Transitioning

Long over due.... And I've got a story for you.

Some know, most don't. Those closest have begun to learn and now I've decided to share more on an open format.

I'm taking steps to transition.

It's something that I've more than thought about for a very long time, all the way back to when I was a child. When I was in my early 20's I started to think about if after a lot of research and after my break up with my X decided to consult a doctor and take HRT. 6 weeks later I stopped as I got scared. No one knew, I hid it from everyone and it was a lot to undergo, especially at that time of my life. Also at that time I was unaware that I was born XXY. I thought that I was from research but it had not been proven.

At 25 I learned that I was XXY and as much as it confirmed my thoughts of myself it also was a lot to take in, understand and process.

Now at 28, after lots of consideration, fear, excitement, support, discussion and more I've decided to take steps for transition. I started 13 weeks ago. Keep in mind that my doctor is aware of me being born XXY so my dosages are less than a typical M2F.

My first 10 Weeks: I took 1 MG of estrogen/day
Now on my current set of 10 Weeks: I take 2 MG of estrogen/day & 50MG of testosterone blocker/day

Here is a photo of my tits at 12 Weeks

I've had very quick effects with development of solid A Cup breasts already. My already smooth/soft skin is even softer as Mistress Tangent tells me and my already thick hips have begun to get larger. I've also noticed myself becoming easily emotional at times.


Some may ask where this leaves Mistress Tangent and I..... Let me say that She is beyond supportive and is someone that really helps me along this process.

What is Next For Me:

This entire process is exciting but also scary. I'm taking it day by day but there are some earlier procedures that I would like to have done. This includes voice augmentation, lowering my hairline and shaping my jaw bone. In time, additional Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS). And eventually I would like to have a full sex change. As someone who has no identity with my penis.... I've written about this on my blog, a few blog posts ago having a sex change is not just a desire. It's a procedure that would improve my sex life. Being born with a never, full functioning penis with the opportunity to lead a fully healthy sex life as a woman is a must.

In regards to surgeries, that is no overnight thing. I would love to have the opportunity to have procedures done sooner than later but that is going to require some serious money saving. At this point, I still dress as a boy in my every day and the surgeries for me, play a large factor easing into my transition. With all this said, I'm hear for questions, support and everything in between.
I hope my story and openness can help others from maybe supporting others in their life to individuals going through similar experiences.

Email: Morgankeni4@gmail.com

I've Never Shared This - Is SRS The Option?

SRS....... Sex Reassingment Surgery
Would I actually consider such a thing?

Yes, I would and have in the past.
Is it realistic?

Yes... Let me tell you why.

This is something I have NEVER shared with other than my owner - Mistress Tangent and so it's not very easy for me to write about this on my blog that has lots of visitors. With that said, some of my personal life is shared through my blog as well as through my Owners websites. I also believe that sharing oneself's struggles, differences, and knowledge helps others through their circumstances, so here I am sharing with you for the first time.

As many of you know I was born with Klinefelter's XXY. This syndrome effects everyone differently. I consider myself intersex. Anyone that knows me can not only see the physical feminine characteristics in me but also the mental and emotional feminine characteristics.

There are times that I thought I could get away from the idea of my own gender questions. That I could live fully as a male but time and time again that's proven not possible for me. I'm not saying that I have to fully transition but I do need to live some of my life as a woman. But most would still ask why SRS?

I'm 28 years old and my penis has never fully functioned. Most people who are born XXY do have a functioning penis and some even give birth to children. I on the other hand have never, not even as a teenager had a fully functioning penis. Yes, I can get erect and yes I can orgasm. But no, I don't have sperm (can't produce kids) and no, I can't stay erect very long.
This has been true since I was a young teenager to now. I have had "traditional sex" but it was always very difficult for me and more than that I've never had a "connection" to my penis.

At a very young age (6 or 7) I taught myself how to masturbate like a woman. These days I prefer to cum with a vibrator (Hitachi). Today marks day 112 of straight chastity in the CB-6000. Now I have had orgasms with the Hitachi when allowed and locked up. It's been a little over a month now of no orgasms.

