Danger Bunny Morning

I woke up this morning like a kid in a candy store. So happy, excited, I feel like I'm going to the beach or on a vacation. So why the excitement. Cause @GoddessTangent gave me the first order in a long time. The funny thing is, it was nothing very meaningful. I kept calling her about the Steelers game yesterday and I know she doesn't like sports. Then I've been very healthy lately and I've lost 11 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks and haven't been drinking and I got a quick buzz and you wouldn't believe why I'm so excited.

She texted me" if I text/call her again with anything meaningless that she doesn't care about that she was going to block me". And trust me I wanted to call and text her again cause I'm so happy that we are talking again. But I knew the consequences so I stopped.

I was so turned on, I woke up this morning humping my bed. And then it came to me. It's not that I didn't know it, but humans, we are stubborn sometimes and don't like to admit things. But I am a stronger, better, more complete person when Tangent has control of my life. When she makes decisions of what I can and cant do. Not maybes, but decisions. And I think that's why I like chastity so much. It's so mental, it's control over me all the time even when she's not home and traveling. It's mind bending and twisting love. Just the way I like it. Even more so from the one person that I trust and have always loved the most in my life.

As a kid they said humans need certain things to live; shelter, food, water etc.
What I've learned as an adult about myself is I need captivity, I need someone who is as passionate about being in control of someones else as I am passionate about being controlled. And what I've learned from there is that you have to have such a deep bond and trust with someone and for me I love this person. It's GoddessTangent. But since I'm not in chastity at the moment and have no regulations on cuming at the moment I'm going to use my Hitachi right now and cum in my panties.

Capture's Control

It's one thing to break up in a vanilla relationship. It's another thing for that same person to also be your kink/BDSM partner. As someone who is a submissive I'm fully aware that the Dominant has little to no power unless the submissive trust their Dominant and allows them to hold a power over them. The submissive needs to be stronger than the Dominant almost always because the submissive takes a lot physically and mentally when you play in BDSM.

If there is 1 thing you could ask @MistressTangent about me and she would 100% agree with is that she's never met anyone who could take as much both physically and mentally as I can. We always had this bond that just felt like it couldn't be broken. I put SOOOOO much trust in her to be able to take what I have over the years. Some of it was sexual kink and a good amount of it wasn't.
We always wanted to push our kink to new heights and sometimes in was magnificent and sometimes it's was an experimental mess. Sometimes I wouldn't be aware of her mental BDSM on me until after. The way we pushed our relationship to the edge made us truly that much closer.

We've done things with each other that neither of us ever did before. We went there! It was powerful, dangerous, arousing, scary, exciting.....

Sitting here writing this, what hurts me the most is that when I made mistakes I'm still sad at how quick she was to essentially let me go. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that and it's making me question everything I thought I knew. I feel like a prisoner who endured a lot from their captor and then "fell" for their captor and then one day their capture just disappeared. She was my captor for 5 years and now my head is all twisted.

I have anger, I have hope, I have fear, I have confusion, I have love, I have hurt.

I never wanted to admit it but I think I always loved her more than she loved me. I think a lot of that goes back to our power dynamic. But that's a huge part of what hurts so much.

I can't predict the future but at this point I have no idea what I want, where I'm going or what's to come. I'm just trying to understand myself.

I'm sure I'll have more to write in the future, but now this is therapeutic.

A Trans Woman Changing Adult Entertainment

Anyone that has read my blogs over the years know that what I write has nothing to do with plugging others. It's purely about my experiences in kink and sexuality. I prefix because I'm about to "plug" someone without the intentions of giving her more popularity 1) she's already popular and 2) she is in my mind breaking boundaries in the transgender porn world and I very much appreciate that.

For starters... Time passes us all by and I feel that I accomplished a lot as a male submissive in front of the camera but it was always a means to an end for me. None the less, I've always ran in the adult entertainment world in some aspect, and as I've transitioned I find myself thinking that I pretty much feel like an outsider because I'm not working in adult film as a trans woman the way I worked in Femdom as a male submissive. Not due to lack of opportunity but simply out of choice. But the people I run with very often are still involved so I'm experienced, yet I'm not "in their world". So I find it interesting but I'll admit I find the trans women porn world to be over the top repetitive.

So seeing what Natalie Mars has done pushing limits in kink is beyond refreshing.
The funny thing is New Years Eve, Lexi Sindel invited me and my partner to Vegas to welcome in the New Year with her. So I'm at her house and Lexi and other peeps are getting ready to go out, as am I and she tells me that someone will be coming over soon. So I open the door and it's Natalie Mars and I have absolutely no idea who she is. I'm like cool, another girl and we are all going to have a good time.

So long story short of the night it was a blast. Natalie and I got to know each other better and 2 days later we shot our first scene together w/ Lexi Sindel and Mistress Tangent. If you don't know about it yet it was an amazing day with a focus on over the top femininity and sissy play as two trans woman. I go back with Lexi shooting from the age of 23 and I'm 31 now. It's weird when your kink idols become your friends. But some how she always comes up with fucked up, weird, kinky shit which as a kinkster I appreciate. I also love how Lexi always pushes the limits, where I'm going with this is so many trans women feel uncomfortable with crossdressers or sissy play because they don't want to be labeled that. However as a kinkster I still find sissy, over the top femininity arousing. On a personal level I've purposely stopped shooting heavily for years. But going back to my original topic, that is exactly why I tip my hat to Natalie Mars. She is the first and only trans woman who pushes kink while being a trans porn star and to me that is powerful.

Think about it. There are a million trans girl sites. A million BDSM sites that involve men, women, and even some that involve trans women but the ones with trans women all 100% relate back to sex. It's almost like trans women aren't allowed to be kinky and ironically as someone who runs in both worlds, so many trans women are kinky.

So I'll write about it and Natalie Mars can break boundaries. Some examples......

She proposed a fucking machine to Grooby Girls and got it done. First time ever and to put it nicely, it's a very popular video.

What takes more courage is taking a taboo fetish, that's even taboo in kink. And that's ABDL (Adult Baby, Diaper Lovers) those terms can be one in the same or completely separate. Personally I've been a DL lover all my life but even as open and kinky as I am it took me a very long time to be open about it cause even to me it seemed "weird". Now, not so much but it takes such courage as a trans porn star like her who is so popular to not only open up about it, but expose it, show it and talk about it and that is powerful.

Additionally she has done a lot of Femdom, bondage, and more. In some ways I feel like I am her. I guarantee you she had no idea who I was until I met her. But that doesn't mean I didn't influence people, I know I did, I've been told so many stories and I appreciate that. For me, the most powerful thing about being in front of the camera was others willingly opening up to me about their stories, it's that-that I love. Because we all have a story. I feel that my blog has ALWAYS been about sharing an inside light on things that those note involved wouldn't know, but I feel is important to know. And to me, what Natalie Mars is doing is a HUGE step in adult entertainment for trans people. Instead of simply being what someone fetish-sizes she's saying I also have fetishes and I'm willing to share with the world. And I, SOOOOOOO Love that!

