I woke up this morning like a kid in a candy store. So happy, excited, I feel like I'm going to the beach or on a vacation. So why the excitement. Cause @GoddessTangent gave me the first order in a long time. The funny thing is, it was nothing very meaningful. I kept calling her about the Steelers game yesterday and I know she doesn't like sports. Then I've been very healthy lately and I've lost 11 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks and haven't been drinking and I got a quick buzz and you wouldn't believe why I'm so excited.
She texted me" if I text/call her again with anything meaningless that she doesn't care about that she was going to block me". And trust me I wanted to call and text her again cause I'm so happy that we are talking again. But I knew the consequences so I stopped.
I was so turned on, I woke up this morning humping my bed. And then it came to me. It's not that I didn't know it, but humans, we are stubborn sometimes and don't like to admit things. But I am a stronger, better, more complete person when Tangent has control of my life. When she makes decisions of what I can and cant do. Not maybes, but decisions. And I think that's why I like chastity so much. It's so mental, it's control over me all the time even when she's not home and traveling. It's mind bending and twisting love. Just the way I like it. Even more so from the one person that I trust and have always loved the most in my life.
As a kid they said humans need certain things to live; shelter, food, water etc.
What I've learned as an adult about myself is I need captivity, I need someone who is as passionate about being in control of someones else as I am passionate about being controlled. And what I've learned from there is that you have to have such a deep bond and trust with someone and for me I love this person. It's GoddessTangent. But since I'm not in chastity at the moment and have no regulations on cuming at the moment I'm going to use my Hitachi right now and cum in my panties.
Showing posts with label bdsm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bdsm. Show all posts
Monday, January 15, 2018
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Capture's Control
It's one thing to break up in a vanilla relationship. It's another thing for that same person to also be your kink/BDSM partner. As someone who is a submissive I'm fully aware that the Dominant has little to no power unless the submissive trust their Dominant and allows them to hold a power over them. The submissive needs to be stronger than the Dominant almost always because the submissive takes a lot physically and mentally when you play in BDSM.
If there is 1 thing you could ask @MistressTangent about me and she would 100% agree with is that she's never met anyone who could take as much both physically and mentally as I can. We always had this bond that just felt like it couldn't be broken. I put SOOOOO much trust in her to be able to take what I have over the years. Some of it was sexual kink and a good amount of it wasn't.
We always wanted to push our kink to new heights and sometimes in was magnificent and sometimes it's was an experimental mess. Sometimes I wouldn't be aware of her mental BDSM on me until after. The way we pushed our relationship to the edge made us truly that much closer.
We've done things with each other that neither of us ever did before. We went there! It was powerful, dangerous, arousing, scary, exciting.....
Sitting here writing this, what hurts me the most is that when I made mistakes I'm still sad at how quick she was to essentially let me go. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that and it's making me question everything I thought I knew. I feel like a prisoner who endured a lot from their captor and then "fell" for their captor and then one day their capture just disappeared. She was my captor for 5 years and now my head is all twisted.
I have anger, I have hope, I have fear, I have confusion, I have love, I have hurt.
I never wanted to admit it but I think I always loved her more than she loved me. I think a lot of that goes back to our power dynamic. But that's a huge part of what hurts so much.
I can't predict the future but at this point I have no idea what I want, where I'm going or what's to come. I'm just trying to understand myself.
I'm sure I'll have more to write in the future, but now this is therapeutic.
If there is 1 thing you could ask @MistressTangent about me and she would 100% agree with is that she's never met anyone who could take as much both physically and mentally as I can. We always had this bond that just felt like it couldn't be broken. I put SOOOOO much trust in her to be able to take what I have over the years. Some of it was sexual kink and a good amount of it wasn't.
We always wanted to push our kink to new heights and sometimes in was magnificent and sometimes it's was an experimental mess. Sometimes I wouldn't be aware of her mental BDSM on me until after. The way we pushed our relationship to the edge made us truly that much closer.
We've done things with each other that neither of us ever did before. We went there! It was powerful, dangerous, arousing, scary, exciting.....
Sitting here writing this, what hurts me the most is that when I made mistakes I'm still sad at how quick she was to essentially let me go. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that and it's making me question everything I thought I knew. I feel like a prisoner who endured a lot from their captor and then "fell" for their captor and then one day their capture just disappeared. She was my captor for 5 years and now my head is all twisted.
I have anger, I have hope, I have fear, I have confusion, I have love, I have hurt.
I never wanted to admit it but I think I always loved her more than she loved me. I think a lot of that goes back to our power dynamic. But that's a huge part of what hurts so much.
I can't predict the future but at this point I have no idea what I want, where I'm going or what's to come. I'm just trying to understand myself.
I'm sure I'll have more to write in the future, but now this is therapeutic.
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
A Trans Woman Changing Adult Entertainment
Anyone that has read my blogs over the years know that what I write has nothing to do with plugging others. It's purely about my experiences in kink and sexuality. I prefix because I'm about to "plug" someone without the intentions of giving her more popularity 1) she's already popular and 2) she is in my mind breaking boundaries in the transgender porn world and I very much appreciate that.
For starters... Time passes us all by and I feel that I accomplished a lot as a male submissive in front of the camera but it was always a means to an end for me. None the less, I've always ran in the adult entertainment world in some aspect, and as I've transitioned I find myself thinking that I pretty much feel like an outsider because I'm not working in adult film as a trans woman the way I worked in Femdom as a male submissive. Not due to lack of opportunity but simply out of choice. But the people I run with very often are still involved so I'm experienced, yet I'm not "in their world". So I find it interesting but I'll admit I find the trans women porn world to be over the top repetitive.
So seeing what Natalie Mars has done pushing limits in kink is beyond refreshing.
The funny thing is New Years Eve, Lexi Sindel invited me and my partner to Vegas to welcome in the New Year with her. So I'm at her house and Lexi and other peeps are getting ready to go out, as am I and she tells me that someone will be coming over soon. So I open the door and it's Natalie Mars and I have absolutely no idea who she is. I'm like cool, another girl and we are all going to have a good time.
So long story short of the night it was a blast. Natalie and I got to know each other better and 2 days later we shot our first scene together w/ Lexi Sindel and Mistress Tangent. If you don't know about it yet it was an amazing day with a focus on over the top femininity and sissy play as two trans woman. I go back with Lexi shooting from the age of 23 and I'm 31 now. It's weird when your kink idols become your friends. But some how she always comes up with fucked up, weird, kinky shit which as a kinkster I appreciate. I also love how Lexi always pushes the limits, where I'm going with this is so many trans women feel uncomfortable with crossdressers or sissy play because they don't want to be labeled that. However as a kinkster I still find sissy, over the top femininity arousing. On a personal level I've purposely stopped shooting heavily for years. But going back to my original topic, that is exactly why I tip my hat to Natalie Mars. She is the first and only trans woman who pushes kink while being a trans porn star and to me that is powerful.
Think about it. There are a million trans girl sites. A million BDSM sites that involve men, women, and even some that involve trans women but the ones with trans women all 100% relate back to sex. It's almost like trans women aren't allowed to be kinky and ironically as someone who runs in both worlds, so many trans women are kinky.
So I'll write about it and Natalie Mars can break boundaries. Some examples......
She proposed a fucking machine to Grooby Girls and got it done. First time ever and to put it nicely, it's a very popular video.
What takes more courage is taking a taboo fetish, that's even taboo in kink. And that's ABDL (Adult Baby, Diaper Lovers) those terms can be one in the same or completely separate. Personally I've been a DL lover all my life but even as open and kinky as I am it took me a very long time to be open about it cause even to me it seemed "weird". Now, not so much but it takes such courage as a trans porn star like her who is so popular to not only open up about it, but expose it, show it and talk about it and that is powerful.
Additionally she has done a lot of Femdom, bondage, and more. In some ways I feel like I am her. I guarantee you she had no idea who I was until I met her. But that doesn't mean I didn't influence people, I know I did, I've been told so many stories and I appreciate that. For me, the most powerful thing about being in front of the camera was others willingly opening up to me about their stories, it's that-that I love. Because we all have a story. I feel that my blog has ALWAYS been about sharing an inside light on things that those note involved wouldn't know, but I feel is important to know. And to me, what Natalie Mars is doing is a HUGE step in adult entertainment for trans people. Instead of simply being what someone fetish-sizes she's saying I also have fetishes and I'm willing to share with the world. And I, SOOOOOOO Love that!
For starters... Time passes us all by and I feel that I accomplished a lot as a male submissive in front of the camera but it was always a means to an end for me. None the less, I've always ran in the adult entertainment world in some aspect, and as I've transitioned I find myself thinking that I pretty much feel like an outsider because I'm not working in adult film as a trans woman the way I worked in Femdom as a male submissive. Not due to lack of opportunity but simply out of choice. But the people I run with very often are still involved so I'm experienced, yet I'm not "in their world". So I find it interesting but I'll admit I find the trans women porn world to be over the top repetitive.
So seeing what Natalie Mars has done pushing limits in kink is beyond refreshing.
The funny thing is New Years Eve, Lexi Sindel invited me and my partner to Vegas to welcome in the New Year with her. So I'm at her house and Lexi and other peeps are getting ready to go out, as am I and she tells me that someone will be coming over soon. So I open the door and it's Natalie Mars and I have absolutely no idea who she is. I'm like cool, another girl and we are all going to have a good time.
So long story short of the night it was a blast. Natalie and I got to know each other better and 2 days later we shot our first scene together w/ Lexi Sindel and Mistress Tangent. If you don't know about it yet it was an amazing day with a focus on over the top femininity and sissy play as two trans woman. I go back with Lexi shooting from the age of 23 and I'm 31 now. It's weird when your kink idols become your friends. But some how she always comes up with fucked up, weird, kinky shit which as a kinkster I appreciate. I also love how Lexi always pushes the limits, where I'm going with this is so many trans women feel uncomfortable with crossdressers or sissy play because they don't want to be labeled that. However as a kinkster I still find sissy, over the top femininity arousing. On a personal level I've purposely stopped shooting heavily for years. But going back to my original topic, that is exactly why I tip my hat to Natalie Mars. She is the first and only trans woman who pushes kink while being a trans porn star and to me that is powerful.
Think about it. There are a million trans girl sites. A million BDSM sites that involve men, women, and even some that involve trans women but the ones with trans women all 100% relate back to sex. It's almost like trans women aren't allowed to be kinky and ironically as someone who runs in both worlds, so many trans women are kinky.
