It's one thing to break up in a vanilla relationship. It's another thing for that same person to also be your kink/BDSM partner. As someone who is a submissive I'm fully aware that the Dominant has little to no power unless the submissive trust their Dominant and allows them to hold a power over them. The submissive needs to be stronger than the Dominant almost always because the submissive takes a lot physically and mentally when you play in BDSM.
If there is 1 thing you could ask @MistressTangent about me and she would 100% agree with is that she's never met anyone who could take as much both physically and mentally as I can. We always had this bond that just felt like it couldn't be broken. I put SOOOOO much trust in her to be able to take what I have over the years. Some of it was sexual kink and a good amount of it wasn't.
We always wanted to push our kink to new heights and sometimes in was magnificent and sometimes it's was an experimental mess. Sometimes I wouldn't be aware of her mental BDSM on me until after. The way we pushed our relationship to the edge made us truly that much closer.
We've done things with each other that neither of us ever did before. We went there! It was powerful, dangerous, arousing, scary, exciting.....
Sitting here writing this, what hurts me the most is that when I made mistakes I'm still sad at how quick she was to essentially let me go. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that and it's making me question everything I thought I knew. I feel like a prisoner who endured a lot from their captor and then "fell" for their captor and then one day their capture just disappeared. She was my captor for 5 years and now my head is all twisted.
I have anger, I have hope, I have fear, I have confusion, I have love, I have hurt.
I never wanted to admit it but I think I always loved her more than she loved me. I think a lot of that goes back to our power dynamic. But that's a huge part of what hurts so much.
I can't predict the future but at this point I have no idea what I want, where I'm going or what's to come. I'm just trying to understand myself.
I'm sure I'll have more to write in the future, but now this is therapeutic.
Showing posts with label bondage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bondage. Show all posts
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
A Trans Woman Changing Adult Entertainment
Anyone that has read my blogs over the years know that what I write has nothing to do with plugging others. It's purely about my experiences in kink and sexuality. I prefix because I'm about to "plug" someone without the intentions of giving her more popularity 1) she's already popular and 2) she is in my mind breaking boundaries in the transgender porn world and I very much appreciate that.
For starters... Time passes us all by and I feel that I accomplished a lot as a male submissive in front of the camera but it was always a means to an end for me. None the less, I've always ran in the adult entertainment world in some aspect, and as I've transitioned I find myself thinking that I pretty much feel like an outsider because I'm not working in adult film as a trans woman the way I worked in Femdom as a male submissive. Not due to lack of opportunity but simply out of choice. But the people I run with very often are still involved so I'm experienced, yet I'm not "in their world". So I find it interesting but I'll admit I find the trans women porn world to be over the top repetitive.
So seeing what Natalie Mars has done pushing limits in kink is beyond refreshing.
The funny thing is New Years Eve, Lexi Sindel invited me and my partner to Vegas to welcome in the New Year with her. So I'm at her house and Lexi and other peeps are getting ready to go out, as am I and she tells me that someone will be coming over soon. So I open the door and it's Natalie Mars and I have absolutely no idea who she is. I'm like cool, another girl and we are all going to have a good time.
So long story short of the night it was a blast. Natalie and I got to know each other better and 2 days later we shot our first scene together w/ Lexi Sindel and Mistress Tangent. If you don't know about it yet it was an amazing day with a focus on over the top femininity and sissy play as two trans woman. I go back with Lexi shooting from the age of 23 and I'm 31 now. It's weird when your kink idols become your friends. But some how she always comes up with fucked up, weird, kinky shit which as a kinkster I appreciate. I also love how Lexi always pushes the limits, where I'm going with this is so many trans women feel uncomfortable with crossdressers or sissy play because they don't want to be labeled that. However as a kinkster I still find sissy, over the top femininity arousing. On a personal level I've purposely stopped shooting heavily for years. But going back to my original topic, that is exactly why I tip my hat to Natalie Mars. She is the first and only trans woman who pushes kink while being a trans porn star and to me that is powerful.
Think about it. There are a million trans girl sites. A million BDSM sites that involve men, women, and even some that involve trans women but the ones with trans women all 100% relate back to sex. It's almost like trans women aren't allowed to be kinky and ironically as someone who runs in both worlds, so many trans women are kinky.
So I'll write about it and Natalie Mars can break boundaries. Some examples......
She proposed a fucking machine to Grooby Girls and got it done. First time ever and to put it nicely, it's a very popular video.
What takes more courage is taking a taboo fetish, that's even taboo in kink. And that's ABDL (Adult Baby, Diaper Lovers) those terms can be one in the same or completely separate. Personally I've been a DL lover all my life but even as open and kinky as I am it took me a very long time to be open about it cause even to me it seemed "weird". Now, not so much but it takes such courage as a trans porn star like her who is so popular to not only open up about it, but expose it, show it and talk about it and that is powerful.
Additionally she has done a lot of Femdom, bondage, and more. In some ways I feel like I am her. I guarantee you she had no idea who I was until I met her. But that doesn't mean I didn't influence people, I know I did, I've been told so many stories and I appreciate that. For me, the most powerful thing about being in front of the camera was others willingly opening up to me about their stories, it's that-that I love. Because we all have a story. I feel that my blog has ALWAYS been about sharing an inside light on things that those note involved wouldn't know, but I feel is important to know. And to me, what Natalie Mars is doing is a HUGE step in adult entertainment for trans people. Instead of simply being what someone fetish-sizes she's saying I also have fetishes and I'm willing to share with the world. And I, SOOOOOOO Love that!
For starters... Time passes us all by and I feel that I accomplished a lot as a male submissive in front of the camera but it was always a means to an end for me. None the less, I've always ran in the adult entertainment world in some aspect, and as I've transitioned I find myself thinking that I pretty much feel like an outsider because I'm not working in adult film as a trans woman the way I worked in Femdom as a male submissive. Not due to lack of opportunity but simply out of choice. But the people I run with very often are still involved so I'm experienced, yet I'm not "in their world". So I find it interesting but I'll admit I find the trans women porn world to be over the top repetitive.
So seeing what Natalie Mars has done pushing limits in kink is beyond refreshing.
The funny thing is New Years Eve, Lexi Sindel invited me and my partner to Vegas to welcome in the New Year with her. So I'm at her house and Lexi and other peeps are getting ready to go out, as am I and she tells me that someone will be coming over soon. So I open the door and it's Natalie Mars and I have absolutely no idea who she is. I'm like cool, another girl and we are all going to have a good time.
So long story short of the night it was a blast. Natalie and I got to know each other better and 2 days later we shot our first scene together w/ Lexi Sindel and Mistress Tangent. If you don't know about it yet it was an amazing day with a focus on over the top femininity and sissy play as two trans woman. I go back with Lexi shooting from the age of 23 and I'm 31 now. It's weird when your kink idols become your friends. But some how she always comes up with fucked up, weird, kinky shit which as a kinkster I appreciate. I also love how Lexi always pushes the limits, where I'm going with this is so many trans women feel uncomfortable with crossdressers or sissy play because they don't want to be labeled that. However as a kinkster I still find sissy, over the top femininity arousing. On a personal level I've purposely stopped shooting heavily for years. But going back to my original topic, that is exactly why I tip my hat to Natalie Mars. She is the first and only trans woman who pushes kink while being a trans porn star and to me that is powerful.
Think about it. There are a million trans girl sites. A million BDSM sites that involve men, women, and even some that involve trans women but the ones with trans women all 100% relate back to sex. It's almost like trans women aren't allowed to be kinky and ironically as someone who runs in both worlds, so many trans women are kinky.
So I'll write about it and Natalie Mars can break boundaries. Some examples......
She proposed a fucking machine to Grooby Girls and got it done. First time ever and to put it nicely, it's a very popular video.
What takes more courage is taking a taboo fetish, that's even taboo in kink. And that's ABDL (Adult Baby, Diaper Lovers) those terms can be one in the same or completely separate. Personally I've been a DL lover all my life but even as open and kinky as I am it took me a very long time to be open about it cause even to me it seemed "weird". Now, not so much but it takes such courage as a trans porn star like her who is so popular to not only open up about it, but expose it, show it and talk about it and that is powerful.
