Day 1 of Cadence Kline

I've wrote it. I've talked about it. I've shared it. And now it's begun.....

I've officially started taking ESTROGEN.

In fact... I'm on day 2.

And so it begins..... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOuBlfGXL0M&feature=youtu.be

Day 1 of Cadence Kline

The truth is, I don't know how far I'm going to take it. But what I do know is that I'm in a good place and that I must find out. I've decided to not only document it here in writing and in photos but to document in through my new Youtube channel. Video 1 was just uploaded.

The 1st 10 weeks I'm only taking 1 mg/day of Estradiol. From there we will make the necessary changes but we wanted to start slow and due to my low testosterone this is the proper way to start. I want to note, that I am doing all of this through an endocrinologist in Arizona who is very well versed on the topic.

Yes, Mistress Tangent is for this, but the truth is to all you perverts out there is that She is supportive of what ever I choose. Anyone that's known me for a long time knows that this is NOT just a phase. In fact, it's something I've put off/suppressed for a very long time. At worst, taking estrogen will have positive effects on my overall health like Osteoporosis, and having more energy.

Being born intersex, XXY and by definition with Klinefelter's Syndrome by body and mind are alfready 3/4 female. With the lack of research out there and with my years of studying on the topic I felt documenting my experience, thoughts and process wasn't an option.

Subscribe to my Youtube channel and share anywhere you would like. More than anything, I'm sharing my experience of being intersex, XXY, Klinefelter's and some might say transgender with others to help, educate and enlighten.

Happy New Year - Orgasm's to Cum?

Happy New Year!

New Year, same ol chastity for me. I've been locked in chastity since July 17, 2014 and this morning marks 101 days without an orgasm. Originally I was supposed to be released on Christmas Eve but I know that I have to go through the ringer prior to being released. With Her traveling in December and then the Holidays we just didn't have time. Then we spent New Years Eve in Chicago together with my hometown friends and enjoyed a lovely welcoming of the New Year by taking my first ass fucking in nearly 100 days.

Of course we were a little intoxicated being that it was NYE and we didn't have any lube with us. But, we weren't going to let that stop us. A little spit from me and Her and a little bit of my blood from the rough oral I was giving Her cock prior and in She went. She fucked me so hard, so good in our little bedroom (closet) to make sure we had some private space. She fucked me right up until I was about to cum and stopped.

She will be back home in Phoenix with me in a few days and Wednesday I'll be getting my first real marking from Her. I'm very excited about this. She is piercing both of my nipples!!!
I will wear them proudly and look forward to more permanent markings from Her in the future as we grow.

After the piercings I get more of Daddy's dick and rule #1 for me to reach orgasm with the Hitachi in the future is to achieve an anal orgasm while She fucks me. Then, will come further steps (hopefully I get to achieve/pass these steps sooner than later) and then I will be able to cum for the first time in over 3 1/2
months.

I will say, when I have not cum in such long periods of time. I am a lot more pron to do dirty things, I also start to think about and fantasize about such things.

With that said, I've come to truly want to be in chastity. I feel it serves a better purpose locked up than not locked up. I feel more comfortable with it locked up. I feel more feminine with it locked up. Truth is I don't use it, don't need it, in that capacity. Orgasms I of course desire, but that is it.

My CB-6000 (new one) since I broke the last one. Has held up very well, but I believe that's because my body has begun to adjust after spending over 9 months of 2014 in chastity. With that said, I do look forward to upgrading to another chastity belt in time.

I've Never Shared This - Is SRS The Option?

SRS....... Sex Reassingment Surgery
Would I actually consider such a thing?

Yes, I would and have in the past.
Is it realistic?

Yes... Let me tell you why.

This is something I have NEVER shared with other than my owner - Mistress Tangent and so it's not very easy for me to write about this on my blog that has lots of visitors. With that said, some of my personal life is shared through my blog as well as through my Owners websites. I also believe that sharing oneself's struggles, differences, and knowledge helps others through their circumstances, so here I am sharing with you for the first time.

As many of you know I was born with Klinefelter's XXY. This syndrome effects everyone differently. I consider myself intersex. Anyone that knows me can not only see the physical feminine characteristics in me but also the mental and emotional feminine characteristics.

There are times that I thought I could get away from the idea of my own gender questions. That I could live fully as a male but time and time again that's proven not possible for me. I'm not saying that I have to fully transition but I do need to live some of my life as a woman. But most would still ask why SRS?

