I woke up this morning like a kid in a candy store. So happy, excited, I feel like I'm going to the beach or on a vacation. So why the excitement. Cause @GoddessTangent gave me the first order in a long time. The funny thing is, it was nothing very meaningful. I kept calling her about the Steelers game yesterday and I know she doesn't like sports. Then I've been very healthy lately and I've lost 11 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks and haven't been drinking and I got a quick buzz and you wouldn't believe why I'm so excited.
She texted me" if I text/call her again with anything meaningless that she doesn't care about that she was going to block me". And trust me I wanted to call and text her again cause I'm so happy that we are talking again. But I knew the consequences so I stopped.
I was so turned on, I woke up this morning humping my bed. And then it came to me. It's not that I didn't know it, but humans, we are stubborn sometimes and don't like to admit things. But I am a stronger, better, more complete person when Tangent has control of my life. When she makes decisions of what I can and cant do. Not maybes, but decisions. And I think that's why I like chastity so much. It's so mental, it's control over me all the time even when she's not home and traveling. It's mind bending and twisting love. Just the way I like it. Even more so from the one person that I trust and have always loved the most in my life.
As a kid they said humans need certain things to live; shelter, food, water etc.
What I've learned as an adult about myself is I need captivity, I need someone who is as passionate about being in control of someones else as I am passionate about being controlled. And what I've learned from there is that you have to have such a deep bond and trust with someone and for me I love this person. It's GoddessTangent. But since I'm not in chastity at the moment and have no regulations on cuming at the moment I'm going to use my Hitachi right now and cum in my panties.
Monday, January 15, 2018
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Capture's Control
It's one thing to break up in a vanilla relationship. It's another thing for that same person to also be your kink/BDSM partner. As someone who is a submissive I'm fully aware that the Dominant has little to no power unless the submissive trust their Dominant and allows them to hold a power over them. The submissive needs to be stronger than the Dominant almost always because the submissive takes a lot physically and mentally when you play in BDSM.
If there is 1 thing you could ask @MistressTangent about me and she would 100% agree with is that she's never met anyone who could take as much both physically and mentally as I can. We always had this bond that just felt like it couldn't be broken. I put SOOOOO much trust in her to be able to take what I have over the years. Some of it was sexual kink and a good amount of it wasn't.
We always wanted to push our kink to new heights and sometimes in was magnificent and sometimes it's was an experimental mess. Sometimes I wouldn't be aware of her mental BDSM on me until after. The way we pushed our relationship to the edge made us truly that much closer.
We've done things with each other that neither of us ever did before. We went there! It was powerful, dangerous, arousing, scary, exciting.....
Sitting here writing this, what hurts me the most is that when I made mistakes I'm still sad at how quick she was to essentially let me go. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that and it's making me question everything I thought I knew. I feel like a prisoner who endured a lot from their captor and then "fell" for their captor and then one day their capture just disappeared. She was my captor for 5 years and now my head is all twisted.
I have anger, I have hope, I have fear, I have confusion, I have love, I have hurt.
I never wanted to admit it but I think I always loved her more than she loved me. I think a lot of that goes back to our power dynamic. But that's a huge part of what hurts so much.
I can't predict the future but at this point I have no idea what I want, where I'm going or what's to come. I'm just trying to understand myself.
I'm sure I'll have more to write in the future, but now this is therapeutic.
If there is 1 thing you could ask @MistressTangent about me and she would 100% agree with is that she's never met anyone who could take as much both physically and mentally as I can. We always had this bond that just felt like it couldn't be broken. I put SOOOOO much trust in her to be able to take what I have over the years. Some of it was sexual kink and a good amount of it wasn't.
We always wanted to push our kink to new heights and sometimes in was magnificent and sometimes it's was an experimental mess. Sometimes I wouldn't be aware of her mental BDSM on me until after. The way we pushed our relationship to the edge made us truly that much closer.
We've done things with each other that neither of us ever did before. We went there! It was powerful, dangerous, arousing, scary, exciting.....
Sitting here writing this, what hurts me the most is that when I made mistakes I'm still sad at how quick she was to essentially let me go. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that and it's making me question everything I thought I knew. I feel like a prisoner who endured a lot from their captor and then "fell" for their captor and then one day their capture just disappeared. She was my captor for 5 years and now my head is all twisted.
I have anger, I have hope, I have fear, I have confusion, I have love, I have hurt.
I never wanted to admit it but I think I always loved her more than she loved me. I think a lot of that goes back to our power dynamic. But that's a huge part of what hurts so much.
I can't predict the future but at this point I have no idea what I want, where I'm going or what's to come. I'm just trying to understand myself.
I'm sure I'll have more to write in the future, but now this is therapeutic.
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
A Trans Woman Changing Adult Entertainment
Anyone that has read my blogs over the years know that what I write has nothing to do with plugging others. It's purely about my experiences in kink and sexuality. I prefix because I'm about to "plug" someone without the intentions of giving her more popularity 1) she's already popular and 2) she is in my mind breaking boundaries in the transgender porn world and I very much appreciate that.
For starters... Time passes us all by and I feel that I accomplished a lot as a male submissive in front of the camera but it was always a means to an end for me. None the less, I've always ran in the adult entertainment world in some aspect, and as I've transitioned I find myself thinking that I pretty much feel like an outsider because I'm not working in adult film as a trans woman the way I worked in Femdom as a male submissive. Not due to lack of opportunity but simply out of choice. But the people I run with very often are still involved so I'm experienced, yet I'm not "in their world". So I find it interesting but I'll admit I find the trans women porn world to be over the top repetitive.
So seeing what Natalie Mars has done pushing limits in kink is beyond refreshing.
The funny thing is New Years Eve, Lexi Sindel invited me and my partner to Vegas to welcome in the New Year with her. So I'm at her house and Lexi and other peeps are getting ready to go out, as am I and she tells me that someone will be coming over soon. So I open the door and it's Natalie Mars and I have absolutely no idea who she is. I'm like cool, another girl and we are all going to have a good time.
So long story short of the night it was a blast. Natalie and I got to know each other better and 2 days later we shot our first scene together w/ Lexi Sindel and Mistress Tangent. If you don't know about it yet it was an amazing day with a focus on over the top femininity and sissy play as two trans woman. I go back with Lexi shooting from the age of 23 and I'm 31 now. It's weird when your kink idols become your friends. But some how she always comes up with fucked up, weird, kinky shit which as a kinkster I appreciate. I also love how Lexi always pushes the limits, where I'm going with this is so many trans women feel uncomfortable with crossdressers or sissy play because they don't want to be labeled that. However as a kinkster I still find sissy, over the top femininity arousing. On a personal level I've purposely stopped shooting heavily for years. But going back to my original topic, that is exactly why I tip my hat to Natalie Mars. She is the first and only trans woman who pushes kink while being a trans porn star and to me that is powerful.
Think about it. There are a million trans girl sites. A million BDSM sites that involve men, women, and even some that involve trans women but the ones with trans women all 100% relate back to sex. It's almost like trans women aren't allowed to be kinky and ironically as someone who runs in both worlds, so many trans women are kinky.
So I'll write about it and Natalie Mars can break boundaries. Some examples......
She proposed a fucking machine to Grooby Girls and got it done. First time ever and to put it nicely, it's a very popular video.
What takes more courage is taking a taboo fetish, that's even taboo in kink. And that's ABDL (Adult Baby, Diaper Lovers) those terms can be one in the same or completely separate. Personally I've been a DL lover all my life but even as open and kinky as I am it took me a very long time to be open about it cause even to me it seemed "weird". Now, not so much but it takes such courage as a trans porn star like her who is so popular to not only open up about it, but expose it, show it and talk about it and that is powerful.
Additionally she has done a lot of Femdom, bondage, and more. In some ways I feel like I am her. I guarantee you she had no idea who I was until I met her. But that doesn't mean I didn't influence people, I know I did, I've been told so many stories and I appreciate that. For me, the most powerful thing about being in front of the camera was others willingly opening up to me about their stories, it's that-that I love. Because we all have a story. I feel that my blog has ALWAYS been about sharing an inside light on things that those note involved wouldn't know, but I feel is important to know. And to me, what Natalie Mars is doing is a HUGE step in adult entertainment for trans people. Instead of simply being what someone fetish-sizes she's saying I also have fetishes and I'm willing to share with the world. And I, SOOOOOOO Love that!
For starters... Time passes us all by and I feel that I accomplished a lot as a male submissive in front of the camera but it was always a means to an end for me. None the less, I've always ran in the adult entertainment world in some aspect, and as I've transitioned I find myself thinking that I pretty much feel like an outsider because I'm not working in adult film as a trans woman the way I worked in Femdom as a male submissive. Not due to lack of opportunity but simply out of choice. But the people I run with very often are still involved so I'm experienced, yet I'm not "in their world". So I find it interesting but I'll admit I find the trans women porn world to be over the top repetitive.
So seeing what Natalie Mars has done pushing limits in kink is beyond refreshing.
The funny thing is New Years Eve, Lexi Sindel invited me and my partner to Vegas to welcome in the New Year with her. So I'm at her house and Lexi and other peeps are getting ready to go out, as am I and she tells me that someone will be coming over soon. So I open the door and it's Natalie Mars and I have absolutely no idea who she is. I'm like cool, another girl and we are all going to have a good time.
So long story short of the night it was a blast. Natalie and I got to know each other better and 2 days later we shot our first scene together w/ Lexi Sindel and Mistress Tangent. If you don't know about it yet it was an amazing day with a focus on over the top femininity and sissy play as two trans woman. I go back with Lexi shooting from the age of 23 and I'm 31 now. It's weird when your kink idols become your friends. But some how she always comes up with fucked up, weird, kinky shit which as a kinkster I appreciate. I also love how Lexi always pushes the limits, where I'm going with this is so many trans women feel uncomfortable with crossdressers or sissy play because they don't want to be labeled that. However as a kinkster I still find sissy, over the top femininity arousing. On a personal level I've purposely stopped shooting heavily for years. But going back to my original topic, that is exactly why I tip my hat to Natalie Mars. She is the first and only trans woman who pushes kink while being a trans porn star and to me that is powerful.
Think about it. There are a million trans girl sites. A million BDSM sites that involve men, women, and even some that involve trans women but the ones with trans women all 100% relate back to sex. It's almost like trans women aren't allowed to be kinky and ironically as someone who runs in both worlds, so many trans women are kinky.
So I'll write about it and Natalie Mars can break boundaries. Some examples......
She proposed a fucking machine to Grooby Girls and got it done. First time ever and to put it nicely, it's a very popular video.
What takes more courage is taking a taboo fetish, that's even taboo in kink. And that's ABDL (Adult Baby, Diaper Lovers) those terms can be one in the same or completely separate. Personally I've been a DL lover all my life but even as open and kinky as I am it took me a very long time to be open about it cause even to me it seemed "weird". Now, not so much but it takes such courage as a trans porn star like her who is so popular to not only open up about it, but expose it, show it and talk about it and that is powerful.