Additionally she has done a lot of Femdom, bondage, and more. In some ways I feel like I am her. I guarantee you she had no idea who I was until I met her. But that doesn't mean I didn't influence people, I know I did, I've been told so many stories and I appreciate that. For me, the most powerful thing about being in front of the camera was others willingly opening up to me about their stories, it's that-that I love. Because we all have a story. I feel that my blog has ALWAYS been about sharing an inside light on things that those note involved wouldn't know, but I feel is important to know. And to me, what Natalie Mars is doing is a HUGE step in adult entertainment for trans people. Instead of simply being what someone fetish-sizes she's saying I also have fetishes and I'm willing to share with the world. And I, SOOOOOOO Love that!
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Stripped & Naked
Stripped and naked.
Not physically but of my collar for further training.
Over all these years in kink and all the time I've been around lifestyle people and lived the lifestyle myself I've never been trained in high protocal. I've never been a "slave" the way Mistress Tangent desires me as a slave. The truth is, when I look inside myself I've never been a "slave" the way I've desired either. My own fears, anxiety, and pride has kept myself from letting go to the point where I can be a slave.
Not just for the name of being a slave and not just for a short period of time like a session but for good. To dedicate myself to someone forever.
This all came to over a period of time and with our most recent trip to San Diego where we spent some time around some high protocal friends and I failed to present myself and show that same level of respect for Mistress Tangent in particular situations.
I've decided to dedicate myself to the teachings and learnings of Mistress Tangent so that I will be the proper slave She deserves and our relationship will continue to blossum and grow into what we both desire. My level of trust, belief, and love in Her and Her geniune love of power exchange and BDSM has brought me to where I am today. Stripped, Naked, Collar-less to learn the real, proper ways of Femdom and to serve Her to the highest degree.
This stripping began just last night. The first hour of training and the foundation to us.
The 2 most difficult parts for the both of us was Her removing 2 privledges that were given to me. 1) She removed my collar and I am forbidden to wear anything even resembling a collar until I have earned it. 2) I am no longer allowed to call Her (Daddy) as I have been for a long time now. The only time this is allowed is when She is fucking me and when I earn my collar back. I cried over both these situations while in my high protocal slave position.
Mistress Tangent then taught me the basic rules of the 3 protocals (low, medium & high) and the rules along with them.
Low: Is when we are around family and friends and or public situations and I am to maintain a level of respect throughout. Further details will be revealed in our next training.
Medium: When we are at home and also at fetish parties/events.
High: When we are with others who live the D/s lifestyle and in some other situations that Mistress Tangent deems necessary. High protocal is also ALWAYS in place for punishments.
So far I've been taught a couple slave positions and protocals that follow the high protocal.
Attention: Standing with arms by side and hands open/facing out.
Listening: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together low near waist shows that I'm listening.
Question: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together but raised to my chest, waiting to be allowed to ask a question or to speak.
During high protocal I am not allowed to speak unless spoken to.
During high and medium protocal I am to address Her at all times properly. Because the word (Daddy) has been stripped from me until I'm allowed the privledge of using that word again I now must address her as Ma'am AT ALL TIMES when in Medium or High protocal.
Just over 1 day into training I can feel the positive tension. I am committed to being a slave that my Owner is proud of. I am committed to treating Her the way She deserves to be treated. I am committed to myself throughout this process and I am stripped and naked to be molded.
Additionally, I've been locked up in chastity for 42 straight days now and this time I'm locked up in the smallest possible Cb-6000 cage possible. The length is about 2 inches and I didn't think I could fit into it but the truth is this size fits me much better. I feel more frustration in this sized cage and with me being on HRT now since February it only makes sense. I am not allowed any orgasms until I've taken 10,000, that's right 10,000 canings from Mistress Tangent. 42 days in and I'm at a little over 1,000 canings.
I want to leave off on this note. 1 full day of proper protocal to my Owner has brought a new hightened sense of eroticism, arosal and tingles to my body. Both sexually and mentally stimulating. I'm very excited about Our journey down this road together.
Not physically but of my collar for further training.
Over all these years in kink and all the time I've been around lifestyle people and lived the lifestyle myself I've never been trained in high protocal. I've never been a "slave" the way Mistress Tangent desires me as a slave. The truth is, when I look inside myself I've never been a "slave" the way I've desired either. My own fears, anxiety, and pride has kept myself from letting go to the point where I can be a slave.
Not just for the name of being a slave and not just for a short period of time like a session but for good. To dedicate myself to someone forever.
This all came to over a period of time and with our most recent trip to San Diego where we spent some time around some high protocal friends and I failed to present myself and show that same level of respect for Mistress Tangent in particular situations.
I've decided to dedicate myself to the teachings and learnings of Mistress Tangent so that I will be the proper slave She deserves and our relationship will continue to blossum and grow into what we both desire. My level of trust, belief, and love in Her and Her geniune love of power exchange and BDSM has brought me to where I am today. Stripped, Naked, Collar-less to learn the real, proper ways of Femdom and to serve Her to the highest degree.
This stripping began just last night. The first hour of training and the foundation to us.
The 2 most difficult parts for the both of us was Her removing 2 privledges that were given to me. 1) She removed my collar and I am forbidden to wear anything even resembling a collar until I have earned it. 2) I am no longer allowed to call Her (Daddy) as I have been for a long time now. The only time this is allowed is when She is fucking me and when I earn my collar back. I cried over both these situations while in my high protocal slave position.
Mistress Tangent then taught me the basic rules of the 3 protocals (low, medium & high) and the rules along with them.
Low: Is when we are around family and friends and or public situations and I am to maintain a level of respect throughout. Further details will be revealed in our next training.
Medium: When we are at home and also at fetish parties/events.
High: When we are with others who live the D/s lifestyle and in some other situations that Mistress Tangent deems necessary. High protocal is also ALWAYS in place for punishments.
So far I've been taught a couple slave positions and protocals that follow the high protocal.
Attention: Standing with arms by side and hands open/facing out.
Listening: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together low near waist shows that I'm listening.
Question: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together but raised to my chest, waiting to be allowed to ask a question or to speak.
During high protocal I am not allowed to speak unless spoken to.
During high and medium protocal I am to address Her at all times properly. Because the word (Daddy) has been stripped from me until I'm allowed the privledge of using that word again I now must address her as Ma'am AT ALL TIMES when in Medium or High protocal.
Just over 1 day into training I can feel the positive tension. I am committed to being a slave that my Owner is proud of. I am committed to treating Her the way She deserves to be treated. I am committed to myself throughout this process and I am stripped and naked to be molded.
Additionally, I've been locked up in chastity for 42 straight days now and this time I'm locked up in the smallest possible Cb-6000 cage possible. The length is about 2 inches and I didn't think I could fit into it but the truth is this size fits me much better. I feel more frustration in this sized cage and with me being on HRT now since February it only makes sense. I am not allowed any orgasms until I've taken 10,000, that's right 10,000 canings from Mistress Tangent. 42 days in and I'm at a little over 1,000 canings.
I want to leave off on this note. 1 full day of proper protocal to my Owner has brought a new hightened sense of eroticism, arosal and tingles to my body. Both sexually and mentally stimulating. I'm very excited about Our journey down this road together.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Indulge
Last Friday we were supposed to go to a Fetish party but it ended at midnight which is rather early. By the time I got off work and got all dolled up it was too late so we decided to have some fun at home.
We've been trying to figure out my hair for awhile now with my extensions after I cut my long hair off. I wanted to do the alt girl look with a shaved side of the head. And I love the look we got with it.
The makeup, we tried something new and again it came out perfect. I think this is going to be my new look for awhile.
The dress of the night, is a stretchy blue dress that is Tangent's. I've lost so much weight over the past 7 months I fit into smaller sizes and it's terrific. I've lost about 25 pounds since December 2013 and my feminine figure shows tenfold now.
A side note, I'm back in chastity as of 2 days ago.
Indulge
We've been trying to figure out my hair for awhile now with my extensions after I cut my long hair off. I wanted to do the alt girl look with a shaved side of the head. And I love the look we got with it.
The makeup, we tried something new and again it came out perfect. I think this is going to be my new look for awhile.
The dress of the night, is a stretchy blue dress that is Tangent's. I've lost so much weight over the past 7 months I fit into smaller sizes and it's terrific. I've lost about 25 pounds since December 2013 and my feminine figure shows tenfold now.
A side note, I'm back in chastity as of 2 days ago.
Indulge
Saturday, April 12, 2014
It's Go Time - You're My Cuck Tonight
"It's Go time!!!!
Hurry up, grab the red bag, the bondage cuffs and make sure to wear cute panties.
Bring my strap-on and hurry up, it's Go time!!!"
