Anyone that has read my blogs over the years know that what I write has nothing to do with plugging others. It's purely about my experiences in kink and sexuality. I prefix because I'm about to "plug" someone without the intentions of giving her more popularity 1) she's already popular and 2) she is in my mind breaking boundaries in the transgender porn world and I very much appreciate that.
For starters... Time passes us all by and I feel that I accomplished a lot as a male submissive in front of the camera but it was always a means to an end for me. None the less, I've always ran in the adult entertainment world in some aspect, and as I've transitioned I find myself thinking that I pretty much feel like an outsider because I'm not working in adult film as a trans woman the way I worked in Femdom as a male submissive. Not due to lack of opportunity but simply out of choice. But the people I run with very often are still involved so I'm experienced, yet I'm not "in their world". So I find it interesting but I'll admit I find the trans women porn world to be over the top repetitive.
So seeing what Natalie Mars has done pushing limits in kink is beyond refreshing.
The funny thing is New Years Eve, Lexi Sindel invited me and my partner to Vegas to welcome in the New Year with her. So I'm at her house and Lexi and other peeps are getting ready to go out, as am I and she tells me that someone will be coming over soon. So I open the door and it's Natalie Mars and I have absolutely no idea who she is. I'm like cool, another girl and we are all going to have a good time.
So long story short of the night it was a blast. Natalie and I got to know each other better and 2 days later we shot our first scene together w/ Lexi Sindel and Mistress Tangent. If you don't know about it yet it was an amazing day with a focus on over the top femininity and sissy play as two trans woman. I go back with Lexi shooting from the age of 23 and I'm 31 now. It's weird when your kink idols become your friends. But some how she always comes up with fucked up, weird, kinky shit which as a kinkster I appreciate. I also love how Lexi always pushes the limits, where I'm going with this is so many trans women feel uncomfortable with crossdressers or sissy play because they don't want to be labeled that. However as a kinkster I still find sissy, over the top femininity arousing. On a personal level I've purposely stopped shooting heavily for years. But going back to my original topic, that is exactly why I tip my hat to Natalie Mars. She is the first and only trans woman who pushes kink while being a trans porn star and to me that is powerful.
Think about it. There are a million trans girl sites. A million BDSM sites that involve men, women, and even some that involve trans women but the ones with trans women all 100% relate back to sex. It's almost like trans women aren't allowed to be kinky and ironically as someone who runs in both worlds, so many trans women are kinky.
So I'll write about it and Natalie Mars can break boundaries. Some examples......
She proposed a fucking machine to Grooby Girls and got it done. First time ever and to put it nicely, it's a very popular video.
What takes more courage is taking a taboo fetish, that's even taboo in kink. And that's ABDL (Adult Baby, Diaper Lovers) those terms can be one in the same or completely separate. Personally I've been a DL lover all my life but even as open and kinky as I am it took me a very long time to be open about it cause even to me it seemed "weird". Now, not so much but it takes such courage as a trans porn star like her who is so popular to not only open up about it, but expose it, show it and talk about it and that is powerful.
Additionally she has done a lot of Femdom, bondage, and more. In some ways I feel like I am her. I guarantee you she had no idea who I was until I met her. But that doesn't mean I didn't influence people, I know I did, I've been told so many stories and I appreciate that. For me, the most powerful thing about being in front of the camera was others willingly opening up to me about their stories, it's that-that I love. Because we all have a story. I feel that my blog has ALWAYS been about sharing an inside light on things that those note involved wouldn't know, but I feel is important to know. And to me, what Natalie Mars is doing is a HUGE step in adult entertainment for trans people. Instead of simply being what someone fetish-sizes she's saying I also have fetishes and I'm willing to share with the world. And I, SOOOOOOO Love that!
Showing posts with label tg. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tg. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Transition?
FYI.... This is a very candid post
I've noted a few times through this blog that I considered transitioning, M2F in the past. I considered it so much that I saw a doctor, a counselor and took hormones for 6 or 8 weeks. I don't specifically recall the exact amount of weeks. I started hormones in mid December 2009 and then stopped after a few injections. So its been a little over 2 years since I had stopped taking injections.
A Little History:
Like many I've been cross-dressing since I was a child. At the same time I've been kinky since I was a child. All I knew was that both were not accepted by society. I have specific memories wanting to wear my sisters pink onesie instead of my blue one when I was about 5 and my sister was 12. When I could I would wear hers, even though it was big on me. At the same time when my grandfather was dieing I used to use some of his diapers, I was about 7. Then there was bondage and everything else that came with it.