Additionally she has done a lot of Femdom, bondage, and more. In some ways I feel like I am her. I guarantee you she had no idea who I was until I met her. But that doesn't mean I didn't influence people, I know I did, I've been told so many stories and I appreciate that. For me, the most powerful thing about being in front of the camera was others willingly opening up to me about their stories, it's that-that I love. Because we all have a story. I feel that my blog has ALWAYS been about sharing an inside light on things that those note involved wouldn't know, but I feel is important to know. And to me, what Natalie Mars is doing is a HUGE step in adult entertainment for trans people. Instead of simply being what someone fetish-sizes she's saying I also have fetishes and I'm willing to share with the world. And I, SOOOOOOO Love that!
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Lost It All.... To Be Continued
This is my first post as a Trans Woman.
This is my first post as a Single Trans Woman.
This is my first post in a long time.
This is my first post as a Trans Woman who is single and rather unknown in the Kinky world that I live in these days.
This first paragraph may be a bit of a rant and I must acknowledge all the love I've received while I didn't write from fans!!! I'll admit like many "artists's" it's so much more natural to write when everything isn't "right" in your life.
So my rant.... I feel like I've been the unknown "partner" of woman I've dated in kink and I find that frustrating. I should write a book, not a blog of my life but a book of my life in Kink from 18 to 31. I started writing blogs early in life and go through phases of writing and not writing. I don't care about the fame but I do care about how the submissive is represented. I've been asked a million times how I got to where I've been and a lot of that is on the submissive but it's also on the Dominant. Long story we all human.
My Rant Kind of Continues + Now my Life for Now...
So in the time that I haven't wrote... I decided to transition. And that shit is hard. I'll go into more detail in future posts but just know this shit is hard. I've been with Mistress/Goddess Tangent and she truly is the best Dominant I've ever been heavily involved with. When I met I her I said I wanted to be pushed and she said she wanted to be pushed. Problem, perhaps we pushed each other too far......
Once again I'll talk more in future posts... Right now I'm up late with a lot on my mind.
Where I'm going is I've been the person behind the scenes for a long time after being in front of the camera for several years. I made a decision to be behind the scenes. But I'm also not to be erased. I'm not to be disregarded..... the way I personally believe many submissive's are. It's almost like I didn't exist. The world of Femdom is the the world of worshiping women but that doesn't mean the submissive can't achieve and that doesn't mean the submissive can't be an influential part of who that Dominant Woman becomes.
The submissive is just as influential in the kink scene as the Dominant is. Female submissive's are aware of this but males are not because most male submissive's act a fool. Get it together!
I got to where I am because I'm kinky with head on my shoulders. But tonight and I'm sure for several nights I'm a sad submissive cause I lost everything I ever desired in someone.....
This is my first post as a Single Trans Woman.
This is my first post in a long time.
This is my first post as a Trans Woman who is single and rather unknown in the Kinky world that I live in these days.
This first paragraph may be a bit of a rant and I must acknowledge all the love I've received while I didn't write from fans!!! I'll admit like many "artists's" it's so much more natural to write when everything isn't "right" in your life.
So my rant.... I feel like I've been the unknown "partner" of woman I've dated in kink and I find that frustrating. I should write a book, not a blog of my life but a book of my life in Kink from 18 to 31. I started writing blogs early in life and go through phases of writing and not writing. I don't care about the fame but I do care about how the submissive is represented. I've been asked a million times how I got to where I've been and a lot of that is on the submissive but it's also on the Dominant. Long story we all human.
My Rant Kind of Continues + Now my Life for Now...
So in the time that I haven't wrote... I decided to transition. And that shit is hard. I'll go into more detail in future posts but just know this shit is hard. I've been with Mistress/Goddess Tangent and she truly is the best Dominant I've ever been heavily involved with. When I met I her I said I wanted to be pushed and she said she wanted to be pushed. Problem, perhaps we pushed each other too far......
Once again I'll talk more in future posts... Right now I'm up late with a lot on my mind.
Where I'm going is I've been the person behind the scenes for a long time after being in front of the camera for several years. I made a decision to be behind the scenes. But I'm also not to be erased. I'm not to be disregarded..... the way I personally believe many submissive's are. It's almost like I didn't exist. The world of Femdom is the the world of worshiping women but that doesn't mean the submissive can't achieve and that doesn't mean the submissive can't be an influential part of who that Dominant Woman becomes.
The submissive is just as influential in the kink scene as the Dominant is. Female submissive's are aware of this but males are not because most male submissive's act a fool. Get it together!
I got to where I am because I'm kinky with head on my shoulders. But tonight and I'm sure for several nights I'm a sad submissive cause I lost everything I ever desired in someone.....
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Announcement: More To Come
I've been on hiatus with my blog and many other aspects of my life that is in the public eye. I've pulled off of Fetlife, Twitter, my blog, and my attendance at kink events of any kind except for my attendance at Domcon LA and I also went to Folsom Street in San Francisco earlier in my hiatus. The reason for this is I've been going through a lot of personal change. With that said, I've decided to start opening myself up to the you guys once again as I do find it very therapeutic and enjoy hearing how I help others out as well.
What I would like to do is share a part of myself with you that I haven't talked much about. I mentioned that I'm transitioning to live as female. I've mentioned that I was born XXY (Intersex) called Klinefelter's Syndrome. I've clearly mentioned how kinky I am and shared my kinky life with you for years. But I haven't shared my struggles in finding my own gender identity, I haven't shared my path to how I got to where I am today, I haven't shared the ups and downs I've gone through in coming out to my friends, family, colleagues and others in my life.
So I'm going to share that all with you through text, images and videos.
I will also share more of my kink lifestyle with you as I did before. Many ask both me and Mistress Tangent on a regular basis and to address that question, yes we are still happily together. Once again I simply pulled back on sharing due to the massive changes I've been experiencing.
Right now I'm in Chicago, I've been here as of early July until July 25th. I'm here to do with family issues around my transition. I will have another post for you in a few days with many more details after I finishing announcing my transition publicly.
Thank you for all of your patience. My blog and my writings have always been very helpful to me and I love the interaction and feedback that it brings me from all of you.
What I would like to do is share a part of myself with you that I haven't talked much about. I mentioned that I'm transitioning to live as female. I've mentioned that I was born XXY (Intersex) called Klinefelter's Syndrome. I've clearly mentioned how kinky I am and shared my kinky life with you for years. But I haven't shared my struggles in finding my own gender identity, I haven't shared my path to how I got to where I am today, I haven't shared the ups and downs I've gone through in coming out to my friends, family, colleagues and others in my life.
So I'm going to share that all with you through text, images and videos.
I will also share more of my kink lifestyle with you as I did before. Many ask both me and Mistress Tangent on a regular basis and to address that question, yes we are still happily together. Once again I simply pulled back on sharing due to the massive changes I've been experiencing.
Right now I'm in Chicago, I've been here as of early July until July 25th. I'm here to do with family issues around my transition. I will have another post for you in a few days with many more details after I finishing announcing my transition publicly.
Thank you for all of your patience. My blog and my writings have always been very helpful to me and I love the interaction and feedback that it brings me from all of you.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Stripped & Naked
Stripped and naked.
Not physically but of my collar for further training.
Over all these years in kink and all the time I've been around lifestyle people and lived the lifestyle myself I've never been trained in high protocal. I've never been a "slave" the way Mistress Tangent desires me as a slave. The truth is, when I look inside myself I've never been a "slave" the way I've desired either. My own fears, anxiety, and pride has kept myself from letting go to the point where I can be a slave.
Not just for the name of being a slave and not just for a short period of time like a session but for good. To dedicate myself to someone forever.
This all came to over a period of time and with our most recent trip to San Diego where we spent some time around some high protocal friends and I failed to present myself and show that same level of respect for Mistress Tangent in particular situations.
I've decided to dedicate myself to the teachings and learnings of Mistress Tangent so that I will be the proper slave She deserves and our relationship will continue to blossum and grow into what we both desire. My level of trust, belief, and love in Her and Her geniune love of power exchange and BDSM has brought me to where I am today. Stripped, Naked, Collar-less to learn the real, proper ways of Femdom and to serve Her to the highest degree.
This stripping began just last night. The first hour of training and the foundation to us.
The 2 most difficult parts for the both of us was Her removing 2 privledges that were given to me. 1) She removed my collar and I am forbidden to wear anything even resembling a collar until I have earned it. 2) I am no longer allowed to call Her (Daddy) as I have been for a long time now. The only time this is allowed is when She is fucking me and when I earn my collar back. I cried over both these situations while in my high protocal slave position.
Mistress Tangent then taught me the basic rules of the 3 protocals (low, medium & high) and the rules along with them.
Low: Is when we are around family and friends and or public situations and I am to maintain a level of respect throughout. Further details will be revealed in our next training.
Medium: When we are at home and also at fetish parties/events.
High: When we are with others who live the D/s lifestyle and in some other situations that Mistress Tangent deems necessary. High protocal is also ALWAYS in place for punishments.
So far I've been taught a couple slave positions and protocals that follow the high protocal.
Attention: Standing with arms by side and hands open/facing out.
Listening: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together low near waist shows that I'm listening.
Question: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together but raised to my chest, waiting to be allowed to ask a question or to speak.
During high protocal I am not allowed to speak unless spoken to.
During high and medium protocal I am to address Her at all times properly. Because the word (Daddy) has been stripped from me until I'm allowed the privledge of using that word again I now must address her as Ma'am AT ALL TIMES when in Medium or High protocal.
Just over 1 day into training I can feel the positive tension. I am committed to being a slave that my Owner is proud of. I am committed to treating Her the way She deserves to be treated. I am committed to myself throughout this process and I am stripped and naked to be molded.
Additionally, I've been locked up in chastity for 42 straight days now and this time I'm locked up in the smallest possible Cb-6000 cage possible. The length is about 2 inches and I didn't think I could fit into it but the truth is this size fits me much better. I feel more frustration in this sized cage and with me being on HRT now since February it only makes sense. I am not allowed any orgasms until I've taken 10,000, that's right 10,000 canings from Mistress Tangent. 42 days in and I'm at a little over 1,000 canings.
I want to leave off on this note. 1 full day of proper protocal to my Owner has brought a new hightened sense of eroticism, arosal and tingles to my body. Both sexually and mentally stimulating. I'm very excited about Our journey down this road together.
Not physically but of my collar for further training.
Over all these years in kink and all the time I've been around lifestyle people and lived the lifestyle myself I've never been trained in high protocal. I've never been a "slave" the way Mistress Tangent desires me as a slave. The truth is, when I look inside myself I've never been a "slave" the way I've desired either. My own fears, anxiety, and pride has kept myself from letting go to the point where I can be a slave.
Not just for the name of being a slave and not just for a short period of time like a session but for good. To dedicate myself to someone forever.
This all came to over a period of time and with our most recent trip to San Diego where we spent some time around some high protocal friends and I failed to present myself and show that same level of respect for Mistress Tangent in particular situations.
I've decided to dedicate myself to the teachings and learnings of Mistress Tangent so that I will be the proper slave She deserves and our relationship will continue to blossum and grow into what we both desire. My level of trust, belief, and love in Her and Her geniune love of power exchange and BDSM has brought me to where I am today. Stripped, Naked, Collar-less to learn the real, proper ways of Femdom and to serve Her to the highest degree.
This stripping began just last night. The first hour of training and the foundation to us.
The 2 most difficult parts for the both of us was Her removing 2 privledges that were given to me. 1) She removed my collar and I am forbidden to wear anything even resembling a collar until I have earned it. 2) I am no longer allowed to call Her (Daddy) as I have been for a long time now. The only time this is allowed is when She is fucking me and when I earn my collar back. I cried over both these situations while in my high protocal slave position.