That's the call I got on Sunday night after Miss aka my Daddy aka my owner was out at a BBQ and it was finally time. I was going to be her cuckold. For me it was a moment of excitement and nervousness. I started grabbing all of the necessary items as She requested and I got another phone call from Her saying to hurry up.
I arrived at the house where she was with him. I made sure I looked good that night, even though I knew what was about to happen there is still a sense of pride in me. I walked to the door, he had his shirt off already and was grabbing on her. A few knots in my stomach but overall it was a rather comfortable setting. We gathered in the kitchen and had a few drinks together to talk and get to know each other a little bit and to be honest, probably relax us all a bit. This was a first time for all of us.
When I saw them caress each other even standing I got knots in my stomach but I knew my place. We had to make a quick run to the store and Miss suggested that we all go. I was the driver, Miss slid in the back sear and for some reason I naturally thought he would get in the seat next to me up front but he got in the back seat with her. Of course, that made sense but for some reason it didn't cross my mind in the moment. We all chatted a bit, I was asked to turn up the music a bit and they made out. It was a very weird feeling for me. I was like nooooo but again I knew my place and I understood what was going on. I just drove and listened while at the same time could feel Miss's touch on my arm here and there.
We get back to the house, go into the living room and they start making out. I'm instructed to strip down to my panties and just watch. A few minutes later we step outside I'm told to sit/lay on the outside furtniture. Miss lays on top of me and he gets on top of her for more foreplay for a few minutes. He grabbed a quick smoke and we made our way to his bedroom.
I'm immediately told to get on my knees in the corner and it starts. He undresses her more, he gets undress and he even starts to ask me questions in a teasing way.
"You like it on your knees sissy?" - Yes.
"Oh, She feels so good, do you like watching me please your Miss?" Yes, please, please Her!
Foreplay continued and suddenly all I wanted was for him to please Her. Seriously, deep inside of me I wanted to see my Owner be pleased by another man. Me-on my knees, Her sissy just watching and yearning to see Her truly pleased. I was getting such a high, such a pleasure from all of this.
I could see the pleasure Miss was receiving from Her control, Her dominance, my submission and our bond. It was ecstasy!!!!!
The next time I'm sure will be sooner than later and it's something I'm looking forward to. It's something I'm not fearing because it was something we enjoyed together. That level of trust in each other, the attention to detail Miss gave me throughout by slight rubs on my arm, telling me to get closer, ordering me to show him how a sissy really sucks Her dick (strap-on), to having me get closer for a better view. There was a point where I got on all fours with my head down on the floor as I had gone into such a great sub space. I was Her slave to be done with as She pleased.
-----
Right now I write this 12 days after that night. Daddy is in California for the weekend working and I'm yearning for Daddy. Daddy is a name She has taken on, I'm her girl and She is my Daddy. And truth be it Daddy has a high level of masculine tendencies and I have a high level of feminine tendencies. We compliment each other very well in my facets and our BDSM side of our relationship is a part of our everyday, we are lifestyle. But more and more I'm becoming more comfortable with being Daddy's slave as well as Her girl. I can't explain the feeling it gives me inside and I can't explain how I need to please Daddy. It just is a part of me and it's a part of us.
On top of all this today is the 27th straight day in chastity. The previous longest I had ever gone is 13 days. Daddy told me I don't get out until day 66. Day 66!!!!! And I'm not allowed ANY anal of any kind until day 66.
As much as that # ran through my head for days I love that I'm challenged and I love that I'm able to please Daddy in the process. More to come on this and the life of Mistress Tangent (Daddy) and Autoeroticboy (girl) soon.
Below are pictures of the bruises I had on both of my thighs during the cuckold scene from a punishment and the chastity I was in during the scene and what I'm still in as I write this, 27 days in. The photo is from my last orgasm, I cam while in my CB from the hitachi.... 1st time EVER!
BTW.... I have not had an orgasm from a jacking off motion and or sex of any kind since February 1st. That's right, over 2 months ago.
That is devotion to my Owner.
Hurry up, grab the red bag, the bondage cuffs and make sure to wear cute panties.
Bring my strap-on and hurry up, it's Go time!!!"
That's the call I got on Sunday night after Miss aka my Daddy aka my owner was out at a BBQ and it was finally time. I was going to be her cuckold. For me it was a moment of excitement and nervousness. I started grabbing all of the necessary items as She requested and I got another phone call from Her saying to hurry up.
I arrived at the house where she was with him. I made sure I looked good that night, even though I knew what was about to happen there is still a sense of pride in me. I walked to the door, he had his shirt off already and was grabbing on her. A few knots in my stomach but overall it was a rather comfortable setting. We gathered in the kitchen and had a few drinks together to talk and get to know each other a little bit and to be honest, probably relax us all a bit. This was a first time for all of us.
When I saw them caress each other even standing I got knots in my stomach but I knew my place. We had to make a quick run to the store and Miss suggested that we all go. I was the driver, Miss slid in the back sear and for some reason I naturally thought he would get in the seat next to me up front but he got in the back seat with her. Of course, that made sense but for some reason it didn't cross my mind in the moment. We all chatted a bit, I was asked to turn up the music a bit and they made out. It was a very weird feeling for me. I was like nooooo but again I knew my place and I understood what was going on. I just drove and listened while at the same time could feel Miss's touch on my arm here and there.
We get back to the house, go into the living room and they start making out. I'm instructed to strip down to my panties and just watch. A few minutes later we step outside I'm told to sit/lay on the outside furtniture. Miss lays on top of me and he gets on top of her for more foreplay for a few minutes. He grabbed a quick smoke and we made our way to his bedroom.
I'm immediately told to get on my knees in the corner and it starts. He undresses her more, he gets undress and he even starts to ask me questions in a teasing way.
"You like it on your knees sissy?" - Yes.
"Oh, She feels so good, do you like watching me please your Miss?" Yes, please, please Her!
Foreplay continued and suddenly all I wanted was for him to please Her. Seriously, deep inside of me I wanted to see my Owner be pleased by another man. Me-on my knees, Her sissy just watching and yearning to see Her truly pleased. I was getting such a high, such a pleasure from all of this.
I could see the pleasure Miss was receiving from Her control, Her dominance, my submission and our bond. It was ecstasy!!!!!
The next time I'm sure will be sooner than later and it's something I'm looking forward to. It's something I'm not fearing because it was something we enjoyed together. That level of trust in each other, the attention to detail Miss gave me throughout by slight rubs on my arm, telling me to get closer, ordering me to show him how a sissy really sucks Her dick (strap-on), to having me get closer for a better view. There was a point where I got on all fours with my head down on the floor as I had gone into such a great sub space. I was Her slave to be done with as She pleased.
-----
Right now I write this 12 days after that night. Daddy is in California for the weekend working and I'm yearning for Daddy. Daddy is a name She has taken on, I'm her girl and She is my Daddy. And truth be it Daddy has a high level of masculine tendencies and I have a high level of feminine tendencies. We compliment each other very well in my facets and our BDSM side of our relationship is a part of our everyday, we are lifestyle. But more and more I'm becoming more comfortable with being Daddy's slave as well as Her girl. I can't explain the feeling it gives me inside and I can't explain how I need to please Daddy. It just is a part of me and it's a part of us.
On top of all this today is the 27th straight day in chastity. The previous longest I had ever gone is 13 days. Daddy told me I don't get out until day 66. Day 66!!!!! And I'm not allowed ANY anal of any kind until day 66.
As much as that # ran through my head for days I love that I'm challenged and I love that I'm able to please Daddy in the process. More to come on this and the life of Mistress Tangent (Daddy) and Autoeroticboy (girl) soon.
Below are pictures of the bruises I had on both of my thighs during the cuckold scene from a punishment and the chastity I was in during the scene and what I'm still in as I write this, 27 days in. The photo is from my last orgasm, I cam while in my CB from the hitachi.... 1st time EVER!
BTW.... I have not had an orgasm from a jacking off motion and or sex of any kind since February 1st. That's right, over 2 months ago.
That is devotion to my Owner.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Mistress Tangent
I want to share a website / blog with all of you to check out.
Mistress Tangent is a really good friend of mine. She's a Femdom from Phoenix but travels all over and she recently (as of a couple months ago) started a website and also has a diary/blog similar to mine on her website.
For all of you kinksters out there that love to worship a beautiful and truly kinky dominant woman I highly suggest you taking a look at her site - MistressTangent
I've been in the BDSM world for 10 years now and there are a lot of beautiful women but some of them aren't as kinky as they put off. Mistress Tangent is a kinky as she puts off if not kinkier and so I have to show love and support here on my blog.
