nose and on my lips. Lipstick smeared on my face, tears had run down my face and my eye makeup was smeared all over as well. I was literally left there on the floor with my real consciousness of what was going on. I was just used and abused by 2 men for my owner as they were escorted out. Then I'm picked up by my hair and essentially dragged out as I teeter on my heels to the red room that I started in.

She says, "Don't touch your face but change clothes, the night just started".

Fast forward as we get home...
She straps on Her dick and shoves it down my throat. Get it straight, I suck Her cock all the time and it was only right that I sucked Her dick as well. But this wasn't no 'gentle' cock sucking. She wanted to ravage my throat the way the 2 men did, if not harder. Immediately, I deep throat her 8 inch thick cock and time and time again she shoves it back down, balls deep on her cock with each time being a harder thrust. Within seconds, blood is coming out of my mouth and my blood is covering her cock. She throat fucked me so hard I cut open my throat on Her cock. We both noticed it, but that didn't matter....

"Lick your blood off my cock", She said. And then I would have my throat fucked again. She orders me off Her cock after I clean up all my blood off of it and orders me into the bathroom. I'm on my knees and in She comes with the open mouth, dental gag. She forces my mouth wide open and has my head back. She pisses her warm piss into a glass right in front of me and I know what is next.

(( I have difficulty drinking piss because I have a very bad gag reflux so as many love such a gesture, She knows that this is a form of torture and humiliation for me))

With no hesitation she starts pouring Her piss from the glass down my wide open throat. It fills up my entire mouth and then starts to overflow out of my mouth as the reminder trickles down my throat and I soon begin to gag. As I gag I choke on Her piss and swallow more. I'm struggling and weak and as soon as there is more room in my mouth to take more She pours the rest into my mouth. I choke, gag, moan, struggle and even start to puke a bit, but I know even that would be forced back down my throat.

I'm left on the floor just a complete mess, used, abused, tired, sore, degraded but She wasn't done with me. I'm ordered to sit on the floor with my legs outwards and She tells me that I've earned release from the Chastity cage that I've been in for 65 days. Out come the keys and piece by piece She removes my cage. My cock is throbbing and I'm excited but I'm also beat, mentally, emotionally, and physically. She turns on the Hitachi and laughs as She talked about how quickly She expects me to cum. She puts the Hitachi on my cock and it took maybe 10 seconds max, I ask for permission to cum but She says no, not yet.

What!!!!! (I'm thinking in my head, She keeps the Hitachi on my cock the entire time, I can't hold it any longer and I start cuming everywhere and then She punches my cock really hard. I twist to turn away as I moan in ecstasy and pain and She punches my cock again and again and again. What a ruined orgasm that was and then all the cum of my big load was dripped and rubbed into my mouth.

And that's when She cuts the camera but not because She was down with me but because what was done next is not allowed on film.

Her and I have a bucket list of things we want to do together. Full toilet has been on their awhile but once again, my gag reflux is really bad. Still bound from before I'm told to get on my knees with them spread. I think it my head ok, maybe She's not doing full toilet.... in turned out just not yet. She get's after my nipples with very strong clamps. (I have sensitive nipples) The combination of the entire night and then Her abusing my nipples all the while I have a new open mouth gag that has a round, smaller hole and it couldn't be pushed out of my mouth by me even if I tried. I literally just began to cry and cry and cry as She abused my nipples. It was a hopeless cry, a tired cry, an then She stopped only to instruct me to lay on my back.

Keep in mind that I still have the open mouth gag on and as I lay on the floor She stands over me and laughs as She says, "Oh, you know what's next". She squats Her naked body over me and her ass directly above my mouth, and the open gag and shit's into my mouth.

She didn't shit a lot but She knows me and my gag reflux and it was enough. Now the real humiliation and degradation began. I tried to swallow but started to gag and I found it near impossible to swallow with the gag so She removed it and told me to swallow. I tried but kept failing to the point where I had it half down and then threw up. She put my face in the shit and my puke now on the ground. The torment and then the time challenge and threat was announced.