Mistress Tangent then taught me the basic rules of the 3 protocals (low, medium & high) and the rules along with them.
Low: Is when we are around family and friends and or public situations and I am to maintain a level of respect throughout. Further details will be revealed in our next training.
Medium: When we are at home and also at fetish parties/events.
High: When we are with others who live the D/s lifestyle and in some other situations that Mistress Tangent deems necessary. High protocal is also ALWAYS in place for punishments.
So far I've been taught a couple slave positions and protocals that follow the high protocal.
Attention: Standing with arms by side and hands open/facing out.
Listening: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together low near waist shows that I'm listening.
Question: Standing or sitting in slave form with my hands open/together but raised to my chest, waiting to be allowed to ask a question or to speak.
During high protocal I am not allowed to speak unless spoken to.
During high and medium protocal I am to address Her at all times properly. Because the word (Daddy) has been stripped from me until I'm allowed the privledge of using that word again I now must address her as Ma'am AT ALL TIMES when in Medium or High protocal.
Just over 1 day into training I can feel the positive tension. I am committed to being a slave that my Owner is proud of. I am committed to treating Her the way She deserves to be treated. I am committed to myself throughout this process and I am stripped and naked to be molded.
Additionally, I've been locked up in chastity for 42 straight days now and this time I'm locked up in the smallest possible Cb-6000 cage possible. The length is about 2 inches and I didn't think I could fit into it but the truth is this size fits me much better. I feel more frustration in this sized cage and with me being on HRT now since February it only makes sense. I am not allowed any orgasms until I've taken 10,000, that's right 10,000 canings from Mistress Tangent. 42 days in and I'm at a little over 1,000 canings.
I want to leave off on this note. 1 full day of proper protocal to my Owner has brought a new hightened sense of eroticism, arosal and tingles to my body. Both sexually and mentally stimulating. I'm very excited about Our journey down this road together.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Transitioning
Long over due.... And I've got a story for you.
Some know, most don't. Those closest have begun to learn and now I've decided to share more on an open format.
I'm taking steps to transition.
It's something that I've more than thought about for a very long time, all the way back to when I was a child. When I was in my early 20's I started to think about if after a lot of research and after my break up with my X decided to consult a doctor and take HRT. 6 weeks later I stopped as I got scared. No one knew, I hid it from everyone and it was a lot to undergo, especially at that time of my life. Also at that time I was unaware that I was born XXY. I thought that I was from research but it had not been proven.
At 25 I learned that I was XXY and as much as it confirmed my thoughts of myself it also was a lot to take in, understand and process.
Now at 28, after lots of consideration, fear, excitement, support, discussion and more I've decided to take steps for transition. I started 13 weeks ago. Keep in mind that my doctor is aware of me being born XXY so my dosages are less than a typical M2F.
My first 10 Weeks: I took 1 MG of estrogen/day
Now on my current set of 10 Weeks: I take 2 MG of estrogen/day & 50MG of testosterone blocker/day
Here is a photo of my tits at 12 Weeks
I've had very quick effects with development of solid A Cup breasts already. My already smooth/soft skin is even softer as Mistress Tangent tells me and my already thick hips have begun to get larger. I've also noticed myself becoming easily emotional at times.
Some may ask where this leaves Mistress Tangent and I..... Let me say that She is beyond supportive and is someone that really helps me along this process.
What is Next For Me:
This entire process is exciting but also scary. I'm taking it day by day but there are some earlier procedures that I would like to have done. This includes voice augmentation, lowering my hairline and shaping my jaw bone. In time, additional Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS). And eventually I would like to have a full sex change. As someone who has no identity with my penis.... I've written about this on my blog, a few blog posts ago having a sex change is not just a desire. It's a procedure that would improve my sex life. Being born with a never, full functioning penis with the opportunity to lead a fully healthy sex life as a woman is a must.
In regards to surgeries, that is no overnight thing. I would love to have the opportunity to have procedures done sooner than later but that is going to require some serious money saving. At this point, I still dress as a boy in my every day and the surgeries for me, play a large factor easing into my transition. With all this said, I'm hear for questions, support and everything in between.
I hope my story and openness can help others from maybe supporting others in their life to individuals going through similar experiences.
Email: Morgankeni4@gmail.com
Some know, most don't. Those closest have begun to learn and now I've decided to share more on an open format.
I'm taking steps to transition.
It's something that I've more than thought about for a very long time, all the way back to when I was a child. When I was in my early 20's I started to think about if after a lot of research and after my break up with my X decided to consult a doctor and take HRT. 6 weeks later I stopped as I got scared. No one knew, I hid it from everyone and it was a lot to undergo, especially at that time of my life. Also at that time I was unaware that I was born XXY. I thought that I was from research but it had not been proven.
At 25 I learned that I was XXY and as much as it confirmed my thoughts of myself it also was a lot to take in, understand and process.
Now at 28, after lots of consideration, fear, excitement, support, discussion and more I've decided to take steps for transition. I started 13 weeks ago. Keep in mind that my doctor is aware of me being born XXY so my dosages are less than a typical M2F.
My first 10 Weeks: I took 1 MG of estrogen/day
Now on my current set of 10 Weeks: I take 2 MG of estrogen/day & 50MG of testosterone blocker/day
Here is a photo of my tits at 12 Weeks
I've had very quick effects with development of solid A Cup breasts already. My already smooth/soft skin is even softer as Mistress Tangent tells me and my already thick hips have begun to get larger. I've also noticed myself becoming easily emotional at times.
Some may ask where this leaves Mistress Tangent and I..... Let me say that She is beyond supportive and is someone that really helps me along this process.
What is Next For Me:
This entire process is exciting but also scary. I'm taking it day by day but there are some earlier procedures that I would like to have done. This includes voice augmentation, lowering my hairline and shaping my jaw bone. In time, additional Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS). And eventually I would like to have a full sex change. As someone who has no identity with my penis.... I've written about this on my blog, a few blog posts ago having a sex change is not just a desire. It's a procedure that would improve my sex life. Being born with a never, full functioning penis with the opportunity to lead a fully healthy sex life as a woman is a must.
In regards to surgeries, that is no overnight thing. I would love to have the opportunity to have procedures done sooner than later but that is going to require some serious money saving. At this point, I still dress as a boy in my every day and the surgeries for me, play a large factor easing into my transition. With all this said, I'm hear for questions, support and everything in between.
I hope my story and openness can help others from maybe supporting others in their life to individuals going through similar experiences.
Email: Morgankeni4@gmail.com
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Day 1 of Cadence Kline
I've wrote it. I've talked about it. I've shared it. And now it's begun.....
I've officially started taking ESTROGEN.
In fact... I'm on day 2.
And so it begins..... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOuBlfGXL0M&feature=youtu.be
Day 1 of Cadence Kline
The truth is, I don't know how far I'm going to take it. But what I do know is that I'm in a good place and that I must find out. I've decided to not only document it here in writing and in photos but to document in through my new Youtube channel. Video 1 was just uploaded.
The 1st 10 weeks I'm only taking 1 mg/day of Estradiol. From there we will make the necessary changes but we wanted to start slow and due to my low testosterone this is the proper way to start. I want to note, that I am doing all of this through an endocrinologist in Arizona who is very well versed on the topic.
Yes, Mistress Tangent is for this, but the truth is to all you perverts out there is that She is supportive of what ever I choose. Anyone that's known me for a long time knows that this is NOT just a phase. In fact, it's something I've put off/suppressed for a very long time. At worst, taking estrogen will have positive effects on my overall health like Osteoporosis, and having more energy.
Being born intersex, XXY and by definition with Klinefelter's Syndrome by body and mind are alfready 3/4 female. With the lack of research out there and with my years of studying on the topic I felt documenting my experience, thoughts and process wasn't an option.
Subscribe to my Youtube channel and share anywhere you would like. More than anything, I'm sharing my experience of being intersex, XXY, Klinefelter's and some might say transgender with others to help, educate and enlighten.
I've officially started taking ESTROGEN.
In fact... I'm on day 2.
And so it begins..... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOuBlfGXL0M&feature=youtu.be
Day 1 of Cadence Kline
The truth is, I don't know how far I'm going to take it. But what I do know is that I'm in a good place and that I must find out. I've decided to not only document it here in writing and in photos but to document in through my new Youtube channel. Video 1 was just uploaded.
The 1st 10 weeks I'm only taking 1 mg/day of Estradiol. From there we will make the necessary changes but we wanted to start slow and due to my low testosterone this is the proper way to start. I want to note, that I am doing all of this through an endocrinologist in Arizona who is very well versed on the topic.
Yes, Mistress Tangent is for this, but the truth is to all you perverts out there is that She is supportive of what ever I choose. Anyone that's known me for a long time knows that this is NOT just a phase. In fact, it's something I've put off/suppressed for a very long time. At worst, taking estrogen will have positive effects on my overall health like Osteoporosis, and having more energy.
Being born intersex, XXY and by definition with Klinefelter's Syndrome by body and mind are alfready 3/4 female. With the lack of research out there and with my years of studying on the topic I felt documenting my experience, thoughts and process wasn't an option.
Subscribe to my Youtube channel and share anywhere you would like. More than anything, I'm sharing my experience of being intersex, XXY, Klinefelter's and some might say transgender with others to help, educate and enlighten.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Happy New Year - Orgasm's to Cum?
Happy New Year!
New Year, same ol chastity for me. I've been locked in chastity since July 17, 2014 and this morning marks 101 days without an orgasm. Originally I was supposed to be released on Christmas Eve but I know that I have to go through the ringer prior to being released. With Her traveling in December and then the Holidays we just didn't have time. Then we spent New Years Eve in Chicago together with my hometown friends and enjoyed a lovely welcoming of the New Year by taking my first ass fucking in nearly 100 days.
Of course we were a little intoxicated being that it was NYE and we didn't have any lube with us. But, we weren't going to let that stop us. A little spit from me and Her and a little bit of my blood from the rough oral I was giving Her cock prior and in She went. She fucked me so hard, so good in our little bedroom (closet) to make sure we had some private space. She fucked me right up until I was about to cum and stopped.
She will be back home in Phoenix with me in a few days and Wednesday I'll be getting my first real marking from Her. I'm very excited about this. She is piercing both of my nipples!!!
I will wear them proudly and look forward to more permanent markings from Her in the future as we grow.
After the piercings I get more of Daddy's dick and rule #1 for me to reach orgasm with the Hitachi in the future is to achieve an anal orgasm while She fucks me. Then, will come further steps (hopefully I get to achieve/pass these steps sooner than later) and then I will be able to cum for the first time in over 3 1/2
months.
I will say, when I have not cum in such long periods of time. I am a lot more pron to do dirty things, I also start to think about and fantasize about such things.
With that said, I've come to truly want to be in chastity. I feel it serves a better purpose locked up than not locked up. I feel more comfortable with it locked up. I feel more feminine with it locked up. Truth is I don't use it, don't need it, in that capacity. Orgasms I of course desire, but that is it.
My CB-6000 (new one) since I broke the last one. Has held up very well, but I believe that's because my body has begun to adjust after spending over 9 months of 2014 in chastity. With that said, I do look forward to upgrading to another chastity belt in time.