Announcement: More To Come

I've been on hiatus with my blog and many other aspects of my life that is in the public eye. I've pulled off of Fetlife, Twitter, my blog, and my attendance at kink events of any kind except for my attendance at Domcon LA and I also went to Folsom Street in San Francisco earlier in my hiatus. The reason for this is I've been going through a lot of personal change. With that said, I've decided to start opening myself up to the you guys once again as I do find it very therapeutic and enjoy hearing how I help others out as well.

What I would like to do is share a part of myself with you that I haven't talked much about. I mentioned that I'm transitioning to live as female. I've mentioned that I was born XXY (Intersex) called Klinefelter's Syndrome. I've clearly mentioned how kinky I am and shared my kinky life with you for years. But I haven't shared my struggles in finding my own gender identity, I haven't shared my path to how I got to where I am today, I haven't shared the ups and downs I've gone through in coming out to my friends, family, colleagues and others in my life.

So I'm going to share that all with you through text, images and videos.

I will also share more of my kink lifestyle with you as I did before. Many ask both me and Mistress Tangent on a regular basis and to address that question, yes we are still happily together. Once again I simply pulled back on sharing due to the massive changes I've been experiencing.

Right now I'm in Chicago, I've been here as of early July until July 25th. I'm here to do with family issues around my transition. I will have another post for you in a few days with many more details after I finishing announcing my transition publicly.

Thank you for all of your patience. My blog and my writings have always been very helpful to me and I love the interaction and feedback that it brings me from all of you.

Stripped & Naked

Stripped and naked.
Not physically but of my collar for further training.

Over all these years in kink and all the time I've been around lifestyle people and lived the lifestyle myself I've never been trained in high protocal. I've never been a "slave" the way Mistress Tangent desires me as a slave. The truth is, when I look inside myself I've never been a "slave" the way I've desired either. My own fears, anxiety, and pride has kept myself from letting go to the point where I can be a slave.

Not just for the name of being a slave and not just for a short period of time like a session but for good. To dedicate myself to someone forever.
This all came to over a period of time and with our most recent trip to San Diego where we spent some time around some high protocal friends and I failed to present myself and show that same level of respect for Mistress Tangent in particular situations.

I've decided to dedicate myself to the teachings and learnings of Mistress Tangent so that I will be the proper slave She deserves and our relationship will continue to blossum and grow into what we both desire. My level of trust, belief, and love in Her and Her geniune love of power exchange and BDSM has brought me to where I am today. Stripped, Naked, Collar-less to learn the real, proper ways of Femdom and to serve Her to the highest degree.

This stripping began just last night. The first hour of training and the foundation to us.
The 2 most difficult parts for the both of us was Her removing 2 privledges that were given to me. 1) She removed my collar and I am forbidden to wear anything even resembling a collar until I have earned it. 2) I am no longer allowed to call Her (Daddy) as I have been for a long time now. The only time this is allowed is when She is fucking me and when I earn my collar back. I cried over both these situations while in my high protocal slave position.

Mistress Tangent then taught me the basic rules of the 3 protocals (low, medium & high) and the rules along with them.

Low: Is when we are around family and friends and or public situations and I am to maintain a level of respect throughout. Further details will be revealed in our next training.

Medium: When we are at home and also at fetish parties/events.

High: When we are with others who live the D/s lifestyle and in some other situations that Mistress Tangent deems necessary. High protocal is also ALWAYS in place for punishments.

So far I've been taught a couple slave positions and protocals that follow the high protocal.

Attention: Standing with arms by side and hands open/facing out.
Listening: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together low near waist shows that I'm listening.
Question: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together but raised to my chest, waiting to be allowed to ask a question or to speak.

During high protocal I am not allowed to speak unless spoken to.
During high and medium protocal I am to address Her at all times properly. Because the word (Daddy) has been stripped from me until I'm allowed the privledge of using that word again I now must address her as Ma'am AT ALL TIMES when in Medium or High protocal.

Just over 1 day into training I can feel the positive tension. I am committed to being a slave that my Owner is proud of. I am committed to treating Her the way She deserves to be treated. I am committed to myself throughout this process and I am stripped and naked to be molded.

Additionally, I've been locked up in chastity for 42 straight days now and this time I'm locked up in the smallest possible Cb-6000 cage possible. The length is about 2 inches and I didn't think I could fit into it but the truth is this size fits me much better. I feel more frustration in this sized cage and with me being on HRT now since February it only makes sense. I am not allowed any orgasms until I've taken 10,000, that's right 10,000 canings from Mistress Tangent. 42 days in and I'm at a little over 1,000 canings.

I want to leave off on this note. 1 full day of proper protocal to my Owner has brought a new hightened sense of eroticism, arosal and tingles to my body. Both sexually and mentally stimulating. I'm very excited about Our journey down this road together.

Call Me Slave

Yes, that's correct, call me slave.

I've been serving Mistress Tangent for 18 months now and I just recently made it public, at least in the kink world that I am Her slave. I've never been in my life and there was even a point where I told Miss that I could never be a slave because I was more of a sub/bottom/kinkster/fetishist etc. but not a slave. We laugh about that these days. At that time I really didn't think I could ever be a slave but we have evolved together and our foundation was built on trust from the get go.

Our views on BDSM have always been aligned rather well. We are both extremely well rounded when it comes to kink and we find ourselves indulging in scenarios that our new to the both of us frequently.

I've been around for some time now in the BDSM world. I'm 27 now and proudly, willingly and freely give myself to Her. I give all of myself to Her. On the flip side of the coin She holds me close, as Hers, as Her slave and proudly. That means the world to me. Our relationship is ever growing and evolving. It would be fair to say it's a complex relationship but that's also part of what makes it so great.

We are both strong minded people but we compliment each other very well in different ways.
We push one another. I take care of her; needs, wants, desires all included. She challenges me to be a better person and she also challenges my 'limits', to push past them. I love, absolutely love to push past 'limits' for Her. I get such great pleasure out of seeing Her get 'high' on that. I also push Her to be a better person and push Her as a Dominant to go to new heights and ultimately we encourage one another.

We're still figuring us out. Every D/s relationship is different.
Dominant and slave is a part of who we are to one-another. But what makes that part of us together so great is the bond we share.

 After caning from punishment - Miss Grabbing whats Her's

 Some late night rope bondage practice. Chest harness & twine face bondage

 Adjusting CB while in diaper in car right before sushi. (Not sure why my hair looks several colors)

 Random-fun pic.

 Another view after the punishment caning

 Bound position Miss had me in for the punishment so I couldn't squirm. Will be great for fucking too.

 After I had wisdom tooth pulled. Miss took care of me for few days, fun pic I sent Her as She bought baby food.

Shock collar literally bought for dog training. But it has it's dual purpose and this is us testing it out on my balls.