Mistress Tangent is a really good friend of mine. She's a Femdom from Phoenix but travels all over and she recently (as of a couple months ago) started a website and also has a diary/blog similar to mine on her website.
For all of you kinksters out there that love to worship a beautiful and truly kinky dominant woman I highly suggest you taking a look at her site - MistressTangent
I've been in the BDSM world for 10 years now and there are a lot of beautiful women but some of them aren't as kinky as they put off. Mistress Tangent is a kinky as she puts off if not kinkier and so I have to show love and support here on my blog.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Moving to NYC & Kink Of May
The month of May has been a crazy month. Full of lows, highs, a ton of traveling, partying, interviews, a fetish convention, personal kink play and now packing for a big move from Phoenix to New York City.
So the big news is that I landed a new job in NYC. I'm going to be driving across the country in a U-Haul truck with my friend Bobcat. Luckily, it's good timing because he's leaving the country for a few years in mid June and he graduated college about 3 weeks ago. Here is our cross country trip city dates.
June 1 - L.A.
June 2 - Phoenix
June 3 - Austin, TX
June 5 - Little Rock, Arkansas
June 6 - Nashville, TN
June 7 - Athens, Ohio
June 9 - My moms house in Ohio
June 10 - Brooklyn, NY
In the past 2 weeks I had been in L.A. for 4 days, Vegas for 3 days and N.Y. for 1 day. I love traveling but it can be exhausting. None-the-less, it has been an exciting month.
DOMCON LA 2013:
I went to the Friday night and Saturday night Fetish party. Both nights were fun but I did expect the event to be a bit larger than it was. I had gotten to the hotel Wednesday evening and that gave me and Bobcat a chance to have some fun in L.A. We explored Koreatown and a few other neighborhoods. Then Thursday night I bumped into some Domme friends; Natalia Sadici & Mistrix MsE who then introduced me to Michelle Lacy (who I found out spends some time in NYC).
Friday: Bobcat met a submissive who he had some kink fun with. I hung out with another Chicago friend and met a woman who intrigued me. She is a Dominant woman and as the weekend went things evolved. Friday night for me wasn't too eventful. Although I did buy a new latex black dress and a latex waist cincher that I wore to the Fetish Party. Unfortunately we didn't get many pictures, the I did get I'm drunk and it's about 2:30am.
Saturday night led to some kissing and then me and my new Domme friend going back to the hotel room where she fucked me really-really hard with the biggest dildo-cock I've ever taken. She whipped out her big black dildo about 8 inches long and 2 - 2 1/2 inches thick. It was a really hot scene with biting and it was extremely passionate. I think it was the most passionate fucking I've ever taken. It was as if I was fucking a girl and having passionate sex, except I was the one being fucked.... Just the way I like it.
When she pulled off my latex dress these were the boobs she got to look at.
This Domme I'm referring to is strictly lifestyle these days but I'm really happy we met and we're still talking a couple weeks later. We'll see where things lead....
I returned to Phoenix for 2 days of rest and then left for Vegas. I partied with some of my Chicago friends and Bobcat. All vanilla stuff and the best night I've ever had at a strip club on Thursday night. I found me a truly kinky stripper who fingered my ass, bit me all over my stomach to wear I still have bruises 10 days later and did other "nice things" to me. A couple hundred dollars later it was 7am and I was literally the last person to leave the club an hour after the strip club closed. Ha! Not to mention, she was beautiful!
My play partner back in Phoenix and I have been having some great scenes lately. Tonight she's coming over and I know she's planning some public humiliation. Saying that I'm nervous for this is an under statement! With that said, I'm really going to miss playing with her regularly. I've known her since September 2012 but in the past few months we've really been hitting our stride of trust and play.
For instance, 2 days ago we planned to play at night but then she called me and said that she's gonna come over and tie me up while she runs errands for a few hours and then when she gets back to my place we'll play. I got this awesome sensory deprivation hood from Domcon that we've used a little bit but this time I was in it for 3 hours. She tormented my thighs for about an hour before leaving me bound with a prostate massager in my ass. This became really difficult over time as I had no concept of time, couldn't hear, see, or move yet I was extremely aroused from the prostate massager and situation I was in.
When she returned I was tortured more with predicament bondage, choking, huge dildo deep throating, CBT, and punishing yet I must admit hot strap-on. Here are some pictures of the hood from Domcon and then some pictures I literally just found on my phone that she took of me bound before heading out for a few hours for errands.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
The Male Submissive
I've had active kinky profiles online since the age of 17. Yes, I was underage just like many of you were the first time you looked at porn and or flipped through a Playboy magazine. I've known I was kinky long before that but none-the-less, I've been active on kink based social networking sites for over 9 years now as I'll be 26 in early September. The social networking sites themselves have drastically improved over the years however there is one thing that always seems to remain constant.
The way male submissive's act online.
These male submissive's discuss their problems in finding a play partner and or a dominant to serve. They will complain about everything under the sun.
The way male submissive's act online.
These male submissive's discuss their problems in finding a play partner and or a dominant to serve. They will complain about everything under the sun.
- Too many Pro-Dommes
- Nobody seems to be real
- Everyone wants something in exchange
- No one responds to me
The real problem is in that of the male submissive.
To start, when a male sub contacts someone they hope to serve they should write more than one line.
"Hey, you're beautiful. I'd love to worship your feet, that really turns me on" Just doesn't cut it.
Follow this Top 10 List:
1. Make sure you have correct spelling.
2. Don't contact someone and tell them what you expect.
3. Perhaps you should leave your name.
4. It helps if you've filled out your own profile.
5. Properly introduce yourself.
6. Be polite
7. Don't send a 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on email within hours or days of not receiving a response.
8. Don't contact a Pro Domme and then get mad when money is asked of you.
9. READ the profile of the person you're contacting.
10. Don't jerk off while contacting the person you're interested in
You would think that this would be common sense. Unfortunately for many, common sense goes out the door in the world of sex.
There are lots and lots of dominants and switches out there that are interested and seeking submissive males. However, sitting on your internet and not following proper writing etiquette nor showing a common courtesy to someone isn't going to get you very far.
There is a very large abundance of male subs who feel that they will never get an opportunity to serve a dominant. That the stories they read and the pictures they view will be the closest that they will ever get.
I get a lot of emails on my Fetlife account from male submissive's of all ages in regards to these topics. Asking about how to get more involved. Telling me that I'm lucky and they wish that they could be me. I've been asked on how to send emails to dominants as well. I always respond as I try to assist those truly seeking out advice. I can be a fun-loving narcissist sometimes but for the large part I'm a humble person. I created my luck in kink. I wasn't born into the world of sexual exploration. I sought it out and with time I learned to accept myself but also study sexual alternatives.
Probably the most common question I get is: How did I get to be so involved?
Male submissives realize that it's not easy to be a male submissive and yet they assume that the world was given to me. To shorten up a long story here is my Timeline into BDSM.
- Age 17, I skipped a basketball game and saw a Pro Domme in Chicago. I paid $200 for the hour. I was extremely nervous but it was the best experience of my life.
- Age 18, In Ohio and saw a Pro Domme in the Cleveland area. Paid $300 for the hour.
- Age 18, moved back to Chicago after graduation & saw a Pro Domme I had been talking with online for 2 years now. She wouldn't see me till I turned 18. I paid $200 for the hour.
- Age 18, almost 19 I saw that same Pro Domme. This time I paid $100 cash & $100 in a giftcard that I had to Extreme Restraints.
- Age 19, Saw the same Pro Domme but we had worked out a 6 month slave training contract between us. I cleaned her dungeon twice a week in exchange for play. I only got play if I had done a good job.
- Age 19, Came out to my friends as being "Kinky" as they started to notice that I was hiding things from them.
- Age 19, Attended Fetishcon in Tampa Bay, Florida with 3 "vanilla" friends. Definitely didn't go as planned with my friends but in the long run was a good experience.
- Age 20, I was no longer serving the same Domme. I was upset that we broke it off but I was starting college. A few months later, although nervous I began attending Nawa Shibari Chicago by myself. A Rope bondage/Kink group.
- Age 20, Decided to put up pictures online about wanting to be a fetish model. I did this to get into the 21+ kinky clubs in Chicago. I also did it to meet more people and hopefully find someone to serve. Dvnt of Chicago who also ran Nawa Shibari Chicago contacted me about being in a live performance at a kinky club.