As a child and as a teenager I always associated cross-dressing with kink/bdsm. Now these two things can be associated together but they can also be two completely different things. I learned how to masturbate "like a girl" by myself around the age or 7 or 8. I even tried to show one of my friends at the time and now look back embarrassed and always wondered if he recalled that night. As a teenager I always wore my sisters clothes. I would wear my girlfriends clothes, other girls clothes and when I got a job at 15 I began to buy my own girl clothes. At times it was sexual but many other times it wasn't. The older I've gotten the less sexual it has become.
More Recent:
I'm extremely kinky. There is no changing that, in fact I love that. With that said so many of my personal fantasies first involve me being in a "girl form" first and then the kink fantasy on top of that. I believe it was my sophomore year of college when I was at Columbia College Chicago and a teacher was talking about Klinefelter's Syndrome. I had no idea what it was, except that everything the teacher mentioned about it sounded just like my body. So I did some additional research and well I immediately thought that I could very well have it. Let me name some of the symptoms of being born XXY.
- Little to no body hair
- Little to no facial hair
- Small feet for your height
- Small hands for your height
- Often can be tall
- Can put on weight like a woman (Hips, thighs, butt)
- Small testicles (But has little effect on sex life)
- Also may have learning problems as a child
- Only 10% of guys have small natural breast growth.
Well, how do I fit in to all of this.
I am 6'2, 6'3 tall and wear a size 9 or 10 in mens shoes. I have rather small hands, I have little body hair, I have no facial hair, I put on weight like a woman and I have VERY small testicles. I also had learning problems as a child & took extra speech classes for about 5 years as a young kid. (I'm fine now).
When I went to a doctor to start hormones I had my testosterone tested. It came back low, at 192. Guys testosterone should range from a little over 200 up to I believe 900. I didn't get tested for Klinefelter's because I didn't have insurance and it's a 800 dollar test.
Now:
Two days ago, Tuesday I went to the school health center & I have insurance through the school. I found out that the Klinefelter's test is covered by my insurance after the health center did some research for 2 hours as it's a rare thing to be tested, at least at this place. I had my blood drawn and I'll find out the results in about 10 days. Whether I actually have it or not won't really have an affect on me, I just wanted to know.
Last week this guy was presenting in my class on about joining the multicultural program. I had heard this speech twice last quarter in other classes so I wasn't really paying much attention. Then suddenly he says that he is a F2M Transgender man. The whole class was surprised that's for sure. For that same class everyone has to write a 8-10 page paper for our final on a issue that is present in today's society.
I chose to title my paper, "Transgender Transitions In The Modern Day". I contacted this guy who had presented, his name is Corey and the other day I interviewed him as a source for my paper.
---
Lately, I've really been considering transitioning again. I'm meeting with a counselor here on campus who works with the GLBT community tomorrow (Friday). At worst, just to talk, just to talk through things. I've learned that this is a thought that won't every really leave me. I'm extremely happy with who I am. With being a boy. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm outgoing, fun, light hearted, easy to get along with and good with the women - :)
I'm not someone who gets depressed or has anxiety, in fact I'm just the opposite. But, because of this I feel that my decision to transition or not is more difficult. Would transitioning really be worth it? I'm happy, I just happen to actually feel that maybe I should transition. I'm actually confused and nervous just thinking about it.
My Fears:
1. Work - My profession. I've gone to college for 5 years now and I'm ready to begin my career, asap! If I transition I'm throwing a bit of a road block in my own path.
I think if I were to transition you would see me doing things for the GLBT community and be more involved in TG porn, kink etc.
2. A relationship. I've heard about the difficulties for TG's dating. With that said I would also have to adjust to being a "lesbian" because I'm attracted to women.
3. My height. Even though I know I pass pretty damn good already as a boy it's still an added fear.
4. My tattoos. I'm heavily tattooed and tattoos can limit women more than men.
5. Family and Friends. All my good friends know that I was on hormones previously. They all stood behind me. I told my grandma I was considering transitioning back then and she was ok with it. I didn't tell my mom but I did tell her I cross-dress and she said I don't want to think about my son doing that, but one I already knew and two I love you. My sister, doesn't know and I know she would not respond well at all! Plus she has 3 kids and I want to be a part of their lives.