NYC 27 With New Hair

I've been in New York City for 3 months now and time really does go by fast.

The new "career" job is going very well and they recently opened a new office in Scottsdale, Arizona where I moved from which opens the door to me for many things. Not to mention, I left someone in Arizona that means more to me everyday so I'm looking forward to missing some of the New York winters and spending that time in warmer Arizona.

September 6th was my 27th birthday. Talk about time flying by. It's hard to believe I'm already 27. To think that I got publicly involved with kink at 18, by 19 was a pretty big staple in the Chicago kink scene and to look at where it took me and where I am today. It's kind of full cycle. I've definitely slowed down my public exposure and modeling but at the same time I'm having some of the best kink experiences of my life. At 27 this feels like everything I ever wanted out of kink with so much left to explore and who knows where this world of BDSM will lead me to next.
I recently heard some good things about CYN Studios dungeon here in NYC and so I plan to check out some of their parties.

Oh, but my birthday. My dominant and I had a wonderful birthday dinner. Her birthday is very close to mine and so we went out to this great restaurant that I had booked reservations for 2 weeks out in advance. L'Artusi. It was simply amazing and may have been the best food I've ever ate in my life. She had also bought me some new sissy clothes.

- Pink adult baby dress (Lockable)
- White PVC, pink satin on inside with anal zipper that is meant to wear diapers underneath and locks.
- Lockable ankle heel cuffs. This way she can lock me in any heels she wants me to be wearing.

Other big news..... I CUT MY HAIR. I've been growing my hair for about 4 years now. Up until I cut it, it was the longest it had ever been. With it coming down to about 4 inches past my shoulders. On Friday the 13th - I chopped it off. I needed a change and I'm loving it.

Before picture is from early July 2013 and after is from mid October 2013.
My dominant loves it as well and as she says, I left enough on top for her to pull.

As of September 1st I moved into a new apartment in Brooklyn, New York. I'm already loving the place as it's a new-remodel, 1/2 block from the train with grocery stores, bars, restaurants all very close, not to mention a park and a great community vibe. I've got a huge backyard and an amazing view of Manhattan on the awesome rooftop. I do need to get some new furniture though. The move across the country took a toll on some of my furniture.

Plan on buying.......

New bed, bed frame, wardrobe closet and some other nick-nacs.

I'm about to head out because tonight the Chicago Bears play the Pittsburgh Steelers and as everyone knows. I'm a Steelers fan from Chicago.

Moving to NYC & Kink Of May

The month of May has been a crazy month. Full of lows, highs, a ton of traveling, partying, interviews, a fetish convention, personal kink play and now packing for a big move from Phoenix to New York City.

So the big news is that I landed a new job in NYC. I'm going to be driving across the country in a U-Haul truck with my friend Bobcat. Luckily, it's good timing because he's leaving the country for a few years in mid June and he graduated college about 3 weeks ago. Here is our cross country trip city dates.

June 1 - L.A.
June 2 - Phoenix
June 3 - Austin, TX
June 5 - Little Rock, Arkansas
June 6 - Nashville, TN
June 7 - Athens, Ohio
June 9 - My moms house in Ohio
June 10 - Brooklyn, NY

In the past 2 weeks I had been in L.A. for 4 days, Vegas for 3 days and N.Y. for 1 day. I love traveling but it can be exhausting. None-the-less, it has been an exciting month.

DOMCON LA 2013:

I went to the Friday night and Saturday night Fetish party. Both nights were fun but I did expect the event to be a bit larger than it was. I had gotten to the hotel Wednesday evening and that gave me and Bobcat a chance to have some fun in L.A. We explored Koreatown and a few other neighborhoods. Then Thursday night I bumped into some Domme friends; Natalia Sadici & Mistrix MsE who then introduced me to Michelle Lacy (who I found out spends some time in NYC).

Friday: Bobcat met a submissive who he had some kink fun with. I hung out with another Chicago friend and met a woman who intrigued me. She is a Dominant woman and as the weekend went things evolved. Friday night for me wasn't too eventful. Although I did buy a new latex black dress and a latex waist cincher that I wore to the Fetish Party. Unfortunately we didn't get many pictures, the I did get I'm drunk and it's about 2:30am.

Saturday night I wore my other latex dress that I got from Westward Bound. The white and mint green dress and I do have a few pictures but they are seriously bad. Don't worry I'll be wearing that dress again and make sure to get better pictures before it's the end of the night. I did wear my hair extensions both nights and I love them!
Saturday night led to some kissing and then me and my new Domme friend going back to the hotel room where she fucked me really-really hard with the biggest dildo-cock I've ever taken. She whipped out her big black dildo about 8 inches long and 2 - 2 1/2 inches thick. It was a really hot scene with biting and it was extremely passionate. I think it was the most passionate fucking I've ever taken. It was as if I was fucking a girl and having passionate sex, except I was the one being fucked.... Just the way I like it.

When she pulled off my latex dress these were the boobs she got to look at.

This Domme I'm referring to is strictly lifestyle these days but I'm really happy we met and we're still talking a couple weeks later. We'll see where things lead....

I returned to Phoenix for 2 days of rest and then left for Vegas. I partied with some of my Chicago friends and Bobcat. All vanilla stuff and the best night I've ever had at a strip club on Thursday night. I found me a truly kinky stripper who fingered my ass, bit me all over my stomach to wear I still have bruises 10 days later and did other "nice things" to me. A couple hundred dollars later it was 7am and I was literally the last person to leave the club an hour after the strip club closed. Ha! Not to mention, she was beautiful!

My play partner back in Phoenix and I have been having some great scenes lately. Tonight she's coming over and I know she's planning some public humiliation. Saying that I'm nervous for this is an under statement! With that said, I'm really going to miss playing with her regularly. I've known her since September 2012 but in the past few months we've really been hitting our stride of trust and play.

For instance, 2 days ago we planned to play at night but then she called me and said that she's gonna come over and tie me up while she runs errands for a few hours and then when she gets back to my place we'll play. I got this awesome sensory deprivation hood from Domcon that we've used a little bit but this time I was in it for 3 hours. She tormented my thighs for about an hour before leaving me bound with a prostate massager in my ass. This became really difficult over time as I had no concept of time, couldn't hear, see, or move yet I was extremely aroused from the prostate massager and situation I was in.

When she returned I was tortured more with predicament bondage, choking, huge dildo deep throating, CBT, and punishing yet I must admit hot strap-on. Here are some pictures of the hood from Domcon and then some pictures I literally just found on my phone that she took of me bound before heading out for a few hours for errands.

Arizona: Here I come

I’ve been gone from here for a little while now but for good reason. I’ve graduated from Ohio University and I’ve been in Chicago for 2 months now. I’ve been working 40 plus hours for free as I’ve been doing an internship downtown. It’s been one of the best experiences of my life. I’ve got 2 more weeks with the internship and one more week after that in Chicago. Then I’m officially on my way to Arizona near the end of August.