- Age 20, months later I began serving Miss Jaded who also helped run Nawa Shibari Chicago. Soon after I was attending 2-6 kinky functions in Chicago every month. 6 months later I began a personal relationship on top of a D/s relationship with Miss Jaded.
- Age 20-23, Attended Fetishcon, Atlanta Bound, Shibaricon twice. Assisted in presenting at classes at national conventions and local conventions. Started meeting a lot of big named Dommes, models, and photographers. Had my own members site and became part owners in a new Chicago dungeon - The Studio Chicago. Began filming as a male bottom in femdom based videos as well as doing fetish modeling for still photos. Also worth noting, I was a full time college student and worked some part-time jobs.
- Age 23, split with Miss Jaded and I moved to Ohio to stay with my mother for about 9 months. I lost my co-signer with college and was forced to take a year off from school. I took a much needed brake from kink as I was getting over a break up and needed time for myself. I got 1 full time job and then a 2nd full time job, working 80 plus hours per week.
- Age 23, Starting to get back into kink and to my normal self I knew that Madame Ingrid was a respected Domme and was in Pittsburgh. I contact her and had a 1 hour session with her. I paid $300 for the hour. I had a great experience and was back within the same week and had another 1 hour session for $300. She knew who I was through some friends and over the next few months we built a friendship.
- Age 23, Lexi Sindel contacted me as she knew I was in Ohio. She let me know of some filming going on in Columbus as Club Dom was in town. The next day I shot with them. Soon after I was in D.C. shooting with Lexi Sindel.
- Age 23 turning 24. I began to put myself out there as a fetish model. People had known of me from Chicago and the traveling I was doing. I started doing trade for content work as well as accepting paid gigs.
-----------------------
- I'm now 25 and graduating college this summer. I have my blog and I have my own clips4sale store that I'm continuing to build - AEB Femdom.
I'll be in Chicago this summer - 2012 with an internship and then moving to Phoenix, Arizona for a few years with a job offer. My life in kink as a submissive will continue to grow and evolve. My life is my life. Other male submissive's can do what pleases them, but don't limit yourself and think that you can't find someone to serve. Or that you can't be involved in the community.
I am proud of what I've accomplished in Kink. I'm proud that I've made a name that people recognize, respect and get off to. I'm proud of the people I've gotten to explore my kinks with and I look forward to all that comes. I mean shit, I am only 25.
Here's a list of all the people I can recall working with over the past 9 plus years.
- Lexi Sindel - Madame Ingrid- VonLivid - Maya Sinstress - Nyssa Nevers - Jade Indica - Lochai - Miss Jaded - Xena - Miss Cheyenne Nikki Domino - Miss Jaded - Miss Simone - Miss Whip - Alexandra Sadista - Natalya Sadici - Dvnt - Miss Mina Meow - Corral Korrupt - Ginger Stone - Gia - Maria Purple Goddess - Lady O - Victoria Sapphire - Noel Knight - Miss Jenni Fishnets - House of Bias Latex - Haven - Kelle Martina - Jessica Temptress - Manchester & I know there's more but I don't remember everyone.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
KINK & Groupon vs. WOIP
The Anti porn group, War On Illegal Pornography (WOIP) recently targeted Groupon for presenting a coupon for the KINK.com Armory building tour. The Armory building in San Francisco has a lot of history to it. It has a castle-like appearance and was home to the United States National Guard. It also housed many sporting events during the 1920's. The building then sat empty for nearly 30 years starting in the 70's until it was taken over by KINK. For the most part KINK has left the building in its original state. San Francisco is the capitol for supporting GLBT rights and is a very friendly kinky community.
The coupon offereed by Groupon lets tourists view much of the building and get a history lesson. The tour also takes the tourists on some of KINK's sets and it may also allow them to catch a bit of a live filming. Below is the few minute article by the San Francisco Huffington Post. It also features a Youtube video following some people through the tour. Below that is a Youtube video by Dawn from "Porn Harms".
Groupon & Kink.com vs. WOIP
I am actually shocked that Groupon would offer this coupon in the first place. As someone with a media business background Groupon definitely took a risk by offering this coupon. Groupon probably does have more liberal customers as most of their business targets people in cities so I don't see their audience having a problem with this coupon. Where they could run into problems is on the Business end with advertisers. When Jersey Shore first aired on TV just a few years ago advertisers we're dropping their ad's immediately because of the use of language and aggressive sexual behavior.
WOIP wanted a statement from Groupon and they did get one, it just wasn't the statement they were hoping for. Groupon supported KINK 100% and even stated that exploring your sexuality is healthy.
Although I am surprised that Groupon (1) teamed up with KINK in the first place and (2) supported KINK after WOIP attacked Groupon and threatened a boycott I am also pleasantly surprised by Groupon.
I do agree with Dawn that KINK does have an agenda with doing the tour. KINK's goal is to drive in more revenue just like any other business that would team up with Groupon. KINK is hoping that by providing tours of the Armory they will reach a new audience of clients and get an increase in site memberships. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and it's actually a slick idea by KINK to offer the tours.
Even though I am involved in the adult industry I will say that advertising with a non adult site like Groupon is walking the line of ethical decisions. Yes, their are adult magazines at 711 and escorts advertising on Craigslist. With that said, I do feel that KINK advertising with Groupon is a tight rope act. I am curious to see what the future holds with similar situations moving forward and if Groupon will regret their decision with WOIP breathing down their neck.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
XXY Klinefelters & Kink
It was February 7, 2012 - 3 weeks ago from today that I got a blood test to see if I was born with Klinefelter's Syndrom, XXY.
My entire life I've felt that my body was a bit different than most boys. I remember a specific instance playing basketball and a teammate ran by me on the court after I made a shot and he slapped my ass. Then he said, damn dude! You got a chick's ass. At that very moment it was kind of funny yet embarrassing because I knew that I did have a feminine butt. Then when I started getting more involved with kink at 18 and 19 and playing with different women they would always comment on how feminine my body was. Lots of people are in shock at how non-masculine my butt is. I've come to love my body, my butt etc. I've always liked my body but knew it was different. Last Thursday I shot with Jessica Temptress for the first time. As I was walking off the set in high heeled boots and a mini skirt showing off my ass she shouts, "You have the best ass I've ever seen on a guy!". My ass and body definitely comes in handy when I'm in woman mode, that's for sure!
So, I got tested on the 7th and they took 2 valves of blood. Although, the lady mentioned they only need 1. About a week later the doctor calls me and says, I got one of your blood valves back but there is no paperwork with it which is odd. He's like I'm not sure what this means except that you might not be XXY. He says, he'll get back to me. About 5 days later the doctor calls me again and says, never mind what I told you before, they didn't run that valve of blood. He then tells me he got the tested valve back with paperwork and that I WAS born with Klinefelter's - XXY.
So what does that all mean?
Some doctors argue if that technically means you were born intersexed but more doctors say it does mean that. I feel as if I am intersexed because I have more female physical traits than I do masculine. I am at risk for some female health risks that men aren't like osteoporosis and breast cancer and yet I have some male traits like a deeper voice, cock and balls, and I've lived my life as a male for 25 years now.
I actually responded differently that I thought I would when I got the results. I've thought I've been born XXY for about 4 years now but I wasn't 100% sure. Now that I know I am it's a bit strange to know that you weren't born 100% male or 100% female. The question that comes to mind at first is, what am I?
After coming back down to earth, and asking myself that question the answer is, I am me. I am happy with myself, always have been. I'm able to transcend gender boundaries when ever I want to. I'm able to fit into both gender roles when ever I want to. In a strange way I'm more well rounded. I tend to see things differently than many people and if I must say so myself, I'm one pretty good looking man and one fucking sexy girl! The best of both worlds as it stands.
I meet with some doctors March 7th to talk more about Klinefelter's and what I want to do from here. Some people choose to take testosterone to boost their energy, muscle growth, body hair, facial hair, and for some orgasmic purposes. Some, although many fewer choose to live as a woman and take estrogen, and get a sex change. Some choose neither option and don't take any medication and live the way they are. Right now, I'm the 3rd option. I know that I don't want to take testosterone but I've considered estrogen and a sex change. Right now, it's just remaining with who I am.
I'm not 100% about this but I've read a bit that there is a public fund for those born intersexed and wanting to get a sex change. I have to do more research....
I've gone to a group setting gender identity (Trans Group) here at Ohio University the past 2 weeks. It's been good. The first week I just listened to everyone else talk and here their stories. Last week I shared my new XXY news and we all discussed it. It is nice to just talk with others of all ages and backgrounds who can relate in some manner. I am the only one in the group who is XXY but there are MtF, FtM, Gender Queers and more in the group so it's been good to meet some others in the Athens, area.
