I've spoken about how I've taken female hormones (HRT) briefly when I was 23, (28 now). I took 3 cycles of HRT (3 shots every 2 weeks) so 6 weeks total and then stopped. Something else I've spoken about in the past is how I was born XXY - Klinefelters. On top of that, if you've ever met me you've probably noticed at least in some way how feminine my body is.
If a male transitions to a woman he has to take testosterone blockers, get laser for facial hair removal, often get laser for body hair removal. I don't have to do any of these things. A M2F wishes to gain curves, lose muscle mass and produce more fat, softer skin. I already have curves, soft skin, and muscle mass like a woman. My process is much simpler.
With all that said W/we've decided to speak with doctors about me going on HRT again. But not with the idea of transitioning. But, to take HRT for another 6-10 weeks depending on how quickly my body takes. I've already got some breast tissue and I'm not doing this to live my life as a woman full time.
The Goals:
1) Feminize my body a bit more
2) Increase pain tolerance
I know that this may seem extreme but W/we would like to feminize my body a bit more without taking it all the way. She (Owner) would also like this. She is attracted by my feminine side and to mutually do this together on my body will be a process but also binding between us.
As for the increase in pain tolerance. It's proven than women have a higher pain tolerance than men. One thing I noticed on my first go-around of HRT (even though I only took them for 6 weeks) was that my pain tolerance increased for about a year or so after.
She (owner) is a true sadist and I love being able to please Her by taking pain for Her. Yes, I do take a good deal of pain in many ways currently and I push to take more but this is an option that I would like to explore more, again - with Her.
The first time I took HRT I did it alone. I noticed an increase in pain tolerance from filming some pain scenes. With that said, that was once a month at best. I'm curious and I know She is as well to test this theory of an increased pain tolerance on a more frequent basis over time.
October 2, 2014 I have a doctors appointment with a doctor who works a lot with the transgender community and is also familiar with Klinefelters.
I will keep you updated on this. I'm very excited to do this with Her by my side.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Saturday, September 6, 2014
I failed
Failed.
It's my 28th birthday and it sure doesn't feel like it. We shot with Femdom Empire yesterday and the last scene was a whipping then caning. My stomach was acting up most the day and a headache crept in before the scene. This is after we shot some worship and strapon.
She (owner) is a true sadist. I'm not a true masochist but I love taking lots of pain for Her. To see Her get such a rush pleases me to my core. There's also a deep connection when I can take high levels of pain for Her.
Yesterday I failed.
I struggled to take a big whipping and caning. I tried, I did but I just wasn't able to do so. I knew immediately that I let Her down. She didn't have to say anything, I knew. Afterwards I hoped in the shower, peaked my head out and asked if She was upset at me. She said no, you gave it your all and that's what matters.
I sort of believed Her but knew it was a half truth. As the evening went on I could read Her body language and then She said I still have 20 needles in my ballsack I owed Her tonight.
I begged to push it off one more day until we got back home on my birthday because my stomach was still upset and my headache was nagging. I've been pushing off the needles for a little while cause that just out right scares me.
I let Her down again. I failed again.
As we lay down to sleep She was stand off-ish. My birthday officially was here after midnight and She half hearted said Happy Birthday. I knew then I had truly let Her down.
Tears ran down my cheeks as I layed on the other side of the bed. I genuinely care that I was such a disappointment. I felt helpless but my mind frame had geared up to "just take it, I owe Her". So I got up and grabbed some canes and put them in Her hand but She said no. I begged Her to beat me but She wouldn't.
I crawled back into bed sad, tearful, mad at myself. Finally fell to sleep and woke up with a drive and determination of as soon as we get home I'm a pull out the needles, take them. Then bend over and take a caning until She feels like stopping.
I can't let Her down like this. It's my job to take it and please Her. To let Her get steam out. I messed up and it's the worst feeling to let Her down.
We are driving back home from Vegas as I write this. It's a 5 hour drive and Her frustration is pent up from something I hand control over and fucked up. She has no idea how serious I am to make it up to Her.
As much as She needs to give the pain out I need to take it as I have failure, unsatisfaction, and guilt running through my body all because I let Her down and made Her feel the way She is feeling.
I will make it up to Her
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Something's Can't Be Explained - Her Slave
Somethings can't be explained.