New Year, same ol chastity for me. I've been locked in chastity since July 17, 2014 and this morning marks 101 days without an orgasm. Originally I was supposed to be released on Christmas Eve but I know that I have to go through the ringer prior to being released. With Her traveling in December and then the Holidays we just didn't have time. Then we spent New Years Eve in Chicago together with my hometown friends and enjoyed a lovely welcoming of the New Year by taking my first ass fucking in nearly 100 days.
Of course we were a little intoxicated being that it was NYE and we didn't have any lube with us. But, we weren't going to let that stop us. A little spit from me and Her and a little bit of my blood from the rough oral I was giving Her cock prior and in She went. She fucked me so hard, so good in our little bedroom (closet) to make sure we had some private space. She fucked me right up until I was about to cum and stopped.
She will be back home in Phoenix with me in a few days and Wednesday I'll be getting my first real marking from Her. I'm very excited about this. She is piercing both of my nipples!!!
I will wear them proudly and look forward to more permanent markings from Her in the future as we grow.
After the piercings I get more of Daddy's dick and rule #1 for me to reach orgasm with the Hitachi in the future is to achieve an anal orgasm while She fucks me. Then, will come further steps (hopefully I get to achieve/pass these steps sooner than later) and then I will be able to cum for the first time in over 3 1/2
months.
I will say, when I have not cum in such long periods of time. I am a lot more pron to do dirty things, I also start to think about and fantasize about such things.
With that said, I've come to truly want to be in chastity. I feel it serves a better purpose locked up than not locked up. I feel more comfortable with it locked up. I feel more feminine with it locked up. Truth is I don't use it, don't need it, in that capacity. Orgasms I of course desire, but that is it.
My CB-6000 (new one) since I broke the last one. Has held up very well, but I believe that's because my body has begun to adjust after spending over 9 months of 2014 in chastity. With that said, I do look forward to upgrading to another chastity belt in time.
Friday, November 7, 2014
I've Never Shared This - Is SRS The Option?
SRS....... Sex Reassingment Surgery
Would I actually consider such a thing?
Yes, I would and have in the past.
Is it realistic?
Yes... Let me tell you why.
This is something I have NEVER shared with other than my owner - Mistress Tangent and so it's not very easy for me to write about this on my blog that has lots of visitors. With that said, some of my personal life is shared through my blog as well as through my Owners websites. I also believe that sharing oneself's struggles, differences, and knowledge helps others through their circumstances, so here I am sharing with you for the first time.
As many of you know I was born with Klinefelter's XXY. This syndrome effects everyone differently. I consider myself intersex. Anyone that knows me can not only see the physical feminine characteristics in me but also the mental and emotional feminine characteristics.
There are times that I thought I could get away from the idea of my own gender questions. That I could live fully as a male but time and time again that's proven not possible for me. I'm not saying that I have to fully transition but I do need to live some of my life as a woman. But most would still ask why SRS?
I'm 28 years old and my penis has never fully functioned. Most people who are born XXY do have a functioning penis and some even give birth to children. I on the other hand have never, not even as a teenager had a fully functioning penis. Yes, I can get erect and yes I can orgasm. But no, I don't have sperm (can't produce kids) and no, I can't stay erect very long.
This has been true since I was a young teenager to now. I have had "traditional sex" but it was always very difficult for me and more than that I've never had a "connection" to my penis.
At a very young age (6 or 7) I taught myself how to masturbate like a woman. These days I prefer to cum with a vibrator (Hitachi). Today marks day 112 of straight chastity in the CB-6000. Now I have had orgasms with the Hitachi when allowed and locked up. It's been a little over a month now of no orgasms.
Mistress Tangent made a statement to me the other day, "I don't think you miss your cock" I thought about it and She is right. I don't miss my cock, I like to orgasm of course but if I am locked in chastity 24/7 yet allowed to orgasm when I earn that while locked in my chastity cage, that is good for me. In fact, I prefer it to not being in chastity, because when I'm not locked up I'm reminded that I was born XXY and that my cock literally serves no purpose. I'm not saying that statement out of self-humiliation. I'm saying that out of truth. The way I was born - XXY Intersex my cock simply doesn't work. On top of that I identify myself as more woman than man.
My Owner prefers me as female and after several talks She has insisted that if I were to get SRS (when I can afford to do so) She would not only be fully supportive but also would be happy for me to make that change.
No decisions are final. Nothing is set in stone. But these are discussions to be had. This is something that could enhance my sexual side for myself and with my Owner. This is something that could have a profound positive impact on my life, to have a sex organ that fully functions the way it is supposed to.
I do not identity with my penis what so ever and my Owner/Partner doesn't identity with it either.
The first steps are for us to educated ourselves on the risks and benefits. Then to speak with a doctor about my unique situation and start discussing options and see if this is something that I wish to pursue.
I will be meeting with my Endocrinologist doctor soon. This will be mentioned, although it is nerve racking to mention because there is some embarrassment and shame associated with it as well. No matter what, I know that my Owner fully supports whichever decision I ultimately decide to go with. But I believe that it's time that I discuss this with professionals and get medical answers to something I've kept to myself my entire life.
Would I actually consider such a thing?
Yes, I would and have in the past.
Is it realistic?
Yes... Let me tell you why.
This is something I have NEVER shared with other than my owner - Mistress Tangent and so it's not very easy for me to write about this on my blog that has lots of visitors. With that said, some of my personal life is shared through my blog as well as through my Owners websites. I also believe that sharing oneself's struggles, differences, and knowledge helps others through their circumstances, so here I am sharing with you for the first time.
As many of you know I was born with Klinefelter's XXY. This syndrome effects everyone differently. I consider myself intersex. Anyone that knows me can not only see the physical feminine characteristics in me but also the mental and emotional feminine characteristics.
There are times that I thought I could get away from the idea of my own gender questions. That I could live fully as a male but time and time again that's proven not possible for me. I'm not saying that I have to fully transition but I do need to live some of my life as a woman. But most would still ask why SRS?
I'm 28 years old and my penis has never fully functioned. Most people who are born XXY do have a functioning penis and some even give birth to children. I on the other hand have never, not even as a teenager had a fully functioning penis. Yes, I can get erect and yes I can orgasm. But no, I don't have sperm (can't produce kids) and no, I can't stay erect very long.
This has been true since I was a young teenager to now. I have had "traditional sex" but it was always very difficult for me and more than that I've never had a "connection" to my penis.
At a very young age (6 or 7) I taught myself how to masturbate like a woman. These days I prefer to cum with a vibrator (Hitachi). Today marks day 112 of straight chastity in the CB-6000. Now I have had orgasms with the Hitachi when allowed and locked up. It's been a little over a month now of no orgasms.
Mistress Tangent made a statement to me the other day, "I don't think you miss your cock" I thought about it and She is right. I don't miss my cock, I like to orgasm of course but if I am locked in chastity 24/7 yet allowed to orgasm when I earn that while locked in my chastity cage, that is good for me. In fact, I prefer it to not being in chastity, because when I'm not locked up I'm reminded that I was born XXY and that my cock literally serves no purpose. I'm not saying that statement out of self-humiliation. I'm saying that out of truth. The way I was born - XXY Intersex my cock simply doesn't work. On top of that I identify myself as more woman than man.
My Owner prefers me as female and after several talks She has insisted that if I were to get SRS (when I can afford to do so) She would not only be fully supportive but also would be happy for me to make that change.
No decisions are final. Nothing is set in stone. But these are discussions to be had. This is something that could enhance my sexual side for myself and with my Owner. This is something that could have a profound positive impact on my life, to have a sex organ that fully functions the way it is supposed to.
I do not identity with my penis what so ever and my Owner/Partner doesn't identity with it either.
The first steps are for us to educated ourselves on the risks and benefits. Then to speak with a doctor about my unique situation and start discussing options and see if this is something that I wish to pursue.
I will be meeting with my Endocrinologist doctor soon. This will be mentioned, although it is nerve racking to mention because there is some embarrassment and shame associated with it as well. No matter what, I know that my Owner fully supports whichever decision I ultimately decide to go with. But I believe that it's time that I discuss this with professionals and get medical answers to something I've kept to myself my entire life.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Pony Up
Been away and have lots to share. I'll break it up into different posts for an easier read.
We'll start with Ponies.
Pony play has been a very long desire of mine and it's one that I've never experienced. I'm not someone who is highly into role-play as a whole but there is something about pony play that captures me. Pony play can be a rather expensive form of bdsm but we've slowly (Mistress Tangent & I) have begun taking steps to make this more of a reality.
There are 2 separate aspects to our pony play.
1) I'm the pony and She is the trainer
2) I'm the pony and She is the War Horse who ultimately fucks me with Her big horse cock.
------
1) Researching pony gear
2) Made a few purchases. We both got a leather chest harness that is versatile in general but works as a good early harness. We also got an awesome glittered big gag from Domina Angelina out of San Diego.
I was asked what kind of real pony I identify with. What similarities do I believe I have with this style of pony and what traits do I wish to aspire to have.
I chose the Palomino horse (Golden Siberian)
Traits include:
- Beauty
- Versatility
- Endurance
- They have also been around for centuries which means they are persistent and my Owner knows that I am persistent.
Additionally, I see myself as a show pony, fetish pony, and a cart pony. That's another reason why I chose the style of pony that I did with the versatility.
Here are some photos of the Palomino Pony...
I am excited with the little steps we've taken and in time we will be rubber and leather ponies roaming fields from me spending a few days living out of stables and as a pony 24/7 all while being properly trained to my Owners expectations.
We'll start with Ponies.
Pony play has been a very long desire of mine and it's one that I've never experienced. I'm not someone who is highly into role-play as a whole but there is something about pony play that captures me. Pony play can be a rather expensive form of bdsm but we've slowly (Mistress Tangent & I) have begun taking steps to make this more of a reality.
There are 2 separate aspects to our pony play.
1) I'm the pony and She is the trainer
2) I'm the pony and She is the War Horse who ultimately fucks me with Her big horse cock.
------
1) Researching pony gear
2) Made a few purchases. We both got a leather chest harness that is versatile in general but works as a good early harness. We also got an awesome glittered big gag from Domina Angelina out of San Diego.
I chose the Palomino horse (Golden Siberian)
Traits include:
- Beauty
- Versatility
- Endurance
- They have also been around for centuries which means they are persistent and my Owner knows that I am persistent.
Additionally, I see myself as a show pony, fetish pony, and a cart pony. That's another reason why I chose the style of pony that I did with the versatility.
Here are some photos of the Palomino Pony...
I am excited with the little steps we've taken and in time we will be rubber and leather ponies roaming fields from me spending a few days living out of stables and as a pony 24/7 all while being properly trained to my Owners expectations.Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Female HRT... Again - This is Different
I've spoken about how I've taken female hormones (HRT) briefly when I was 23, (28 now). I took 3 cycles of HRT (3 shots every 2 weeks) so 6 weeks total and then stopped. Something else I've spoken about in the past is how I was born XXY - Klinefelters. On top of that, if you've ever met me you've probably noticed at least in some way how feminine my body is.
If a male transitions to a woman he has to take testosterone blockers, get laser for facial hair removal, often get laser for body hair removal. I don't have to do any of these things. A M2F wishes to gain curves, lose muscle mass and produce more fat, softer skin. I already have curves, soft skin, and muscle mass like a woman. My process is much simpler.