So I'll write about it and Natalie Mars can break boundaries. Some examples......
She proposed a fucking machine to Grooby Girls and got it done. First time ever and to put it nicely, it's a very popular video.
What takes more courage is taking a taboo fetish, that's even taboo in kink. And that's ABDL (Adult Baby, Diaper Lovers) those terms can be one in the same or completely separate. Personally I've been a DL lover all my life but even as open and kinky as I am it took me a very long time to be open about it cause even to me it seemed "weird". Now, not so much but it takes such courage as a trans porn star like her who is so popular to not only open up about it, but expose it, show it and talk about it and that is powerful.
Additionally she has done a lot of Femdom, bondage, and more. In some ways I feel like I am her. I guarantee you she had no idea who I was until I met her. But that doesn't mean I didn't influence people, I know I did, I've been told so many stories and I appreciate that. For me, the most powerful thing about being in front of the camera was others willingly opening up to me about their stories, it's that-that I love. Because we all have a story. I feel that my blog has ALWAYS been about sharing an inside light on things that those note involved wouldn't know, but I feel is important to know. And to me, what Natalie Mars is doing is a HUGE step in adult entertainment for trans people. Instead of simply being what someone fetish-sizes she's saying I also have fetishes and I'm willing to share with the world. And I, SOOOOOOO Love that!
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Announcement: More To Come
I've been on hiatus with my blog and many other aspects of my life that is in the public eye. I've pulled off of Fetlife, Twitter, my blog, and my attendance at kink events of any kind except for my attendance at Domcon LA and I also went to Folsom Street in San Francisco earlier in my hiatus. The reason for this is I've been going through a lot of personal change. With that said, I've decided to start opening myself up to the you guys once again as I do find it very therapeutic and enjoy hearing how I help others out as well.
What I would like to do is share a part of myself with you that I haven't talked much about. I mentioned that I'm transitioning to live as female. I've mentioned that I was born XXY (Intersex) called Klinefelter's Syndrome. I've clearly mentioned how kinky I am and shared my kinky life with you for years. But I haven't shared my struggles in finding my own gender identity, I haven't shared my path to how I got to where I am today, I haven't shared the ups and downs I've gone through in coming out to my friends, family, colleagues and others in my life.
So I'm going to share that all with you through text, images and videos.
I will also share more of my kink lifestyle with you as I did before. Many ask both me and Mistress Tangent on a regular basis and to address that question, yes we are still happily together. Once again I simply pulled back on sharing due to the massive changes I've been experiencing.
Right now I'm in Chicago, I've been here as of early July until July 25th. I'm here to do with family issues around my transition. I will have another post for you in a few days with many more details after I finishing announcing my transition publicly.
Thank you for all of your patience. My blog and my writings have always been very helpful to me and I love the interaction and feedback that it brings me from all of you.
What I would like to do is share a part of myself with you that I haven't talked much about. I mentioned that I'm transitioning to live as female. I've mentioned that I was born XXY (Intersex) called Klinefelter's Syndrome. I've clearly mentioned how kinky I am and shared my kinky life with you for years. But I haven't shared my struggles in finding my own gender identity, I haven't shared my path to how I got to where I am today, I haven't shared the ups and downs I've gone through in coming out to my friends, family, colleagues and others in my life.
So I'm going to share that all with you through text, images and videos.
I will also share more of my kink lifestyle with you as I did before. Many ask both me and Mistress Tangent on a regular basis and to address that question, yes we are still happily together. Once again I simply pulled back on sharing due to the massive changes I've been experiencing.
Right now I'm in Chicago, I've been here as of early July until July 25th. I'm here to do with family issues around my transition. I will have another post for you in a few days with many more details after I finishing announcing my transition publicly.
Thank you for all of your patience. My blog and my writings have always been very helpful to me and I love the interaction and feedback that it brings me from all of you.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Stripped & Naked
Stripped and naked.
Not physically but of my collar for further training.
Over all these years in kink and all the time I've been around lifestyle people and lived the lifestyle myself I've never been trained in high protocal. I've never been a "slave" the way Mistress Tangent desires me as a slave. The truth is, when I look inside myself I've never been a "slave" the way I've desired either. My own fears, anxiety, and pride has kept myself from letting go to the point where I can be a slave.
Not just for the name of being a slave and not just for a short period of time like a session but for good. To dedicate myself to someone forever.
This all came to over a period of time and with our most recent trip to San Diego where we spent some time around some high protocal friends and I failed to present myself and show that same level of respect for Mistress Tangent in particular situations.
I've decided to dedicate myself to the teachings and learnings of Mistress Tangent so that I will be the proper slave She deserves and our relationship will continue to blossum and grow into what we both desire. My level of trust, belief, and love in Her and Her geniune love of power exchange and BDSM has brought me to where I am today. Stripped, Naked, Collar-less to learn the real, proper ways of Femdom and to serve Her to the highest degree.
This stripping began just last night. The first hour of training and the foundation to us.
The 2 most difficult parts for the both of us was Her removing 2 privledges that were given to me. 1) She removed my collar and I am forbidden to wear anything even resembling a collar until I have earned it. 2) I am no longer allowed to call Her (Daddy) as I have been for a long time now. The only time this is allowed is when She is fucking me and when I earn my collar back. I cried over both these situations while in my high protocal slave position.
Mistress Tangent then taught me the basic rules of the 3 protocals (low, medium & high) and the rules along with them.
Low: Is when we are around family and friends and or public situations and I am to maintain a level of respect throughout. Further details will be revealed in our next training.
Medium: When we are at home and also at fetish parties/events.
High: When we are with others who live the D/s lifestyle and in some other situations that Mistress Tangent deems necessary. High protocal is also ALWAYS in place for punishments.
So far I've been taught a couple slave positions and protocals that follow the high protocal.
Attention: Standing with arms by side and hands open/facing out.
Listening: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together low near waist shows that I'm listening.
Question: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together but raised to my chest, waiting to be allowed to ask a question or to speak.
During high protocal I am not allowed to speak unless spoken to.
During high and medium protocal I am to address Her at all times properly. Because the word (Daddy) has been stripped from me until I'm allowed the privledge of using that word again I now must address her as Ma'am AT ALL TIMES when in Medium or High protocal.
Just over 1 day into training I can feel the positive tension. I am committed to being a slave that my Owner is proud of. I am committed to treating Her the way She deserves to be treated. I am committed to myself throughout this process and I am stripped and naked to be molded.
Additionally, I've been locked up in chastity for 42 straight days now and this time I'm locked up in the smallest possible Cb-6000 cage possible. The length is about 2 inches and I didn't think I could fit into it but the truth is this size fits me much better. I feel more frustration in this sized cage and with me being on HRT now since February it only makes sense. I am not allowed any orgasms until I've taken 10,000, that's right 10,000 canings from Mistress Tangent. 42 days in and I'm at a little over 1,000 canings.
I want to leave off on this note. 1 full day of proper protocal to my Owner has brought a new hightened sense of eroticism, arosal and tingles to my body. Both sexually and mentally stimulating. I'm very excited about Our journey down this road together.
Not physically but of my collar for further training.
Over all these years in kink and all the time I've been around lifestyle people and lived the lifestyle myself I've never been trained in high protocal. I've never been a "slave" the way Mistress Tangent desires me as a slave. The truth is, when I look inside myself I've never been a "slave" the way I've desired either. My own fears, anxiety, and pride has kept myself from letting go to the point where I can be a slave.
Not just for the name of being a slave and not just for a short period of time like a session but for good. To dedicate myself to someone forever.
This all came to over a period of time and with our most recent trip to San Diego where we spent some time around some high protocal friends and I failed to present myself and show that same level of respect for Mistress Tangent in particular situations.
I've decided to dedicate myself to the teachings and learnings of Mistress Tangent so that I will be the proper slave She deserves and our relationship will continue to blossum and grow into what we both desire. My level of trust, belief, and love in Her and Her geniune love of power exchange and BDSM has brought me to where I am today. Stripped, Naked, Collar-less to learn the real, proper ways of Femdom and to serve Her to the highest degree.
This stripping began just last night. The first hour of training and the foundation to us.
The 2 most difficult parts for the both of us was Her removing 2 privledges that were given to me. 1) She removed my collar and I am forbidden to wear anything even resembling a collar until I have earned it. 2) I am no longer allowed to call Her (Daddy) as I have been for a long time now. The only time this is allowed is when She is fucking me and when I earn my collar back. I cried over both these situations while in my high protocal slave position.
Mistress Tangent then taught me the basic rules of the 3 protocals (low, medium & high) and the rules along with them.
Low: Is when we are around family and friends and or public situations and I am to maintain a level of respect throughout. Further details will be revealed in our next training.
Medium: When we are at home and also at fetish parties/events.
High: When we are with others who live the D/s lifestyle and in some other situations that Mistress Tangent deems necessary. High protocal is also ALWAYS in place for punishments.
So far I've been taught a couple slave positions and protocals that follow the high protocal.
Attention: Standing with arms by side and hands open/facing out.
Listening: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together low near waist shows that I'm listening.
Question: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together but raised to my chest, waiting to be allowed to ask a question or to speak.
During high protocal I am not allowed to speak unless spoken to.
During high and medium protocal I am to address Her at all times properly. Because the word (Daddy) has been stripped from me until I'm allowed the privledge of using that word again I now must address her as Ma'am AT ALL TIMES when in Medium or High protocal.
Just over 1 day into training I can feel the positive tension. I am committed to being a slave that my Owner is proud of. I am committed to treating Her the way She deserves to be treated. I am committed to myself throughout this process and I am stripped and naked to be molded.
Additionally, I've been locked up in chastity for 42 straight days now and this time I'm locked up in the smallest possible Cb-6000 cage possible. The length is about 2 inches and I didn't think I could fit into it but the truth is this size fits me much better. I feel more frustration in this sized cage and with me being on HRT now since February it only makes sense. I am not allowed any orgasms until I've taken 10,000, that's right 10,000 canings from Mistress Tangent. 42 days in and I'm at a little over 1,000 canings.
I want to leave off on this note. 1 full day of proper protocal to my Owner has brought a new hightened sense of eroticism, arosal and tingles to my body. Both sexually and mentally stimulating. I'm very excited about Our journey down this road together.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Happy New Year - Orgasm's to Cum?
Happy New Year!