I’ve got an apartment in Scottsdale, Arizona and I’m more excited now than I’ve ever been for the move. It’s a fresh slate, something different, something new. I’ve never been to Arizona, let alone out west. I’m excited to take my skills and knowledge and put it forth into my first career position. I love Chicago and with it being my home town I’ll always be in the city at least on some level. Whether it be visiting family and friends or occasionally in town for certain holidays or with me relocating back to the area in the future… who knows. With all that said, I’m ready to leave Chicago on my own terms.

My move to Ohio was never really on my own terms. I was there my senior year of high school and I didn’t want to be there. I went back for 2 ½ years of college but that was more or less because I was backed into a corner and it was the smartest choice at the time. This is the first time I’m making a big move because I want to. Of course there are a few nerves with such a large move but for the most part its excitement.

I’m ready to let my career take off. I’m excited for a drastically different environment than I’ve ever been exposed to (the desert). There seems to be lots of opportunities for being outdoors which I love. I’ll be driving distances from other cities on the west coast; Vegas, L.A., San Diego, San Francisco, Dallas, Houston and more. I’ll also be close to Mexico and I look forward to visiting some northern Mexican cities. Plus I’ll be exposed to a new kink scene in Arizona and the west coast as a whole. I look forward to attending DomCon L.A. for the first time come 2013.

It’s simply refreshing to be taking that next step in my life. I’m looking forward to all the new people and experiences to be had as well as catching up with some old acquaintances out west. I’ve learned that I can’t be in one place for that long of a time (a couple months). I just need to get out and travel every once in a while and this move allows me to explore a part of the country & continent I haven’t seen yet.

Once I’m settled in Arizona I will be blogging more. More about me in the world of kink to come.

I'm Done & Ready For Summer Kink

For some kink news:
I heard on the news the other day that the book, "50 Shades of Grey" is being banned in hundreds if not thousands of public libraries across the U.S. I found this to be rather funny as they only did it to hopefully silence the critics, i.e. the feminists. The book has received great reviews and has sold quite a lot of copies. If you're not sure what the book about here is a short bio.
     - A business woman falls for a wealthy, respectable business man. After awhile they begin to address their feelings toward one another but the man - Mr. Grey says that he will only begin the relationship on his conditions. His conditions are that of kink and D/s. He is a controlling man who trains her to be his submissive and she starts to explore her own dark desires as well.
------------
I have my last Final of my Bachelors degree in 1 1/2 hours. I could get a 0 on the exam and still pass the class with a 70% so I feel good. But if I can get a "B" in the class that would be awesome meaning that my last quarter grades of by Bachelors degree would be (A, A, B, B, B)

Tomorrow some of my family will be in town. We're going out for dinner to celebrate. Saturday I walk in graduation and Sunday I'll be in Chicago.

Graduation for me is a great accomplishment. I took a year off of school out of college and then did 3 years a Columbia College Chicago. I loved the school but I lost my co-signer and could no longer afford the college. I almost didn't even get into college to start with because I couldn't find a co-signer. After taking the year off, working 2 full time jobs and doing fetish modeling I transferred to Ohio University. Putting in 15-21 credit hours per quarter regularly for 2 years while also traveling and doing fetish modeling for work I've finally reached the end of this chapter of my life.

I'm soon to be a graduate and starting my career.

But don't worry, I'll still be plenty involved in kink and sharing it all with you.

More and more it's looking like I'll have a great kink filled summer. A good friend of mine referenced me to play with someone. We've been talking and hopefully we can share a good kink filled summer. She has expressed an interest in trying out taking the mother role in an ABDL relationship. I guess I'm a have to buy some more diapers real soon then. I've always been a "DL" but the "AB" side of things is a learning curve so to do that with someone else who has an interest in it could be a lot of fun.

We've also briefly discussed some other kink dynamics. As we talk more and get things rolling I'll be sure to share.

Chicago! Here I come!

Coming & Going

I'll be leaving Ohio in 9 days, this time I hope it's forever. After I spent my senior year of high school in Ohio I moved out on my own at 18 and back to Chicago. I never thought I'd end up back in Ohio but obviously that didn't exactly go as planned. I've spent the past 2 1/2 years in Ohio and I have no plans on ever living here again. It feels great to have earned my Bachelors degree and now I'm ready to move on to the next phase of life.

Stop 1: Chicago. I would've liked to of been staying in Chicago this summer because it would make my life easier with an internship and truthfully most of my time spent will be in Chicago (Internship, kink, bars, friends etc). With that said, I'm staying at an apartment in Des Plaines because my best friend just got a new apartment and I'm staying with him. We are really tight and if I am going to be living in Arizona for the next few years I want us to have a good summer together before I go again. Everyone that knows me knows how close me and my friend Jamal are. I know it's important to him that I'm around and it's important to me that we can at worst have one last go at a fun summer.

I've been talking with a lot of models and dommes to shoot with this summer. It's looking like it will be a good summer for filming. I personally haven't filmed in about 3 months and have maybe only filmed 10 times over the past 9 months. Being that it was my senior year and I was taking more than a full load of credits, I had my hands full. I've got a lot of new women that I have plans with for filming purposes. I've also got some people that I've shot with in the past as well. I even got a sexy femme sissy that I have plans to shoot with.

I plan on shooting a lot of diverse material. Putting myself into a lot of crazy kinky, humiliating, degrading, mind blowing circumstances and best of all I'm looking forward to it. I'm always pushing/expanding my own limitations and finding new things that get me off. I'm also focusing on doing a lot of trade for content work meaning all of my shoots will become available at my video store for you to cum and enjoy - AEB Femdom

I'm also looking forward to just attending some kink events this summer. It's been awhile since I've done so. Last year I had a great time at the LRA 4th of July kink celebration so I hope to attend that again this year. I believe it's actually on the 3rd of July. The Chicago legend and my friend Mortis has been teaching kink classes in town again so I hope to catch one of his classes and hopefully I'll make it to Carnel for my first time among some other kinky ongoings.

I'm ready to kick off a hard-working and hard-playing extravagant kink filled summer in Chicago.

Additionally, I wanted to note that I've added a few features to my blog over the past few months. To the right you can see my Clips4sale store. Most recently added are the "Who do you think you are" videos. Which has some really hot strap-on/ass fucking scenes, forced orgasms, blackmail, and humiliation. To the right you can see my Amazon wish list for those that ask for it and wish to get me some gifts. Near the top and again to the right is a new "Share it" feature allowing you to easily share my blog with others on Facebook and Twitter. I've also added a feature that counts the hits this blog gets. It's up to almost 30,000 which is awesome!

The Male Submissive

I've had active kinky profiles online since the age of 17. Yes, I was underage just like many of you were the first time you looked at porn and or flipped through a Playboy magazine. I've known I was kinky long before that but none-the-less, I've been active on kink based social networking sites for over 9 years now as I'll be 26 in early September. The social networking sites themselves have drastically improved over the years however there is one thing that always seems to remain constant.