Mistress Tangent made a statement to me the other day, "I don't think you miss your cock" I thought about it and She is right. I don't miss my cock, I like to orgasm of course but if I am locked in chastity 24/7 yet allowed to orgasm when I earn that while locked in my chastity cage, that is good for me. In fact, I prefer it to not being in chastity, because when I'm not locked up I'm reminded that I was born XXY and that my cock literally serves no purpose. I'm not saying that statement out of self-humiliation. I'm saying that out of truth. The way I was born - XXY Intersex my cock simply doesn't work. On top of that I identify myself as more woman than man.

My Owner prefers me as female and after several talks She has insisted that if I were to get SRS (when I can afford to do so) She would not only be fully supportive but also would be happy for me to make that change.

No decisions are final. Nothing is set in stone. But these are discussions to be had. This is something that could enhance my sexual side for myself and with my Owner. This is something that could have a profound positive impact on my life, to have a sex organ that fully functions the way it is supposed to.

I do not identity with my penis what so ever and my Owner/Partner doesn't identity with it either.

The first steps are for us to educated ourselves on the risks and benefits. Then to speak with a doctor about my unique situation and start discussing options and see if this is something that I wish to pursue.

I will be meeting with my Endocrinologist doctor soon. This will be mentioned, although it is nerve racking to mention because there is some embarrassment and shame associated with it as well. No matter what, I know that my Owner fully supports whichever decision I ultimately decide to go with. But I believe that it's time that I discuss this with professionals and get medical answers to something I've kept to myself my entire life.

Dressed: Group & Video

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Transition?

FYI.... This is a very candid post


I've noted a few times through this blog that I considered transitioning, M2F in the past. I considered it so much that I saw a doctor, a counselor and took hormones for 6 or 8 weeks. I don't specifically recall the exact amount of weeks. I started hormones in mid December 2009 and then stopped after a few injections. So its been a little over 2 years since I had stopped taking injections.

A Little History:


Like many I've been cross-dressing since I was a child. At the same time I've been kinky since I was a child. All I knew was that both were not accepted by society. I have specific memories wanting to wear my sisters pink onesie instead of my blue one when I was about 5 and my sister was 12. When I could I would wear hers, even though it was big on me. At the same time when my grandfather was dieing I used to use some of his diapers, I was about 7. Then there was bondage and everything else that came with it.

As a child and as a teenager I always associated cross-dressing with kink/bdsm. Now these two things can be associated together but they can also be two completely different things. I learned how to masturbate "like a girl" by myself around the age or 7 or 8. I even tried to show one of my friends at the time and now look back embarrassed and always wondered if he recalled that night. As a teenager I always wore my sisters clothes. I would wear my girlfriends clothes, other girls clothes and when I got a job at 15 I began to buy my own girl clothes. At times it was sexual but many other times it wasn't. The older I've gotten the less sexual it has become.

More Recent:


I'm extremely kinky. There is no changing that, in fact I love that. With that said so many of my personal fantasies first involve me being in a "girl form" first and then the kink fantasy on top of that. I believe it was my sophomore year of college when I was at Columbia College Chicago and a teacher was talking about Klinefelter's Syndrome. I had no idea what it was, except that everything the teacher mentioned about it sounded just like my body. So I did some additional research and well I immediately thought that I could very well have it. Let me name some of the symptoms of being born XXY.

- Little to no body hair
- Little to no facial hair
- Small feet for your height
- Small hands for your height
- Often can be tall
- Can put on weight like a woman (Hips, thighs, butt)
- Small testicles (But has little effect on sex life)

- Also may have learning problems as a child
- Only 10% of guys have small natural breast growth.

Well, how do I fit in to all of this.
I am 6'2, 6'3 tall and wear a size 9 or 10 in mens shoes. I have rather small hands, I have little body hair, I have no facial hair, I put on weight like a woman and I have VERY small testicles. I also had learning problems as a child & took extra speech classes for about 5 years as a young kid. (I'm fine now).