New Year, same ol chastity for me. I've been locked in chastity since July 17, 2014 and this morning marks 101 days without an orgasm. Originally I was supposed to be released on Christmas Eve but I know that I have to go through the ringer prior to being released. With Her traveling in December and then the Holidays we just didn't have time. Then we spent New Years Eve in Chicago together with my hometown friends and enjoyed a lovely welcoming of the New Year by taking my first ass fucking in nearly 100 days.
Of course we were a little intoxicated being that it was NYE and we didn't have any lube with us. But, we weren't going to let that stop us. A little spit from me and Her and a little bit of my blood from the rough oral I was giving Her cock prior and in She went. She fucked me so hard, so good in our little bedroom (closet) to make sure we had some private space. She fucked me right up until I was about to cum and stopped.
She will be back home in Phoenix with me in a few days and Wednesday I'll be getting my first real marking from Her. I'm very excited about this. She is piercing both of my nipples!!!
I will wear them proudly and look forward to more permanent markings from Her in the future as we grow.
After the piercings I get more of Daddy's dick and rule #1 for me to reach orgasm with the Hitachi in the future is to achieve an anal orgasm while She fucks me. Then, will come further steps (hopefully I get to achieve/pass these steps sooner than later) and then I will be able to cum for the first time in over 3 1/2
months.
I will say, when I have not cum in such long periods of time. I am a lot more pron to do dirty things, I also start to think about and fantasize about such things.
With that said, I've come to truly want to be in chastity. I feel it serves a better purpose locked up than not locked up. I feel more comfortable with it locked up. I feel more feminine with it locked up. Truth is I don't use it, don't need it, in that capacity. Orgasms I of course desire, but that is it.
My CB-6000 (new one) since I broke the last one. Has held up very well, but I believe that's because my body has begun to adjust after spending over 9 months of 2014 in chastity. With that said, I do look forward to upgrading to another chastity belt in time.
New Year, same ol chastity for me. I've been locked in chastity since July 17, 2014 and this morning marks 101 days without an orgasm. Originally I was supposed to be released on Christmas Eve but I know that I have to go through the ringer prior to being released. With Her traveling in December and then the Holidays we just didn't have time. Then we spent New Years Eve in Chicago together with my hometown friends and enjoyed a lovely welcoming of the New Year by taking my first ass fucking in nearly 100 days.
Of course we were a little intoxicated being that it was NYE and we didn't have any lube with us. But, we weren't going to let that stop us. A little spit from me and Her and a little bit of my blood from the rough oral I was giving Her cock prior and in She went. She fucked me so hard, so good in our little bedroom (closet) to make sure we had some private space. She fucked me right up until I was about to cum and stopped.
She will be back home in Phoenix with me in a few days and Wednesday I'll be getting my first real marking from Her. I'm very excited about this. She is piercing both of my nipples!!!
I will wear them proudly and look forward to more permanent markings from Her in the future as we grow.
After the piercings I get more of Daddy's dick and rule #1 for me to reach orgasm with the Hitachi in the future is to achieve an anal orgasm while She fucks me. Then, will come further steps (hopefully I get to achieve/pass these steps sooner than later) and then I will be able to cum for the first time in over 3 1/2
months.
I will say, when I have not cum in such long periods of time. I am a lot more pron to do dirty things, I also start to think about and fantasize about such things.
With that said, I've come to truly want to be in chastity. I feel it serves a better purpose locked up than not locked up. I feel more comfortable with it locked up. I feel more feminine with it locked up. Truth is I don't use it, don't need it, in that capacity. Orgasms I of course desire, but that is it.
My CB-6000 (new one) since I broke the last one. Has held up very well, but I believe that's because my body has begun to adjust after spending over 9 months of 2014 in chastity. With that said, I do look forward to upgrading to another chastity belt in time.
Friday, November 7, 2014
I've Never Shared This - Is SRS The Option?
SRS....... Sex Reassingment Surgery
Would I actually consider such a thing?
Yes, I would and have in the past.
Is it realistic?
Yes... Let me tell you why.
This is something I have NEVER shared with other than my owner - Mistress Tangent and so it's not very easy for me to write about this on my blog that has lots of visitors. With that said, some of my personal life is shared through my blog as well as through my Owners websites. I also believe that sharing oneself's struggles, differences, and knowledge helps others through their circumstances, so here I am sharing with you for the first time.
As many of you know I was born with Klinefelter's XXY. This syndrome effects everyone differently. I consider myself intersex. Anyone that knows me can not only see the physical feminine characteristics in me but also the mental and emotional feminine characteristics.
There are times that I thought I could get away from the idea of my own gender questions. That I could live fully as a male but time and time again that's proven not possible for me. I'm not saying that I have to fully transition but I do need to live some of my life as a woman. But most would still ask why SRS?
I'm 28 years old and my penis has never fully functioned. Most people who are born XXY do have a functioning penis and some even give birth to children. I on the other hand have never, not even as a teenager had a fully functioning penis. Yes, I can get erect and yes I can orgasm. But no, I don't have sperm (can't produce kids) and no, I can't stay erect very long.
This has been true since I was a young teenager to now. I have had "traditional sex" but it was always very difficult for me and more than that I've never had a "connection" to my penis.
At a very young age (6 or 7) I taught myself how to masturbate like a woman. These days I prefer to cum with a vibrator (Hitachi). Today marks day 112 of straight chastity in the CB-6000. Now I have had orgasms with the Hitachi when allowed and locked up. It's been a little over a month now of no orgasms.
Mistress Tangent made a statement to me the other day, "I don't think you miss your cock" I thought about it and She is right. I don't miss my cock, I like to orgasm of course but if I am locked in chastity 24/7 yet allowed to orgasm when I earn that while locked in my chastity cage, that is good for me. In fact, I prefer it to not being in chastity, because when I'm not locked up I'm reminded that I was born XXY and that my cock literally serves no purpose. I'm not saying that statement out of self-humiliation. I'm saying that out of truth. The way I was born - XXY Intersex my cock simply doesn't work. On top of that I identify myself as more woman than man.
My Owner prefers me as female and after several talks She has insisted that if I were to get SRS (when I can afford to do so) She would not only be fully supportive but also would be happy for me to make that change.
No decisions are final. Nothing is set in stone. But these are discussions to be had. This is something that could enhance my sexual side for myself and with my Owner. This is something that could have a profound positive impact on my life, to have a sex organ that fully functions the way it is supposed to.
I do not identity with my penis what so ever and my Owner/Partner doesn't identity with it either.
The first steps are for us to educated ourselves on the risks and benefits. Then to speak with a doctor about my unique situation and start discussing options and see if this is something that I wish to pursue.
I will be meeting with my Endocrinologist doctor soon. This will be mentioned, although it is nerve racking to mention because there is some embarrassment and shame associated with it as well. No matter what, I know that my Owner fully supports whichever decision I ultimately decide to go with. But I believe that it's time that I discuss this with professionals and get medical answers to something I've kept to myself my entire life.
Would I actually consider such a thing?
Yes, I would and have in the past.
Is it realistic?
Yes... Let me tell you why.
This is something I have NEVER shared with other than my owner - Mistress Tangent and so it's not very easy for me to write about this on my blog that has lots of visitors. With that said, some of my personal life is shared through my blog as well as through my Owners websites. I also believe that sharing oneself's struggles, differences, and knowledge helps others through their circumstances, so here I am sharing with you for the first time.
As many of you know I was born with Klinefelter's XXY. This syndrome effects everyone differently. I consider myself intersex. Anyone that knows me can not only see the physical feminine characteristics in me but also the mental and emotional feminine characteristics.
There are times that I thought I could get away from the idea of my own gender questions. That I could live fully as a male but time and time again that's proven not possible for me. I'm not saying that I have to fully transition but I do need to live some of my life as a woman. But most would still ask why SRS?
I'm 28 years old and my penis has never fully functioned. Most people who are born XXY do have a functioning penis and some even give birth to children. I on the other hand have never, not even as a teenager had a fully functioning penis. Yes, I can get erect and yes I can orgasm. But no, I don't have sperm (can't produce kids) and no, I can't stay erect very long.
This has been true since I was a young teenager to now. I have had "traditional sex" but it was always very difficult for me and more than that I've never had a "connection" to my penis.
At a very young age (6 or 7) I taught myself how to masturbate like a woman. These days I prefer to cum with a vibrator (Hitachi). Today marks day 112 of straight chastity in the CB-6000. Now I have had orgasms with the Hitachi when allowed and locked up. It's been a little over a month now of no orgasms.
Mistress Tangent made a statement to me the other day, "I don't think you miss your cock" I thought about it and She is right. I don't miss my cock, I like to orgasm of course but if I am locked in chastity 24/7 yet allowed to orgasm when I earn that while locked in my chastity cage, that is good for me. In fact, I prefer it to not being in chastity, because when I'm not locked up I'm reminded that I was born XXY and that my cock literally serves no purpose. I'm not saying that statement out of self-humiliation. I'm saying that out of truth. The way I was born - XXY Intersex my cock simply doesn't work. On top of that I identify myself as more woman than man.
My Owner prefers me as female and after several talks She has insisted that if I were to get SRS (when I can afford to do so) She would not only be fully supportive but also would be happy for me to make that change.
No decisions are final. Nothing is set in stone. But these are discussions to be had. This is something that could enhance my sexual side for myself and with my Owner. This is something that could have a profound positive impact on my life, to have a sex organ that fully functions the way it is supposed to.
I do not identity with my penis what so ever and my Owner/Partner doesn't identity with it either.
The first steps are for us to educated ourselves on the risks and benefits. Then to speak with a doctor about my unique situation and start discussing options and see if this is something that I wish to pursue.
I will be meeting with my Endocrinologist doctor soon. This will be mentioned, although it is nerve racking to mention because there is some embarrassment and shame associated with it as well. No matter what, I know that my Owner fully supports whichever decision I ultimately decide to go with. But I believe that it's time that I discuss this with professionals and get medical answers to something I've kept to myself my entire life.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Pony Up
Been away and have lots to share. I'll break it up into different posts for an easier read.
We'll start with Ponies.
Pony play has been a very long desire of mine and it's one that I've never experienced. I'm not someone who is highly into role-play as a whole but there is something about pony play that captures me. Pony play can be a rather expensive form of bdsm but we've slowly (Mistress Tangent & I) have begun taking steps to make this more of a reality.
There are 2 separate aspects to our pony play.
1) I'm the pony and She is the trainer
2) I'm the pony and She is the War Horse who ultimately fucks me with Her big horse cock.