With all that said W/we've decided to speak with doctors about me going on HRT again. But not with the idea of transitioning. But, to take HRT for another 6-10 weeks depending on how quickly my body takes. I've already got some breast tissue and I'm not doing this to live my life as a woman full time.
The Goals:
1) Feminize my body a bit more
2) Increase pain tolerance
I know that this may seem extreme but W/we would like to feminize my body a bit more without taking it all the way. She (Owner) would also like this. She is attracted by my feminine side and to mutually do this together on my body will be a process but also binding between us.
As for the increase in pain tolerance. It's proven than women have a higher pain tolerance than men. One thing I noticed on my first go-around of HRT (even though I only took them for 6 weeks) was that my pain tolerance increased for about a year or so after.
She (owner) is a true sadist and I love being able to please Her by taking pain for Her. Yes, I do take a good deal of pain in many ways currently and I push to take more but this is an option that I would like to explore more, again - with Her.
The first time I took HRT I did it alone. I noticed an increase in pain tolerance from filming some pain scenes. With that said, that was once a month at best. I'm curious and I know She is as well to test this theory of an increased pain tolerance on a more frequent basis over time.
October 2, 2014 I have a doctors appointment with a doctor who works a lot with the transgender community and is also familiar with Klinefelters.
I will keep you updated on this. I'm very excited to do this with Her by my side.
If a male transitions to a woman he has to take testosterone blockers, get laser for facial hair removal, often get laser for body hair removal. I don't have to do any of these things. A M2F wishes to gain curves, lose muscle mass and produce more fat, softer skin. I already have curves, soft skin, and muscle mass like a woman. My process is much simpler.
With all that said W/we've decided to speak with doctors about me going on HRT again. But not with the idea of transitioning. But, to take HRT for another 6-10 weeks depending on how quickly my body takes. I've already got some breast tissue and I'm not doing this to live my life as a woman full time.
The Goals:
1) Feminize my body a bit more
2) Increase pain tolerance
I know that this may seem extreme but W/we would like to feminize my body a bit more without taking it all the way. She (Owner) would also like this. She is attracted by my feminine side and to mutually do this together on my body will be a process but also binding between us.
As for the increase in pain tolerance. It's proven than women have a higher pain tolerance than men. One thing I noticed on my first go-around of HRT (even though I only took them for 6 weeks) was that my pain tolerance increased for about a year or so after.
She (owner) is a true sadist and I love being able to please Her by taking pain for Her. Yes, I do take a good deal of pain in many ways currently and I push to take more but this is an option that I would like to explore more, again - with Her.
The first time I took HRT I did it alone. I noticed an increase in pain tolerance from filming some pain scenes. With that said, that was once a month at best. I'm curious and I know She is as well to test this theory of an increased pain tolerance on a more frequent basis over time.
October 2, 2014 I have a doctors appointment with a doctor who works a lot with the transgender community and is also familiar with Klinefelters.
I will keep you updated on this. I'm very excited to do this with Her by my side.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
I failed
Failed.
It's my 28th birthday and it sure doesn't feel like it. We shot with Femdom Empire yesterday and the last scene was a whipping then caning. My stomach was acting up most the day and a headache crept in before the scene. This is after we shot some worship and strapon.
She (owner) is a true sadist. I'm not a true masochist but I love taking lots of pain for Her. To see Her get such a rush pleases me to my core. There's also a deep connection when I can take high levels of pain for Her.
Yesterday I failed.
I struggled to take a big whipping and caning. I tried, I did but I just wasn't able to do so. I knew immediately that I let Her down. She didn't have to say anything, I knew. Afterwards I hoped in the shower, peaked my head out and asked if She was upset at me. She said no, you gave it your all and that's what matters.
I sort of believed Her but knew it was a half truth. As the evening went on I could read Her body language and then She said I still have 20 needles in my ballsack I owed Her tonight.
I begged to push it off one more day until we got back home on my birthday because my stomach was still upset and my headache was nagging. I've been pushing off the needles for a little while cause that just out right scares me.
I let Her down again. I failed again.
As we lay down to sleep She was stand off-ish. My birthday officially was here after midnight and She half hearted said Happy Birthday. I knew then I had truly let Her down.
Tears ran down my cheeks as I layed on the other side of the bed. I genuinely care that I was such a disappointment. I felt helpless but my mind frame had geared up to "just take it, I owe Her". So I got up and grabbed some canes and put them in Her hand but She said no. I begged Her to beat me but She wouldn't.
I crawled back into bed sad, tearful, mad at myself. Finally fell to sleep and woke up with a drive and determination of as soon as we get home I'm a pull out the needles, take them. Then bend over and take a caning until She feels like stopping.
I can't let Her down like this. It's my job to take it and please Her. To let Her get steam out. I messed up and it's the worst feeling to let Her down.
We are driving back home from Vegas as I write this. It's a 5 hour drive and Her frustration is pent up from something I hand control over and fucked up. She has no idea how serious I am to make it up to Her.
As much as She needs to give the pain out I need to take it as I have failure, unsatisfaction, and guilt running through my body all because I let Her down and made Her feel the way She is feeling.
I will make it up to Her
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Something's Can't Be Explained - Her Slave
Somethings can't be explained.
Ever since Daddy got home from traveling for work over the past couple weeks I was incredibly happy. I hadn't seen her for 9 our of 10 days and She had missed Her flight back to AZ from NYC which meant I had to weight another 24 hours to see Her. I had to drive a friend to San Diego so I was in the middle of no where at a gas station when She told me She wouldn't be home until tomorrow.
We talked for a few minutes and then She asked me what was wrong. I was sad, genuinely sad that She wasn't coming home that night. Tuesday night I get home from work and you could see the smile on my face from a mile away. Her smell, touch, Her presence, everything is what I needed. This week has been great and my ass is happy to have Her home.
Friday night, a good friend of mine wanted me to try some 'Wax'. I eventually gave in but Daddy warned me it was strong. Lets just say it fucked me up, literally! My friend and his girlfriend where there as well but I just hung on to Daddy's voice like an injured animal. I felt like I had this epiphany and as long as She was nearby I knew I was ok. As long as I heard Her voice I knew I was ok. My friend's girlfriend tried to help me out and I wouldn't let her, only Daddy could help me, only She knew how to.
I tried to explain this to Her and She said some things can't be explained but I believe She fully grasped what I meant. Total trust between us. Our bodies knowing each others and an extreme level of commitment. I am Her slave, only Hers and I will forever be Hers.
Ever since Daddy got home from traveling for work over the past couple weeks I was incredibly happy. I hadn't seen her for 9 our of 10 days and She had missed Her flight back to AZ from NYC which meant I had to weight another 24 hours to see Her. I had to drive a friend to San Diego so I was in the middle of no where at a gas station when She told me She wouldn't be home until tomorrow.
We talked for a few minutes and then She asked me what was wrong. I was sad, genuinely sad that She wasn't coming home that night. Tuesday night I get home from work and you could see the smile on my face from a mile away. Her smell, touch, Her presence, everything is what I needed. This week has been great and my ass is happy to have Her home.
Friday night, a good friend of mine wanted me to try some 'Wax'. I eventually gave in but Daddy warned me it was strong. Lets just say it fucked me up, literally! My friend and his girlfriend where there as well but I just hung on to Daddy's voice like an injured animal. I felt like I had this epiphany and as long as She was nearby I knew I was ok. As long as I heard Her voice I knew I was ok. My friend's girlfriend tried to help me out and I wouldn't let her, only Daddy could help me, only She knew how to.
I tried to explain this to Her and She said some things can't be explained but I believe She fully grasped what I meant. Total trust between us. Our bodies knowing each others and an extreme level of commitment. I am Her slave, only Hers and I will forever be Hers.
Needles
For those of you keeping track, today is day 38 in chastity of 160.
I have had 2 orgasms while in the cage while being fucked along with the Hitachi. Both were magical orgasms with Her dick inside me. I know that I'm always being prepped to take chastity longer and longer. Learning to cum in chastity in one way is great for me and the other means that She can keep me locked up for longer periods of time.
One of the new rules implemented in this 160 days of chastity is needles. The CB-6000 can be a pain in the ass to clean. Every night by 9pm I must have my cage thoroughly cleaned and smelling like perfection. 1 needle if not cleaned and 1 needle if not smelling right.
Did I mention that I HATE needles!?!
In fact, other than my ears pierced, my Prince Albert and the taint piercing I used to have I've never done any other piercings and that includes play piercings. The first time I failed at this She stuck a couple 20 gauge needles through my ball sack. I was developing cold sweats and was scared to death. They really hurt but what was to come about a week later was much worse.
This time I was warned that She was using larger needles. 7 of them this time and by larger, she jumped up to 14 gauges. Sweating and yelling I was helpless as my body was tied down on the bed like an 'X'. Lying down and not being able to see helps me out at least a little bit.
Then I messed up again and I was due 4 needles over the next week or so. But then I decided to bet Daddy double or nothing regarding some stupid vacuum bet that I pretty much knew I had no chance or winning. Of course, I lost and now owned Her 8 needles.
This time I was caught off guard. We tried to do the 8 needles the 2 nights prior but life got in the way and we were too busy. If punishment is delayed longer than 3 days regarding the needles then I sleep on the floor next to the bed chained up. So that's where I slept, and that's not where I wanted to be sleeping. The 3rd night She got home late and I wasn't expecting Her to have the energy for the needles, but She did.
She caught me by surprise and pulled up a chair into the bathroom and told me to sit. Tied my legs wide open and my arms up and behind me. Bound tied with my cock pulled up to my collar so that She would have a good canvas to pierce me with. I started to get my cold sweats as I got more nervous. As She got closer to piercing me I would start to hyper-ventilate a little bit. I caught my breath, said ready and in goes 1 as I scream in pain.
I counted each one in my head knowing how many I had left. She took it slow due to my un-easy stomach making sure I was ready for the next needle every time but it just seemed to get more and more painful. The unexpectedness of the ordeal also through off my mindset and made it more difficult.
By the end, I was spent, exhausted, hurting and my legs wouldn't stop shaking.
I'm learning to keep my cage clean but I know that She also likes to catch me when She can. The sadist in Her comes out when given the opportunity. Besides that, I've recently been hearing Her say that She is going to push me past all of my, "original" hard limits. One by one as I'm molded into Her slave.
It's 8:30pm now. I have to run and clean my cage. Day 38 of chastity and I'm starting to throb in my cage a lot more continuously. Time to clean before I get more needles. Pics are below.
I have had 2 orgasms while in the cage while being fucked along with the Hitachi. Both were magical orgasms with Her dick inside me. I know that I'm always being prepped to take chastity longer and longer. Learning to cum in chastity in one way is great for me and the other means that She can keep me locked up for longer periods of time.
One of the new rules implemented in this 160 days of chastity is needles. The CB-6000 can be a pain in the ass to clean. Every night by 9pm I must have my cage thoroughly cleaned and smelling like perfection. 1 needle if not cleaned and 1 needle if not smelling right.
Did I mention that I HATE needles!?!
In fact, other than my ears pierced, my Prince Albert and the taint piercing I used to have I've never done any other piercings and that includes play piercings. The first time I failed at this She stuck a couple 20 gauge needles through my ball sack. I was developing cold sweats and was scared to death. They really hurt but what was to come about a week later was much worse.