When I went to a doctor to start hormones I had my testosterone tested. It came back low, at 192. Guys testosterone should range from a little over 200 up to I believe 900. I didn't get tested for Klinefelter's because I didn't have insurance and it's a 800 dollar test.

Now:


Two days ago, Tuesday I went to the school health center & I have insurance through the school. I found out that the Klinefelter's test is covered by my insurance after the health center did some research for 2 hours as it's a rare thing to be tested, at least at this place. I had my blood drawn and I'll find out the results in about 10 days. Whether I actually have it or not won't really have an affect on me, I just wanted to know.

Last week this guy was presenting in my class on about joining the multicultural program. I had heard this speech twice last quarter in other classes so I wasn't really paying much attention. Then suddenly he says that he is a F2M Transgender man. The whole class was surprised that's for sure. For that same class everyone has to write a 8-10 page paper for our final on a issue that is present in today's society.
I chose to title my paper, "Transgender Transitions In The Modern Day". I contacted this guy who had presented, his name is Corey and the other day I interviewed him as a source for my paper.

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Lately, I've really been considering transitioning again. I'm meeting with a counselor here on campus who works with the GLBT community tomorrow (Friday). At worst, just to talk, just to talk through things. I've learned that this is a thought that won't every really leave me. I'm extremely happy with who I am. With being a boy. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm outgoing, fun, light hearted, easy to get along with and good with the women - :)
I'm not someone who gets depressed or has anxiety, in fact I'm just the opposite. But, because of this I feel that my decision to transition or not is more difficult. Would transitioning really be worth it? I'm happy, I just happen to actually feel that maybe I should transition. I'm actually confused and nervous just thinking about it.


My Fears:


1. Work - My profession. I've gone to college for 5 years now and I'm ready to begin my career, asap! If I transition I'm throwing a bit of a road block in my own path.
I think if I were to transition you would see me doing things for the GLBT community and be more involved in TG porn, kink etc.

2. A relationship. I've heard about the difficulties for TG's dating. With that said I would also have to adjust to being a "lesbian" because I'm attracted to women.

3. My height. Even though I know I pass pretty damn good already as a boy it's still an added fear.

4. My tattoos. I'm heavily tattooed and tattoos can limit women more than men.

5. Family and Friends. All my good friends know that I was on hormones previously. They all stood behind me. I told my grandma I was considering transitioning back then and she was ok with it. I didn't tell my mom but I did tell her I cross-dress and she said I don't want to think about my son doing that, but one I already knew and two I love you. My sister, doesn't know and I know she would not respond well at all! Plus she has 3 kids and I want to be a part of their lives.
All my family and friends know that I've been doing kinky porn and bdsm modeling and they are cool with it. In fact my mom gets a kick out of it. None the less it's still a natural concern.

6. Cost. To be honest I would want surgery rather soon in the process. Facial work and breasts within 1 year of transitioning and if possible be post-op within 2, 21/2 years. That's not cheap.

7. Voice. I know you can do voice training but it just seems like another hurdle to deal with.

Worth Noting:


If I were to transition I would want to fully transition. I would want to be a post-op and have a vagina. There is absolutely no question about that. In fact it's something I think about a lot more than any boy should.

Also, if I had more knowledge on transitioning as a teenager I know for a fact I would have began transitioning by the age of 18. I always associated cross-dressing and kink together and when I started to hear that people could change genders and about hormones I went to Walgreens to find these hormones. Only to learn that the herbal hormones don't do much. So I did want to transition even as a teenager but obviously I didn't because of lack of knowledge.

We'll see what happens. I don't want to be 30 and start transitioning. In fact, I won't be doing that. If I decide to transition it will be sooner than later. But, it's a big, big decision. I just want to be fair to myself and think it through thoroughly. Thinking about this does make me nervous, anxious and concerned. At the same time I'm excited and very unsure. So, hopefully I can talk with someone here at school and just work through my thoughts. See what the blood results come back as and figure out what's best for me.

Here's a new picture of me in natural make-up & my hair down.