All my family and friends know that I've been doing kinky porn and bdsm modeling and they are cool with it. In fact my mom gets a kick out of it. None the less it's still a natural concern.
6. Cost. To be honest I would want surgery rather soon in the process. Facial work and breasts within 1 year of transitioning and if possible be post-op within 2, 21/2 years. That's not cheap.
7. Voice. I know you can do voice training but it just seems like another hurdle to deal with.
Worth Noting:
If I were to transition I would want to fully transition. I would want to be a post-op and have a vagina. There is absolutely no question about that. In fact it's something I think about a lot more than any boy should.
Also, if I had more knowledge on transitioning as a teenager I know for a fact I would have began transitioning by the age of 18. I always associated cross-dressing and kink together and when I started to hear that people could change genders and about hormones I went to Walgreens to find these hormones. Only to learn that the herbal hormones don't do much. So I did want to transition even as a teenager but obviously I didn't because of lack of knowledge.
We'll see what happens. I don't want to be 30 and start transitioning. In fact, I won't be doing that. If I decide to transition it will be sooner than later. But, it's a big, big decision. I just want to be fair to myself and think it through thoroughly. Thinking about this does make me nervous, anxious and concerned. At the same time I'm excited and very unsure. So, hopefully I can talk with someone here at school and just work through my thoughts. See what the blood results come back as and figure out what's best for me.
Here's a new picture of me in natural make-up & my hair down.
I've noted a few times through this blog that I considered transitioning, M2F in the past. I considered it so much that I saw a doctor, a counselor and took hormones for 6 or 8 weeks. I don't specifically recall the exact amount of weeks. I started hormones in mid December 2009 and then stopped after a few injections. So its been a little over 2 years since I had stopped taking injections.
A Little History:
Like many I've been cross-dressing since I was a child. At the same time I've been kinky since I was a child. All I knew was that both were not accepted by society. I have specific memories wanting to wear my sisters pink onesie instead of my blue one when I was about 5 and my sister was 12. When I could I would wear hers, even though it was big on me. At the same time when my grandfather was dieing I used to use some of his diapers, I was about 7. Then there was bondage and everything else that came with it.
As a child and as a teenager I always associated cross-dressing with kink/bdsm. Now these two things can be associated together but they can also be two completely different things. I learned how to masturbate "like a girl" by myself around the age or 7 or 8. I even tried to show one of my friends at the time and now look back embarrassed and always wondered if he recalled that night. As a teenager I always wore my sisters clothes. I would wear my girlfriends clothes, other girls clothes and when I got a job at 15 I began to buy my own girl clothes. At times it was sexual but many other times it wasn't. The older I've gotten the less sexual it has become.
More Recent:
I'm extremely kinky. There is no changing that, in fact I love that. With that said so many of my personal fantasies first involve me being in a "girl form" first and then the kink fantasy on top of that. I believe it was my sophomore year of college when I was at Columbia College Chicago and a teacher was talking about Klinefelter's Syndrome. I had no idea what it was, except that everything the teacher mentioned about it sounded just like my body. So I did some additional research and well I immediately thought that I could very well have it. Let me name some of the symptoms of being born XXY.
- Little to no body hair
- Little to no facial hair
- Small feet for your height
- Small hands for your height
- Often can be tall
- Can put on weight like a woman (Hips, thighs, butt)
- Small testicles (But has little effect on sex life)
- Also may have learning problems as a child
- Only 10% of guys have small natural breast growth.
Well, how do I fit in to all of this.
I am 6'2, 6'3 tall and wear a size 9 or 10 in mens shoes. I have rather small hands, I have little body hair, I have no facial hair, I put on weight like a woman and I have VERY small testicles. I also had learning problems as a child & took extra speech classes for about 5 years as a young kid. (I'm fine now).
When I went to a doctor to start hormones I had my testosterone tested. It came back low, at 192. Guys testosterone should range from a little over 200 up to I believe 900. I didn't get tested for Klinefelter's because I didn't have insurance and it's a 800 dollar test.
Now:
Two days ago, Tuesday I went to the school health center & I have insurance through the school. I found out that the Klinefelter's test is covered by my insurance after the health center did some research for 2 hours as it's a rare thing to be tested, at least at this place. I had my blood drawn and I'll find out the results in about 10 days. Whether I actually have it or not won't really have an affect on me, I just wanted to know.