The way male submissive's act online.

These male submissive's discuss their problems in finding a play partner and or a dominant to serve. They will complain about everything under the sun.

• Too many Pro-Dommes
• Nobody seems to be real
• Everyone wants something in exchange
• No one responds to me

The real problem is in that of the male submissive.

To start, when a male sub contacts someone they hope to serve they should write more than one line.

"Hey, you're beautiful. I'd love to worship your feet, that really turns me on" Just doesn't cut it.

Follow this Top 10 List:

1. Make sure you have correct spelling. 

2. Don't contact someone and tell them what you expect. 

3. Perhaps you should leave your name. 

4. It helps if you've filled out your own profile. 

5. Properly introduce yourself. 

6. Be polite 

7. Don't send a 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on email within hours or days of not receiving a response. 

8. Don't contact a Pro Domme and then get mad when money is asked of you.

9. READ the profile of the person you're contacting.

10. Don't jerk off while contacting the person you're interested in

You would think that this would be common sense. Unfortunately for many, common sense goes out the door in the world of sex.

There are lots and lots of dominants and switches out there that are interested and seeking submissive males. However, sitting on your internet and not following proper writing etiquette nor showing a common courtesy to someone isn't going to get you very far.

There is a very large abundance of male subs who feel that they will never get an opportunity to serve a dominant. That the stories they read and the pictures they view will be the closest that they will ever get. 

I get a lot of emails on my Fetlife account from male submissive's of all ages in regards to these topics. Asking about how to get more involved. Telling me that I'm lucky and they wish that they could be me. I've been asked on how to send emails to dominants as well. I always respond as I try to assist those truly seeking out advice. I can be a fun-loving narcissist sometimes but for the large part I'm a humble person. I created my luck in kink. I wasn't born into the world of sexual exploration. I sought it out and with time I learned to accept myself but also study sexual alternatives.

Probably the most common question I get is: How did I get to be so involved?

Male submissives realize that it's not easy to be a male submissive and yet they assume that the world was given to me. To shorten up a long story here is my Timeline into BDSM.

- Age 17, I skipped a basketball game and saw a Pro Domme in Chicago. I paid $200 for the hour. I was extremely nervous but it was the best experience of my life.

- Age 18, In Ohio and saw a Pro Domme in the Cleveland area. Paid $300 for the hour.

- Age 18, moved back to Chicago after graduation & saw a Pro Domme I had been talking with online for 2 years now. She wouldn't see me till I turned 18. I paid $200 for the hour.

- Age 18, almost 19 I saw that same Pro Domme. This time I paid $100 cash & $100 in a giftcard that I had to Extreme Restraints.

- Age 19, Saw the same Pro Domme but we had worked out a 6 month slave training contract between us. I cleaned her dungeon twice a week in exchange for play. I only got play if I had done a good job.

- Age 19, Came out to my friends as being "Kinky" as they started to notice that I was hiding things from them.

- Age 19, Attended Fetishcon in Tampa Bay, Florida with 3 "vanilla" friends. Definitely didn't go as planned with my friends but in the long run was a good experience.

- Age 20, I was no longer serving the same Domme. I was upset that we broke it off but I was starting college. A few months later, although nervous I began attending Nawa Shibari Chicago by myself. A Rope bondage/Kink group.

- Age 20, Decided to put up pictures online about wanting to be a fetish model. I did this to get into the 21+ kinky clubs in Chicago. I also did it to meet more people and hopefully find someone to serve. Dvnt of Chicago who also ran Nawa Shibari Chicago contacted me about being in a live performance at a kinky club.

- Age 20, months later I began serving Miss Jaded who also helped run Nawa Shibari Chicago. Soon after I was attending 2-6 kinky functions in Chicago every month. 6 months later I began a personal relationship on top of a D/s relationship with Miss Jaded.

- Age 20-23, Attended Fetishcon, Atlanta Bound, Shibaricon twice. Assisted in presenting at classes at national conventions and local conventions. Started meeting a lot of big named Dommes, models, and photographers. Had my own members site and became part owners in a new Chicago dungeon - The Studio Chicago. Began filming as a male bottom in femdom based videos as well as doing fetish modeling for still photos. Also worth noting, I was a full time college student and worked some part-time jobs.

- Age 23, split with Miss Jaded and I moved to Ohio to stay with my mother for about 9 months. I lost my co-signer with college and was forced to take a year off from school. I took a much needed brake from kink as I was getting over a break up and needed time for myself. I got 1 full time job and then a 2nd full time job, working 80 plus hours per week.

- Age 23, Starting to get back into kink and to my normal self I knew that Madame Ingrid was a respected Domme and was in Pittsburgh. I contact her and had a 1 hour session with her. I paid $300 for the hour. I had a great experience and was back within the same week and had another 1 hour session for $300. She knew who I was through some friends and over the next few months we built a friendship.

- Age 23, Lexi Sindel contacted me as she knew I was in Ohio. She let me know of some filming going on in Columbus as Club Dom was in town. The next day I shot with them. Soon after I was in D.C. shooting with Lexi Sindel.

- Age 23 turning 24. I began to put myself out there as a fetish model. People had known of me from Chicago and the traveling I was doing. I started doing trade for content work as well as accepting paid gigs.

-----------------------

- I'm now 25 and graduating college this summer. I have my blog and I have my own clips4sale store that I'm continuing to build - AEB Femdom.

I'll be in Chicago this summer - 2012 with an internship and then moving to Phoenix, Arizona for a few years with a job offer. My life in kink as a submissive will continue to grow and evolve. My life is my life. Other male submissive's can do what pleases them, but don't limit yourself and think that you can't find someone to serve. Or that you can't be involved in the community.

I am proud of what I've accomplished in Kink. I'm proud that I've made a name that people recognize, respect and get off to. I'm proud of the people I've gotten to explore my kinks with and I look forward to all that comes. I mean shit, I am only 25.

Here's a list of all the people I can recall working with over the past 9 plus years.

- Lexi Sindel - Madame Ingrid- VonLivid - Maya Sinstress - Nyssa Nevers - Jade Indica - Lochai - Miss Jaded - Xena - Miss Cheyenne Nikki Domino - Miss Jaded - Miss Simone - Miss Whip - Alexandra Sadista - Natalya Sadici - Dvnt - Miss Mina Meow - Corral Korrupt - Ginger Stone - Gia - Maria Purple Goddess - Lady O - Victoria Sapphire - Noel Knight - Miss Jenni Fishnets - House of Bias Latex - Haven - Kelle Martina - Jessica Temptress - Manchester & I know there's more but I don't remember everyone.

KINK & Groupon vs. WOIP

The Anti porn group, War On Illegal Pornography (WOIP) recently targeted Groupon for presenting a coupon for the KINK.com Armory building tour. The Armory building in San Francisco has a lot of history to it. It has a castle-like appearance and was home to the United States National Guard. It also housed many sporting events during the 1920's. The building then sat empty for nearly 30 years starting in the 70's until it was taken over by KINK. For the most part KINK has left the building in its original state. San Francisco is the capitol for supporting GLBT rights and is a very friendly kinky community.