I was told that I have 10 seconds to eat and swallow the shit. If I don't swallow it then I'm going to be chained to the toilet in the shit and puke and not allowed to shower. I knew She wasn't joking either and I couldn't let that happen tonight. So I some how slurped my own puke and Her shit off the ground in a couple of bites and it came down to the wire. As She counted "2, 1". I yelled with all the I had left in me, "It's down, it's down, look in my mouth!"

And then it was over.... I didn't move for 5-10 minutes. I was spent in every way.
I mean the idea of having me orgasm and then torture me more was brilliant on Her end.

(BTW, this is my 100th post to my blog. I must say it's the perfect post for #100)

Pictures to come. We are in Chicago right now for a few more days.

The video will also be released on her website: Mistress Tangent

Friday, May 2, 2014

Forced Sissy Blowjob to Completion

A night of Humiliation, Degradation, Shame, Embarrassment...

(To Clarify as some have asked. Daddy is a She, She is my owner. The 2 of us have adopted the roles of She is the Daddy and I am Her girl. So throughout my posts you may see me refer to Her as She and as Daddy)

While at work I got a phone call that once I got home I was going to be all dolled up for Daddy (Wednesday night).

She had gone out and gotten me a brand new wig (sometimes I put in hair extensions), got me some new breast forms among other things. She also brought back some of my things that I still had in my NYC apartment when she was in NYC last week. Some of those things included my pink sissy dress, so I decided to wear that. I thought the night was going to be just me and her, like it usually is but after I was all ready; makeup, hair, lingerie, high heels, locking wrist cuffs, locking heel cuffs, my collar and locked in my dress I was told that our guest would be here soon.

I was told to pull a chair into the bedroom and put it in the corner and face it towards the bed, then to sit down. I was tied with my hands behind the back of the chair and my feet in high heels bound together and then my legs bound back to the chair. The doorbell rang and out She went to answer the door. I was in the room for about 15-20 minutes by myself.
In She walked with a submissive behind Her on a collar and leash. She strapped on "Pink Princess" about a 5 inch pink dildo into her harness.

All the while just sitting there knowing what She was going to make me do that night my heart was racing. I had a bit of anxiety and lots of nervousness but I didn't want that to show. As I calmed myself down a bit I began to get aroused in my cage. BTW today marks day 48 in chastity.

The submissive was bent over a bench about 10 feet in front me and Daddy asked me how long it's been since She's fucked me. I said, "Over 50 days" Then She began telling the submissive that he better take her cock good otherwise the sissy (me) wasn't going to give him a blow job at the end.

That's when my stomach sank a bit and more nerves crept in. It's been drilled into my head that this day would come and that I HAVE TO DO A GOOD JOB otherwise I don't get to cum on day 66.

Then She stuck her cock into the submissive bound to the bench. She began slow as he doesn't take large cocks and I began to get jealous. Wanting Her to be fucking me. I know that She loves to fuck me and that this was torment. I was rocking a bit in my chair wishing it was me, but with a bigger dick, or Her feeldoe. She then put on a smaller dick that She could fuck him harder with. She would glance at me with these looks oh "don't you wish this was you?"

Smaller dick on, She started to fuck him hard, he was moaning and I was begging silently. About 10 minutes later She stopped walked over to me and untied me. Told me to walk next to the submissive who was on his belling/all 4's on the bench and for me to lay down and put my head between his legs where his cock and balls hung over my face.

Let me tell you, the fear that was in me in that moment. But I was there to impress Daddy. Then She got close and put Her dick in his ass and I was told to suck on his balls while she pounded him in the ass. He was clean shaven so that was nice. I opened up my mouth and sucked on his balls. His cock started to drip cum on my forehead and into my hair and eye. I kind of felt like moaning but I didn't, I stayed to course.