This time I was warned that She was using larger needles. 7 of them this time and by larger, she jumped up to 14 gauges. Sweating and yelling I was helpless as my body was tied down on the bed like an 'X'. Lying down and not being able to see helps me out at least a little bit.
Then I messed up again and I was due 4 needles over the next week or so. But then I decided to bet Daddy double or nothing regarding some stupid vacuum bet that I pretty much knew I had no chance or winning. Of course, I lost and now owned Her 8 needles.
This time I was caught off guard. We tried to do the 8 needles the 2 nights prior but life got in the way and we were too busy. If punishment is delayed longer than 3 days regarding the needles then I sleep on the floor next to the bed chained up. So that's where I slept, and that's not where I wanted to be sleeping. The 3rd night She got home late and I wasn't expecting Her to have the energy for the needles, but She did.
She caught me by surprise and pulled up a chair into the bathroom and told me to sit. Tied my legs wide open and my arms up and behind me. Bound tied with my cock pulled up to my collar so that She would have a good canvas to pierce me with. I started to get my cold sweats as I got more nervous. As She got closer to piercing me I would start to hyper-ventilate a little bit. I caught my breath, said ready and in goes 1 as I scream in pain.
I counted each one in my head knowing how many I had left. She took it slow due to my un-easy stomach making sure I was ready for the next needle every time but it just seemed to get more and more painful. The unexpectedness of the ordeal also through off my mindset and made it more difficult.
By the end, I was spent, exhausted, hurting and my legs wouldn't stop shaking.
I'm learning to keep my cage clean but I know that She also likes to catch me when She can. The sadist in Her comes out when given the opportunity. Besides that, I've recently been hearing Her say that She is going to push me past all of my, "original" hard limits. One by one as I'm molded into Her slave.
It's 8:30pm now. I have to run and clean my cage. Day 38 of chastity and I'm starting to throb in my cage a lot more continuously. Time to clean before I get more needles. Pics are below.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Daddy's Girl
Day 10 of chastity, only 150 days to go.
Feminization is the topic of conversation today. She wants me to be as feminine as possible and that is something I also want. With that said, it's easier said than done because I do still live as a man at least part time. On top of that, I've dealt with gender questions all my life and when I'm giving the opportunity to be a girl I eat it up, but I've still been holding back a little bit because once I go there.... I got there.
Knowing how much She wants me as a very feminine girl and prefers me as such drives me to open up and go there with Her.
I came across Yeson Voice Feminization Surgery that is the best way to change one's voice into being more feminine. The doctor has won awards, is internationally recognized for this procedure and as I've done my research I've become interested. The procedure is called VOCAL FOLD SHORTENING and ADVANCEMENT OF ANTERIOR COMMISURE.
http://www.yesonvc.net/disease/feminization_surgery_03.asp
It's a safe procedure, I would have to travel to Korea and it only cost about $7,380.
I have difficulty talking in a higher tone and this is something I think my Owner would enjoy and would be a big step towards greater feminization.
Currently these are the rules of feminization.
1. Always wear panties (I've also begun to wear training & sport bras more often under clothes)
2. Always be dressed in women's attire while in the house (unless we have guests over)
3. Use women's deodorant
4. No body or facial hair
5. I believe I'm going to start wearing perfume
6. I'm regularly learning more and more ways to perfect my makeup
Additionally, I've been forced to perform blowjobs of a couple of men, I'm conditioned to give Daddy regular blowjobs and of course have my ass up for Her and trust me, I crave Her cock.
I also take on all the 'traditional' duties of the household.
1. I cook
2. I clean
3. I do the laundry
4. I take care of all household duties
Slowly updating it. Here is my Amazon wishlist - Keep me femme
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1GMHB37S0FYGN/ref=topnav_lists_1
This is a journey and one I'm looking forward to. I love being Her girl and I'm going to continue to take the steps to be just that.
Feminization is the topic of conversation today. She wants me to be as feminine as possible and that is something I also want. With that said, it's easier said than done because I do still live as a man at least part time. On top of that, I've dealt with gender questions all my life and when I'm giving the opportunity to be a girl I eat it up, but I've still been holding back a little bit because once I go there.... I got there.
Knowing how much She wants me as a very feminine girl and prefers me as such drives me to open up and go there with Her.
I came across Yeson Voice Feminization Surgery that is the best way to change one's voice into being more feminine. The doctor has won awards, is internationally recognized for this procedure and as I've done my research I've become interested. The procedure is called VOCAL FOLD SHORTENING and ADVANCEMENT OF ANTERIOR COMMISURE.
http://www.yesonvc.net/disease/feminization_surgery_03.asp
It's a safe procedure, I would have to travel to Korea and it only cost about $7,380.
I have difficulty talking in a higher tone and this is something I think my Owner would enjoy and would be a big step towards greater feminization.
Currently these are the rules of feminization.
1. Always wear panties (I've also begun to wear training & sport bras more often under clothes)
2. Always be dressed in women's attire while in the house (unless we have guests over)
3. Use women's deodorant
4. No body or facial hair
5. I believe I'm going to start wearing perfume
6. I'm regularly learning more and more ways to perfect my makeup
Additionally, I've been forced to perform blowjobs of a couple of men, I'm conditioned to give Daddy regular blowjobs and of course have my ass up for Her and trust me, I crave Her cock.
I also take on all the 'traditional' duties of the household.
1. I cook
2. I clean
3. I do the laundry
4. I take care of all household duties
Slowly updating it. Here is my Amazon wishlist - Keep me femme
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1GMHB37S0FYGN/ref=topnav_lists_1
This is a journey and one I'm looking forward to. I love being Her girl and I'm going to continue to take the steps to be just that.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
160 Straight Days in Chastity - What!?!
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Saturday, July 19, 2014
Indulge
Last Friday we were supposed to go to a Fetish party but it ended at midnight which is rather early. By the time I got off work and got all dolled up it was too late so we decided to have some fun at home.
We've been trying to figure out my hair for awhile now with my extensions after I cut my long hair off. I wanted to do the alt girl look with a shaved side of the head. And I love the look we got with it.
The makeup, we tried something new and again it came out perfect. I think this is going to be my new look for awhile.
The dress of the night, is a stretchy blue dress that is Tangent's. I've lost so much weight over the past 7 months I fit into smaller sizes and it's terrific. I've lost about 25 pounds since December 2013 and my feminine figure shows tenfold now.
A side note, I'm back in chastity as of 2 days ago.
Indulge
We've been trying to figure out my hair for awhile now with my extensions after I cut my long hair off. I wanted to do the alt girl look with a shaved side of the head. And I love the look we got with it.
The makeup, we tried something new and again it came out perfect. I think this is going to be my new look for awhile.
The dress of the night, is a stretchy blue dress that is Tangent's. I've lost so much weight over the past 7 months I fit into smaller sizes and it's terrific. I've lost about 25 pounds since December 2013 and my feminine figure shows tenfold now.
A side note, I'm back in chastity as of 2 days ago.
Indulge
Monday, June 2, 2014
Day 65: Day of Hell - Tortured to Earn Orgasm
The morning of day 65 I went to work. It was just like any other morning except that I knew what day 65 was... It was my last day in chastity prior to being released but it was also a day of "hell" as in She was going to do anything She felt like doing to me.
Ironically enough, I couldn't wait for the work day to end and for me to get home. I was told to grab a bite to eat and then it was to begin.
About 7pm I was told I have 20 minutes to do all my makeup. 20 minutes!!! In my head I was thinking I'm only going to be half done with 20 minutes. But, I kicked it in gear and got my makeup done while She packed a bunch of goodies into the kink bag. I didn't even think to look at what She was packing although I really didn't want to know either. I knew that we were leaving the house but I wasn't sure where we were going. She was clad in one of Her new corsets and sexy, black Domme attire so I figured we were either going to the dungeon or someone's house.
We arrive at the dungeon and I'm escorted into a red room and told to put on black stockings, garter belt, crotchless black panties, black bra and my new black heels (which She by the way made me try on at the store a few days prior). I got all dressed up and then just waited and waited which seemed like an eternity because I knew that bad things were about to happen to me and I was waiting in anxiety and anxiousness. Then She walks in, puts a collar around my neck, attaches a leash and tugs at it while She walks me out of the room. No words, just a look, a glare and I followed.
Through one room and into another and there's a hooded person with a camera. Yes, all of this was captured on video. I didn't know who that person was though. I walked into a corner and was put on my knees facing out looking into the room. I look at Her and then that's when I noticed out the corner of my eye there were 2 more men to the left of the room. I knew what was to come next... but first She had me announce to them the situation.
"How long have you been in chastity?"
Me: 65 days
"Tell Me, what do you have to do for Me to earn release from chastity on day 66?"
Me: Anything You want Daddy.
And so it began. The 2 men walk over to me. She says, "The dicks aren't going to pull themselves out". So I nervously start to un-button their pants. Dicks flop out, condoms are put on and I start sucking one of them. But I didn't think to pay attention to the other dick but She pointed that out quickly so I'd be sucking on one and stroking the other. One dick was rather big while the other wasn't. I got both of them hard rather quickly and I then I was left alone to suck their cocks for maybe a minute or so but soon after my head was being forced down both of their cocks as She grabbed me by my hair and started shoving my face down their cocks.
I was drooling, gagging, tears running down my face, snot bubbling out my nose but I was still sucking and jerking and then one of the men yell out, "I'm going to cum" and he shoots his load all over my face. Soon as he is done cuming I'm directed back onto the large cock and bobbing my head on his cock. I was running out of breath as She was slamming my throat down on his cock to their point where I was deep throating him over and over. It had to be another 1-2 minutes until he cumed all over my face as well.
I was a hot mess, literally. Couldn't open one of my eyes due to all the cum in it, cum in my hair that was stuck to my face, cum up my nose and on my lips. Lipstick smeared on my face, tears had run down my face and my eye makeup was smeared all over as well. I was literally left there on the floor with my real consciousness of what was going on. I was just used and abused by 2 men for my owner as they were escorted out. Then I'm picked up by my hair and essentially dragged out as I teeter on my heels to the red room that I started in.
She says, "Don't touch your face but change clothes, the night just started".
Fast forward as we get home...
She straps on Her dick and shoves it down my throat. Get it straight, I suck Her cock all the time and it was only right that I sucked Her dick as well. But this wasn't no 'gentle' cock sucking. She wanted to ravage my throat the way the 2 men did, if not harder. Immediately, I deep throat her 8 inch thick cock and time and time again she shoves it back down, balls deep on her cock with each time being a harder thrust. Within seconds, blood is coming out of my mouth and my blood is covering her cock. She throat fucked me so hard I cut open my throat on Her cock. We both noticed it, but that didn't matter....
"Lick your blood off my cock", She said. And then I would have my throat fucked again. She orders me off Her cock after I clean up all my blood off of it and orders me into the bathroom. I'm on my knees and in She comes with the open mouth, dental gag. She forces my mouth wide open and has my head back. She pisses her warm piss into a glass right in front of me and I know what is next.
(( I have difficulty drinking piss because I have a very bad gag reflux so as many love such a gesture, She knows that this is a form of torture and humiliation for me))
With no hesitation she starts pouring Her piss from the glass down my wide open throat. It fills up my entire mouth and then starts to overflow out of my mouth as the reminder trickles down my throat and I soon begin to gag. As I gag I choke on Her piss and swallow more. I'm struggling and weak and as soon as there is more room in my mouth to take more She pours the rest into my mouth. I choke, gag, moan, struggle and even start to puke a bit, but I know even that would be forced back down my throat.