The coupon offereed by Groupon lets tourists view much of the building and get a history lesson. The tour also takes the tourists on some of KINK's sets and it may also allow them to catch a bit of a live filming. Below is the few minute article by the San Francisco Huffington Post. It also features a Youtube video following some people through the tour. Below that is a Youtube video by Dawn from "Porn Harms".

Groupon & Kink.com vs. WOIP

I am actually shocked that Groupon would offer this coupon in the first place. As someone with a media business background Groupon definitely took a risk by offering this coupon. Groupon probably does have more liberal customers as most of their business targets people in cities so I don't see their audience having a problem with this coupon. Where they could run into problems is on the Business end with advertisers. When Jersey Shore first aired on TV just a few years ago advertisers we're dropping their ad's immediately because of the use of language and aggressive sexual behavior.

WOIP wanted a statement from Groupon and they did get one, it just wasn't the statement they were hoping for. Groupon supported KINK 100% and even stated that exploring your sexuality is healthy.

Although I am surprised that Groupon (1) teamed up with KINK in the first place and (2) supported KINK after WOIP attacked Groupon and threatened a boycott I am also pleasantly surprised by Groupon.

I do agree with Dawn that KINK does have an agenda with doing the tour. KINK's goal is to drive in more revenue just like any other business that would team up with Groupon. KINK is hoping that by providing tours of the Armory they will reach a new audience of clients and get an increase in site memberships. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and it's actually a slick idea by KINK to offer the tours.

Even though I am involved in the adult industry I will say that advertising with a non adult site like Groupon is walking the line of ethical decisions. Yes, their are adult magazines at 711 and escorts advertising on Craigslist. With that said, I do feel that KINK advertising with Groupon is a tight rope act. I am curious to see what the future holds with similar situations moving forward and if Groupon will regret their decision with WOIP breathing down their neck.

Hogspy

Hogspy Fetish News has featured me in their traveling news with me going to Chicago. If you don't know, Hogspy has all the current news on Mistresses including their travel dates and often times website updates. They've heard about me returning to Chicago for the summer and they decided to feature me.


For sessions, modeling and video work email me at morgankeni4@gmail.com


Chicago June 18 - September 1st.
L.A. - Probably late July early August for a few days
NYC September 2 - 4
Athens, Ohio September 5th

CHICAGO

It's official... Chicago has me back for the summer. I'm kinky and single and going to enjoy myself!

It's looking like I'll be in town June 18th a Saturday. I might be back in time to even make the Bondage Night Chicago party that night, we'll see. Two friends of mine are driving to Athens to pick me up and take me back with them, it's like I'm willingly being kidnapped. My plans for June have changed a lot. Originally I was supposed to go to Sarasota, Florida from the 18-26 but a girl I was kicking it with on the side has a boyfriend now so that just defeats the purpose of me going. Then I was supposed to go east with Andriana Santos but she can't set her dates in stone so that's not happening. So, I'm just going to Chicago and that is perfectly fine for me.

I'm going to be booking Chicago and the surrounding areas for
- Modeling
- Video
- Sessions

To Book anything with me email me at morgankeni4@gmail.com

I'm excited to be able to enjoy the Chicago kink scene for a whole summer while being single and above 21. I mean I'll be 25 at the end of summer but I was in a relationship from 20-23 and then last summer I was in Ohio the entire time working 2 full time jobs (80-85 hours/week). This summer I'm working for myself and going to be in Chicago.
I'm excited to see lots of old kinky friends and partake in lots of play. It's also going to be nice to see the new faces around. I can't forget about my vanilla boys; Jamal, Andrew, Javi, Walter, Chris and Adrian.

Next week is Finals week for me. Tonight I'm studying for a final with an Chinese foreign student in my class and she invited me to a Chinese college party tonight... that should be interesting.

Next weekend Thursday - Sunday is the Scorched Nuts (Smaller version of Burning Man) out in this area that Bobcat helps put on. So I'm a be there and it's my first time attending an event like this. To be honest I'm sure I'm going to be really drunk almost all the time and sunburnt. Saturday night is the "dress up" night so I'm going as "Morgan Keni" the girl me. My goal is to end up in a new tent every night... if you catch my drift lol. Although, I'm sure my dick will be too wasted to partake in any action... I can eat pussy and be satisfied.

I did get some new femme clothes. Two pairs of skinny jeans from Victorias Secret. I like a lot of their clothes and they fit me cause they are made to fit tall model like girls and well I'm just that. I also got some new short shorts from Abercrombie and a new tank top and floral skirt from Holister.

Around late July early August I'm probably going to be in L.A. for a few days. It would be my first trip out there. An old Chicago friend, Haven who is now back living in L.A. wants me to come out. Also Lexi Sindel is now back out there so I'd probably shoot video with her as well as some other companies. Haven has also asked me if I wanted to blog on this new larger kinky blog that is in the process of being made. If all goes well it would be launched in a few months and I would be one of the regular kinky bloggers on the site.

Last. I will be in NYC September 2-4. My 25th Birthday is September 6 - when I start school. Sept 3rd NYC is the Rock The Bells concert. Old school and underground hip hop and I've been meaning to go to this concert for years. Great line up this year. (Lauren Hill, Nas, Raekwon, RZA, Ghostface - All from Wu Tang doing individual albums, Mos Def & Talib Qweli, Immortal Technique, Erykah Badu, Cypress Hill,  Mobb Deep, Souls of Mischief and more. I'm pumped for this!

Here are some pictures off my webcam. I mine as well share them somewhere. Also the last picture is from the documentary that was done on me. I got to watch some of it the other night and he sent me this picture. I'll have a copy of the video soon.

Stress: Kink & school

I'm really stressed out. I have way too many things going on at once. School for one, this is the most demanding quarter/semester I've ever had in college. I only have class 2 days a week but I have plenty of work till fill up the rest of the days. Spring is always a difficult quarter for me. I'm tired of school by the Spring, I just want summer to be here and then 1 more year and I graduate... I'm tired of waiting, I just want my degree and then my career.

I have 2 group projects for 2 different classes. Papers in every class, multiple papers I should say. Tests in every class and finals in 4 weeks. I have to write a paper for the degree I'm earning, fill out my fafsa for student loans and grants, pick classes for the fall. On top of all this I have to work, which means I have to travel.

On top of all of that, my sex drive has been through the roof lately. I mean, it's been driving me nuts. I feel like I'm horny 24/7. Yesterday I got off 3 times in 2 1/2 hours. All completely separate times and I felt like I still could have done more but had shit to do. As much as I've been enjoying my kink life and playing with numerous people, working and making money in kink. I haven't been in any kind of D/s relationship in nearly 2 years now and that's what I think I need. I have a few people, sissies that want to serve me and that is something I can definitely enjoy but for me I need to serve someone.