Daddy stopped, backed up and told the submissive to sit up and me get on my knees. She handcuffed his hands behind his back and stood over me from the side and ordered me to start sucking. I could hear Her in the background saying things like, "Is she doing a good job?" Let her know if she needs to change anything" "Teach her, because she has to learn how to suck cock for me" etc. I focused on Her voice and tried to suck his cock the way I suck Daddy's cock regularly.

There I was on my knees, head bobbing up and down and this man's cock. He had a rather big dick, maybe 8 inches and thick. He was already dripping when I put my lips on it. It helped me to keep my eyes closed most of the time. If I started to gag a bit I'd pull my head off of his cock and keep stroking with my hand. I felt like I was doing a good job and every time Daddy asked the submissive if I was doing a good job he would reply with, "Yes, she's a good sissy". But at the same time I wasn't really sure if I was doing a good job. I lost track of time and started to think should he have cum already? I hope Daddy doesn't punish me for doing a bad job.

But then, I hear the submissive saying I'm going to cum and with his cock in the back of my throat he spurts a big load in my mouth. Maybe 2-3 shots and I swallow immediately just as I started to gag a little bit and was getting a bit grossed out at the same time. When I shut my eyes it helps me not be grossed out by the act of what I'm doing. I pulled his cock out of my mouth and kept stroking it as he shot another load onto my face and in my eyes. Only a few drops fell on the bench and Daddy told me to lick it up, so I did.

I was left on my knees and he was escorted out of the bedroom and soon after left.
Daddy came back in the room and didn't say much at first. Maybe 10 minutes later I was on the bathroom floor and She asked me what I thought of him. I said, he seemed nice enough but I don't know what I'm supposed to think about him because I didn't talk with him any.

She replies, "Good, you're going to be seeing more of him". I literally just couldn't say anything, I didn't like the idea of that and still don't. The only aspect of that idea that I enjoy is that I'm doing it for Her. In the next hour or so I began to get a little sad. I had just done something I had never done and it was something very extreme. It's allowing myself to be that vulnerable, that controlled, that owned and it wasn't easy at all for me to do.

After a little while She brought me back to "normal" I guess you could say. One thing most people don't know is that Daddy has what we refer to as a "darkside". Meaning, She knows how to and sometimes will break me. She's done it before and as we went to bed that night I knew I was a little broken. I love parts of Her darkside, as does She. But it's something we are both learning to operate within. Me and Her are great together because our interests are both all over the map and we both push each other. In the midst of pushing each other we find each others boundaries and not all play is cupcakes and candy. Lots of our play is hardcore, envelope pushing that in reality arouses the both of us to extremes.

Day 65, aka May 19th has been labeled "Day of Hell". I already know I'm going to be put through the ringer to earn Day 66, my release date from chastity and no anal. Truth is, I have no idea what She has in store. Truth is I'm scared shitless, truth is I'm aroused by all of that and I know She is as well. Something tells me She's going to break me and make me keep going and push through for Her.
And I will push through for Her.

Here are 4 pics. 
1) Me on all fours over Daddy in my new black crotchless panties and in chastity of course.
2) Me dolled up from Wednesday sucking Daddy's cock.
3) Picture of the bows She tied on the back of my dress (Wednesday night)
4) Photo of me right before all the action (Wednesday night)

You can read my Owner's blog at Mistress Tangent





Sunday, April 27, 2014

Daddy Back Home

I don't think people realize just how difficult it is to 1 be a slave and 2 be a cuckold. Both are actually relatively new to me. I mean I've been a submissive and a fetishist for years but I've never been a slave. And to me the term is over used. A slave to an owner is commitment and devotion and is something that is earned over a period of time.

With that rambling, I'm going to say that I've been drinking heavily today/tonight as I write this blog.

I'm 27. Keep that in mind... I'm not an older man who stumbled into bdsm. I'm a guy who has been a fetish model, a person that is recognized in the community, someone who in my own right is a younger, good looking person.... and yet I chose to be a slave. I'm kinky to the core. I'm 46 days in straight chastity and in part is a large reason why I'm writing this post that is admittedly scatter-brained from alcohol.

