I've had active kinky profiles online since the age of 17. Yes, I was underage just like many of you were the first time you looked at porn and or flipped through a Playboy magazine. I've known I was kinky long before that but none-the-less, I've been active on kink based social networking sites for over 9 years now as I'll be 26 in early September. The social networking sites themselves have drastically improved over the years however there is one thing that always seems to remain constant.
The way male submissive's act online.
These male submissive's discuss their problems in finding a play partner and or a dominant to serve. They will complain about everything under the sun.
- Too many Pro-Dommes
- Nobody seems to be real
- Everyone wants something in exchange
- No one responds to me
The real problem is in that of the male submissive.
To start, when a male sub contacts someone they hope to serve they should write more than one line.
"Hey, you're beautiful. I'd love to worship your feet, that really turns me on" Just doesn't cut it.
Follow this Top 10 List:
1. Make sure you have correct spelling.
2. Don't contact someone and tell them what you expect.
3. Perhaps you should leave your name.
4. It helps if you've filled out your own profile.
5. Properly introduce yourself.
6. Be polite
7. Don't send a 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on email within hours or days of not receiving a response.
8. Don't contact a Pro Domme and then get mad when money is asked of you.
9. READ the profile of the person you're contacting.
10. Don't jerk off while contacting the person you're interested in
You would think that this would be common sense. Unfortunately for many, common sense goes out the door in the world of sex.
There are lots and lots of dominants and switches out there that are interested and seeking submissive males. However, sitting on your internet and not following proper writing etiquette nor showing a common courtesy to someone isn't going to get you very far.
There is a very large abundance of male subs who feel that they will never get an opportunity to serve a dominant. That the stories they read and the pictures they view will be the closest that they will ever get.
I get a lot of emails on my Fetlife account from male submissive's of all ages in regards to these topics. Asking about how to get more involved. Telling me that I'm lucky and they wish that they could be me. I've been asked on how to send emails to dominants as well. I always respond as I try to assist those truly seeking out advice. I can be a fun-loving narcissist sometimes but for the large part I'm a humble person. I created my luck in kink. I wasn't born into the world of sexual exploration. I sought it out and with time I learned to accept myself but also study sexual alternatives.
Probably the most common question I get is: How did I get to be so involved?
Male submissives realize that it's not easy to be a male submissive and yet they assume that the world was given to me. To shorten up a long story here is my Timeline into BDSM.
- Age 17, I skipped a basketball game and saw a Pro Domme in Chicago. I paid $200 for the hour. I was extremely nervous but it was the best experience of my life.
- Age 18, In Ohio and saw a Pro Domme in the Cleveland area. Paid $300 for the hour.
- Age 18, moved back to Chicago after graduation & saw a Pro Domme I had been talking with online for 2 years now. She wouldn't see me till I turned 18. I paid $200 for the hour.
- Age 18, almost 19 I saw that same Pro Domme. This time I paid $100 cash & $100 in a giftcard that I had to Extreme Restraints.
- Age 19, Saw the same Pro Domme but we had worked out a 6 month slave training contract between us. I cleaned her dungeon twice a week in exchange for play. I only got play if I had done a good job.
- Age 19, Came out to my friends as being "Kinky" as they started to notice that I was hiding things from them.
- Age 19, Attended Fetishcon in Tampa Bay, Florida with 3 "vanilla" friends. Definitely didn't go as planned with my friends but in the long run was a good experience.
- Age 20, I was no longer serving the same Domme. I was upset that we broke it off but I was starting college. A few months later, although nervous I began attending Nawa Shibari Chicago by myself. A Rope bondage/Kink group.
- Age 20, Decided to put up pictures online about wanting to be a fetish model. I did this to get into the 21+ kinky clubs in Chicago. I also did it to meet more people and hopefully find someone to serve. Dvnt of Chicago who also ran Nawa Shibari Chicago contacted me about being in a live performance at a kinky club.
- Age 20, months later I began serving Miss Jaded who also helped run Nawa Shibari Chicago. Soon after I was attending 2-6 kinky functions in Chicago every month. 6 months later I began a personal relationship on top of a D/s relationship with Miss Jaded.
- Age 20-23, Attended Fetishcon, Atlanta Bound, Shibaricon twice. Assisted in presenting at classes at national conventions and local conventions. Started meeting a lot of big named Dommes, models, and photographers. Had my own members site and became part owners in a new Chicago dungeon -
The Studio Chicago. Began filming as a male bottom in femdom based videos as well as doing fetish modeling for still photos. Also worth noting, I was a full time college student and worked some part-time jobs.
- Age 23, split with Miss Jaded and I moved to Ohio to stay with my mother for about 9 months. I lost my co-signer with college and was forced to take a year off from school. I took a much needed brake from kink as I was getting over a break up and needed time for myself. I got 1 full time job and then a 2nd full time job, working 80 plus hours per week.
- Age 23, Starting to get back into kink and to my normal self I knew that Madame Ingrid was a respected Domme and was in Pittsburgh. I contact her and had a 1 hour session with her. I paid $300 for the hour. I had a great experience and was back within the same week and had another 1 hour session for $300. She knew who I was through some friends and over the next few months we built a friendship.
- Age 23, Lexi Sindel contacted me as she knew I was in Ohio. She let me know of some filming going on in Columbus as
Club Dom was in town. The next day I shot with them. Soon after I was in D.C. shooting with Lexi Sindel.
- Age 23 turning 24. I began to put myself out there as a fetish model. People had known of me from Chicago and the traveling I was doing. I started doing trade for content work as well as accepting paid gigs.
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- I'm now 25 and graduating college this summer. I have my blog and I have my own clips4sale store that I'm continuing to build -
AEB Femdom.
I'll be in Chicago this summer - 2012 with an internship and then moving to Phoenix, Arizona for a few years with a job offer. My life in kink as a submissive will continue to grow and evolve. My life is my life. Other male submissive's can do what pleases them, but don't limit yourself and think that you can't find someone to serve. Or that you can't be involved in the community.
I am proud of what I've accomplished in Kink. I'm proud that I've made a name that people recognize, respect and get off to. I'm proud of the people I've gotten to explore my kinks with and I look forward to all that comes. I mean shit, I am only 25.
Here's a list of all the people I can recall working with over the past 9 plus years.
- Lexi Sindel - Madame Ingrid- VonLivid - Maya Sinstress - Nyssa Nevers - Jade Indica - Lochai - Miss Jaded - Xena - Miss Cheyenne Nikki Domino - Miss Jaded - Miss Simone - Miss Whip - Alexandra Sadista - Natalya Sadici - Dvnt - Miss Mina Meow - Corral Korrupt - Ginger Stone - Gia - Maria Purple Goddess - Lady O - Victoria Sapphire - Noel Knight - Miss Jenni Fishnets - House of Bias Latex - Haven - Kelle Martina - Jessica Temptress - Manchester & I know there's more but I don't remember everyone.