------
1) Researching pony gear
2) Made a few purchases. We both got a leather chest harness that is versatile in general but works as a good early harness. We also got an awesome glittered big gag from Domina Angelina out of San Diego.
I was asked what kind of real pony I identify with. What similarities do I believe I have with this style of pony and what traits do I wish to aspire to have.
I chose the Palomino horse (Golden Siberian)
Traits include:
- Beauty
- Versatility
- Endurance
- They have also been around for centuries which means they are persistent and my Owner knows that I am persistent.
Additionally, I see myself as a show pony, fetish pony, and a cart pony. That's another reason why I chose the style of pony that I did with the versatility.
Here are some photos of the Palomino Pony...
I am excited with the little steps we've taken and in time we will be rubber and leather ponies roaming fields from me spending a few days living out of stables and as a pony 24/7 all while being properly trained to my Owners expectations.
We'll start with Ponies.
Pony play has been a very long desire of mine and it's one that I've never experienced. I'm not someone who is highly into role-play as a whole but there is something about pony play that captures me. Pony play can be a rather expensive form of bdsm but we've slowly (Mistress Tangent & I) have begun taking steps to make this more of a reality.
There are 2 separate aspects to our pony play.
1) I'm the pony and She is the trainer
2) I'm the pony and She is the War Horse who ultimately fucks me with Her big horse cock.
------
1) Researching pony gear
2) Made a few purchases. We both got a leather chest harness that is versatile in general but works as a good early harness. We also got an awesome glittered big gag from Domina Angelina out of San Diego.
I chose the Palomino horse (Golden Siberian)
Traits include:
- Beauty
- Versatility
- Endurance
- They have also been around for centuries which means they are persistent and my Owner knows that I am persistent.
Additionally, I see myself as a show pony, fetish pony, and a cart pony. That's another reason why I chose the style of pony that I did with the versatility.
Here are some photos of the Palomino Pony...
I am excited with the little steps we've taken and in time we will be rubber and leather ponies roaming fields from me spending a few days living out of stables and as a pony 24/7 all while being properly trained to my Owners expectations.Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Female HRT... Again - This is Different
I've spoken about how I've taken female hormones (HRT) briefly when I was 23, (28 now). I took 3 cycles of HRT (3 shots every 2 weeks) so 6 weeks total and then stopped. Something else I've spoken about in the past is how I was born XXY - Klinefelters. On top of that, if you've ever met me you've probably noticed at least in some way how feminine my body is.
If a male transitions to a woman he has to take testosterone blockers, get laser for facial hair removal, often get laser for body hair removal. I don't have to do any of these things. A M2F wishes to gain curves, lose muscle mass and produce more fat, softer skin. I already have curves, soft skin, and muscle mass like a woman. My process is much simpler.
With all that said W/we've decided to speak with doctors about me going on HRT again. But not with the idea of transitioning. But, to take HRT for another 6-10 weeks depending on how quickly my body takes. I've already got some breast tissue and I'm not doing this to live my life as a woman full time.
The Goals:
1) Feminize my body a bit more
2) Increase pain tolerance
I know that this may seem extreme but W/we would like to feminize my body a bit more without taking it all the way. She (Owner) would also like this. She is attracted by my feminine side and to mutually do this together on my body will be a process but also binding between us.
As for the increase in pain tolerance. It's proven than women have a higher pain tolerance than men. One thing I noticed on my first go-around of HRT (even though I only took them for 6 weeks) was that my pain tolerance increased for about a year or so after.
She (owner) is a true sadist and I love being able to please Her by taking pain for Her. Yes, I do take a good deal of pain in many ways currently and I push to take more but this is an option that I would like to explore more, again - with Her.
The first time I took HRT I did it alone. I noticed an increase in pain tolerance from filming some pain scenes. With that said, that was once a month at best. I'm curious and I know She is as well to test this theory of an increased pain tolerance on a more frequent basis over time.
October 2, 2014 I have a doctors appointment with a doctor who works a lot with the transgender community and is also familiar with Klinefelters.
I will keep you updated on this. I'm very excited to do this with Her by my side.
If a male transitions to a woman he has to take testosterone blockers, get laser for facial hair removal, often get laser for body hair removal. I don't have to do any of these things. A M2F wishes to gain curves, lose muscle mass and produce more fat, softer skin. I already have curves, soft skin, and muscle mass like a woman. My process is much simpler.
With all that said W/we've decided to speak with doctors about me going on HRT again. But not with the idea of transitioning. But, to take HRT for another 6-10 weeks depending on how quickly my body takes. I've already got some breast tissue and I'm not doing this to live my life as a woman full time.
The Goals:
1) Feminize my body a bit more
2) Increase pain tolerance
I know that this may seem extreme but W/we would like to feminize my body a bit more without taking it all the way. She (Owner) would also like this. She is attracted by my feminine side and to mutually do this together on my body will be a process but also binding between us.
As for the increase in pain tolerance. It's proven than women have a higher pain tolerance than men. One thing I noticed on my first go-around of HRT (even though I only took them for 6 weeks) was that my pain tolerance increased for about a year or so after.
She (owner) is a true sadist and I love being able to please Her by taking pain for Her. Yes, I do take a good deal of pain in many ways currently and I push to take more but this is an option that I would like to explore more, again - with Her.
The first time I took HRT I did it alone. I noticed an increase in pain tolerance from filming some pain scenes. With that said, that was once a month at best. I'm curious and I know She is as well to test this theory of an increased pain tolerance on a more frequent basis over time.
October 2, 2014 I have a doctors appointment with a doctor who works a lot with the transgender community and is also familiar with Klinefelters.
I will keep you updated on this. I'm very excited to do this with Her by my side.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Needles
For those of you keeping track, today is day 38 in chastity of 160.
I have had 2 orgasms while in the cage while being fucked along with the Hitachi. Both were magical orgasms with Her dick inside me. I know that I'm always being prepped to take chastity longer and longer. Learning to cum in chastity in one way is great for me and the other means that She can keep me locked up for longer periods of time.
One of the new rules implemented in this 160 days of chastity is needles. The CB-6000 can be a pain in the ass to clean. Every night by 9pm I must have my cage thoroughly cleaned and smelling like perfection. 1 needle if not cleaned and 1 needle if not smelling right.
Did I mention that I HATE needles!?!
In fact, other than my ears pierced, my Prince Albert and the taint piercing I used to have I've never done any other piercings and that includes play piercings. The first time I failed at this She stuck a couple 20 gauge needles through my ball sack. I was developing cold sweats and was scared to death. They really hurt but what was to come about a week later was much worse.
This time I was warned that She was using larger needles. 7 of them this time and by larger, she jumped up to 14 gauges. Sweating and yelling I was helpless as my body was tied down on the bed like an 'X'. Lying down and not being able to see helps me out at least a little bit.
Then I messed up again and I was due 4 needles over the next week or so. But then I decided to bet Daddy double or nothing regarding some stupid vacuum bet that I pretty much knew I had no chance or winning. Of course, I lost and now owned Her 8 needles.
This time I was caught off guard. We tried to do the 8 needles the 2 nights prior but life got in the way and we were too busy. If punishment is delayed longer than 3 days regarding the needles then I sleep on the floor next to the bed chained up. So that's where I slept, and that's not where I wanted to be sleeping. The 3rd night She got home late and I wasn't expecting Her to have the energy for the needles, but She did.
She caught me by surprise and pulled up a chair into the bathroom and told me to sit. Tied my legs wide open and my arms up and behind me. Bound tied with my cock pulled up to my collar so that She would have a good canvas to pierce me with. I started to get my cold sweats as I got more nervous. As She got closer to piercing me I would start to hyper-ventilate a little bit. I caught my breath, said ready and in goes 1 as I scream in pain.
I counted each one in my head knowing how many I had left. She took it slow due to my un-easy stomach making sure I was ready for the next needle every time but it just seemed to get more and more painful. The unexpectedness of the ordeal also through off my mindset and made it more difficult.
By the end, I was spent, exhausted, hurting and my legs wouldn't stop shaking.
I'm learning to keep my cage clean but I know that She also likes to catch me when She can. The sadist in Her comes out when given the opportunity. Besides that, I've recently been hearing Her say that She is going to push me past all of my, "original" hard limits. One by one as I'm molded into Her slave.
It's 8:30pm now. I have to run and clean my cage. Day 38 of chastity and I'm starting to throb in my cage a lot more continuously. Time to clean before I get more needles. Pics are below.
I have had 2 orgasms while in the cage while being fucked along with the Hitachi. Both were magical orgasms with Her dick inside me. I know that I'm always being prepped to take chastity longer and longer. Learning to cum in chastity in one way is great for me and the other means that She can keep me locked up for longer periods of time.
One of the new rules implemented in this 160 days of chastity is needles. The CB-6000 can be a pain in the ass to clean. Every night by 9pm I must have my cage thoroughly cleaned and smelling like perfection. 1 needle if not cleaned and 1 needle if not smelling right.
Did I mention that I HATE needles!?!
In fact, other than my ears pierced, my Prince Albert and the taint piercing I used to have I've never done any other piercings and that includes play piercings. The first time I failed at this She stuck a couple 20 gauge needles through my ball sack. I was developing cold sweats and was scared to death. They really hurt but what was to come about a week later was much worse.
This time I was warned that She was using larger needles. 7 of them this time and by larger, she jumped up to 14 gauges. Sweating and yelling I was helpless as my body was tied down on the bed like an 'X'. Lying down and not being able to see helps me out at least a little bit.
Then I messed up again and I was due 4 needles over the next week or so. But then I decided to bet Daddy double or nothing regarding some stupid vacuum bet that I pretty much knew I had no chance or winning. Of course, I lost and now owned Her 8 needles.
This time I was caught off guard. We tried to do the 8 needles the 2 nights prior but life got in the way and we were too busy. If punishment is delayed longer than 3 days regarding the needles then I sleep on the floor next to the bed chained up. So that's where I slept, and that's not where I wanted to be sleeping. The 3rd night She got home late and I wasn't expecting Her to have the energy for the needles, but She did.
She caught me by surprise and pulled up a chair into the bathroom and told me to sit. Tied my legs wide open and my arms up and behind me. Bound tied with my cock pulled up to my collar so that She would have a good canvas to pierce me with. I started to get my cold sweats as I got more nervous. As She got closer to piercing me I would start to hyper-ventilate a little bit. I caught my breath, said ready and in goes 1 as I scream in pain.