I'll keep everyone updated on the XXY thing, especially after meeting with doctors March 7th. 1 out of every 500 males (approximate) are born with Klinefelter's. It's common yet still very un-common and unknown to most the public. This is what it has done to me physically:
1. Long arms and legs
2. Little to no body hair
3. Little to no facial hair
4. Soft (feminine) skin
5. No frontal balding
6. Small hands for height
7. Small feet for heights (For me I'm 6'3 tall & wear a size 9-10 in mens & 10-11 in women's)
8. Weight distribution of a woman (Hips, butt, thighs, stomach)
9. Wider hips
10. Small testicles
11. Low testosterone (I had it tested)
Other Things: (This is personal to me)
1. I took speech classes as a kid for about 5 years in pre-school through early Elementary. (This is a sign)
2. When I began to masturbate (age 7-ish) I began like a woman. Not using my cock but rubbing of pelvic bone area. I can still do this today.
3. At puberty testosterone kicked in a bit but I plateaued at about 15,16 and never matured into what a boy would be.
Health:
1. Very low chance I am fertile. (Probably can't have kids) I'm talking to doctors on this more
2. Higher chance for Osteoporosis (Like a woman)
3. Higher chance of Breast Cancer (Like a woman)
4. Earlier tooth decay
----------------------------------------------
In some other news:
The first 2 are custom videos I made for a client.
I shot with Jessica Temptress as I mentioned above. She's out of Columbus and was fun to work with. She brought a good array of things to the shoot and we got some great stuff. We shot a kidnapping scene starting with me in the trunk of a car. Then into the woods for some beating, trampling, and strap-on. Eventually I was fucked on the car as well and then left half naked and feminized in the woods.
Then in our next shoot I was a high paid, big-headed actor who was playing a female role in a movie. The director and I got into an argument over nudity and she takes advantage of me. Strap-on in several positions, barehand spankings, slapping and more. Plus, upside down cuming due to all the humiliation.
---
I was in Chicago for an interview and then shot with a long time friend that goes all the way back to my early Miss Jaded days. So it was fun to shoot with her - Alexandra Sadista as well as Natalya Sadici It was actually my first time meeting Natalya even though we've known of each other for awhile. Unfortunately, we didn't shoot quite as much as we wanted due to time restraints however, we were productive and it was fun.
I was feminized in lingerie and then forcefully had red lipstick applied to my lips. I was put into bondage and orally trained by a 9 inch - thick dildo. I was made to kiss it, lick it, and suck it. Then I was forced to deep throat it ALL THE WAY DOWN - Upside down. It was difficult but as we all know, I enjoy being a good slut!
All these videos will be on AEB KINK - My Clips4sale Store soon.
Then on Monday I drove back home to Athens, Ohio. But, to make things more fun and of course to save time :) when I first stopped for gas in northern Indiana I took one of my thick & crinkly ABUniverse diapers into the bathroom stall with me. I put it on nice and tight and wet it as I ordered Arby's. I had another 6 hours of driving to do and wet it 2 more times by the time I arrived home. It was nice - "warm" trip.
My entire life I've felt that my body was a bit different than most boys. I remember a specific instance playing basketball and a teammate ran by me on the court after I made a shot and he slapped my ass. Then he said, damn dude! You got a chick's ass. At that very moment it was kind of funny yet embarrassing because I knew that I did have a feminine butt. Then when I started getting more involved with kink at 18 and 19 and playing with different women they would always comment on how feminine my body was. Lots of people are in shock at how non-masculine my butt is. I've come to love my body, my butt etc. I've always liked my body but knew it was different. Last Thursday I shot with Jessica Temptress for the first time. As I was walking off the set in high heeled boots and a mini skirt showing off my ass she shouts, "You have the best ass I've ever seen on a guy!". My ass and body definitely comes in handy when I'm in woman mode, that's for sure!
So, I got tested on the 7th and they took 2 valves of blood. Although, the lady mentioned they only need 1. About a week later the doctor calls me and says, I got one of your blood valves back but there is no paperwork with it which is odd. He's like I'm not sure what this means except that you might not be XXY. He says, he'll get back to me. About 5 days later the doctor calls me again and says, never mind what I told you before, they didn't run that valve of blood. He then tells me he got the tested valve back with paperwork and that I WAS born with Klinefelter's - XXY.
So what does that all mean?
Some doctors argue if that technically means you were born intersexed but more doctors say it does mean that. I feel as if I am intersexed because I have more female physical traits than I do masculine. I am at risk for some female health risks that men aren't like osteoporosis and breast cancer and yet I have some male traits like a deeper voice, cock and balls, and I've lived my life as a male for 25 years now.
I actually responded differently that I thought I would when I got the results. I've thought I've been born XXY for about 4 years now but I wasn't 100% sure. Now that I know I am it's a bit strange to know that you weren't born 100% male or 100% female. The question that comes to mind at first is, what am I?
After coming back down to earth, and asking myself that question the answer is, I am me. I am happy with myself, always have been. I'm able to transcend gender boundaries when ever I want to. I'm able to fit into both gender roles when ever I want to. In a strange way I'm more well rounded. I tend to see things differently than many people and if I must say so myself, I'm one pretty good looking man and one fucking sexy girl! The best of both worlds as it stands.
I meet with some doctors March 7th to talk more about Klinefelter's and what I want to do from here. Some people choose to take testosterone to boost their energy, muscle growth, body hair, facial hair, and for some orgasmic purposes. Some, although many fewer choose to live as a woman and take estrogen, and get a sex change. Some choose neither option and don't take any medication and live the way they are. Right now, I'm the 3rd option. I know that I don't want to take testosterone but I've considered estrogen and a sex change. Right now, it's just remaining with who I am.
I'm not 100% about this but I've read a bit that there is a public fund for those born intersexed and wanting to get a sex change. I have to do more research....
I've gone to a group setting gender identity (Trans Group) here at Ohio University the past 2 weeks. It's been good. The first week I just listened to everyone else talk and here their stories. Last week I shared my new XXY news and we all discussed it. It is nice to just talk with others of all ages and backgrounds who can relate in some manner. I am the only one in the group who is XXY but there are MtF, FtM, Gender Queers and more in the group so it's been good to meet some others in the Athens, area.
I'll keep everyone updated on the XXY thing, especially after meeting with doctors March 7th. 1 out of every 500 males (approximate) are born with Klinefelter's. It's common yet still very un-common and unknown to most the public. This is what it has done to me physically:
1. Long arms and legs
2. Little to no body hair
3. Little to no facial hair
4. Soft (feminine) skin
5. No frontal balding
6. Small hands for height
7. Small feet for heights (For me I'm 6'3 tall & wear a size 9-10 in mens & 10-11 in women's)
8. Weight distribution of a woman (Hips, butt, thighs, stomach)
9. Wider hips
10. Small testicles
11. Low testosterone (I had it tested)
Other Things: (This is personal to me)
1. I took speech classes as a kid for about 5 years in pre-school through early Elementary. (This is a sign)
2. When I began to masturbate (age 7-ish) I began like a woman. Not using my cock but rubbing of pelvic bone area. I can still do this today.
3. At puberty testosterone kicked in a bit but I plateaued at about 15,16 and never matured into what a boy would be.
Health:
1. Very low chance I am fertile. (Probably can't have kids) I'm talking to doctors on this more
2. Higher chance for Osteoporosis (Like a woman)
3. Higher chance of Breast Cancer (Like a woman)
4. Earlier tooth decay
----------------------------------------------
In some other news:
The first 2 are custom videos I made for a client.
I shot with Jessica Temptress as I mentioned above. She's out of Columbus and was fun to work with. She brought a good array of things to the shoot and we got some great stuff. We shot a kidnapping scene starting with me in the trunk of a car. Then into the woods for some beating, trampling, and strap-on. Eventually I was fucked on the car as well and then left half naked and feminized in the woods.
Then in our next shoot I was a high paid, big-headed actor who was playing a female role in a movie. The director and I got into an argument over nudity and she takes advantage of me. Strap-on in several positions, barehand spankings, slapping and more. Plus, upside down cuming due to all the humiliation.
---
I was in Chicago for an interview and then shot with a long time friend that goes all the way back to my early Miss Jaded days. So it was fun to shoot with her - Alexandra Sadista as well as Natalya Sadici It was actually my first time meeting Natalya even though we've known of each other for awhile. Unfortunately, we didn't shoot quite as much as we wanted due to time restraints however, we were productive and it was fun.