Ever since Daddy got home from traveling for work over the past couple weeks I was incredibly happy. I hadn't seen her for 9 our of 10 days and She had missed Her flight back to AZ from NYC which meant I had to weight another 24 hours to see Her. I had to drive a friend to San Diego so I was in the middle of no where at a gas station when She told me She wouldn't be home until tomorrow.
We talked for a few minutes and then She asked me what was wrong. I was sad, genuinely sad that She wasn't coming home that night. Tuesday night I get home from work and you could see the smile on my face from a mile away. Her smell, touch, Her presence, everything is what I needed. This week has been great and my ass is happy to have Her home.
Friday night, a good friend of mine wanted me to try some 'Wax'. I eventually gave in but Daddy warned me it was strong. Lets just say it fucked me up, literally! My friend and his girlfriend where there as well but I just hung on to Daddy's voice like an injured animal. I felt like I had this epiphany and as long as She was nearby I knew I was ok. As long as I heard Her voice I knew I was ok. My friend's girlfriend tried to help me out and I wouldn't let her, only Daddy could help me, only She knew how to.
I tried to explain this to Her and She said some things can't be explained but I believe She fully grasped what I meant. Total trust between us. Our bodies knowing each others and an extreme level of commitment. I am Her slave, only Hers and I will forever be Hers.
Ever since Daddy got home from traveling for work over the past couple weeks I was incredibly happy. I hadn't seen her for 9 our of 10 days and She had missed Her flight back to AZ from NYC which meant I had to weight another 24 hours to see Her. I had to drive a friend to San Diego so I was in the middle of no where at a gas station when She told me She wouldn't be home until tomorrow.
We talked for a few minutes and then She asked me what was wrong. I was sad, genuinely sad that She wasn't coming home that night. Tuesday night I get home from work and you could see the smile on my face from a mile away. Her smell, touch, Her presence, everything is what I needed. This week has been great and my ass is happy to have Her home.
Friday night, a good friend of mine wanted me to try some 'Wax'. I eventually gave in but Daddy warned me it was strong. Lets just say it fucked me up, literally! My friend and his girlfriend where there as well but I just hung on to Daddy's voice like an injured animal. I felt like I had this epiphany and as long as She was nearby I knew I was ok. As long as I heard Her voice I knew I was ok. My friend's girlfriend tried to help me out and I wouldn't let her, only Daddy could help me, only She knew how to.
I tried to explain this to Her and She said some things can't be explained but I believe She fully grasped what I meant. Total trust between us. Our bodies knowing each others and an extreme level of commitment. I am Her slave, only Hers and I will forever be Hers.
Needles
For those of you keeping track, today is day 38 in chastity of 160.
I have had 2 orgasms while in the cage while being fucked along with the Hitachi. Both were magical orgasms with Her dick inside me. I know that I'm always being prepped to take chastity longer and longer. Learning to cum in chastity in one way is great for me and the other means that She can keep me locked up for longer periods of time.
One of the new rules implemented in this 160 days of chastity is needles. The CB-6000 can be a pain in the ass to clean. Every night by 9pm I must have my cage thoroughly cleaned and smelling like perfection. 1 needle if not cleaned and 1 needle if not smelling right.
Did I mention that I HATE needles!?!
In fact, other than my ears pierced, my Prince Albert and the taint piercing I used to have I've never done any other piercings and that includes play piercings. The first time I failed at this She stuck a couple 20 gauge needles through my ball sack. I was developing cold sweats and was scared to death. They really hurt but what was to come about a week later was much worse.
This time I was warned that She was using larger needles. 7 of them this time and by larger, she jumped up to 14 gauges. Sweating and yelling I was helpless as my body was tied down on the bed like an 'X'. Lying down and not being able to see helps me out at least a little bit.
Then I messed up again and I was due 4 needles over the next week or so. But then I decided to bet Daddy double or nothing regarding some stupid vacuum bet that I pretty much knew I had no chance or winning. Of course, I lost and now owned Her 8 needles.
This time I was caught off guard. We tried to do the 8 needles the 2 nights prior but life got in the way and we were too busy. If punishment is delayed longer than 3 days regarding the needles then I sleep on the floor next to the bed chained up. So that's where I slept, and that's not where I wanted to be sleeping. The 3rd night She got home late and I wasn't expecting Her to have the energy for the needles, but She did.
She caught me by surprise and pulled up a chair into the bathroom and told me to sit. Tied my legs wide open and my arms up and behind me. Bound tied with my cock pulled up to my collar so that She would have a good canvas to pierce me with. I started to get my cold sweats as I got more nervous. As She got closer to piercing me I would start to hyper-ventilate a little bit. I caught my breath, said ready and in goes 1 as I scream in pain.