I counted each one in my head knowing how many I had left. She took it slow due to my un-easy stomach making sure I was ready for the next needle every time but it just seemed to get more and more painful. The unexpectedness of the ordeal also through off my mindset and made it more difficult.
By the end, I was spent, exhausted, hurting and my legs wouldn't stop shaking.
I'm learning to keep my cage clean but I know that She also likes to catch me when She can. The sadist in Her comes out when given the opportunity. Besides that, I've recently been hearing Her say that She is going to push me past all of my, "original" hard limits. One by one as I'm molded into Her slave.
It's 8:30pm now. I have to run and clean my cage. Day 38 of chastity and I'm starting to throb in my cage a lot more continuously. Time to clean before I get more needles. Pics are below.
Friday, May 2, 2014
Forced Sissy Blowjob to Completion
A night of Humiliation, Degradation, Shame, Embarrassment...
(To Clarify as some have asked. Daddy is a She, She is my owner. The 2 of us have adopted the roles of She is the Daddy and I am Her girl. So throughout my posts you may see me refer to Her as She and as Daddy)
While at work I got a phone call that once I got home I was going to be all dolled up for Daddy (Wednesday night).
She had gone out and gotten me a brand new wig (sometimes I put in hair extensions), got me some new breast forms among other things. She also brought back some of my things that I still had in my NYC apartment when she was in NYC last week. Some of those things included my pink sissy dress, so I decided to wear that. I thought the night was going to be just me and her, like it usually is but after I was all ready; makeup, hair, lingerie, high heels, locking wrist cuffs, locking heel cuffs, my collar and locked in my dress I was told that our guest would be here soon.
I was told to pull a chair into the bedroom and put it in the corner and face it towards the bed, then to sit down. I was tied with my hands behind the back of the chair and my feet in high heels bound together and then my legs bound back to the chair. The doorbell rang and out She went to answer the door. I was in the room for about 15-20 minutes by myself.
In She walked with a submissive behind Her on a collar and leash. She strapped on "Pink Princess" about a 5 inch pink dildo into her harness.
All the while just sitting there knowing what She was going to make me do that night my heart was racing. I had a bit of anxiety and lots of nervousness but I didn't want that to show. As I calmed myself down a bit I began to get aroused in my cage. BTW today marks day 48 in chastity.
The submissive was bent over a bench about 10 feet in front me and Daddy asked me how long it's been since She's fucked me. I said, "Over 50 days" Then She began telling the submissive that he better take her cock good otherwise the sissy (me) wasn't going to give him a blow job at the end.
That's when my stomach sank a bit and more nerves crept in. It's been drilled into my head that this day would come and that I HAVE TO DO A GOOD JOB otherwise I don't get to cum on day 66.
Then She stuck her cock into the submissive bound to the bench. She began slow as he doesn't take large cocks and I began to get jealous. Wanting Her to be fucking me. I know that She loves to fuck me and that this was torment. I was rocking a bit in my chair wishing it was me, but with a bigger dick, or Her feeldoe. She then put on a smaller dick that She could fuck him harder with. She would glance at me with these looks oh "don't you wish this was you?"
Smaller dick on, She started to fuck him hard, he was moaning and I was begging silently. About 10 minutes later She stopped walked over to me and untied me. Told me to walk next to the submissive who was on his belling/all 4's on the bench and for me to lay down and put my head between his legs where his cock and balls hung over my face.
Let me tell you, the fear that was in me in that moment. But I was there to impress Daddy. Then She got close and put Her dick in his ass and I was told to suck on his balls while she pounded him in the ass. He was clean shaven so that was nice. I opened up my mouth and sucked on his balls. His cock started to drip cum on my forehead and into my hair and eye. I kind of felt like moaning but I didn't, I stayed to course.
Daddy stopped, backed up and told the submissive to sit up and me get on my knees. She handcuffed his hands behind his back and stood over me from the side and ordered me to start sucking. I could hear Her in the background saying things like, "Is she doing a good job?" Let her know if she needs to change anything" "Teach her, because she has to learn how to suck cock for me" etc. I focused on Her voice and tried to suck his cock the way I suck Daddy's cock regularly.
There I was on my knees, head bobbing up and down and this man's cock. He had a rather big dick, maybe 8 inches and thick. He was already dripping when I put my lips on it. It helped me to keep my eyes closed most of the time. If I started to gag a bit I'd pull my head off of his cock and keep stroking with my hand. I felt like I was doing a good job and every time Daddy asked the submissive if I was doing a good job he would reply with, "Yes, she's a good sissy". But at the same time I wasn't really sure if I was doing a good job. I lost track of time and started to think should he have cum already? I hope Daddy doesn't punish me for doing a bad job.
But then, I hear the submissive saying I'm going to cum and with his cock in the back of my throat he spurts a big load in my mouth. Maybe 2-3 shots and I swallow immediately just as I started to gag a little bit and was getting a bit grossed out at the same time. When I shut my eyes it helps me not be grossed out by the act of what I'm doing. I pulled his cock out of my mouth and kept stroking it as he shot another load onto my face and in my eyes. Only a few drops fell on the bench and Daddy told me to lick it up, so I did.
I was left on my knees and he was escorted out of the bedroom and soon after left.
Daddy came back in the room and didn't say much at first. Maybe 10 minutes later I was on the bathroom floor and She asked me what I thought of him. I said, he seemed nice enough but I don't know what I'm supposed to think about him because I didn't talk with him any.
She replies, "Good, you're going to be seeing more of him". I literally just couldn't say anything, I didn't like the idea of that and still don't. The only aspect of that idea that I enjoy is that I'm doing it for Her. In the next hour or so I began to get a little sad. I had just done something I had never done and it was something very extreme. It's allowing myself to be that vulnerable, that controlled, that owned and it wasn't easy at all for me to do.
After a little while She brought me back to "normal" I guess you could say. One thing most people don't know is that Daddy has what we refer to as a "darkside". Meaning, She knows how to and sometimes will break me. She's done it before and as we went to bed that night I knew I was a little broken. I love parts of Her darkside, as does She. But it's something we are both learning to operate within. Me and Her are great together because our interests are both all over the map and we both push each other. In the midst of pushing each other we find each others boundaries and not all play is cupcakes and candy. Lots of our play is hardcore, envelope pushing that in reality arouses the both of us to extremes.
Day 65, aka May 19th has been labeled "Day of Hell". I already know I'm going to be put through the ringer to earn Day 66, my release date from chastity and no anal. Truth is, I have no idea what She has in store. Truth is I'm scared shitless, truth is I'm aroused by all of that and I know She is as well. Something tells me She's going to break me and make me keep going and push through for Her.
And I will push through for Her.
Here are 4 pics.
1) Me on all fours over Daddy in my new black crotchless panties and in chastity of course.
2) Me dolled up from Wednesday sucking Daddy's cock.
3) Picture of the bows She tied on the back of my dress (Wednesday night)
4) Photo of me right before all the action (Wednesday night)
You can read my Owner's blog at Mistress Tangent
(To Clarify as some have asked. Daddy is a She, She is my owner. The 2 of us have adopted the roles of She is the Daddy and I am Her girl. So throughout my posts you may see me refer to Her as She and as Daddy)
While at work I got a phone call that once I got home I was going to be all dolled up for Daddy (Wednesday night).
She had gone out and gotten me a brand new wig (sometimes I put in hair extensions), got me some new breast forms among other things. She also brought back some of my things that I still had in my NYC apartment when she was in NYC last week. Some of those things included my pink sissy dress, so I decided to wear that. I thought the night was going to be just me and her, like it usually is but after I was all ready; makeup, hair, lingerie, high heels, locking wrist cuffs, locking heel cuffs, my collar and locked in my dress I was told that our guest would be here soon.
I was told to pull a chair into the bedroom and put it in the corner and face it towards the bed, then to sit down. I was tied with my hands behind the back of the chair and my feet in high heels bound together and then my legs bound back to the chair. The doorbell rang and out She went to answer the door. I was in the room for about 15-20 minutes by myself.
In She walked with a submissive behind Her on a collar and leash. She strapped on "Pink Princess" about a 5 inch pink dildo into her harness.
All the while just sitting there knowing what She was going to make me do that night my heart was racing. I had a bit of anxiety and lots of nervousness but I didn't want that to show. As I calmed myself down a bit I began to get aroused in my cage. BTW today marks day 48 in chastity.
The submissive was bent over a bench about 10 feet in front me and Daddy asked me how long it's been since She's fucked me. I said, "Over 50 days" Then She began telling the submissive that he better take her cock good otherwise the sissy (me) wasn't going to give him a blow job at the end.
That's when my stomach sank a bit and more nerves crept in. It's been drilled into my head that this day would come and that I HAVE TO DO A GOOD JOB otherwise I don't get to cum on day 66.
Then She stuck her cock into the submissive bound to the bench. She began slow as he doesn't take large cocks and I began to get jealous. Wanting Her to be fucking me. I know that She loves to fuck me and that this was torment. I was rocking a bit in my chair wishing it was me, but with a bigger dick, or Her feeldoe. She then put on a smaller dick that She could fuck him harder with. She would glance at me with these looks oh "don't you wish this was you?"
Smaller dick on, She started to fuck him hard, he was moaning and I was begging silently. About 10 minutes later She stopped walked over to me and untied me. Told me to walk next to the submissive who was on his belling/all 4's on the bench and for me to lay down and put my head between his legs where his cock and balls hung over my face.
Let me tell you, the fear that was in me in that moment. But I was there to impress Daddy. Then She got close and put Her dick in his ass and I was told to suck on his balls while she pounded him in the ass. He was clean shaven so that was nice. I opened up my mouth and sucked on his balls. His cock started to drip cum on my forehead and into my hair and eye. I kind of felt like moaning but I didn't, I stayed to course.
Daddy stopped, backed up and told the submissive to sit up and me get on my knees. She handcuffed his hands behind his back and stood over me from the side and ordered me to start sucking. I could hear Her in the background saying things like, "Is she doing a good job?" Let her know if she needs to change anything" "Teach her, because she has to learn how to suck cock for me" etc. I focused on Her voice and tried to suck his cock the way I suck Daddy's cock regularly.