Last week this guy was presenting in my class on about joining the multicultural program. I had heard this speech twice last quarter in other classes so I wasn't really paying much attention. Then suddenly he says that he is a F2M Transgender man. The whole class was surprised that's for sure. For that same class everyone has to write a 8-10 page paper for our final on a issue that is present in today's society.
I chose to title my paper, "Transgender Transitions In The Modern Day". I contacted this guy who had presented, his name is Corey and the other day I interviewed him as a source for my paper.
---
Lately, I've really been considering transitioning again. I'm meeting with a counselor here on campus who works with the GLBT community tomorrow (Friday). At worst, just to talk, just to talk through things. I've learned that this is a thought that won't every really leave me. I'm extremely happy with who I am. With being a boy. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm outgoing, fun, light hearted, easy to get along with and good with the women - :)
I'm not someone who gets depressed or has anxiety, in fact I'm just the opposite. But, because of this I feel that my decision to transition or not is more difficult. Would transitioning really be worth it? I'm happy, I just happen to actually feel that maybe I should transition. I'm actually confused and nervous just thinking about it.
My Fears:
1. Work - My profession. I've gone to college for 5 years now and I'm ready to begin my career, asap! If I transition I'm throwing a bit of a road block in my own path.
I think if I were to transition you would see me doing things for the GLBT community and be more involved in TG porn, kink etc.
2. A relationship. I've heard about the difficulties for TG's dating. With that said I would also have to adjust to being a "lesbian" because I'm attracted to women.
3. My height. Even though I know I pass pretty damn good already as a boy it's still an added fear.
4. My tattoos. I'm heavily tattooed and tattoos can limit women more than men.
5. Family and Friends. All my good friends know that I was on hormones previously. They all stood behind me. I told my grandma I was considering transitioning back then and she was ok with it. I didn't tell my mom but I did tell her I cross-dress and she said I don't want to think about my son doing that, but one I already knew and two I love you. My sister, doesn't know and I know she would not respond well at all! Plus she has 3 kids and I want to be a part of their lives.
All my family and friends know that I've been doing kinky porn and bdsm modeling and they are cool with it. In fact my mom gets a kick out of it. None the less it's still a natural concern.
6. Cost. To be honest I would want surgery rather soon in the process. Facial work and breasts within 1 year of transitioning and if possible be post-op within 2, 21/2 years. That's not cheap.
7. Voice. I know you can do voice training but it just seems like another hurdle to deal with.
Worth Noting:
If I were to transition I would want to fully transition. I would want to be a post-op and have a vagina. There is absolutely no question about that. In fact it's something I think about a lot more than any boy should.
Also, if I had more knowledge on transitioning as a teenager I know for a fact I would have began transitioning by the age of 18. I always associated cross-dressing and kink together and when I started to hear that people could change genders and about hormones I went to Walgreens to find these hormones. Only to learn that the herbal hormones don't do much. So I did want to transition even as a teenager but obviously I didn't because of lack of knowledge.
We'll see what happens. I don't want to be 30 and start transitioning. In fact, I won't be doing that. If I decide to transition it will be sooner than later. But, it's a big, big decision. I just want to be fair to myself and think it through thoroughly. Thinking about this does make me nervous, anxious and concerned. At the same time I'm excited and very unsure. So, hopefully I can talk with someone here at school and just work through my thoughts. See what the blood results come back as and figure out what's best for me.
Here's a new picture of me in natural make-up & my hair down.
Monday, January 17, 2011
How to - Make Breasts
I've been requested to write about this and I've been asked the question, "How do you make your boobs?" so many times I wouldn't even attempt to count them.
A little background... When I was a teenager I used to just stuff like like many cross dressers do and some girls of course. When I was 19 I was approached by a drag queen in Chicago by the drag name of Tina Torch. She wanted to do drag make up on me so one day we got together and later that night I went out to The Continuum fetish party in Chicago. There's a picture below of what I looked like that night.
It was then that I learned how to do the way I do my boobs now. You really don't need much, the most important thing is duct tape. Yes, the solution to everything.... duct tape.
Before you do anything push your chest/tits together and you'll get an idea of what you can create. Then take duct tape and before you rip off a piece measure about how long of a piece you need. I wrap the duct tape about an inch or 2 behind my side/past where my arm hangs down. Rip off about 3 pieces at this length and then 1 maybe 2 pieces that are about 4-6 inches shorter.