I'm 28 years old and my penis has never fully functioned. Most people who are born XXY do have a functioning penis and some even give birth to children. I on the other hand have never, not even as a teenager had a fully functioning penis. Yes, I can get erect and yes I can orgasm. But no, I don't have sperm (can't produce kids) and no, I can't stay erect very long.
This has been true since I was a young teenager to now. I have had "traditional sex" but it was always very difficult for me and more than that I've never had a "connection" to my penis.

At a very young age (6 or 7) I taught myself how to masturbate like a woman. These days I prefer to cum with a vibrator (Hitachi). Today marks day 112 of straight chastity in the CB-6000. Now I have had orgasms with the Hitachi when allowed and locked up. It's been a little over a month now of no orgasms.

Mistress Tangent made a statement to me the other day, "I don't think you miss your cock" I thought about it and She is right. I don't miss my cock, I like to orgasm of course but if I am locked in chastity 24/7 yet allowed to orgasm when I earn that while locked in my chastity cage, that is good for me. In fact, I prefer it to not being in chastity, because when I'm not locked up I'm reminded that I was born XXY and that my cock literally serves no purpose. I'm not saying that statement out of self-humiliation. I'm saying that out of truth. The way I was born - XXY Intersex my cock simply doesn't work. On top of that I identify myself as more woman than man.

My Owner prefers me as female and after several talks She has insisted that if I were to get SRS (when I can afford to do so) She would not only be fully supportive but also would be happy for me to make that change.

No decisions are final. Nothing is set in stone. But these are discussions to be had. This is something that could enhance my sexual side for myself and with my Owner. This is something that could have a profound positive impact on my life, to have a sex organ that fully functions the way it is supposed to.

I do not identity with my penis what so ever and my Owner/Partner doesn't identity with it either.

The first steps are for us to educated ourselves on the risks and benefits. Then to speak with a doctor about my unique situation and start discussing options and see if this is something that I wish to pursue.

I will be meeting with my Endocrinologist doctor soon. This will be mentioned, although it is nerve racking to mention because there is some embarrassment and shame associated with it as well. No matter what, I know that my Owner fully supports whichever decision I ultimately decide to go with. But I believe that it's time that I discuss this with professionals and get medical answers to something I've kept to myself my entire life.

Pony Up

Been away and have lots to share. I'll break it up into different posts for an easier read.

We'll start with Ponies.
Pony play has been a very long desire of mine and it's one that I've never experienced. I'm not someone who is highly into role-play as a whole but there is something about pony play that captures me. Pony play can be a rather expensive form of bdsm but we've slowly (Mistress Tangent & I) have begun taking steps to make this more of a reality.

There are 2 separate aspects to our pony play.

1) I'm the pony and She is the trainer
2) I'm the pony and She is the War Horse who ultimately fucks me with Her big horse cock.
------
1) Researching pony gear
2) Made a few purchases. We both got a leather chest harness that is versatile in general but works as a good early harness. We also got an awesome glittered big gag from Domina Angelina out of San Diego.

I was asked what kind of real pony I identify with. What similarities do I believe I have with this style of pony and what traits do I wish to aspire to have.

I chose the Palomino horse (Golden Siberian)
Traits include:
- Beauty
- Versatility
- Endurance
- They have also been around for centuries which means they are persistent and my Owner knows that I am persistent.
Additionally, I see myself as a show pony, fetish pony, and a cart pony. That's another reason why I chose the style of pony that I did with the versatility.
Here are some photos of the Palomino Pony...

I am excited with the little steps we've taken and in time we will be rubber and leather ponies roaming fields from me spending a few days living out of stables and as a pony 24/7 all while being properly trained to my Owners expectations.

Female HRT... Again - This is Different

I've spoken about how I've taken female hormones (HRT) briefly when I was 23, (28 now). I took 3 cycles of HRT (3 shots every 2 weeks) so 6 weeks total and then stopped. Something else I've spoken about in the past is how I was born XXY - Klinefelters. On top of that, if you've ever met me you've probably noticed at least in some way how feminine my body is.

If a male transitions to a woman he has to take testosterone blockers, get laser for facial hair removal, often get laser for body hair removal. I don't have to do any of these things. A M2F wishes to gain curves, lose muscle mass and produce more fat, softer skin. I already have curves, soft skin, and muscle mass like a woman. My process is much simpler.

With all that said W/we've decided to speak with doctors about me going on HRT again. But not with the idea of transitioning. But, to take HRT for another 6-10 weeks depending on how quickly my body takes. I've already got some breast tissue and I'm not doing this to live my life as a woman full time.