I'm left on the floor just a complete mess, used, abused, tired, sore, degraded but She wasn't done with me. I'm ordered to sit on the floor with my legs outwards and She tells me that I've earned release from the Chastity cage that I've been in for 65 days. Out come the keys and piece by piece She removes my cage. My cock is throbbing and I'm excited but I'm also beat, mentally, emotionally, and physically. She turns on the Hitachi and laughs as She talked about how quickly She expects me to cum. She puts the Hitachi on my cock and it took maybe 10 seconds max, I ask for permission to cum but She says no, not yet.
What!!!!! (I'm thinking in my head, She keeps the Hitachi on my cock the entire time, I can't hold it any longer and I start cuming everywhere and then She punches my cock really hard. I twist to turn away as I moan in ecstasy and pain and She punches my cock again and again and again. What a ruined orgasm that was and then all the cum of my big load was dripped and rubbed into my mouth.
And that's when She cuts the camera but not because She was down with me but because what was done next is not allowed on film.
Her and I have a bucket list of things we want to do together. Full toilet has been on their awhile but once again, my gag reflux is really bad. Still bound from before I'm told to get on my knees with them spread. I think it my head ok, maybe She's not doing full toilet.... in turned out just not yet. She get's after my nipples with very strong clamps. (I have sensitive nipples) The combination of the entire night and then Her abusing my nipples all the while I have a new open mouth gag that has a round, smaller hole and it couldn't be pushed out of my mouth by me even if I tried. I literally just began to cry and cry and cry as She abused my nipples. It was a hopeless cry, a tired cry, an then She stopped only to instruct me to lay on my back.
Keep in mind that I still have the open mouth gag on and as I lay on the floor She stands over me and laughs as She says, "Oh, you know what's next". She squats Her naked body over me and her ass directly above my mouth, and the open gag and shit's into my mouth.
She didn't shit a lot but She knows me and my gag reflux and it was enough. Now the real humiliation and degradation began. I tried to swallow but started to gag and I found it near impossible to swallow with the gag so She removed it and told me to swallow. I tried but kept failing to the point where I had it half down and then threw up. She put my face in the shit and my puke now on the ground. The torment and then the time challenge and threat was announced.
I was told that I have 10 seconds to eat and swallow the shit. If I don't swallow it then I'm going to be chained to the toilet in the shit and puke and not allowed to shower. I knew She wasn't joking either and I couldn't let that happen tonight. So I some how slurped my own puke and Her shit off the ground in a couple of bites and it came down to the wire. As She counted "2, 1". I yelled with all the I had left in me, "It's down, it's down, look in my mouth!"
And then it was over.... I didn't move for 5-10 minutes. I was spent in every way.
I mean the idea of having me orgasm and then torture me more was brilliant on Her end.
(BTW, this is my 100th post to my blog. I must say it's the perfect post for #100)
Pictures to come. We are in Chicago right now for a few more days.
The video will also be released on her website: Mistress Tangent
Ironically enough, I couldn't wait for the work day to end and for me to get home. I was told to grab a bite to eat and then it was to begin.
About 7pm I was told I have 20 minutes to do all my makeup. 20 minutes!!! In my head I was thinking I'm only going to be half done with 20 minutes. But, I kicked it in gear and got my makeup done while She packed a bunch of goodies into the kink bag. I didn't even think to look at what She was packing although I really didn't want to know either. I knew that we were leaving the house but I wasn't sure where we were going. She was clad in one of Her new corsets and sexy, black Domme attire so I figured we were either going to the dungeon or someone's house.
We arrive at the dungeon and I'm escorted into a red room and told to put on black stockings, garter belt, crotchless black panties, black bra and my new black heels (which She by the way made me try on at the store a few days prior). I got all dressed up and then just waited and waited which seemed like an eternity because I knew that bad things were about to happen to me and I was waiting in anxiety and anxiousness. Then She walks in, puts a collar around my neck, attaches a leash and tugs at it while She walks me out of the room. No words, just a look, a glare and I followed.
Through one room and into another and there's a hooded person with a camera. Yes, all of this was captured on video. I didn't know who that person was though. I walked into a corner and was put on my knees facing out looking into the room. I look at Her and then that's when I noticed out the corner of my eye there were 2 more men to the left of the room. I knew what was to come next... but first She had me announce to them the situation.
"How long have you been in chastity?"
Me: 65 days
"Tell Me, what do you have to do for Me to earn release from chastity on day 66?"
Me: Anything You want Daddy.
And so it began. The 2 men walk over to me. She says, "The dicks aren't going to pull themselves out". So I nervously start to un-button their pants. Dicks flop out, condoms are put on and I start sucking one of them. But I didn't think to pay attention to the other dick but She pointed that out quickly so I'd be sucking on one and stroking the other. One dick was rather big while the other wasn't. I got both of them hard rather quickly and I then I was left alone to suck their cocks for maybe a minute or so but soon after my head was being forced down both of their cocks as She grabbed me by my hair and started shoving my face down their cocks.
I was drooling, gagging, tears running down my face, snot bubbling out my nose but I was still sucking and jerking and then one of the men yell out, "I'm going to cum" and he shoots his load all over my face. Soon as he is done cuming I'm directed back onto the large cock and bobbing my head on his cock. I was running out of breath as She was slamming my throat down on his cock to their point where I was deep throating him over and over. It had to be another 1-2 minutes until he cumed all over my face as well.
I was a hot mess, literally. Couldn't open one of my eyes due to all the cum in it, cum in my hair that was stuck to my face, cum up my nose and on my lips. Lipstick smeared on my face, tears had run down my face and my eye makeup was smeared all over as well. I was literally left there on the floor with my real consciousness of what was going on. I was just used and abused by 2 men for my owner as they were escorted out. Then I'm picked up by my hair and essentially dragged out as I teeter on my heels to the red room that I started in.
She says, "Don't touch your face but change clothes, the night just started".
Fast forward as we get home...
She straps on Her dick and shoves it down my throat. Get it straight, I suck Her cock all the time and it was only right that I sucked Her dick as well. But this wasn't no 'gentle' cock sucking. She wanted to ravage my throat the way the 2 men did, if not harder. Immediately, I deep throat her 8 inch thick cock and time and time again she shoves it back down, balls deep on her cock with each time being a harder thrust. Within seconds, blood is coming out of my mouth and my blood is covering her cock. She throat fucked me so hard I cut open my throat on Her cock. We both noticed it, but that didn't matter....
"Lick your blood off my cock", She said. And then I would have my throat fucked again. She orders me off Her cock after I clean up all my blood off of it and orders me into the bathroom. I'm on my knees and in She comes with the open mouth, dental gag. She forces my mouth wide open and has my head back. She pisses her warm piss into a glass right in front of me and I know what is next.
(( I have difficulty drinking piss because I have a very bad gag reflux so as many love such a gesture, She knows that this is a form of torture and humiliation for me))
With no hesitation she starts pouring Her piss from the glass down my wide open throat. It fills up my entire mouth and then starts to overflow out of my mouth as the reminder trickles down my throat and I soon begin to gag. As I gag I choke on Her piss and swallow more. I'm struggling and weak and as soon as there is more room in my mouth to take more She pours the rest into my mouth. I choke, gag, moan, struggle and even start to puke a bit, but I know even that would be forced back down my throat.
I'm left on the floor just a complete mess, used, abused, tired, sore, degraded but She wasn't done with me. I'm ordered to sit on the floor with my legs outwards and She tells me that I've earned release from the Chastity cage that I've been in for 65 days. Out come the keys and piece by piece She removes my cage. My cock is throbbing and I'm excited but I'm also beat, mentally, emotionally, and physically. She turns on the Hitachi and laughs as She talked about how quickly She expects me to cum. She puts the Hitachi on my cock and it took maybe 10 seconds max, I ask for permission to cum but She says no, not yet.
What!!!!! (I'm thinking in my head, She keeps the Hitachi on my cock the entire time, I can't hold it any longer and I start cuming everywhere and then She punches my cock really hard. I twist to turn away as I moan in ecstasy and pain and She punches my cock again and again and again. What a ruined orgasm that was and then all the cum of my big load was dripped and rubbed into my mouth.
And that's when She cuts the camera but not because She was down with me but because what was done next is not allowed on film.
Her and I have a bucket list of things we want to do together. Full toilet has been on their awhile but once again, my gag reflux is really bad. Still bound from before I'm told to get on my knees with them spread. I think it my head ok, maybe She's not doing full toilet.... in turned out just not yet. She get's after my nipples with very strong clamps. (I have sensitive nipples) The combination of the entire night and then Her abusing my nipples all the while I have a new open mouth gag that has a round, smaller hole and it couldn't be pushed out of my mouth by me even if I tried. I literally just began to cry and cry and cry as She abused my nipples. It was a hopeless cry, a tired cry, an then She stopped only to instruct me to lay on my back.
Keep in mind that I still have the open mouth gag on and as I lay on the floor She stands over me and laughs as She says, "Oh, you know what's next". She squats Her naked body over me and her ass directly above my mouth, and the open gag and shit's into my mouth.
She didn't shit a lot but She knows me and my gag reflux and it was enough. Now the real humiliation and degradation began. I tried to swallow but started to gag and I found it near impossible to swallow with the gag so She removed it and told me to swallow. I tried but kept failing to the point where I had it half down and then threw up. She put my face in the shit and my puke now on the ground. The torment and then the time challenge and threat was announced.
I was told that I have 10 seconds to eat and swallow the shit. If I don't swallow it then I'm going to be chained to the toilet in the shit and puke and not allowed to shower. I knew She wasn't joking either and I couldn't let that happen tonight. So I some how slurped my own puke and Her shit off the ground in a couple of bites and it came down to the wire. As She counted "2, 1". I yelled with all the I had left in me, "It's down, it's down, look in my mouth!"
And then it was over.... I didn't move for 5-10 minutes. I was spent in every way.
I mean the idea of having me orgasm and then torture me more was brilliant on Her end.
(BTW, this is my 100th post to my blog. I must say it's the perfect post for #100)
Pictures to come. We are in Chicago right now for a few more days.
The video will also be released on her website: Mistress Tangent
Friday, May 2, 2014
Forced Sissy Blowjob to Completion
A night of Humiliation, Degradation, Shame, Embarrassment...
(To Clarify as some have asked. Daddy is a She, She is my owner. The 2 of us have adopted the roles of She is the Daddy and I am Her girl. So throughout my posts you may see me refer to Her as She and as Daddy)
While at work I got a phone call that once I got home I was going to be all dolled up for Daddy (Wednesday night).
She had gone out and gotten me a brand new wig (sometimes I put in hair extensions), got me some new breast forms among other things. She also brought back some of my things that I still had in my NYC apartment when she was in NYC last week. Some of those things included my pink sissy dress, so I decided to wear that. I thought the night was going to be just me and her, like it usually is but after I was all ready; makeup, hair, lingerie, high heels, locking wrist cuffs, locking heel cuffs, my collar and locked in my dress I was told that our guest would be here soon.