There I was on my knees, head bobbing up and down and this man's cock. He had a rather big dick, maybe 8 inches and thick. He was already dripping when I put my lips on it. It helped me to keep my eyes closed most of the time. If I started to gag a bit I'd pull my head off of his cock and keep stroking with my hand. I felt like I was doing a good job and every time Daddy asked the submissive if I was doing a good job he would reply with, "Yes, she's a good sissy". But at the same time I wasn't really sure if I was doing a good job. I lost track of time and started to think should he have cum already? I hope Daddy doesn't punish me for doing a bad job.
But then, I hear the submissive saying I'm going to cum and with his cock in the back of my throat he spurts a big load in my mouth. Maybe 2-3 shots and I swallow immediately just as I started to gag a little bit and was getting a bit grossed out at the same time. When I shut my eyes it helps me not be grossed out by the act of what I'm doing. I pulled his cock out of my mouth and kept stroking it as he shot another load onto my face and in my eyes. Only a few drops fell on the bench and Daddy told me to lick it up, so I did.
I was left on my knees and he was escorted out of the bedroom and soon after left.
Daddy came back in the room and didn't say much at first. Maybe 10 minutes later I was on the bathroom floor and She asked me what I thought of him. I said, he seemed nice enough but I don't know what I'm supposed to think about him because I didn't talk with him any.
She replies, "Good, you're going to be seeing more of him". I literally just couldn't say anything, I didn't like the idea of that and still don't. The only aspect of that idea that I enjoy is that I'm doing it for Her. In the next hour or so I began to get a little sad. I had just done something I had never done and it was something very extreme. It's allowing myself to be that vulnerable, that controlled, that owned and it wasn't easy at all for me to do.
After a little while She brought me back to "normal" I guess you could say. One thing most people don't know is that Daddy has what we refer to as a "darkside". Meaning, She knows how to and sometimes will break me. She's done it before and as we went to bed that night I knew I was a little broken. I love parts of Her darkside, as does She. But it's something we are both learning to operate within. Me and Her are great together because our interests are both all over the map and we both push each other. In the midst of pushing each other we find each others boundaries and not all play is cupcakes and candy. Lots of our play is hardcore, envelope pushing that in reality arouses the both of us to extremes.
Day 65, aka May 19th has been labeled "Day of Hell". I already know I'm going to be put through the ringer to earn Day 66, my release date from chastity and no anal. Truth is, I have no idea what She has in store. Truth is I'm scared shitless, truth is I'm aroused by all of that and I know She is as well. Something tells me She's going to break me and make me keep going and push through for Her.
And I will push through for Her.
Here are 4 pics.
1) Me on all fours over Daddy in my new black crotchless panties and in chastity of course.
2) Me dolled up from Wednesday sucking Daddy's cock.
3) Picture of the bows She tied on the back of my dress (Wednesday night)
4) Photo of me right before all the action (Wednesday night)
You can read my Owner's blog at Mistress Tangent
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Daddy Back Home
I don't think people realize just how difficult it is to 1 be a slave and 2 be a cuckold. Both are actually relatively new to me. I mean I've been a submissive and a fetishist for years but I've never been a slave. And to me the term is over used. A slave to an owner is commitment and devotion and is something that is earned over a period of time.
With that rambling, I'm going to say that I've been drinking heavily today/tonight as I write this blog.
I'm 27. Keep that in mind... I'm not an older man who stumbled into bdsm. I'm a guy who has been a fetish model, a person that is recognized in the community, someone who in my own right is a younger, good looking person.... and yet I chose to be a slave. I'm kinky to the core. I'm 46 days in straight chastity and in part is a large reason why I'm writing this post that is admittedly scatter-brained from alcohol.
Anyone that knows me personally, or has worked with me in photos or videos knows about me and my body. I've always celebrated my body but just like most others, I am insecure about my own body. I'm a 27 year old male who was born with Klinefelters, something that makes my body truly feminine; naturally limited body hair, no facial hair, put on weight in my hips and thighs like a woman, small hands and feet, non-developed testicles plus more. I'm someone who has always desired femininity in everything including myself to the point where I took Estrogen for 6 weeks at the age of 23 as I seriously considered transitioning. I'm someone who desires sex but not the way most men do. I'm admittedly the bottom.
Finding someone, particularly a natural born woman who not only accepts but appreciates and can love me for all that I am is more difficult that one could imagine. Perhaps I am a natural born sissy. And that's essentially where I find myself today. A slave to a woman that means the world to me, more than I'm going to put into writing on my blog. She really loves for me to be her girl, she's my daddy and I'm her girl. Yet, I hold on to a piece of fear.
I'm not what she wants in a man. To be honest I'm not much of a man. Of course I can pass in any situation as need be but my desire to be a man is very little. Beyond being her slave this is very scary. As much as she wants and desires me to be her girl, how much can I fulfill is a fear.
Then comes being a cuckold. It's a love hate thing for myself. I love for her to be pleased I do. But, I'm learning my place in that dynamic. And I'm learning that I'm still important and desired by her in that dynamic.
I'm a leave this for tonight. Gotta go to bed but had to write some of whats on my mind. I'm excited to have Daddy back home tomorrow night.
With that rambling, I'm going to say that I've been drinking heavily today/tonight as I write this blog.
I'm 27. Keep that in mind... I'm not an older man who stumbled into bdsm. I'm a guy who has been a fetish model, a person that is recognized in the community, someone who in my own right is a younger, good looking person.... and yet I chose to be a slave. I'm kinky to the core. I'm 46 days in straight chastity and in part is a large reason why I'm writing this post that is admittedly scatter-brained from alcohol.
Anyone that knows me personally, or has worked with me in photos or videos knows about me and my body. I've always celebrated my body but just like most others, I am insecure about my own body. I'm a 27 year old male who was born with Klinefelters, something that makes my body truly feminine; naturally limited body hair, no facial hair, put on weight in my hips and thighs like a woman, small hands and feet, non-developed testicles plus more. I'm someone who has always desired femininity in everything including myself to the point where I took Estrogen for 6 weeks at the age of 23 as I seriously considered transitioning. I'm someone who desires sex but not the way most men do. I'm admittedly the bottom.
Finding someone, particularly a natural born woman who not only accepts but appreciates and can love me for all that I am is more difficult that one could imagine. Perhaps I am a natural born sissy. And that's essentially where I find myself today. A slave to a woman that means the world to me, more than I'm going to put into writing on my blog. She really loves for me to be her girl, she's my daddy and I'm her girl. Yet, I hold on to a piece of fear.
I'm not what she wants in a man. To be honest I'm not much of a man. Of course I can pass in any situation as need be but my desire to be a man is very little. Beyond being her slave this is very scary. As much as she wants and desires me to be her girl, how much can I fulfill is a fear.
Then comes being a cuckold. It's a love hate thing for myself. I love for her to be pleased I do. But, I'm learning my place in that dynamic. And I'm learning that I'm still important and desired by her in that dynamic.
I'm a leave this for tonight. Gotta go to bed but had to write some of whats on my mind. I'm excited to have Daddy back home tomorrow night.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
It's Go Time - You're My Cuck Tonight
"It's Go time!!!!
Hurry up, grab the red bag, the bondage cuffs and make sure to wear cute panties.
Bring my strap-on and hurry up, it's Go time!!!"
That's the call I got on Sunday night after Miss aka my Daddy aka my owner was out at a BBQ and it was finally time. I was going to be her cuckold. For me it was a moment of excitement and nervousness. I started grabbing all of the necessary items as She requested and I got another phone call from Her saying to hurry up.
I arrived at the house where she was with him. I made sure I looked good that night, even though I knew what was about to happen there is still a sense of pride in me. I walked to the door, he had his shirt off already and was grabbing on her. A few knots in my stomach but overall it was a rather comfortable setting. We gathered in the kitchen and had a few drinks together to talk and get to know each other a little bit and to be honest, probably relax us all a bit. This was a first time for all of us.
When I saw them caress each other even standing I got knots in my stomach but I knew my place. We had to make a quick run to the store and Miss suggested that we all go. I was the driver, Miss slid in the back sear and for some reason I naturally thought he would get in the seat next to me up front but he got in the back seat with her. Of course, that made sense but for some reason it didn't cross my mind in the moment. We all chatted a bit, I was asked to turn up the music a bit and they made out. It was a very weird feeling for me. I was like nooooo but again I knew my place and I understood what was going on. I just drove and listened while at the same time could feel Miss's touch on my arm here and there.
We get back to the house, go into the living room and they start making out. I'm instructed to strip down to my panties and just watch. A few minutes later we step outside I'm told to sit/lay on the outside furtniture. Miss lays on top of me and he gets on top of her for more foreplay for a few minutes. He grabbed a quick smoke and we made our way to his bedroom.
I'm immediately told to get on my knees in the corner and it starts. He undresses her more, he gets undress and he even starts to ask me questions in a teasing way.
"You like it on your knees sissy?" - Yes.
"Oh, She feels so good, do you like watching me please your Miss?" Yes, please, please Her!
Foreplay continued and suddenly all I wanted was for him to please Her. Seriously, deep inside of me I wanted to see my Owner be pleased by another man. Me-on my knees, Her sissy just watching and yearning to see Her truly pleased. I was getting such a high, such a pleasure from all of this.
I could see the pleasure Miss was receiving from Her control, Her dominance, my submission and our bond. It was ecstasy!!!!!
The next time I'm sure will be sooner than later and it's something I'm looking forward to. It's something I'm not fearing because it was something we enjoyed together. That level of trust in each other, the attention to detail Miss gave me throughout by slight rubs on my arm, telling me to get closer, ordering me to show him how a sissy really sucks Her dick (strap-on), to having me get closer for a better view. There was a point where I got on all fours with my head down on the floor as I had gone into such a great sub space. I was Her slave to be done with as She pleased.
-----
Right now I write this 12 days after that night. Daddy is in California for the weekend working and I'm yearning for Daddy. Daddy is a name She has taken on, I'm her girl and She is my Daddy. And truth be it Daddy has a high level of masculine tendencies and I have a high level of feminine tendencies. We compliment each other very well in my facets and our BDSM side of our relationship is a part of our everyday, we are lifestyle. But more and more I'm becoming more comfortable with being Daddy's slave as well as Her girl. I can't explain the feeling it gives me inside and I can't explain how I need to please Daddy. It just is a part of me and it's a part of us.
On top of all this today is the 27th straight day in chastity. The previous longest I had ever gone is 13 days. Daddy told me I don't get out until day 66. Day 66!!!!! And I'm not allowed ANY anal of any kind until day 66.
