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Sunday, April 27, 2014

Daddy Back Home

I don't think people realize just how difficult it is to 1 be a slave and 2 be a cuckold. Both are actually relatively new to me. I mean I've been a submissive and a fetishist for years but I've never been a slave. And to me the term is over used. A slave to an owner is commitment and devotion and is something that is earned over a period of time.

With that rambling, I'm going to say that I've been drinking heavily today/tonight as I write this blog.

I'm 27. Keep that in mind... I'm not an older man who stumbled into bdsm. I'm a guy who has been a fetish model, a person that is recognized in the community, someone who in my own right is a younger, good looking person.... and yet I chose to be a slave. I'm kinky to the core. I'm 46 days in straight chastity and in part is a large reason why I'm writing this post that is admittedly scatter-brained from alcohol.

Anyone that knows me personally, or has worked with me in photos or videos knows about me and my body. I've always celebrated my body but just like most others, I am insecure about my own body. I'm a 27 year old male who was born with Klinefelters, something that makes my body truly feminine; naturally limited body hair, no facial hair, put on weight in my hips and thighs like a woman, small hands and feet, non-developed testicles plus more. I'm someone who has always desired femininity in everything including myself to the point where I took Estrogen for 6 weeks at the age of 23 as I seriously considered transitioning. I'm someone who desires sex but not the way most men do. I'm admittedly the bottom.

Finding someone, particularly a natural born woman who not only accepts but appreciates and can love me for all that I am is more difficult that one could imagine. Perhaps I am a natural born sissy. And that's essentially where I find myself today. A slave to a woman that means the world to me, more than I'm going to put into writing on my blog. She really loves for me to be her girl, she's my daddy and I'm her girl. Yet, I hold on to a piece of fear.

I'm not what she wants in a man. To be honest I'm not much of a man. Of course I can pass in any situation as need be but my desire to be a man is very little. Beyond being her slave this is very scary. As much as she wants and desires me to be her girl, how much can I fulfill is a fear.

Then comes being a cuckold. It's a love hate thing for myself. I love for her to be pleased I do. But, I'm learning my place in that dynamic. And I'm learning that I'm still important and desired by her in that dynamic.

I'm a leave this for tonight. Gotta go to bed but had to write some of whats on my mind. I'm excited to have Daddy back home tomorrow night.

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