I counted each one in my head knowing how many I had left. She took it slow due to my un-easy stomach making sure I was ready for the next needle every time but it just seemed to get more and more painful. The unexpectedness of the ordeal also through off my mindset and made it more difficult.
By the end, I was spent, exhausted, hurting and my legs wouldn't stop shaking.
I'm learning to keep my cage clean but I know that She also likes to catch me when She can. The sadist in Her comes out when given the opportunity. Besides that, I've recently been hearing Her say that She is going to push me past all of my, "original" hard limits. One by one as I'm molded into Her slave.
It's 8:30pm now. I have to run and clean my cage. Day 38 of chastity and I'm starting to throb in my cage a lot more continuously. Time to clean before I get more needles. Pics are below.
I have had 2 orgasms while in the cage while being fucked along with the Hitachi. Both were magical orgasms with Her dick inside me. I know that I'm always being prepped to take chastity longer and longer. Learning to cum in chastity in one way is great for me and the other means that She can keep me locked up for longer periods of time.
One of the new rules implemented in this 160 days of chastity is needles. The CB-6000 can be a pain in the ass to clean. Every night by 9pm I must have my cage thoroughly cleaned and smelling like perfection. 1 needle if not cleaned and 1 needle if not smelling right.
Did I mention that I HATE needles!?!
In fact, other than my ears pierced, my Prince Albert and the taint piercing I used to have I've never done any other piercings and that includes play piercings. The first time I failed at this She stuck a couple 20 gauge needles through my ball sack. I was developing cold sweats and was scared to death. They really hurt but what was to come about a week later was much worse.
This time I was warned that She was using larger needles. 7 of them this time and by larger, she jumped up to 14 gauges. Sweating and yelling I was helpless as my body was tied down on the bed like an 'X'. Lying down and not being able to see helps me out at least a little bit.
Then I messed up again and I was due 4 needles over the next week or so. But then I decided to bet Daddy double or nothing regarding some stupid vacuum bet that I pretty much knew I had no chance or winning. Of course, I lost and now owned Her 8 needles.
This time I was caught off guard. We tried to do the 8 needles the 2 nights prior but life got in the way and we were too busy. If punishment is delayed longer than 3 days regarding the needles then I sleep on the floor next to the bed chained up. So that's where I slept, and that's not where I wanted to be sleeping. The 3rd night She got home late and I wasn't expecting Her to have the energy for the needles, but She did.
She caught me by surprise and pulled up a chair into the bathroom and told me to sit. Tied my legs wide open and my arms up and behind me. Bound tied with my cock pulled up to my collar so that She would have a good canvas to pierce me with. I started to get my cold sweats as I got more nervous. As She got closer to piercing me I would start to hyper-ventilate a little bit. I caught my breath, said ready and in goes 1 as I scream in pain.
I counted each one in my head knowing how many I had left. She took it slow due to my un-easy stomach making sure I was ready for the next needle every time but it just seemed to get more and more painful. The unexpectedness of the ordeal also through off my mindset and made it more difficult.
By the end, I was spent, exhausted, hurting and my legs wouldn't stop shaking.
I'm learning to keep my cage clean but I know that She also likes to catch me when She can. The sadist in Her comes out when given the opportunity. Besides that, I've recently been hearing Her say that She is going to push me past all of my, "original" hard limits. One by one as I'm molded into Her slave.
It's 8:30pm now. I have to run and clean my cage. Day 38 of chastity and I'm starting to throb in my cage a lot more continuously. Time to clean before I get more needles. Pics are below.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Daddy's Girl
Day 10 of chastity, only 150 days to go.
Feminization is the topic of conversation today. She wants me to be as feminine as possible and that is something I also want. With that said, it's easier said than done because I do still live as a man at least part time. On top of that, I've dealt with gender questions all my life and when I'm giving the opportunity to be a girl I eat it up, but I've still been holding back a little bit because once I go there.... I got there.
Knowing how much She wants me as a very feminine girl and prefers me as such drives me to open up and go there with Her.
I came across Yeson Voice Feminization Surgery that is the best way to change one's voice into being more feminine. The doctor has won awards, is internationally recognized for this procedure and as I've done my research I've become interested. The procedure is called VOCAL FOLD SHORTENING and ADVANCEMENT OF ANTERIOR COMMISURE.
http://www.yesonvc.net/disease/feminization_surgery_03.asp
It's a safe procedure, I would have to travel to Korea and it only cost about $7,380.