I was told to pull a chair into the bedroom and put it in the corner and face it towards the bed, then to sit down. I was tied with my hands behind the back of the chair and my feet in high heels bound together and then my legs bound back to the chair. The doorbell rang and out She went to answer the door. I was in the room for about 15-20 minutes by myself.
In She walked with a submissive behind Her on a collar and leash. She strapped on "Pink Princess" about a 5 inch pink dildo into her harness.
All the while just sitting there knowing what She was going to make me do that night my heart was racing. I had a bit of anxiety and lots of nervousness but I didn't want that to show. As I calmed myself down a bit I began to get aroused in my cage. BTW today marks day 48 in chastity.
The submissive was bent over a bench about 10 feet in front me and Daddy asked me how long it's been since She's fucked me. I said, "Over 50 days" Then She began telling the submissive that he better take her cock good otherwise the sissy (me) wasn't going to give him a blow job at the end.
That's when my stomach sank a bit and more nerves crept in. It's been drilled into my head that this day would come and that I HAVE TO DO A GOOD JOB otherwise I don't get to cum on day 66.
Then She stuck her cock into the submissive bound to the bench. She began slow as he doesn't take large cocks and I began to get jealous. Wanting Her to be fucking me. I know that She loves to fuck me and that this was torment. I was rocking a bit in my chair wishing it was me, but with a bigger dick, or Her feeldoe. She then put on a smaller dick that She could fuck him harder with. She would glance at me with these looks oh "don't you wish this was you?"
Smaller dick on, She started to fuck him hard, he was moaning and I was begging silently. About 10 minutes later She stopped walked over to me and untied me. Told me to walk next to the submissive who was on his belling/all 4's on the bench and for me to lay down and put my head between his legs where his cock and balls hung over my face.
Let me tell you, the fear that was in me in that moment. But I was there to impress Daddy. Then She got close and put Her dick in his ass and I was told to suck on his balls while she pounded him in the ass. He was clean shaven so that was nice. I opened up my mouth and sucked on his balls. His cock started to drip cum on my forehead and into my hair and eye. I kind of felt like moaning but I didn't, I stayed to course.
Daddy stopped, backed up and told the submissive to sit up and me get on my knees. She handcuffed his hands behind his back and stood over me from the side and ordered me to start sucking. I could hear Her in the background saying things like, "Is she doing a good job?" Let her know if she needs to change anything" "Teach her, because she has to learn how to suck cock for me" etc. I focused on Her voice and tried to suck his cock the way I suck Daddy's cock regularly.
There I was on my knees, head bobbing up and down and this man's cock. He had a rather big dick, maybe 8 inches and thick. He was already dripping when I put my lips on it. It helped me to keep my eyes closed most of the time. If I started to gag a bit I'd pull my head off of his cock and keep stroking with my hand. I felt like I was doing a good job and every time Daddy asked the submissive if I was doing a good job he would reply with, "Yes, she's a good sissy". But at the same time I wasn't really sure if I was doing a good job. I lost track of time and started to think should he have cum already? I hope Daddy doesn't punish me for doing a bad job.
But then, I hear the submissive saying I'm going to cum and with his cock in the back of my throat he spurts a big load in my mouth. Maybe 2-3 shots and I swallow immediately just as I started to gag a little bit and was getting a bit grossed out at the same time. When I shut my eyes it helps me not be grossed out by the act of what I'm doing. I pulled his cock out of my mouth and kept stroking it as he shot another load onto my face and in my eyes. Only a few drops fell on the bench and Daddy told me to lick it up, so I did.
I was left on my knees and he was escorted out of the bedroom and soon after left.
Daddy came back in the room and didn't say much at first. Maybe 10 minutes later I was on the bathroom floor and She asked me what I thought of him. I said, he seemed nice enough but I don't know what I'm supposed to think about him because I didn't talk with him any.
She replies, "Good, you're going to be seeing more of him". I literally just couldn't say anything, I didn't like the idea of that and still don't. The only aspect of that idea that I enjoy is that I'm doing it for Her. In the next hour or so I began to get a little sad. I had just done something I had never done and it was something very extreme. It's allowing myself to be that vulnerable, that controlled, that owned and it wasn't easy at all for me to do.
After a little while She brought me back to "normal" I guess you could say. One thing most people don't know is that Daddy has what we refer to as a "darkside". Meaning, She knows how to and sometimes will break me. She's done it before and as we went to bed that night I knew I was a little broken. I love parts of Her darkside, as does She. But it's something we are both learning to operate within. Me and Her are great together because our interests are both all over the map and we both push each other. In the midst of pushing each other we find each others boundaries and not all play is cupcakes and candy. Lots of our play is hardcore, envelope pushing that in reality arouses the both of us to extremes.
Day 65, aka May 19th has been labeled "Day of Hell". I already know I'm going to be put through the ringer to earn Day 66, my release date from chastity and no anal. Truth is, I have no idea what She has in store. Truth is I'm scared shitless, truth is I'm aroused by all of that and I know She is as well. Something tells me She's going to break me and make me keep going and push through for Her.
And I will push through for Her.
Here are 4 pics.
1) Me on all fours over Daddy in my new black crotchless panties and in chastity of course.
2) Me dolled up from Wednesday sucking Daddy's cock.
3) Picture of the bows She tied on the back of my dress (Wednesday night)
4) Photo of me right before all the action (Wednesday night)
You can read my Owner's blog at Mistress Tangent
(To Clarify as some have asked. Daddy is a She, She is my owner. The 2 of us have adopted the roles of She is the Daddy and I am Her girl. So throughout my posts you may see me refer to Her as She and as Daddy)
While at work I got a phone call that once I got home I was going to be all dolled up for Daddy (Wednesday night).
She had gone out and gotten me a brand new wig (sometimes I put in hair extensions), got me some new breast forms among other things. She also brought back some of my things that I still had in my NYC apartment when she was in NYC last week. Some of those things included my pink sissy dress, so I decided to wear that. I thought the night was going to be just me and her, like it usually is but after I was all ready; makeup, hair, lingerie, high heels, locking wrist cuffs, locking heel cuffs, my collar and locked in my dress I was told that our guest would be here soon.
I was told to pull a chair into the bedroom and put it in the corner and face it towards the bed, then to sit down. I was tied with my hands behind the back of the chair and my feet in high heels bound together and then my legs bound back to the chair. The doorbell rang and out She went to answer the door. I was in the room for about 15-20 minutes by myself.
In She walked with a submissive behind Her on a collar and leash. She strapped on "Pink Princess" about a 5 inch pink dildo into her harness.
All the while just sitting there knowing what She was going to make me do that night my heart was racing. I had a bit of anxiety and lots of nervousness but I didn't want that to show. As I calmed myself down a bit I began to get aroused in my cage. BTW today marks day 48 in chastity.
The submissive was bent over a bench about 10 feet in front me and Daddy asked me how long it's been since She's fucked me. I said, "Over 50 days" Then She began telling the submissive that he better take her cock good otherwise the sissy (me) wasn't going to give him a blow job at the end.
That's when my stomach sank a bit and more nerves crept in. It's been drilled into my head that this day would come and that I HAVE TO DO A GOOD JOB otherwise I don't get to cum on day 66.
Then She stuck her cock into the submissive bound to the bench. She began slow as he doesn't take large cocks and I began to get jealous. Wanting Her to be fucking me. I know that She loves to fuck me and that this was torment. I was rocking a bit in my chair wishing it was me, but with a bigger dick, or Her feeldoe. She then put on a smaller dick that She could fuck him harder with. She would glance at me with these looks oh "don't you wish this was you?"
Smaller dick on, She started to fuck him hard, he was moaning and I was begging silently. About 10 minutes later She stopped walked over to me and untied me. Told me to walk next to the submissive who was on his belling/all 4's on the bench and for me to lay down and put my head between his legs where his cock and balls hung over my face.
Let me tell you, the fear that was in me in that moment. But I was there to impress Daddy. Then She got close and put Her dick in his ass and I was told to suck on his balls while she pounded him in the ass. He was clean shaven so that was nice. I opened up my mouth and sucked on his balls. His cock started to drip cum on my forehead and into my hair and eye. I kind of felt like moaning but I didn't, I stayed to course.
Daddy stopped, backed up and told the submissive to sit up and me get on my knees. She handcuffed his hands behind his back and stood over me from the side and ordered me to start sucking. I could hear Her in the background saying things like, "Is she doing a good job?" Let her know if she needs to change anything" "Teach her, because she has to learn how to suck cock for me" etc. I focused on Her voice and tried to suck his cock the way I suck Daddy's cock regularly.
There I was on my knees, head bobbing up and down and this man's cock. He had a rather big dick, maybe 8 inches and thick. He was already dripping when I put my lips on it. It helped me to keep my eyes closed most of the time. If I started to gag a bit I'd pull my head off of his cock and keep stroking with my hand. I felt like I was doing a good job and every time Daddy asked the submissive if I was doing a good job he would reply with, "Yes, she's a good sissy". But at the same time I wasn't really sure if I was doing a good job. I lost track of time and started to think should he have cum already? I hope Daddy doesn't punish me for doing a bad job.
But then, I hear the submissive saying I'm going to cum and with his cock in the back of my throat he spurts a big load in my mouth. Maybe 2-3 shots and I swallow immediately just as I started to gag a little bit and was getting a bit grossed out at the same time. When I shut my eyes it helps me not be grossed out by the act of what I'm doing. I pulled his cock out of my mouth and kept stroking it as he shot another load onto my face and in my eyes. Only a few drops fell on the bench and Daddy told me to lick it up, so I did.
I was left on my knees and he was escorted out of the bedroom and soon after left.
Daddy came back in the room and didn't say much at first. Maybe 10 minutes later I was on the bathroom floor and She asked me what I thought of him. I said, he seemed nice enough but I don't know what I'm supposed to think about him because I didn't talk with him any.
She replies, "Good, you're going to be seeing more of him". I literally just couldn't say anything, I didn't like the idea of that and still don't. The only aspect of that idea that I enjoy is that I'm doing it for Her. In the next hour or so I began to get a little sad. I had just done something I had never done and it was something very extreme. It's allowing myself to be that vulnerable, that controlled, that owned and it wasn't easy at all for me to do.
After a little while She brought me back to "normal" I guess you could say. One thing most people don't know is that Daddy has what we refer to as a "darkside". Meaning, She knows how to and sometimes will break me. She's done it before and as we went to bed that night I knew I was a little broken. I love parts of Her darkside, as does She. But it's something we are both learning to operate within. Me and Her are great together because our interests are both all over the map and we both push each other. In the midst of pushing each other we find each others boundaries and not all play is cupcakes and candy. Lots of our play is hardcore, envelope pushing that in reality arouses the both of us to extremes.
Day 65, aka May 19th has been labeled "Day of Hell". I already know I'm going to be put through the ringer to earn Day 66, my release date from chastity and no anal. Truth is, I have no idea what She has in store. Truth is I'm scared shitless, truth is I'm aroused by all of that and I know She is as well. Something tells me She's going to break me and make me keep going and push through for Her.
And I will push through for Her.
Here are 4 pics.
1) Me on all fours over Daddy in my new black crotchless panties and in chastity of course.
2) Me dolled up from Wednesday sucking Daddy's cock.
3) Picture of the bows She tied on the back of my dress (Wednesday night)
4) Photo of me right before all the action (Wednesday night)
You can read my Owner's blog at Mistress Tangent
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