I was feminized in lingerie and then forcefully had red lipstick applied to my lips. I was put into bondage and orally trained by a 9 inch - thick dildo. I was made to kiss it, lick it, and suck it. Then I was forced to deep throat it ALL THE WAY DOWN - Upside down. It was difficult but as we all know, I enjoy being a good slut!
All these videos will be on AEB KINK - My Clips4sale Store soon.
Then on Monday I drove back home to Athens, Ohio. But, to make things more fun and of course to save time :) when I first stopped for gas in northern Indiana I took one of my thick & crinkly ABUniverse diapers into the bathroom stall with me. I put it on nice and tight and wet it as I ordered Arby's. I had another 6 hours of driving to do and wet it 2 more times by the time I arrived home. It was nice - "warm" trip.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Self Humiliation Forced Upon By Chastity
Yesterday I got home from visiting my mother for the weekend. Bobcat and his girlfriend were with me and we went out for my birthday as well. We went to a Japanese steak house and we all had a good time. I got home about 6pm yesterday and it didn't take me long to take out my lack of sexual release in some personal bondage and humiliation. I'm in day 6 of chastity and it seems like every other day is tough. Tomorrow at 10:30am marks 1 week in chastity. Oddly enough it's also my 25th birthday and my first day of class.
Yesterday I humiliated, degraded, semi tortured and also dressed up a bit for about 4 - 4 1/2 hours. I started doing one thing but then I got interrupted by a roommate who needed me for something. So I had to change and undo myself to go help him. Then I resumed and did something a little different and did something I had never done before - chastity will make you do that.
The first thing I did was some cock and ball bondage. I put a green sleeve over my cock to make sure I didn't pinch the skin too much since it's already in a device. Then I took some string that was rather long and tied it up. It was sort of mummified and then I ran the remaining string between my legs, between my butt and up to my hair. There I pulled back my head and tied the string to my hair in a pony tail. It was very tight and if I were to stand straight up it made me look towards the ceiling while also pulling very hard on my cock and balls. If I wanted to see anything on the ground area I had to bend over like I was giving up my ass to be fucked.
I then put on a pamper diaper, a bra and my sissy maids dress which I haven't worn in quite some time after having the seems fixed. This wasn't easy to do with the way I was tied. Then I put on my purple heels and this required me to lay on my back and suffocate myself in spurts just to put on my heels. I returned to my computer to take care of a few errands and I had a few more things planned but was then interrupted. Here are a few pictures.
When I got back from helping my roommate I decided that I was going to torture myself with some toilet play. I think it's always easier to do certain things to yourself than having someone else do them to you so it's a good way to practice. I've done forced piss consumption on myself in the past but I also wanted to add in some scat play. I've never consumed scat and I didn't this time either however I did incorporate it into my scene.
I put on a pampers diaper again, took a squat and then shit some into the diaper. I took off the diaper and put it to the side for the moment. I had to go pee so I pissed into the enema bag and then took the anal end of the enema and slide it through my ball gag that has a mouth opening. It was tough to fit it in the gag but it worked. I also wore a head harness and made it so that I had to have my head straight or upwards so that I couldn't spit much out. I grabbed a lock so I could lock on the gag and some string.
I then sat in my bathtub and tied up one of my hands to limit my mobility. I also had my head tied as I explained above. An enema bag was ready and it has a stopper on it so I would control that with my free - left hand. I then inserted the gag with the enema hose through the gag into my mouth. Pulled it super tight and locked it on my head. I then put one pamper on my head and you'll see why in a minute. It also worked as a blindfold. I took some of the scat with my rubber handed gloves and put the scat just under my nose so I would be smelling my own scat. I put the other pamper on my head, was blindfolded and it held the scat still. I took a deep breath and undid the stopper to the enema bag full of piss. About 1 second past until heavy pressure of my own urine shot into my mouth.
Some over flooded my mouth and down onto my body while the rest went down my throat. This wasn't watered down urine either. I stopped the stopper as I struggled and I thought I had enough. But there was some urine left. So I poured it all over my body and cock and eventually spit urine saliva all over my chastized cock.
I was utterly humiliated, disgusted, semi turned on and shocked.
Here are a few pictures however most of it is a video that will be released on my clips4sale store when I get it up in the near future.
Yesterday I humiliated, degraded, semi tortured and also dressed up a bit for about 4 - 4 1/2 hours. I started doing one thing but then I got interrupted by a roommate who needed me for something. So I had to change and undo myself to go help him. Then I resumed and did something a little different and did something I had never done before - chastity will make you do that.
The first thing I did was some cock and ball bondage. I put a green sleeve over my cock to make sure I didn't pinch the skin too much since it's already in a device. Then I took some string that was rather long and tied it up. It was sort of mummified and then I ran the remaining string between my legs, between my butt and up to my hair. There I pulled back my head and tied the string to my hair in a pony tail. It was very tight and if I were to stand straight up it made me look towards the ceiling while also pulling very hard on my cock and balls. If I wanted to see anything on the ground area I had to bend over like I was giving up my ass to be fucked.
I then put on a pamper diaper, a bra and my sissy maids dress which I haven't worn in quite some time after having the seems fixed. This wasn't easy to do with the way I was tied. Then I put on my purple heels and this required me to lay on my back and suffocate myself in spurts just to put on my heels. I returned to my computer to take care of a few errands and I had a few more things planned but was then interrupted. Here are a few pictures.
When I got back from helping my roommate I decided that I was going to torture myself with some toilet play. I think it's always easier to do certain things to yourself than having someone else do them to you so it's a good way to practice. I've done forced piss consumption on myself in the past but I also wanted to add in some scat play. I've never consumed scat and I didn't this time either however I did incorporate it into my scene.
I put on a pampers diaper again, took a squat and then shit some into the diaper. I took off the diaper and put it to the side for the moment. I had to go pee so I pissed into the enema bag and then took the anal end of the enema and slide it through my ball gag that has a mouth opening. It was tough to fit it in the gag but it worked. I also wore a head harness and made it so that I had to have my head straight or upwards so that I couldn't spit much out. I grabbed a lock so I could lock on the gag and some string.
I then sat in my bathtub and tied up one of my hands to limit my mobility. I also had my head tied as I explained above. An enema bag was ready and it has a stopper on it so I would control that with my free - left hand. I then inserted the gag with the enema hose through the gag into my mouth. Pulled it super tight and locked it on my head. I then put one pamper on my head and you'll see why in a minute. It also worked as a blindfold. I took some of the scat with my rubber handed gloves and put the scat just under my nose so I would be smelling my own scat. I put the other pamper on my head, was blindfolded and it held the scat still. I took a deep breath and undid the stopper to the enema bag full of piss. About 1 second past until heavy pressure of my own urine shot into my mouth.
Some over flooded my mouth and down onto my body while the rest went down my throat. This wasn't watered down urine either. I stopped the stopper as I struggled and I thought I had enough. But there was some urine left. So I poured it all over my body and cock and eventually spit urine saliva all over my chastized cock.
I was utterly humiliated, disgusted, semi turned on and shocked.
Here are a few pictures however most of it is a video that will be released on my clips4sale store when I get it up in the near future.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Think I've found a play partner
As I sit here in a park in Chicago I’m relaxing next to the person I’ve seen a lot of lately. A person I at first thought would just be another acquaintance I met in Chicago this summer. We’re definitely more than acquaintances and what a pleasant surprise it has been. As I sit here in the park it is just her and I that know my cock is locked up in chastity. By the time I finish writing this I will have spent the past 19 hours locked up. I also haven’t had an orgasm since Wednesday when I shot video with Maya Sinstress. I’m a young man who typically orgasms quite a bit and I wasn’t expecting to be put in chastity yesterday.
I don’t expect to be in chastity a long amount of time, at least not yet. Right now it’s more of a plaything but chastity is something both her and I do have an interest in. We’ve talked in depth a lot and it’s looking like I may have my first personal play partner that I’ve had in 2 years now. I’m excited about the possibilities and I’m excited to have met her. Sometimes you just stumble across good people and she is definitely – good people.