I have difficulty talking in a higher tone and this is something I think my Owner would enjoy and would be a big step towards greater feminization.
Currently these are the rules of feminization.
1. Always wear panties (I've also begun to wear training & sport bras more often under clothes)
2. Always be dressed in women's attire while in the house (unless we have guests over)
3. Use women's deodorant
4. No body or facial hair
5. I believe I'm going to start wearing perfume
6. I'm regularly learning more and more ways to perfect my makeup
Additionally, I've been forced to perform blowjobs of a couple of men, I'm conditioned to give Daddy regular blowjobs and of course have my ass up for Her and trust me, I crave Her cock.
I also take on all the 'traditional' duties of the household.
1. I cook
2. I clean
3. I do the laundry
4. I take care of all household duties
Slowly updating it. Here is my Amazon wishlist - Keep me femme
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1GMHB37S0FYGN/ref=topnav_lists_1
This is a journey and one I'm looking forward to. I love being Her girl and I'm going to continue to take the steps to be just that.
Feminization is the topic of conversation today. She wants me to be as feminine as possible and that is something I also want. With that said, it's easier said than done because I do still live as a man at least part time. On top of that, I've dealt with gender questions all my life and when I'm giving the opportunity to be a girl I eat it up, but I've still been holding back a little bit because once I go there.... I got there.
Knowing how much She wants me as a very feminine girl and prefers me as such drives me to open up and go there with Her.
I came across Yeson Voice Feminization Surgery that is the best way to change one's voice into being more feminine. The doctor has won awards, is internationally recognized for this procedure and as I've done my research I've become interested. The procedure is called VOCAL FOLD SHORTENING and ADVANCEMENT OF ANTERIOR COMMISURE.
http://www.yesonvc.net/disease/feminization_surgery_03.asp
It's a safe procedure, I would have to travel to Korea and it only cost about $7,380.
I have difficulty talking in a higher tone and this is something I think my Owner would enjoy and would be a big step towards greater feminization.
Currently these are the rules of feminization.
1. Always wear panties (I've also begun to wear training & sport bras more often under clothes)
2. Always be dressed in women's attire while in the house (unless we have guests over)
3. Use women's deodorant
4. No body or facial hair
5. I believe I'm going to start wearing perfume
6. I'm regularly learning more and more ways to perfect my makeup
Additionally, I've been forced to perform blowjobs of a couple of men, I'm conditioned to give Daddy regular blowjobs and of course have my ass up for Her and trust me, I crave Her cock.
I also take on all the 'traditional' duties of the household.
1. I cook
2. I clean
3. I do the laundry
4. I take care of all household duties
Slowly updating it. Here is my Amazon wishlist - Keep me femme
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1GMHB37S0FYGN/ref=topnav_lists_1
This is a journey and one I'm looking forward to. I love being Her girl and I'm going to continue to take the steps to be just that.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
160 Straight Days in Chastity - What!?!
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Saturday, July 19, 2014
Indulge
Last Friday we were supposed to go to a Fetish party but it ended at midnight which is rather early. By the time I got off work and got all dolled up it was too late so we decided to have some fun at home.
We've been trying to figure out my hair for awhile now with my extensions after I cut my long hair off. I wanted to do the alt girl look with a shaved side of the head. And I love the look we got with it.
The makeup, we tried something new and again it came out perfect. I think this is going to be my new look for awhile.
The dress of the night, is a stretchy blue dress that is Tangent's. I've lost so much weight over the past 7 months I fit into smaller sizes and it's terrific. I've lost about 25 pounds since December 2013 and my feminine figure shows tenfold now.
A side note, I'm back in chastity as of 2 days ago.
Indulge
We've been trying to figure out my hair for awhile now with my extensions after I cut my long hair off. I wanted to do the alt girl look with a shaved side of the head. And I love the look we got with it.
The makeup, we tried something new and again it came out perfect. I think this is going to be my new look for awhile.
The dress of the night, is a stretchy blue dress that is Tangent's. I've lost so much weight over the past 7 months I fit into smaller sizes and it's terrific. I've lost about 25 pounds since December 2013 and my feminine figure shows tenfold now.
A side note, I'm back in chastity as of 2 days ago.
Indulge
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