As much as that # ran through my head for days I love that I'm challenged and I love that I'm able to please Daddy in the process. More to come on this and the life of Mistress Tangent (Daddy) and Autoeroticboy (girl) soon.
Below are pictures of the bruises I had on both of my thighs during the cuckold scene from a punishment and the chastity I was in during the scene and what I'm still in as I write this, 27 days in. The photo is from my last orgasm, I cam while in my CB from the hitachi.... 1st time EVER!
BTW.... I have not had an orgasm from a jacking off motion and or sex of any kind since February 1st. That's right, over 2 months ago.
That is devotion to my Owner.
Hurry up, grab the red bag, the bondage cuffs and make sure to wear cute panties.
Bring my strap-on and hurry up, it's Go time!!!"
That's the call I got on Sunday night after Miss aka my Daddy aka my owner was out at a BBQ and it was finally time. I was going to be her cuckold. For me it was a moment of excitement and nervousness. I started grabbing all of the necessary items as She requested and I got another phone call from Her saying to hurry up.
I arrived at the house where she was with him. I made sure I looked good that night, even though I knew what was about to happen there is still a sense of pride in me. I walked to the door, he had his shirt off already and was grabbing on her. A few knots in my stomach but overall it was a rather comfortable setting. We gathered in the kitchen and had a few drinks together to talk and get to know each other a little bit and to be honest, probably relax us all a bit. This was a first time for all of us.
When I saw them caress each other even standing I got knots in my stomach but I knew my place. We had to make a quick run to the store and Miss suggested that we all go. I was the driver, Miss slid in the back sear and for some reason I naturally thought he would get in the seat next to me up front but he got in the back seat with her. Of course, that made sense but for some reason it didn't cross my mind in the moment. We all chatted a bit, I was asked to turn up the music a bit and they made out. It was a very weird feeling for me. I was like nooooo but again I knew my place and I understood what was going on. I just drove and listened while at the same time could feel Miss's touch on my arm here and there.
We get back to the house, go into the living room and they start making out. I'm instructed to strip down to my panties and just watch. A few minutes later we step outside I'm told to sit/lay on the outside furtniture. Miss lays on top of me and he gets on top of her for more foreplay for a few minutes. He grabbed a quick smoke and we made our way to his bedroom.
I'm immediately told to get on my knees in the corner and it starts. He undresses her more, he gets undress and he even starts to ask me questions in a teasing way.
"You like it on your knees sissy?" - Yes.
"Oh, She feels so good, do you like watching me please your Miss?" Yes, please, please Her!
Foreplay continued and suddenly all I wanted was for him to please Her. Seriously, deep inside of me I wanted to see my Owner be pleased by another man. Me-on my knees, Her sissy just watching and yearning to see Her truly pleased. I was getting such a high, such a pleasure from all of this.
I could see the pleasure Miss was receiving from Her control, Her dominance, my submission and our bond. It was ecstasy!!!!!
The next time I'm sure will be sooner than later and it's something I'm looking forward to. It's something I'm not fearing because it was something we enjoyed together. That level of trust in each other, the attention to detail Miss gave me throughout by slight rubs on my arm, telling me to get closer, ordering me to show him how a sissy really sucks Her dick (strap-on), to having me get closer for a better view. There was a point where I got on all fours with my head down on the floor as I had gone into such a great sub space. I was Her slave to be done with as She pleased.
-----
Right now I write this 12 days after that night. Daddy is in California for the weekend working and I'm yearning for Daddy. Daddy is a name She has taken on, I'm her girl and She is my Daddy. And truth be it Daddy has a high level of masculine tendencies and I have a high level of feminine tendencies. We compliment each other very well in my facets and our BDSM side of our relationship is a part of our everyday, we are lifestyle. But more and more I'm becoming more comfortable with being Daddy's slave as well as Her girl. I can't explain the feeling it gives me inside and I can't explain how I need to please Daddy. It just is a part of me and it's a part of us.
On top of all this today is the 27th straight day in chastity. The previous longest I had ever gone is 13 days. Daddy told me I don't get out until day 66. Day 66!!!!! And I'm not allowed ANY anal of any kind until day 66.
As much as that # ran through my head for days I love that I'm challenged and I love that I'm able to please Daddy in the process. More to come on this and the life of Mistress Tangent (Daddy) and Autoeroticboy (girl) soon.
Below are pictures of the bruises I had on both of my thighs during the cuckold scene from a punishment and the chastity I was in during the scene and what I'm still in as I write this, 27 days in. The photo is from my last orgasm, I cam while in my CB from the hitachi.... 1st time EVER!
BTW.... I have not had an orgasm from a jacking off motion and or sex of any kind since February 1st. That's right, over 2 months ago.
That is devotion to my Owner.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Call Me Slave
Yes, that's correct, call me slave.
I've been serving Mistress Tangent for 18 months now and I just recently made it public, at least in the kink world that I am Her slave. I've never been in my life and there was even a point where I told Miss that I could never be a slave because I was more of a sub/bottom/kinkster/fetishist etc. but not a slave. We laugh about that these days. At that time I really didn't think I could ever be a slave but we have evolved together and our foundation was built on trust from the get go.
Our views on BDSM have always been aligned rather well. We are both extremely well rounded when it comes to kink and we find ourselves indulging in scenarios that our new to the both of us frequently.
I've been around for some time now in the BDSM world. I'm 27 now and proudly, willingly and freely give myself to Her. I give all of myself to Her. On the flip side of the coin She holds me close, as Hers, as Her slave and proudly. That means the world to me. Our relationship is ever growing and evolving. It would be fair to say it's a complex relationship but that's also part of what makes it so great.
We are both strong minded people but we compliment each other very well in different ways.
We push one another. I take care of her; needs, wants, desires all included. She challenges me to be a better person and she also challenges my 'limits', to push past them. I love, absolutely love to push past 'limits' for Her. I get such great pleasure out of seeing Her get 'high' on that. I also push Her to be a better person and push Her as a Dominant to go to new heights and ultimately we encourage one another.
We're still figuring us out. Every D/s relationship is different.
Dominant and slave is a part of who we are to one-another. But what makes that part of us together so great is the bond we share.
I've been serving Mistress Tangent for 18 months now and I just recently made it public, at least in the kink world that I am Her slave. I've never been in my life and there was even a point where I told Miss that I could never be a slave because I was more of a sub/bottom/kinkster/fetishist etc. but not a slave. We laugh about that these days. At that time I really didn't think I could ever be a slave but we have evolved together and our foundation was built on trust from the get go.
Our views on BDSM have always been aligned rather well. We are both extremely well rounded when it comes to kink and we find ourselves indulging in scenarios that our new to the both of us frequently.
I've been around for some time now in the BDSM world. I'm 27 now and proudly, willingly and freely give myself to Her. I give all of myself to Her. On the flip side of the coin She holds me close, as Hers, as Her slave and proudly. That means the world to me. Our relationship is ever growing and evolving. It would be fair to say it's a complex relationship but that's also part of what makes it so great.
We are both strong minded people but we compliment each other very well in different ways.
We push one another. I take care of her; needs, wants, desires all included. She challenges me to be a better person and she also challenges my 'limits', to push past them. I love, absolutely love to push past 'limits' for Her. I get such great pleasure out of seeing Her get 'high' on that. I also push Her to be a better person and push Her as a Dominant to go to new heights and ultimately we encourage one another.
We're still figuring us out. Every D/s relationship is different.
Dominant and slave is a part of who we are to one-another. But what makes that part of us together so great is the bond we share.
After caning from punishment - Miss Grabbing whats Her's
Some late night rope bondage practice. Chest harness & twine face bondage
Adjusting CB while in diaper in car right before sushi. (Not sure why my hair looks several colors)
Random-fun pic.
Another view after the punishment caning
Bound position Miss had me in for the punishment so I couldn't squirm. Will be great for fucking too.
After I had wisdom tooth pulled. Miss took care of me for few days, fun pic I sent Her as She bought baby food.
Shock collar literally bought for dog training. But it has it's dual purpose and this is us testing it out on my balls.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Her Christmas Gift - My Body
More than that, connecting with the person that is putting you through that pain makes it all the better.It can be rare to connect with someone on that level. Beyond the physical gifts of Christmas I wanted to give my dominant a gift of my body for her pleasure. On top of all of this, this would be the first time she has single tailed me....
As we left for the dungeon and got into the garage she put on my knees, put on my stainless steel collar and then threw on the handcuffs. I stood up and was told to get into the trunk.... It was about a 7 mile commute and I could tell that we were at the dungeon because of the gravel. So then it was odd for her to get out of the car and leave me in there for about 10 minutes or so. I definitely then started to guess how long she was going to leave me in the trunk.
Then, I hear her foot steps as she popped the truck. She attached the metal lead around my collar and lead me into the dungeon. I was ordered to change and then to put on these new clothes. That being white panties, white little girls training bra and a 4 inch school school-girl mini skirt. I got on my knees and waited....................
She guided me to a electronic suspension rig. Cuffed me up and started with 1 flogger, then another and another. All got more violent with more intensity. Some while into it I was moved over to the cross and the she started with a dragon tail on my back and butt.
Then, up to the single tail and she just went at me.......
I did tell her several months earlier that I always wanted bloody white panties..... She listens.
She got into a good vibe and awhile into it I screamed out her name. She asked "What" with an attitude. I was literally about to ask her for a break but for some reason my lips said something else out loud - "Merry Christmas". I could feel the tingles of pleasure run through her body and as a strong moment of connection - a mutual high that the both of us shared together. That followed with her just whipping my ass profusely and I just taking it for her.
( Unfortunately, we were on a time restraint with this being the day before Christmas Eve). She then noticed that we had to run very soon and I was informed that I was going to be beat HARD for 2 minutes to wrap things up.
By this point I was rather extended and I yelled, moaned, and begged with every slash. In the end, she left me with bloody white panties, bloody white bra and with a pain high but more importantly satisfaction because I knew that she got a great pleasure from this present of my body.
I know there will be a round 2 in the near future. As much as I fear it I can't wait for it like a kid on Christmas Eve.
Merry Christmas
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Mistress Tangent
I want to share a website / blog with all of you to check out.
Mistress Tangent is a really good friend of mine. She's a Femdom from Phoenix but travels all over and she recently (as of a couple months ago) started a website and also has a diary/blog similar to mine on her website.