Note: This is much easier if you have someone to help you, but practice and you'll get a hang off it.
1. Take a long piece of tape and place the end about 2 inches behind your side. Push the tape onto your body to the side of your chest. Then take your chest and push it together like your making cleavage. Push together as much as possible and with your other hand pull the tape the rest of the way and make it as tight as possible. (The tape should be just under your nipples)
2. The 2nd piece of tape should start just a tad further onto your side than the 1st piece so that it grips some skin as well. This piece is easier than the 1st. Squeeze chest together again and pull the tape and make it tight.
3. You may not have to put another long piece of tape on but if it feels like you need it do it again.
4. I then use a shorter piece of tape just to sure things up.
5. Put on your choice of bra.
6. Stuff. You can use breast forms if you have them. They are usually best but socks work as well. But whatever you use to stuff push it down and just fill space. Your chest that has been created into breasts already takes up a good amount of space, now your just filling leftover space.
7. Probably the simplest step is to take a little make up that's just a tad darker than your skin color. With a brush apply that into your cleavage. Blend it into your skin. This creates a dimension that makes your breasts look larger and realer than they are.
I'll need to do a video of this and you'll get an even better idea of how to do this. None the less try this out. Practice helps for any cross dresser. Although, real girls also use this tip sometimes. I actually taught a girl with smaller breasts how to do this and she loved me for it.
This is actually best if you have a little fat in your chest. If you don't have any fat this still helps it's just a tad more difficult but trust me this is the key to beautiful fake breasts.
Taking it off. Can hurt a little bit. If your sweating a bit it actually doesn't hurt at all. Taking a shower with the tape on can help out a lot as well and then just remove it in the shower. But, ask any girl.... Beauty = Pain.
Drag Queen picture & then a close up of my fake breasts.
A little background... When I was a teenager I used to just stuff like like many cross dressers do and some girls of course. When I was 19 I was approached by a drag queen in Chicago by the drag name of Tina Torch. She wanted to do drag make up on me so one day we got together and later that night I went out to The Continuum fetish party in Chicago. There's a picture below of what I looked like that night.
It was then that I learned how to do the way I do my boobs now. You really don't need much, the most important thing is duct tape. Yes, the solution to everything.... duct tape.
Before you do anything push your chest/tits together and you'll get an idea of what you can create. Then take duct tape and before you rip off a piece measure about how long of a piece you need. I wrap the duct tape about an inch or 2 behind my side/past where my arm hangs down. Rip off about 3 pieces at this length and then 1 maybe 2 pieces that are about 4-6 inches shorter.
Note: This is much easier if you have someone to help you, but practice and you'll get a hang off it.
1. Take a long piece of tape and place the end about 2 inches behind your side. Push the tape onto your body to the side of your chest. Then take your chest and push it together like your making cleavage. Push together as much as possible and with your other hand pull the tape the rest of the way and make it as tight as possible. (The tape should be just under your nipples)
2. The 2nd piece of tape should start just a tad further onto your side than the 1st piece so that it grips some skin as well. This piece is easier than the 1st. Squeeze chest together again and pull the tape and make it tight.
3. You may not have to put another long piece of tape on but if it feels like you need it do it again.
4. I then use a shorter piece of tape just to sure things up.
5. Put on your choice of bra.
6. Stuff. You can use breast forms if you have them. They are usually best but socks work as well. But whatever you use to stuff push it down and just fill space. Your chest that has been created into breasts already takes up a good amount of space, now your just filling leftover space.
7. Probably the simplest step is to take a little make up that's just a tad darker than your skin color. With a brush apply that into your cleavage. Blend it into your skin. This creates a dimension that makes your breasts look larger and realer than they are.
I'll need to do a video of this and you'll get an even better idea of how to do this. None the less try this out. Practice helps for any cross dresser. Although, real girls also use this tip sometimes. I actually taught a girl with smaller breasts how to do this and she loved me for it.
This is actually best if you have a little fat in your chest. If you don't have any fat this still helps it's just a tad more difficult but trust me this is the key to beautiful fake breasts.
Taking it off. Can hurt a little bit. If your sweating a bit it actually doesn't hurt at all. Taking a shower with the tape on can help out a lot as well and then just remove it in the shower. But, ask any girl.... Beauty = Pain.
Drag Queen picture & then a close up of my fake breasts.
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