The Goals:

1) Feminize my body a bit more
2) Increase pain tolerance

I know that this may seem extreme but W/we would like to feminize my body a bit more without taking it all the way. She (Owner) would also like this. She is attracted by my feminine side and to mutually do this together on my body will be a process but also binding between us.

As for the increase in pain tolerance. It's proven than women have a higher pain tolerance than men. One thing I noticed on my first go-around of HRT (even though I only took them for 6 weeks) was that my pain tolerance increased for about a year or so after.
She (owner) is a true sadist and I love being able to please Her by taking pain for Her. Yes, I do take a good deal of pain in many ways currently and I push to take more but this is an option that I would like to explore more, again - with Her.

The first time I took HRT I did it alone. I noticed an increase in pain tolerance from filming some pain scenes. With that said, that was once a month at best. I'm curious and I know She is as well to test this theory of an increased pain tolerance on a more frequent basis over time.

October 2, 2014 I have a doctors appointment with a doctor who works a lot with the transgender community and is also familiar with Klinefelters.

I will keep you updated on this. I'm very excited to do this with Her by my side.

I failed

Failed. 

It's my 28th birthday and it sure doesn't feel like it. We shot with Femdom Empire yesterday and the last scene was a whipping then caning. My stomach was acting up most the day and a headache crept in before the scene. This is after we shot some worship and strapon. 

She (owner) is a true sadist. I'm not a true masochist but I love taking lots of pain for Her. To see Her get such a rush pleases me to my core. There's also a deep connection when I can take high levels of pain for Her. 

Yesterday I failed. 

I struggled to take a big whipping and caning. I tried, I did but I just wasn't able to do so. I knew immediately that I let Her down. She didn't have to say anything, I knew. Afterwards I hoped in the shower, peaked my head out and asked if She was upset at me. She said no, you gave it your all and that's what matters. 

I sort of believed Her but knew it was a half truth. As the evening went on I could read Her body language and then She said I still have 20 needles in my ballsack I owed Her tonight. 

I begged to push it off one more day until we got back home on my birthday because my stomach was still upset and my headache was nagging. I've been pushing off the needles for a little while cause that just out right scares me. 

I let Her down again. I failed again. 

As we lay down to sleep She was stand off-ish. My birthday officially was here after midnight and She half hearted said Happy Birthday. I knew then I had truly let Her down. 

Tears ran down my cheeks as I layed on the other side of the bed. I genuinely care that I was such a disappointment. I felt helpless but my mind frame had geared up to "just take it, I owe Her". So I got up and grabbed some canes and put them in Her hand but She said no. I begged Her to beat me but She wouldn't. 

I crawled back into bed sad, tearful, mad at myself. Finally fell to sleep and woke up with a drive and determination of as soon as we get home I'm a pull out the needles, take them. Then bend over and take a caning until She feels like stopping. 

I can't let Her down like this. It's my job to take it and please Her. To let Her get steam out. I messed up and it's the worst feeling to let Her down. 

We are driving back home from Vegas as I write this. It's a 5 hour drive and Her frustration is pent up from something I hand control over and fucked up. She has no idea how serious I am to make it up to Her. 

As much as She needs to give the pain out I need to take it as I have failure, unsatisfaction, and guilt running through my body all because I let Her down and made Her feel the way She is feeling. 

I will make it up to Her

Something's Can't Be Explained - Her Slave

Somethings can't be explained.

Ever since Daddy got home from traveling for work over the past couple weeks I was incredibly happy. I hadn't seen her for 9 our of 10 days and She had missed Her flight back to AZ from NYC which meant I had to weight another 24 hours to see Her. I had to drive a friend to San Diego so I was in the middle of no where at a gas station when She told me She wouldn't be home until tomorrow.

We talked for a few minutes and then She asked me what was wrong. I was sad, genuinely sad that She wasn't coming home that night. Tuesday night I get home from work and you could see the smile on my face from a mile away. Her smell, touch, Her presence, everything is what I needed. This week has been great and my ass is happy to have Her home.

Friday night, a good friend of mine wanted me to try some 'Wax'. I eventually gave in but Daddy warned me it was strong. Lets just say it fucked me up, literally! My friend and his girlfriend where there as well but I just hung on to Daddy's voice like an injured animal. I felt like I had this epiphany and as long as She was nearby I knew I was ok. As long as I heard Her voice I knew I was ok. My friend's girlfriend tried to help me out and I wouldn't let her, only Daddy could help me, only She knew how to.

I tried to explain this to Her and She said some things can't be explained but I believe She fully grasped what I meant. Total trust between us. Our bodies knowing each others and an extreme level of commitment. I am Her slave, only Hers and I will forever be Hers.