For all of you kinksters out there that love to worship a beautiful and truly kinky dominant woman I highly suggest you taking a look at her site - MistressTangent
I've been in the BDSM world for 10 years now and there are a lot of beautiful women but some of them aren't as kinky as they put off. Mistress Tangent is a kinky as she puts off if not kinkier and so I have to show love and support here on my blog.
Mistress Tangent is a really good friend of mine. She's a Femdom from Phoenix but travels all over and she recently (as of a couple months ago) started a website and also has a diary/blog similar to mine on her website.
For all of you kinksters out there that love to worship a beautiful and truly kinky dominant woman I highly suggest you taking a look at her site - MistressTangent
I've been in the BDSM world for 10 years now and there are a lot of beautiful women but some of them aren't as kinky as they put off. Mistress Tangent is a kinky as she puts off if not kinkier and so I have to show love and support here on my blog.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
NYC 27 With New Hair
I've been in New York City for 3 months now and time really does go by fast.
The new "career" job is going very well and they recently opened a new office in Scottsdale, Arizona where I moved from which opens the door to me for many things. Not to mention, I left someone in Arizona that means more to me everyday so I'm looking forward to missing some of the New York winters and spending that time in warmer Arizona.
September 6th was my 27th birthday. Talk about time flying by. It's hard to believe I'm already 27. To think that I got publicly involved with kink at 18, by 19 was a pretty big staple in the Chicago kink scene and to look at where it took me and where I am today. It's kind of full cycle. I've definitely slowed down my public exposure and modeling but at the same time I'm having some of the best kink experiences of my life. At 27 this feels like everything I ever wanted out of kink with so much left to explore and who knows where this world of BDSM will lead me to next.
I recently heard some good things about CYN Studios dungeon here in NYC and so I plan to check out some of their parties.
Oh, but my birthday. My dominant and I had a wonderful birthday dinner. Her birthday is very close to mine and so we went out to this great restaurant that I had booked reservations for 2 weeks out in advance. L'Artusi. It was simply amazing and may have been the best food I've ever ate in my life. She had also bought me some new sissy clothes.
- Pink adult baby dress (Lockable)
- White PVC, pink satin on inside with anal zipper that is meant to wear diapers underneath and locks.
- Lockable ankle heel cuffs. This way she can lock me in any heels she wants me to be wearing.
Other big news..... I CUT MY HAIR. I've been growing my hair for about 4 years now. Up until I cut it, it was the longest it had ever been. With it coming down to about 4 inches past my shoulders. On Friday the 13th - I chopped it off. I needed a change and I'm loving it.
Before picture is from early July 2013 and after is from mid October 2013.
My dominant loves it as well and as she says, I left enough on top for her to pull.
As of September 1st I moved into a new apartment in Brooklyn, New York. I'm already loving the place as it's a new-remodel, 1/2 block from the train with grocery stores, bars, restaurants all very close, not to mention a park and a great community vibe. I've got a huge backyard and an amazing view of Manhattan on the awesome rooftop. I do need to get some new furniture though. The move across the country took a toll on some of my furniture.
Plan on buying.......
New bed, bed frame, wardrobe closet and some other nick-nacs.
I'm about to head out because tonight the Chicago Bears play the Pittsburgh Steelers and as everyone knows. I'm a Steelers fan from Chicago.
The new "career" job is going very well and they recently opened a new office in Scottsdale, Arizona where I moved from which opens the door to me for many things. Not to mention, I left someone in Arizona that means more to me everyday so I'm looking forward to missing some of the New York winters and spending that time in warmer Arizona.
September 6th was my 27th birthday. Talk about time flying by. It's hard to believe I'm already 27. To think that I got publicly involved with kink at 18, by 19 was a pretty big staple in the Chicago kink scene and to look at where it took me and where I am today. It's kind of full cycle. I've definitely slowed down my public exposure and modeling but at the same time I'm having some of the best kink experiences of my life. At 27 this feels like everything I ever wanted out of kink with so much left to explore and who knows where this world of BDSM will lead me to next.
I recently heard some good things about CYN Studios dungeon here in NYC and so I plan to check out some of their parties.
Oh, but my birthday. My dominant and I had a wonderful birthday dinner. Her birthday is very close to mine and so we went out to this great restaurant that I had booked reservations for 2 weeks out in advance. L'Artusi. It was simply amazing and may have been the best food I've ever ate in my life. She had also bought me some new sissy clothes.
- Pink adult baby dress (Lockable)
- White PVC, pink satin on inside with anal zipper that is meant to wear diapers underneath and locks.
- Lockable ankle heel cuffs. This way she can lock me in any heels she wants me to be wearing.
Other big news..... I CUT MY HAIR. I've been growing my hair for about 4 years now. Up until I cut it, it was the longest it had ever been. With it coming down to about 4 inches past my shoulders. On Friday the 13th - I chopped it off. I needed a change and I'm loving it.
Before picture is from early July 2013 and after is from mid October 2013.
My dominant loves it as well and as she says, I left enough on top for her to pull.
As of September 1st I moved into a new apartment in Brooklyn, New York. I'm already loving the place as it's a new-remodel, 1/2 block from the train with grocery stores, bars, restaurants all very close, not to mention a park and a great community vibe. I've got a huge backyard and an amazing view of Manhattan on the awesome rooftop. I do need to get some new furniture though. The move across the country took a toll on some of my furniture.
Plan on buying.......
New bed, bed frame, wardrobe closet and some other nick-nacs.
I'm about to head out because tonight the Chicago Bears play the Pittsburgh Steelers and as everyone knows. I'm a Steelers fan from Chicago.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Arizona: Here I come
I’ve been gone from here for a little while now but for good reason. I’ve graduated from Ohio University and I’ve been in Chicago for 2 months now. I’ve been working 40 plus hours for free as I’ve been doing an internship downtown. It’s been one of the best experiences of my life. I’ve got 2 more weeks with the internship and one more week after that in Chicago. Then I’m officially on my way to Arizona near the end of August.
I’ve got an apartment in Scottsdale, Arizona and I’m more excited now than I’ve ever been for the move. It’s a fresh slate, something different, something new. I’ve never been to Arizona, let alone out west. I’m excited to take my skills and knowledge and put it forth into my first career position. I love Chicago and with it being my home town I’ll always be in the city at least on some level. Whether it be visiting family and friends or occasionally in town for certain holidays or with me relocating back to the area in the future… who knows. With all that said, I’m ready to leave Chicago on my own terms.
My move to Ohio was never really on my own terms. I was there my senior year of high school and I didn’t want to be there. I went back for 2 ½ years of college but that was more or less because I was backed into a corner and it was the smartest choice at the time. This is the first time I’m making a big move because I want to. Of course there are a few nerves with such a large move but for the most part its excitement.
I’m ready to let my career take off. I’m excited for a drastically different environment than I’ve ever been exposed to (the desert). There seems to be lots of opportunities for being outdoors which I love. I’ll be driving distances from other cities on the west coast; Vegas, L.A., San Diego, San Francisco, Dallas, Houston and more. I’ll also be close to Mexico and I look forward to visiting some northern Mexican cities. Plus I’ll be exposed to a new kink scene in Arizona and the west coast as a whole. I look forward to attending DomCon L.A. for the first time come 2013.
It’s simply refreshing to be taking that next step in my life. I’m looking forward to all the new people and experiences to be had as well as catching up with some old acquaintances out west. I’ve learned that I can’t be in one place for that long of a time (a couple months). I just need to get out and travel every once in a while and this move allows me to explore a part of the country & continent I haven’t seen yet.
Once I’m settled in Arizona I will be blogging more. More about me in the world of kink to come.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
I'm Done & Ready For Summer Kink
For some kink news:
I heard on the news the other day that the book, "50 Shades of Grey" is being banned in hundreds if not thousands of public libraries across the U.S. I found this to be rather funny as they only did it to hopefully silence the critics, i.e. the feminists. The book has received great reviews and has sold quite a lot of copies. If you're not sure what the book about here is a short bio.
- A business woman falls for a wealthy, respectable business man. After awhile they begin to address their feelings toward one another but the man - Mr. Grey says that he will only begin the relationship on his conditions. His conditions are that of kink and D/s. He is a controlling man who trains her to be his submissive and she starts to explore her own dark desires as well.
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I have my last Final of my Bachelors degree in 1 1/2 hours. I could get a 0 on the exam and still pass the class with a 70% so I feel good. But if I can get a "B" in the class that would be awesome meaning that my last quarter grades of by Bachelors degree would be (A, A, B, B, B)
I heard on the news the other day that the book, "50 Shades of Grey" is being banned in hundreds if not thousands of public libraries across the U.S. I found this to be rather funny as they only did it to hopefully silence the critics, i.e. the feminists. The book has received great reviews and has sold quite a lot of copies. If you're not sure what the book about here is a short bio.
- A business woman falls for a wealthy, respectable business man. After awhile they begin to address their feelings toward one another but the man - Mr. Grey says that he will only begin the relationship on his conditions. His conditions are that of kink and D/s. He is a controlling man who trains her to be his submissive and she starts to explore her own dark desires as well.
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I have my last Final of my Bachelors degree in 1 1/2 hours. I could get a 0 on the exam and still pass the class with a 70% so I feel good. But if I can get a "B" in the class that would be awesome meaning that my last quarter grades of by Bachelors degree would be (A, A, B, B, B)
Tomorrow some of my family will be in town. We're going out for dinner to celebrate. Saturday I walk in graduation and Sunday I'll be in Chicago.
Graduation for me is a great accomplishment. I took a year off of school out of college and then did 3 years a Columbia College Chicago. I loved the school but I lost my co-signer and could no longer afford the college. I almost didn't even get into college to start with because I couldn't find a co-signer. After taking the year off, working 2 full time jobs and doing fetish modeling I transferred to Ohio University. Putting in 15-21 credit hours per quarter regularly for 2 years while also traveling and doing fetish modeling for work I've finally reached the end of this chapter of my life.
I'm soon to be a graduate and starting my career.
But don't worry, I'll still be plenty involved in kink and sharing it all with you.
More and more it's looking like I'll have a great kink filled summer. A good friend of mine referenced me to play with someone. We've been talking and hopefully we can share a good kink filled summer. She has expressed an interest in trying out taking the mother role in an ABDL relationship. I guess I'm a have to buy some more diapers real soon then. I've always been a "DL" but the "AB" side of things is a learning curve so to do that with someone else who has an interest in it could be a lot of fun.
We've also briefly discussed some other kink dynamics. As we talk more and get things rolling I'll be sure to share.
Chicago! Here I come!
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