Transitioning

Long over due.... And I've got a story for you.

Some know, most don't. Those closest have begun to learn and now I've decided to share more on an open format.

I'm taking steps to transition.

It's something that I've more than thought about for a very long time, all the way back to when I was a child. When I was in my early 20's I started to think about if after a lot of research and after my break up with my X decided to consult a doctor and take HRT. 6 weeks later I stopped as I got scared. No one knew, I hid it from everyone and it was a lot to undergo, especially at that time of my life. Also at that time I was unaware that I was born XXY. I thought that I was from research but it had not been proven.

At 25 I learned that I was XXY and as much as it confirmed my thoughts of myself it also was a lot to take in, understand and process.

Now at 28, after lots of consideration, fear, excitement, support, discussion and more I've decided to take steps for transition. I started 13 weeks ago. Keep in mind that my doctor is aware of me being born XXY so my dosages are less than a typical M2F.

My first 10 Weeks: I took 1 MG of estrogen/day
Now on my current set of 10 Weeks: I take 2 MG of estrogen/day & 50MG of testosterone blocker/day

Here is a photo of my tits at 12 Weeks

I've had very quick effects with development of solid A Cup breasts already. My already smooth/soft skin is even softer as Mistress Tangent tells me and my already thick hips have begun to get larger. I've also noticed myself becoming easily emotional at times.


Some may ask where this leaves Mistress Tangent and I..... Let me say that She is beyond supportive and is someone that really helps me along this process.

What is Next For Me:

This entire process is exciting but also scary. I'm taking it day by day but there are some earlier procedures that I would like to have done. This includes voice augmentation, lowering my hairline and shaping my jaw bone. In time, additional Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS). And eventually I would like to have a full sex change. As someone who has no identity with my penis.... I've written about this on my blog, a few blog posts ago having a sex change is not just a desire. It's a procedure that would improve my sex life. Being born with a never, full functioning penis with the opportunity to lead a fully healthy sex life as a woman is a must.

In regards to surgeries, that is no overnight thing. I would love to have the opportunity to have procedures done sooner than later but that is going to require some serious money saving. At this point, I still dress as a boy in my every day and the surgeries for me, play a large factor easing into my transition. With all this said, I'm hear for questions, support and everything in between.
I hope my story and openness can help others from maybe supporting others in their life to individuals going through similar experiences.

Email: Morgankeni4@gmail.com

I've Never Shared This - Is SRS The Option?

SRS....... Sex Reassingment Surgery
Would I actually consider such a thing?

Yes, I would and have in the past.
Is it realistic?

Yes... Let me tell you why.

This is something I have NEVER shared with other than my owner - Mistress Tangent and so it's not very easy for me to write about this on my blog that has lots of visitors. With that said, some of my personal life is shared through my blog as well as through my Owners websites. I also believe that sharing oneself's struggles, differences, and knowledge helps others through their circumstances, so here I am sharing with you for the first time.

As many of you know I was born with Klinefelter's XXY. This syndrome effects everyone differently. I consider myself intersex. Anyone that knows me can not only see the physical feminine characteristics in me but also the mental and emotional feminine characteristics.

There are times that I thought I could get away from the idea of my own gender questions. That I could live fully as a male but time and time again that's proven not possible for me. I'm not saying that I have to fully transition but I do need to live some of my life as a woman. But most would still ask why SRS?

I'm 28 years old and my penis has never fully functioned. Most people who are born XXY do have a functioning penis and some even give birth to children. I on the other hand have never, not even as a teenager had a fully functioning penis. Yes, I can get erect and yes I can orgasm. But no, I don't have sperm (can't produce kids) and no, I can't stay erect very long.
This has been true since I was a young teenager to now. I have had "traditional sex" but it was always very difficult for me and more than that I've never had a "connection" to my penis.

At a very young age (6 or 7) I taught myself how to masturbate like a woman. These days I prefer to cum with a vibrator (Hitachi). Today marks day 112 of straight chastity in the CB-6000. Now I have had orgasms with the Hitachi when allowed and locked up. It's been a little over a month now of no orgasms.

Mistress Tangent made a statement to me the other day, "I don't think you miss your cock" I thought about it and She is right. I don't miss my cock, I like to orgasm of course but if I am locked in chastity 24/7 yet allowed to orgasm when I earn that while locked in my chastity cage, that is good for me. In fact, I prefer it to not being in chastity, because when I'm not locked up I'm reminded that I was born XXY and that my cock literally serves no purpose. I'm not saying that statement out of self-humiliation. I'm saying that out of truth. The way I was born - XXY Intersex my cock simply doesn't work. On top of that I identify myself as more woman than man.

My Owner prefers me as female and after several talks She has insisted that if I were to get SRS (when I can afford to do so) She would not only be fully supportive but also would be happy for me to make that change.

No decisions are final. Nothing is set in stone. But these are discussions to be had. This is something that could enhance my sexual side for myself and with my Owner. This is something that could have a profound positive impact on my life, to have a sex organ that fully functions the way it is supposed to.

I do not identity with my penis what so ever and my Owner/Partner doesn't identity with it either.

The first steps are for us to educated ourselves on the risks and benefits. Then to speak with a doctor about my unique situation and start discussing options and see if this is something that I wish to pursue.