Anyone that knows me personally, or has worked with me in photos or videos knows about me and my body. I've always celebrated my body but just like most others, I am insecure about my own body. I'm a 27 year old male who was born with Klinefelters, something that makes my body truly feminine; naturally limited body hair, no facial hair, put on weight in my hips and thighs like a woman, small hands and feet, non-developed testicles plus more. I'm someone who has always desired femininity in everything including myself to the point where I took Estrogen for 6 weeks at the age of 23 as I seriously considered transitioning. I'm someone who desires sex but not the way most men do. I'm admittedly the bottom.

Finding someone, particularly a natural born woman who not only accepts but appreciates and can love me for all that I am is more difficult that one could imagine. Perhaps I am a natural born sissy. And that's essentially where I find myself today. A slave to a woman that means the world to me, more than I'm going to put into writing on my blog. She really loves for me to be her girl, she's my daddy and I'm her girl. Yet, I hold on to a piece of fear.

I'm not what she wants in a man. To be honest I'm not much of a man. Of course I can pass in any situation as need be but my desire to be a man is very little. Beyond being her slave this is very scary. As much as she wants and desires me to be her girl, how much can I fulfill is a fear.

Then comes being a cuckold. It's a love hate thing for myself. I love for her to be pleased I do. But, I'm learning my place in that dynamic. And I'm learning that I'm still important and desired by her in that dynamic.

I'm a leave this for tonight. Gotta go to bed but had to write some of whats on my mind. I'm excited to have Daddy back home tomorrow night.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

It's Go Time - You're My Cuck Tonight

"It's Go time!!!!
Hurry up, grab the red bag, the bondage cuffs and make sure to wear cute panties.
Bring my strap-on and hurry up, it's Go time!!!"

That's the call I got on Sunday night after Miss aka my Daddy aka my owner was out at a BBQ and it was finally time. I was going to be her cuckold. For me it was a moment of excitement and nervousness. I started grabbing all of the necessary items as She requested and I got another phone call from Her saying to hurry up.

I arrived at the house where she was with him. I made sure I looked good that night, even though I knew what was about to happen there is still a sense of pride in me. I walked to the door, he had his shirt off already and was grabbing on her. A few knots in my stomach but overall it was a rather comfortable setting. We gathered in the kitchen and had a few drinks together to talk and get to know each other a little bit and to be honest, probably relax us all a bit. This was a first time for all of us.

When I saw them caress each other even standing I got knots in my stomach but I knew my place. We had to make a quick run to the store and Miss suggested that we all go. I was the driver, Miss slid in the back sear and for some reason I naturally thought he would get in the seat next to me up front but he got in the back seat with her. Of course, that made sense but for some reason it didn't cross my mind in the moment. We all chatted a bit, I was asked to turn up the music a bit and they made out. It was a very weird feeling for me. I was like nooooo but again I knew my place and I understood what was going on. I just drove and listened while at the same time could feel Miss's touch on my arm here and there.

We get back to the house, go into the living room and they start making out. I'm instructed to strip down to my panties and just watch. A few minutes later we step outside I'm told to sit/lay on the outside furtniture. Miss lays on top of me and he gets on top of her for more foreplay for a few minutes. He grabbed a quick smoke and we made our way to his bedroom.

I'm immediately told to get on my knees in the corner and it starts. He undresses her more, he gets undress and he even starts to ask me questions in a teasing way.

"You like it on your knees sissy?" - Yes.
"Oh, She feels so good, do you like watching me please your Miss?" Yes, please, please Her!

Foreplay continued and suddenly all I wanted was for him to please Her. Seriously, deep inside of me I wanted to see my Owner be pleased by another man. Me-on my knees, Her sissy just watching and yearning to see Her truly pleased. I was getting such a high, such a pleasure from all of this.
I could see the pleasure Miss was receiving from Her control, Her dominance, my submission and our bond. It was ecstasy!!!!!