Last night after being placed in the chastity device I thought that was all that was going to happen but she had a few more evil things in mind. The device I’m in is not mine, it’s hers and it is a bit too large for me. Luckily, I have a Prince Albert piercing and she was able to lock my piercing to the cage and so I can’t escape even if I tried. Prior to going to sleep she took some thinner rope/string and ran it through the bottom end of the cage and then pulled it back behind the headboard. Attached it to something (I couldn’t really see from my angle) and then the remainder of the string around her hand. She teased and denied me for quite some time. The bondage restricted how I slept only allowing me to be on my back or on my right side. When I laid on my right side I had to curl up into a very small ball to keep the tension of the string from being too much. I slept well considering the circumstance but still tossed and turned for most of the night. Whenever she would slightly wake up she would give the string a little tug to make sure the tension was tight. In between my tossing and turning there were some quite moans and throbbing in my cock.
It was deliciously tormenting. I was on edge prior to going to sleep and throughout the night. The small evil grins I would catch her making when I glanced at her wanted to make me beg for release and yet it made me want to please her. I knew this predicament pleased her. My pain and humiliation gave her a form of ecstasy and that is what I thrive off of. That is what had my stomach in knots, my mind curiously fearing what was to come and my blood flow pumping through my cock. J
Prior to all of this on Wednesday I shot with Maya Sinstress. We shot 3 videos and all were very fun. I even did a few things I had never experienced before. The first video was of me as an adult baby boy and mommy Maya always wanted a girl not a boy and so I was treated like a girl.
The second video had me in an awkward bondage position and then having an anal hook shoved up my ass. This was the first time I ever used an anal hook and it was something I very much enjoyed. After being opened up I took a pretty large strap-on and rode it like I know how too!
The last video we did some figging. This was my first time doing this as well. If you don’t know what figging is it is having ginger root shoved down your piss hole. It definitely burns and yet I found it very eroticizing. I found it eroticizing enough to where when I was ordered to cum I shot a good load. I continued to feel the burning for about 24-36 hours afterwards whenever I would piss. It reminded me of when I got my cock pierced and it burnt when pissing for about a day afterwards. It’s not unbearable but trust me… you feel it.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Self Play: Aneros - Piss - Consumption - Orgasm
Put dick inside baby bottle and taped it to myself. Put a thick diaper on cause I knew it would leak a bit. Used the Aneros prostate massager and I've been getting myself to cum a bit more from it. Anal milking and it's crazy, the feeling that is. So I came a bit in the bottle first and the nice thing about this is your still really horny cause it's not like an orgasm but you produce cum none the less. After doing that for a bit I pissed into the bottle. That's the first part.
Then I took the tape off and had a piss filled bottle with some cum in it. Took my white gag that not only is for attaching a dildo but also has a hole in the mouth gag to insert tubes into. I hooked up the enema bag and put my piss and cum into the enema bag. I then laid down in my bathtub and my gag has a locking mechanism on the back of it. Instead I attached a leash where it locks and tied the other end of the leash to the faucet in the tub so that I couldn't move my head if I wanted to. I kept the plastic pants on because it's sort of bizarre and turns me on. I took the hose of the enema and put it through my gag and into my mouth. I taped it to the gag so that I could not pull off if I wanted to.
May I say that my piss wasn't watered down either. I had to piss all day but I was horny all day and started planning shit to do during the day so I held my piss till I got home to do this.
I decided that I couldn't stop the contents in the enema bag to stop flowing until I had cum. Note: I'm not a big piss drinker at all, but I enjoy putting myself in extreme predicaments. So I let the piss and cum start flowing and it immediately fills my gagged mouth and some starts to drip down my chin and down my chest. The taste and order was strong. I knew it wouldn't take long for me to cum as I was rock hard so I let the piss and cum flow into my mouth a bit longer and then started to masturbate. Before I knew it I had exploded. But, because I had tied myself into such a tough predicament the piss just kept flowing and I had humiliated myself and loved it.
It was an intense orgasm and a fun self play scenario.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
7 week Road Trip part 1
After Ithaca, New York I was off to Philly. It was my first time there since I was a child, I wish I had more time than a 1/2 a day there. I'll definitely be back. Miss Lydia Rules was nice enough to meet up with me and I crashed at Coral Korrupts place. Coral was already in DC where I was heading the next day. Lydia is into Lolita fashion and she had a dress that she had ordered a bit large so we played a little dress up. Overall it fit pretty good so I have a better idea of what size to get when I start my Lolita collection. My friend, we'll call him "Bobcat" likes electrical play and he saw that Coral had a cattle prod and asked me if I would use it on him. I was like, are you sure and he was game. That was fun lol :) I shocked him on his ass a few times and boy did he jump but at the same time he enjoyed it. I haven't tried it yet, I try to avoid using it on me that is.
Then it was on to DC in the morning. Bobcat drove back home and Lydia and I were on our way to the "Slave Party" hosted by Lexi Sindel. There were 5 Dommes, Lexi Sindel, Coral Korrupt, Lydia Rules, Jenni Fishnets, and Nikki Domino. I had known them all except for Nikki at the time. A good amount of guys showed up but Lexi's 2 personal slaves that were there and I only helped out with the party. The party was for the other guys attending. Eventually they all went downstairs to play and the 3 of us were left by all the food and alcohol so of course I indulged. As the night got late I ended up playing just a little bit with Nikki and it's safe to say Nikki and I had a really good time that night. She's really cool and enjoyable to be around.
I ended up staying in DC with Lexi to film for 12 days. In that time I shot with Lexi, Victoria Sapphire from Columbus, Ohio and Nikki Domino. A ball kicking submissive was also there for a few shoots, and Cybil Troy and her slave from New York were in town for a few days as well.
I'm trying to recall all the scenes I did while there:
- w/ Lexi as Santa strap-on and heavy bondage
- w/ Lexi wrestling
- w/ Lexi boot worship
- w/ Lexi & Victoria double strap-on
- w/ Lexi and Victoria self cock sucking
- w/ Victoria heavy flogging
- w/ Victoria Whipping
- w/ Victoria Caning (first time I've ever cried during a scene & I cried a lot)
- w/ Victoria CBT, S&M scene and bondage
- w/ Victoria boot worship
- w/ Nikki Domino Strap-on
------------- I think that's all of them and then I just helped out when other people were in town.
Lexi had me serving her on a more regular basis while I was there. We had discussed working out a D/s relationship between us on a more regular basis. I have a few play partners but I've been keeping my eyes open to playing more regularly and more intense with someone. Lexi and I have discussed things a bit and neither of us want to jump into something because I take a D/s relationship seriously but things seem to be heading in a positive direction with us.
I'll wrap up the rest of my trip in my next journal.
But here's a picture of Lexi as Santa with her submissive.... Me.
Then it was on to DC in the morning. Bobcat drove back home and Lydia and I were on our way to the "Slave Party" hosted by Lexi Sindel. There were 5 Dommes, Lexi Sindel, Coral Korrupt, Lydia Rules, Jenni Fishnets, and Nikki Domino. I had known them all except for Nikki at the time. A good amount of guys showed up but Lexi's 2 personal slaves that were there and I only helped out with the party. The party was for the other guys attending. Eventually they all went downstairs to play and the 3 of us were left by all the food and alcohol so of course I indulged. As the night got late I ended up playing just a little bit with Nikki and it's safe to say Nikki and I had a really good time that night. She's really cool and enjoyable to be around.
I ended up staying in DC with Lexi to film for 12 days. In that time I shot with Lexi, Victoria Sapphire from Columbus, Ohio and Nikki Domino. A ball kicking submissive was also there for a few shoots, and Cybil Troy and her slave from New York were in town for a few days as well.
I'm trying to recall all the scenes I did while there:
- w/ Lexi as Santa strap-on and heavy bondage
- w/ Lexi wrestling
- w/ Lexi boot worship
- w/ Lexi & Victoria double strap-on
- w/ Lexi and Victoria self cock sucking
- w/ Victoria heavy flogging
- w/ Victoria Whipping
- w/ Victoria Caning (first time I've ever cried during a scene & I cried a lot)
- w/ Victoria CBT, S&M scene and bondage
- w/ Victoria boot worship
- w/ Nikki Domino Strap-on
------------- I think that's all of them and then I just helped out when other people were in town.
Lexi had me serving her on a more regular basis while I was there. We had discussed working out a D/s relationship between us on a more regular basis. I have a few play partners but I've been keeping my eyes open to playing more regularly and more intense with someone. Lexi and I have discussed things a bit and neither of us want to jump into something because I take a D/s relationship seriously but things seem to be heading in a positive direction with us.
I'll wrap up the rest of my trip in my next journal.
But here's a picture of Lexi as Santa with her submissive.... Me.
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