I will be meeting with my Endocrinologist doctor soon. This will be mentioned, although it is nerve racking to mention because there is some embarrassment and shame associated with it as well. No matter what, I know that my Owner fully supports whichever decision I ultimately decide to go with. But I believe that it's time that I discuss this with professionals and get medical answers to something I've kept to myself my entire life.

Female HRT... Again - This is Different

I've spoken about how I've taken female hormones (HRT) briefly when I was 23, (28 now). I took 3 cycles of HRT (3 shots every 2 weeks) so 6 weeks total and then stopped. Something else I've spoken about in the past is how I was born XXY - Klinefelters. On top of that, if you've ever met me you've probably noticed at least in some way how feminine my body is.

If a male transitions to a woman he has to take testosterone blockers, get laser for facial hair removal, often get laser for body hair removal. I don't have to do any of these things. A M2F wishes to gain curves, lose muscle mass and produce more fat, softer skin. I already have curves, soft skin, and muscle mass like a woman. My process is much simpler.

With all that said W/we've decided to speak with doctors about me going on HRT again. But not with the idea of transitioning. But, to take HRT for another 6-10 weeks depending on how quickly my body takes. I've already got some breast tissue and I'm not doing this to live my life as a woman full time.

The Goals:

1) Feminize my body a bit more
2) Increase pain tolerance

I know that this may seem extreme but W/we would like to feminize my body a bit more without taking it all the way. She (Owner) would also like this. She is attracted by my feminine side and to mutually do this together on my body will be a process but also binding between us.

As for the increase in pain tolerance. It's proven than women have a higher pain tolerance than men. One thing I noticed on my first go-around of HRT (even though I only took them for 6 weeks) was that my pain tolerance increased for about a year or so after.
She (owner) is a true sadist and I love being able to please Her by taking pain for Her. Yes, I do take a good deal of pain in many ways currently and I push to take more but this is an option that I would like to explore more, again - with Her.

The first time I took HRT I did it alone. I noticed an increase in pain tolerance from filming some pain scenes. With that said, that was once a month at best. I'm curious and I know She is as well to test this theory of an increased pain tolerance on a more frequent basis over time.

October 2, 2014 I have a doctors appointment with a doctor who works a lot with the transgender community and is also familiar with Klinefelters.

I will keep you updated on this. I'm very excited to do this with Her by my side.

If I were a girl

Most men have definitely thought about this in some capacity, but most men not in a serious context. I have thought about this my entire life. I've cross dressed since I was a child and I can specifically recall cross-dressing at age 4-5 years old. But then again I can recall doing kinky things to myself at 4-5. I remember showing another boy how I masturbated around the age of 7. I couldn't cum and didn't really know what I was doing but remember it feeling fantastic. So there was definitely something going on with me since I was born lol. But, this journal is focused on the cross-dressing....

It wasn't until I was a teen that I realized my body was different from most boys. I'm 6'2 but other than that I realized I had a much more feminine body frame. I associated cross-dressing with bdsm for the longest time because I had done so much research on bdsm from the age of 12 when I first got a computer and cross-dressers were thrown into that mixture. When I was 16 I remember reading about their being pills that guys could take to make them into a woman but I didn't really know if that was actually possibly. Non the less I would go to the drug store and look for these pills. Of course they didn't sell these pills there.

Now I was never a depressed teenager in fact I was just the opposite. I hid that I cross-dressed from everyone but I also wasn't depressed that I was a girl. But then again looking back at things I had much larger present concerns that I was dealing with. My father passed away 3 weeks before my 12th birthday and I turned into an angry teenager for years. Then there was a scare that my mother had breast cancer when I was about 16 and my grandmother who lived with us nearly died around the same time. (Side note, she turned 78 today). Then at 17 my mother got laid off and a whole new issue presented itself.

Once I finally graduated and was on my own the idea of transitioning became more and more present in my life. At the same time I got more and more involved in BDSM. Eventually dated a girl who loved that I cross-dressed and I kept thinking about transitioning. Now, a couple years ago with a doctors help I actually did take female hormones for 2 1/2 months. I loved it and yet it scared the shit out of me. More than anything I was worried about my future life as a woman and the struggles that I would face. I would also then be a lesbian because I've never wanted to be with a man. I had gotten my testosterone level tested prior to going on hormones and they were naturally lower than what a  males should be and they had reason to believe that I was born as an XXY (with an extra female chromosome) which would explain lots about my body.

These are the characteristics of being born an XXY
1. Breast development (only 10% of males have this)
2. Tall and thin
3. Little to no body hair
4. Little to no facial hair
5. Small hands for height
6. Small feet for height
7. Small testicles

I fit 2-7 100% and have low testosterone.
So to this day transitioning is something that I do think about. Especially because I know that if I transitioned that I would pass rather well. I personally know 2 MTF under 30 and I know 1 FTM. At the same time I don't see myself transitioning but it is honestly something that has crossed my mind and I would be lying if I said I never thought about it.

Funny enough, when I started to get my chest piece tattoo that was like me saying to myself that I would never transition because it's such a manly piece. At the same time I knew that a tattoo wasn't the end all.

All you have to do is ask every female that has ever fucked me with a strap-on and they will tell you how feminine my body is.... haha, but true. Now, 24 and all my friends and my mother knows that I do cross-dress. It is a part of me and I love that it is a part of me and it's great to have friends who are ok with who I am.