Like right now, I'm super stressed out and just wish I was serving someone at the very moment. Some people do drugs, get drunk, have sex etc... for me, my best stress reliever is serving someone. To be thoroughly abused, used, degraded, humiliated, beat up, serve, please, anything-everything to just escape and forget everything that is going on in my life at the moment. That is my high, that is what I need. It would be great to have that RIGHT NOW.

As I would love that right now, it would also be great to be able to be serving someone more regularly as well.

Now, on to what is going on with me right now. Sunday I had a session as a TV-Domme that went well. I'll attach one picture of something I did to him. He had never had a session before so I popped his cherry.

Friday I'm going to DC to have a few sessions. Then I'm driving back west the same day to Pittsburgh. Have a few sessions in Pittsburgh and then I'm going to a fetish party in Pittsburgh with my good friend Madame Ingrid If anyone is in the area and interested here is the link to the party. Elise's Playground
They are raising money for Japan relief as ALL the money goes to the relief. It's a Japanese theme but any fetish/alternative clothing is ok. I was also told that Irene Boss will be in attendance so the 2 most respected & well known Pro Dommes in Pittsburgh will be in attendance.

So hopefully I don't loose my head this week. School work, kink work, travel, a little fun, school work.

If I were a girl

Most men have definitely thought about this in some capacity, but most men not in a serious context. I have thought about this my entire life. I've cross dressed since I was a child and I can specifically recall cross-dressing at age 4-5 years old. But then again I can recall doing kinky things to myself at 4-5. I remember showing another boy how I masturbated around the age of 7. I couldn't cum and didn't really know what I was doing but remember it feeling fantastic. So there was definitely something going on with me since I was born lol. But, this journal is focused on the cross-dressing....

It wasn't until I was a teen that I realized my body was different from most boys. I'm 6'2 but other than that I realized I had a much more feminine body frame. I associated cross-dressing with bdsm for the longest time because I had done so much research on bdsm from the age of 12 when I first got a computer and cross-dressers were thrown into that mixture. When I was 16 I remember reading about their being pills that guys could take to make them into a woman but I didn't really know if that was actually possibly. Non the less I would go to the drug store and look for these pills. Of course they didn't sell these pills there.

Now I was never a depressed teenager in fact I was just the opposite. I hid that I cross-dressed from everyone but I also wasn't depressed that I was a girl. But then again looking back at things I had much larger present concerns that I was dealing with. My father passed away 3 weeks before my 12th birthday and I turned into an angry teenager for years. Then there was a scare that my mother had breast cancer when I was about 16 and my grandmother who lived with us nearly died around the same time. (Side note, she turned 78 today). Then at 17 my mother got laid off and a whole new issue presented itself.

Once I finally graduated and was on my own the idea of transitioning became more and more present in my life. At the same time I got more and more involved in BDSM. Eventually dated a girl who loved that I cross-dressed and I kept thinking about transitioning. Now, a couple years ago with a doctors help I actually did take female hormones for 2 1/2 months. I loved it and yet it scared the shit out of me. More than anything I was worried about my future life as a woman and the struggles that I would face. I would also then be a lesbian because I've never wanted to be with a man. I had gotten my testosterone level tested prior to going on hormones and they were naturally lower than what a  males should be and they had reason to believe that I was born as an XXY (with an extra female chromosome) which would explain lots about my body.

These are the characteristics of being born an XXY
1. Breast development (only 10% of males have this)
2. Tall and thin
3. Little to no body hair
4. Little to no facial hair
5. Small hands for height
6. Small feet for height
7. Small testicles

I fit 2-7 100% and have low testosterone.
So to this day transitioning is something that I do think about. Especially because I know that if I transitioned that I would pass rather well. I personally know 2 MTF under 30 and I know 1 FTM. At the same time I don't see myself transitioning but it is honestly something that has crossed my mind and I would be lying if I said I never thought about it.

Funny enough, when I started to get my chest piece tattoo that was like me saying to myself that I would never transition because it's such a manly piece. At the same time I knew that a tattoo wasn't the end all.

All you have to do is ask every female that has ever fucked me with a strap-on and they will tell you how feminine my body is.... haha, but true. Now, 24 and all my friends and my mother knows that I do cross-dress. It is a part of me and I love that it is a part of me and it's great to have friends who are ok with who I am.

Older than me or Younger than me?

When I got into the scene at 18 most of the Dommes I was getting to know were 23-26 or so and as I spent my first years in the scene all the people I associated with were a bit older than me. Which made sense being that I was so young. Still to this day 95% of my kinky friends no matter what gender they are, are at least a few years older than me.

From 20-23 I was in a personal relationship with a dominant woman and I'm single now and enjoying it very much. But, it's funny because most of my dominant women friends who are a bit older than me are all either in or getting more involved in personal relationships now where I kind of went the opposite direction. Being in one to being single. I have some very good kinky friends but the play aspect between us isn't there as much because of their personal relationships and it kind of sucks because I'm now more educated than ever in kink. I'm comfortable with who I am and where I want to go and I've grown into who I am. Now, most of these people I've built relationships with aren't there for fun kinky times. This is something that we talk about as well and we laugh about it.

So, theres a younger generation of dominant women my age and a few years younger than me. The problem I find is that I'm so much more experienced and educated than them that I don't want that. I like playing with someone who knows as much as me if not more. The women who are a bit older are the ones I feel can push me and that we can mutually have fantastic play together. Not, that I can't have this with younger ones but I find myself struggling to even give them a chance.

I guess I'll see what happens. I'm going to be spending a pretty good amount of this summer in Chicago and it will be my first time back in Chicago for this amount of time. It will give me enough time to go to events, parties and just have a fun kinky summer as a single person. I'm looking forward to it and all that comes. At the same time I'm keeping my eyes open to lots of things.

On another note, I'm heading to Columbus in the morning. Maya Sinstress is in town as well and it should be a fun fetish party.

Tattooed Life

This past weekend I was in Columbus and then Cincinnati and I had a great time. Thursday I headed to Columbus and met my good friend Adrian from Justice Tattoo in Chicago who was guest spotting at Inspired by Ink tattoo in Columbus, Ohio. I actually hooked Adrian up with my my friend Josh who was living by me in Athens when I met him but is now in Columbus. Adrian said he enjoyed himself and he was book from the minute he walked in the door around noon till midnight.
Josh then added on to my lower stomach piece. He had done the cupcake months ago and we are adding the ice cream cones. We were going to do 2 but only ended up getting 1 done so I'll finish the other one on the other side of the cupcake next time I see him.