The next time I'm sure will be sooner than later and it's something I'm looking forward to. It's something I'm not fearing because it was something we enjoyed together. That level of trust in each other, the attention to detail Miss gave me throughout by slight rubs on my arm, telling me to get closer, ordering me to show him how a sissy really sucks Her dick (strap-on), to having me get closer for a better view. There was a point where I got on all fours with my head down on the floor as I had gone into such a great sub space. I was Her slave to be done with as She pleased.

-----

Right now I write this 12 days after that night. Daddy is in California for the weekend working and I'm yearning for Daddy. Daddy is a name She has taken on, I'm her girl and She is my Daddy. And truth be it Daddy has a high level of masculine tendencies and I have a high level of feminine tendencies. We compliment each other very well in my facets and our BDSM side of our relationship is a part of our everyday, we are lifestyle. But more and more I'm becoming more comfortable with being Daddy's slave as well as Her girl. I can't explain the feeling it gives me inside and I can't explain how I need to please Daddy. It just is a part of me and it's a part of us.

On top of all this today is the 27th straight day in chastity. The previous longest I had ever gone is 13 days. Daddy told me I don't get out until day 66. Day 66!!!!! And I'm not allowed ANY anal of any kind until day 66.

As much as that # ran through my head for days I love that I'm challenged and I love that I'm able to please Daddy in the process. More to come on this and the life of Mistress Tangent (Daddy) and Autoeroticboy (girl) soon.

Below are pictures of the bruises I had on both of my thighs during the cuckold scene from a punishment and the chastity I was in during the scene and what I'm still in as I write this, 27 days in. The photo is from my last orgasm, I cam while in my CB from the hitachi.... 1st time EVER!
BTW.... I have not had an orgasm from a jacking off motion and or sex of any kind since February 1st. That's right, over 2 months ago.

That is devotion to my Owner.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Call Me Slave

Yes, that's correct, call me slave.

I've been serving Mistress Tangent for 18 months now and I just recently made it public, at least in the kink world that I am Her slave. I've never been in my life and there was even a point where I told Miss that I could never be a slave because I was more of a sub/bottom/kinkster/fetishist etc. but not a slave. We laugh about that these days. At that time I really didn't think I could ever be a slave but we have evolved together and our foundation was built on trust from the get go.

Our views on BDSM have always been aligned rather well. We are both extremely well rounded when it comes to kink and we find ourselves indulging in scenarios that our new to the both of us frequently.

I've been around for some time now in the BDSM world. I'm 27 now and proudly, willingly and freely give myself to Her. I give all of myself to Her. On the flip side of the coin She holds me close, as Hers, as Her slave and proudly. That means the world to me. Our relationship is ever growing and evolving. It would be fair to say it's a complex relationship but that's also part of what makes it so great.

We are both strong minded people but we compliment each other very well in different ways.
We push one another. I take care of her; needs, wants, desires all included. She challenges me to be a better person and she also challenges my 'limits', to push past them. I love, absolutely love to push past 'limits' for Her. I get such great pleasure out of seeing Her get 'high' on that. I also push Her to be a better person and push Her as a Dominant to go to new heights and ultimately we encourage one another.

We're still figuring us out. Every D/s relationship is different.
Dominant and slave is a part of who we are to one-another. But what makes that part of us together so great is the bond we share.


 After caning from punishment - Miss Grabbing whats Her's
 Some late night rope bondage practice. Chest harness & twine face bondage
 Adjusting CB while in diaper in car right before sushi. (Not sure why my hair looks several colors)
 Random-fun pic.
 Another view after the punishment caning
 Bound position Miss had me in for the punishment so I couldn't squirm. Will be great for fucking too.
 After I had wisdom tooth pulled. Miss took care of me for few days, fun pic I sent Her as She bought baby food.
Shock collar literally bought for dog training. But it has it's dual purpose and this is us testing it out on my balls.