After we closed up the shop Adrian, Josh, Mo and me wanted to go to a dirty-ghetto strip club cause they're always fun. We ended up at the Candy Store in Columbus and I would have to say it topped the list of nasty strip clubs that I've been too. They didn't ID us as we walked in at 1-2am and it was BYOB. Ohio is a non-smoking state in public places but this place didn't care and it was full of smoke and to top it off it was full of young thuggish kids. The girls were not good looking except for 1 1/2 of them... haha.  All 4 of us walked in with a lot of money to spend and we ended up not spending much at all. It took us an hour to start tipping cause the girls were so bad, so we thought we'd get drunk first.
There actually was this one beautiful black girl there and all 4 of u got up to tip her and then Josh got 2 private dances with her. There was also this wild girl who was just cool to talk with and we ended up going out to breakfast with her at 5am. Then at breakfast we were told that the black girl we all thought was beautiful had "something" down below so we all ripped on Josh.

There was a girl dancing in a leg cast.... hahaha. One girl started dancing on Josh and he just got up and walked away, I couldn't stop laughing. The girls were demanding and definitely doing drugs in the back but none the less it was an experience.

Then Adrian, Mo and I woke up 4 hours later and headed to Cincinnati. It was my first time being there after visiting all the other major cities in Ohio. I loved Cinci and our hotel was right over the river in Covington, Kentucky. I had no idea the 2 cities were so close together and didn't know I was in Kentucky until a day later. We went straight to the convention to set up and it was at the Bengals stadium but we were in the inside part of the stadium. It was really nice and it was actually my first time in a pro football stadium. When we first walked in we were able to walk out near the field and got a cool picture. (At the bottom of page)
As the day was going on I had an increasingly worse headache and then a stomach ache. When I woke up in the morning I was still drunk and my hangover just got worse, it was like Pittsburgh all over again. Being at the convention most of the day I didn't get a chance to take an aspirin so I headed to the hotel around 7, took medicine and a nap. Adrian, Mo, Geo and the rest of the guys from Chicago 6 in total got back around 11pm and then we all got ready and went to the after party. It was eh...ok so we made our way to some other bars and it was a good time.

Saturday I was getting my foot tatted and Adrian was doing a Steelers helmet on my left foot and it was going to say Steelers Pride. I was warned that the foot hurt and I put up with it well overall but I'll admit, the foot hurt like hell! Near the end of the piece I was making plenty of strange faces and it's a large piece for the foot so it took over 3 hours. I love it though and we entered it into the sports category and we won 3rd place.

Sunday Geo Ruiz, Adrians partner and also co-owner with Adrian at Justice tattoo was tattooing my left ribs. I went into this knowing it was going to hurt. So, I focused on my breathing and took it. It honestly wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I've done my ribs before and I just think you have to go into it prepared, be in the right mental state. My foot definitely hurt more. We did a really cool piece of a person ballgagged. But, instead of doing the entire face it only goes up to the knows and you can't tell if it's a man or a woman which I wanted. We added some cracks in the piece and it looks a bit creepy but at the same time it looks awesome!

There were lots of great tattoo artists there including some people like Matt Stines, Myke Chambers, and Rodney Eckenberger. Not to mention plenty of beautiful tattooed girls like Mary-Leigh Maxwell.

Sometimes I think damn I've only been getting tattooed for 5 1/2 years - since I turned 18 and look at how many tattoos I have. People always ask me if I plan on being covered and it's not a goal but it's pretty inevitable especially when you have a passion for it and have friend that tattoo and give you free tattoos. I got 3 tattoos in 4 days and didn't pay for 1 of them and they are all really good pieces. I also ideas/plans for future pieces. I'm actually going to tattoo a picture of myself cross-dressed under my ballgagged piece. It will fit perfectly and highlight my passion for kink & cross-dressing together.

This weekend I'm going up to Columbus on Saturday to the Outland. They are having a kinky-fetish event all day and night. Some vending and play during the day which I think I might attend and then at night is a party and performances. Some Chicago people I know are going to be there including Miss Maya Sinstress so it should be a fun kink filled night.

5 days of torture

I'm still in Baltimore, one more night here then back home for school. I'm going to end up missing Monday's class as I'm going to visit my mother for a day but oh, well. Last quarter I missed the entire 1st week of school when I was stuck in Chicago an extra week.

I was planning on going back to school today but Lexi asked if I wanted some to do some more video work with her and Miss Mina Meow on Sunday so I decided to stay an extra day. So tomorrow I'm shooting with them and it will be my first time working with Mina, she's from L.A. I've never had so many marks on my body in my life, I look like a walking rainbow right now. Because of that I have a feeling they are going to want to expand my marks tomorrow, especially considering non of the marks are from them yet.

Wednesday night I did a trampling video with Jade Indica and I had never done trampling before. Personally, it's not my thing but it was on the to-do list and so I we went at it. I'm really hard to bruise and mark up in general so when I start showing marks you know you did some work on me. The day after from the trampling my left thigh and butt cheek were severely bruised and swollen.

Thursday morning I shot with Nikki Domino and Manchester for a new femdom site to be launched. We did some boot worshipping, oral strap-on "training" and some beatings on my already bruised ass and thighs. When doing the strap-on oral I had cut open my mouth and I didn't even realize it until blood came out on the dildo. I didn't know what I had cut, but I definitely did a little damage.

After that shoot Nikki and I went to go shoot another video with Lexi. I got fucked by Lexi Sindel, Nikki Domino, and Jade Indica all at the same time. For awhile I was getting fucked, giving head to another and giving the other a hand job. Lexi had bent me in some odd positions and it was just hard fucking all the way around. They all took their turns and it was hot as hell. It definitely hurt a bit, the odd positioning and hard fucking but I loved it. Then while I was getting a dildo shoved down my throat we re-cut open the cut in my mouth and I really started bleeding this time. I ended up cutting up the thing under your tongue that is attached to your tongue.

Friday: I had a BDSM session with a Dominant man. He always beats me a bit but he was determined to add to my already bruised body and leave some fresh marks. He whipped my stomach a good amount and I haven't had my stomach worked on too much really ever. I got some good whip marks on my stomach and by the time we were done playing my ass and thighs were even more bruised and definitely swollen.

Saturday: Had another session with a Dominant man and this guy was a true sadist. One of the harder players I've ever played with. He had me in a painful prediciment with handcuffs spreading my legs apart and on my tippy toes. Then my hands handcuffed behind my neck pulling my collar against my neck making it tough to breath and a wooden pole behind my head through the arms keeping my elbows up and spread. It hurt! T
Then came the leather belt and paddle and this weren't light hits, they were whacks! I actually hate paddles, it's my least favorite implement because I don't take it very well. The paddle drew blood on my ass and parts instantly created black bruises. It definitely hurts to sit down.

Now, tomorrow I'm shooting video with Lexi and Mina. I'm far past sore but at the same time I love it. You have to work for marks but there is nothing better than having long lasting marks!!!
I'll have to get a picture of what I look like when where done shooting tomorrow. I'll post it as soon as I take it.

Here's a picture after the whipping. This picture doesn't even do me justice in regards to messed up my body is. Lexi & Mini was shocked how bruised and cut I am. Anyways, here's 2 pictures.